I followed the children of my ex’s new partner to find where he lives

February 13, 2013

I am at a loss.

Several years ago now, I told my ex that after three years of paying nothing towards his daughter I must contact the CSA for their help.

At this point he saw his daughter once or twice a month, always on his terms.

As soon as I did that, he quit his job and ceased all contact. Four years later the CSA keep finding him, passing his details onto the bailifs but as soon as it gets that far he goes underground again.

I am told he has been working self employed and that on at least two occasions Bailiffs have entered his home and he has agreed a repayment scheme, only to go missing again.

The real killer in this story? I am the one who has found his address each time and passed it onto the CSA as I know where his new partners kids go to school and where his partner works, so it’s just been a matter of following them back home each time.

Oh, and his partner also claims single parents benefits and claims CSA from her two children’s biological father.

I feel like a complete mug.


  • j says:

    “Craig on February 13th, 2013 11:28 pm – Alice no wonder CSA staff come under threat with stinking attitudes like yours you should be named and shamed along with a lot more of you vile disgusting parasite co workers.”

    I dont condone anything that puts others at risk, even if I dont like what they do particularly. We all have kids, thats what this site is for. What if those kids go to school with a csa worker, what if a distraught parent finds out and follows the csa workers kids home to find out where they live. What if the csa worker comes home to find a protest from one of the more ‘radical’ groups of ‘Superheroes’ camped on their doorstep in a protest???
    I would NEVER condone that! Why? Because you DONT follow other peoples children! It is a sign of a disturbed mind.

  • j says:

    “What if those kids go to school with a csa worker,” – meant to say a csa workers kids, you know what I mean. Point is it would be wrong.

  • Lisa says:

    J I.totally agree, if csa staff can tell PWC to.folow there ex to.find out where he.works I.wouldt put it past them to.have told the woman to.do.this because CSA dont work.quick.enough, still wrong whichever way,.the place is a disgrace, shut.it.down.n n.start a fresh, this.time with properly trained staff

  • Craig says:

    j – not having a pop at you, however consider this these CSA parasites have put many families and their children into poverty and have made them homeless not forgetting the children who now have no fathers because the CSA have pushed them to suicide? They do not care about that as long as they reach their targets to collect their bonus. No I most certainly do not condone following kids home that is wrong and as you have seen the CSA staff seem to think that it is ok. Maybe if people did go and camp outside of a CSA staff members home I am not against that at all they invade peoples privacy and make their lives hell so its about time these scum got a taste of their own medicine and learn that one day their evil doings will come back to bite them on their arse. Thousands upon thousands of people have had enough of this and the agencies lies and fraud, I was made homeless because of these pieces of shit all because they thought they could abuse their power and get away with it. They are wrong and they are brainwashed.

  • Craig says:

    These CSA brainwashed morons are only going to learn what they do is wrong when people who they have abused do to them what they have done in return

  • j says:

    “Craig on February 13th, 2013 11:59 pm

    j – not having a pop at you, however consider this these CSA parasites have put many families and their children into poverty and have made them homeless not forgetting the children who now have no fathers because the CSA have pushed them to suicide? ”

    No offence taken.

    I am not trying to ‘defend’ alice, but I’m not ‘having a go at him/her either. I’m trying not to be personal and hope I dont cause offence. (I know I do sometimes so sorry folks)

    I understand ‘alice’ is trying to say to the original post that the csa will act on information received. I’m just concerned at the behaviour of the person who made the post – ‘so it’s just been a matter of following them back home each time.’ – EACH time???!!! Following someone else’s children, each time?

    I don’t condone anything ‘drastic’ but really (really) do have some idea of your strength of feeling Craig, and sorry to hear your situation. I’m still fighting the csa now, its been over five years and I am quite ill but I do it because if I give up my children lose their inheritence to the secretary of state, to pay a ‘debt’ that should never have arisen as I wasn’t working and only arose because of csa ‘incompetence’.

    Maybe if the secretary of state took a long walk off a short pier, or the warped senior civil servant who dreamed up the csa, then things might change, maybe. I don’t think camping on ‘alice’s’ lawn would change much though.

    Once again I would suggest to the person who made the orginal post that they consider their actions. I do empathise with them but following someone else’s kids? What if there was an accident as I said earlier, no amount of money the csa could get is worth a childs life. Would they want that on their conscience for the sake of money?

    I’m not ‘having a go’ at alice or the original post, just voicing my concerns and stating my opinion.

  • Craig says:

    J no offence taken at all, and I totally agree with your concerns about this post.
    Especially the Each time that is very disturbing that is bordering stalking which I believe that there are anti laws in place.

    The secretary of state needs a good beating as do all of those idiots who are in parliament they are a disgrace, they know how badly the CSA treat people yet they still allow them to abuse people, all in their crusade of lifting children out of poverty.

    Yes they do make people ill they have made me ill that is for sure and had it not been for sites like this so i could vent I would not be here now. As long as Alice was not involved with my case then I would see no point in camping on her lawn, however the morons that have been involved with my case and abused their power and raised an unlawful DEO which made me homeless the likes of Gary Chick and Sue waldron of Plymouth, those are the people whos garden I would camp in. Because of those inbred tossers I now have no fixed abode and I sleep on an old army friends sofa in an army sleeping bag so you bet I am pissed off, I loved my job but those incompetent wankers have trashed my career so I will happily make their lives hell. I served 16 years in the army to be treated like shit off these CSA nobody’s who have done nothing at all of any use for this country apart from make people lives a misery, homeless and enforce them into poverty. They are disgusting and should be ashamed of what they do, just so they can reach their targets to get a bonus. I hope the rats have a long slow painful death.

  • John says:

    There are a few things that bother me in this case.

    if the nrp discovers that the children are being followed that could lead to a complaint of harasssment, irrespective of what the CSA state about changing address, without notifying them. it does not give a pwc the right to harass the nrp or the children.Once again we see that the CSA thnk that they are a law unto themselves.

    if it would have remained a private matter without the pwc involving the CSA, contact would have remained with the nrp, and may be they would have provided finances in due course. So, we see yet again, as with so many other cases, that the pwc encouraged by the CSA to ensnare the pwc into the CSA system is counter productive, as the children lose contact with a parent, because the state and staff at the CSA want to impose their incompetence on the the pwc, impoverise them, demonise them and attempt to criminalise them.

    I’m looking forward to the demise of the shambolic CSA, when at some stage in the future someone will have the financial clout to use the high courts and supreme courrts to rule this system as illegal.

  • Jo says:

    Im an nrpp, if I thought for one second my husbands ex was following me or my children to get info I would be alarmed and angry, my life and what goes on in my home is fluff all to do with her, like her life is fluff all to do with me.


    You say a pwc has that right because the father is responsible in his obligations, well shouldn’t that work both ways or is it only an ibligation when money is involved?

    Why in some cases an nrp who pays for their children have no right to know where their children reside, if they have left full time education the list goes on, yet the pwc has the right to pass on info supplied under alarming circumstances? Surely a pwc has the same obligations too, it works both ways.

    Also, it seems pretty obvious to me that the OP hasn’t stumbled on her ex’s situation by chance. How does she know he actually lives there by following somebody elses children….yes following, how creepy is that? Or that his ‘new’ partner gets maintenance from their dads? What lengths has this woman gone to to get csa their information?

  • brett says:

    Think I’l stay out of this one…..

  • Jane Amanda says:

    I followed my ex partner and the children.

    Make of that what you will.

    I also followed my ex’s partner from where she worked to their home,

    make of that what you will also.

    At no point where unaccompanied children followed.

    This after my 9 year old has had zero contribution financially over the years from her dad. How can I be money grabbing when I have had nothing to contribute the upbringing of my child, yet my ex moves from job to job, from house to house hiding from his debts.

    Those who say I am the one in the wrong will never change their mind, such is the way of this country.

  • Jane Amanda says:

    Also to add, I have NEVER told my ex he cannot see his daughter.

    He threw away his mobile that was my only contact to him. He knows where I live, I have never moved and I still have all the same contact details.

    So, would none of you try to help the CSA to find your ex, given these circumstances or am I just an evil person who has no right to financial help with her child and should be forced to go it alone, as I have had to do anyway.

  • Sally says:

    @ Jo – well said…. “You say a pwc has that right because the father is responsible in his obligations, well shouldn’t that work both ways or is it only an ibligation when money is involved?”

    The PWC will report something to the CSA and they act on it WITHOUT any evidence or proof and yet they CSA tell the NRP’s they cannot act on information provided due to data protection… i.e. benefit fraud… child in employment, child not living with PWC… if it wasn’t so disgusting it would be laughable…

  • Craig says:

    Just goes to show you the twisted minds at the CSA, and proves that they could not give a monkeys chuff about the children it is all about the money, their targets and statistic .

    Well said John………. (if it would have remained a private matter without the pwc involving the CSA, contact would have remained with the nrp, and may be they would have provided finances in due course. So, we see yet again, as with so many other cases, that the pwc encouraged by the CSA to ensnare the NRP into the CSA system is counter productive, as the children lose contact with a parent, because the state and staff at the CSA want to impose their incompetence on the the NRP, impoverise them, demonise them and attempt to criminalise them.)……,,,,,. So it would seem that the CSA now encourage not only the PWC to open a case against the NRP with the promise of financial gain, which incidentally is a breach of policy, but they also encourage the PWC to stalk the NRP and his new family and children. This obviously gives the CSA staff more time and saves them the effort so they can continue to abuse and come down hard on the NRP who is already paying. This abhorrent abusive agency needs a public inquiry. Alice has just shown the true colours of how brainwashed that the organisation is. The PWC has the right to do such acts as follow children home so she can report back to the CSA. I am sure she would love that if it was done to her children ……. NOT! I cant think of a word bad enough to describe this out of control organization and the inbred morons that work for it. Alice you must be so proud of working for an organization that so many thousands of people hate and want to tear apart. Well its all in the name of lifting children out of poverty isn’t it…..? Wake up Alice.

  • Jo says:

    Jane, I was also a single mum who had no choice and had to it go alone….would I follow my ex and his partner and her children who are nothing to do with me….answer no I wouldn’t as its not right.

    If your ex doesn’t want anything to do with his child then frankly shame on him but you can’t follow another woman’s children to and from school, they are innocent in this as is his new partner.

    You need to let the authorities do their job, regardless how slow it maybe as they are acting within the law.

    You say you haven’t moved, well thats your choice and no one is causing you any concern to move…how would you feel if his new partner followed you or your child, would you feel comfortable with it?

  • lisa says:

    @ jane amanda, Would i not help the CSA to get details certainly not by following innocent children that had absolutly nothing to do with your case, They are your Ex,s partners children, If had done that to somebody i would expect a knock at the door from the police, its wrong
    Your ex owes you nothing in his lfe really, yes you might want his money but what goes on in his home and him and his partners life really isnt any of your business, its stalking by most means and i think you need to think more about being a mum to your own kids instead of chasing other peoples,

  • lisa says:

    Maybe you didt stop your ex from seeing his daughter, have you ever thought the reason he doesnt is because of the way you are????? From what you have said on a public forum its clear you have quite a few issues, maybe you forgetting your ex and moving on is a start, money isnt everything your kids need a mum, isnt that more important than ringing the parasites at the CSA just to line your pockets with a few quid,

  • Alice says:

    j – the booklet you need is CSL313

  • lisa says:

    What is my role in helping my employees pay child maintenance?

  • carol says:

    Jane, ok it sounds like your ex partner is not a great dad (if what you say is true about the mobile and not wanting contact)

    But following another woman and her children home from school, covertly…IS disturbing. It is a safe guarding issue, a serious one at that, and I am horrified that Alice thinks its ok just so long as they get the details they want in order to cash in the MONEY. CSA claim to be there for the children…well what about these children being stalked? Dont they also have the right to any kind of welfare?

    Jane, I have had mountainous debts, and a child to look after and I managed on benefits etc until I got part time work, and so this whole “at a loss” seems to me (forgive me if I am wrong) but it seems the root cause of this is you are not completely over your ex, the abandonment, or his new life with a new woman. Been there and I know its a kick in the guts, but you and your daughter will be fine if you try and let go of who he is, and what hes not, and just stop going to these desperate measures.

    Ok I dont know the whole story, but I can only say from what you wrire and the tone of your post. As a mother, if my partners ex followed me and my children, I would report her to the police and I would be angry and freaked out. Its morally wrong, Jane. No wonder the csa have no qualms…..

    Hope you and daughter can just move of from all of this and your ex.

  • lisa says:

    To be fair carol i hope she has been reported to the police to stop her doing this again, those kids that she is following should be priority, I agree with the safeguarding issue and the Followed childrens welfare is papramount, The CSA do not take other peoples children into account just lure them into danger and turn mums into bloody nutcases by never doing there job right

  • carol says:

    Indeed, maybe it will stop her, but she will only find other ways to stalk. I bet she goes online looking for him and trying to suss out his life via social networking sites, 192.com and all the rest of it. Cant be working, who would have all the energy and time to be stalking your ex and his partner after a long day at work, collecting kids, coming in, doing tea, dishes, catching up with friends, bath, sorting letters out etc etc….. Only someone with too much time on their hands and too much emotionally invested (unhealthily it seems) would go to those extreme lengths of following a woman and her children. I cannot support dysfunction like this, under any circumstances.

  • Craig says:

    Well said Carol, the thing I also find incredibly disturbing is the fact a CSA employee thinks that it is ok for the PWC to do this to get the information back to the agency. It is quite obvious that the CSA do not care about children. It is only the money that they are interested in. Well done Alice for showing the truth behind the agency.

  • carol says:

    Yes Craig, this all comes down to money. So like the SS, they get rewarded with bonuses for meeting targets….tbh wasnt surprised to read your list of how much they got (good find btw)

    Profiting in such a way is beyond moral. Condoning stalking children is beyond moral. I ask Karma to step in here…..and to be swift about it.

  • j says:

    Hi all,

    “Alice on February 14th, 2013 6:21 pm

    j – the booklet you need is CSL313”

    Thank you alice, will look it up. Will come back and post results if I get any further.

    Hello to the original poster on this thread,

    “Jane Amanda on February 14th, 2013 11:49 am

    I followed my ex partner and the children”

    Your original post was not specific, the way it is written – “… I know where his new partners kids go to school and where his partner works, …” doesn’t read like you followed your ex. I don’t know how you found the school but it seems that you followed the kids. Are you saying that your ex picks them up, are they primary kids? What do you think some of the parents would say if a ‘strange’ woman was seen hanging around the school and following kids? You are a parent, what would you do?

    I do have sympathy with your situation, we all have some pretty bad stories to share thats why this site is here. Go and read a few posts, your situation is not unique. I’m still fighting after five years, for a ‘debt’ I don’t owe and have been told the money doesn’t even go to my other child. (now grown up and back in touch)

    I appreciate and accept you feel ‘let down’, by your ex and perhaps the csa, you feel it is ‘only fair’ that your ex should contribute financially and as you have agreed to access its not your fault he won’t play ball.

    Most people on here would support you in that. Where we ALL (I think) have a problem is the fact that you are following someone else’s kids! You are involving the new partner (to some extent) and its not her fault. Maybe she claims benefits because your ex is too selfish to help her financially, have you thought of that? Are you just jealous because her ex is paying for his kids?

    Stop ‘beating yourself up’ by following the other woman or the kids or even your ex like some kind of weird stalker. You have done what you can now let people like ‘alice’ get on with it. Move on with your life. From what you have said he will only give up work again, find someone else, move towns etc. Are you just jealous?

    Let it go now and concentrate on you and your own child.

  • Jane Amanda says:

    Some of the people on here are a joke.

    Lisa, J etc

    Oh my god – the real reason why people have CSA hell in the first place are lack of morals, and you two take the biscuit.

  • j says:

    Good grief

    You really need help dont you.

    “Jane Amanda on February 15th, 2013 10:18 am – Some of the people on here are a joke. Lisa, J etc Oh my god – the real reason why people have CSA hell in the first place are lack of morals, and you two take the biscuit.”

    If you look at all the posts on here you will find that 12 out of 13 contributors all share a similar concern – your behaviour! ‘Alice’ is excused as she (or he) works for the csa and therefore has a vested interest.

    Some of us have been PWC’s, some have been NRP’s, some like myself have been both so please keep your rude, arrogantg comments to yourself until you have some idea of what its all about. You are not the only person with problems, you are not the only person who has not had any help, you are not the most important person on the planet and the sooner you realise that the better.

    You are following your ex, his new partner, her children! I’ve tried so hard to be ‘nice’ and ‘positive’ and understanding but you really do come across as a sick psycho bxtch and I only hope you get some urgent help and possibly medication to control your erratic behaviour.

    When I was a PWC I got NO help from my ex OR the csa but like most decent, rational, mentally stable people on here I didn’t follow my ex around like some kind of psychotic stalker!

    People have ‘csahell’ for three main reasons – NRP’s that refuse to pay anything no matter what, PWC’s who are greedy and csa incompetence.

    If the whole situation was put back into the Courts where it belongs then half of these problems would stop fairly quickly but get this, if you went into Court and made the statement you have made in your original post you would probably be arrested, and rightly so.

    Get some professional help you weird psycho you are pretty scary and I don’t blame your ex one bit. I hope he gets away with it and from you and perhaps social services should pay you a quick visit to check on your situation.

    If your ex ever reads this I hope he puts in for a residence order for your child.

  • Jo says:

    Omg are you for real? The joke my love is you, where is your child when your out stalking your ex and his new family? You sound very miserable and lonely. You talk about morals, take a good look in the mirror. You expect sympathy and didn’t get it, apart from alice who has a much greater interest, but doesn’t condone what you did but who cares as long as you and the csa get what they want. When I used to ring csa on my case, first thing they say, do you know where he lives or any information for us and always get the same response….in my opinion it was their job to track to him and not mine. I was 7 years in and gave up, no point and to be honest as a single mum didn’t struggle, yes I worked and paid child care, kids still had nice clothes and I
    kept a roof above our heads and lived within my means.

    @ j

    Well said….she isn’t the only one who’s had it hard….ive been on both sides of the fence and its shit no matter which end you’re on. But I would not dream in a million years of wasting my time and effort following my ex or my husbands ex….thats the authorities job and what they’re paid to do!

    Why can’t people just get on with it? It’s pretty obvious that no amount of chasing is going to get people to pay up or take responsibility, thinking that it will just makes you bitter and twisted.

  • lisa says:

    You call me a joke, take a long hard look around you love, we have all been there and done it, without being sad enough to follow innocent children to and from school to home, you might not realise this but your ex owes you nothing, as a woman it goes like this, what happens with your body is upto you, your decision, you decided to have that baby without input from your ex, cos he wouldt be your ex otherwise, you are that childs mum you bring it up, part and parcel of being a mum get over it, I have been the PWC and the NRPP, regardless of which i didt like a sad cow go snooping and following people, give your friggin head a wobble get a grip and if your that desperate go find yourself a millionaire to keep you in the lifestyle you obviously crave, dumb bint

  • Tomy says:

    I strongly advise the Non resident parent in this matter ,or anyone in
    the same situation to get themselves abroad,Any REMO put into
    effect between states only applies to monies owed before before
    the NRP left the united kingdom also a claim can not be started or
    continued once an NRP is resident in another state.Any legal action
    against an NRP in another country would have to be heard before
    a judge and proper evidence would have to be shown that the NRP
    owed any money.To add to that A judge in another European state
    would most likely have to take in to account your basic living expenses
    if A Judgement went against you.

  • chall says:

    Sally on February 13th, 2013 11:12 pm
    @ Alice…. We all appreciate that people’s ‘opinion’ of you means nothing to you but for me, that speaks volumes…. The people who post on this (and other) websites do so out of need and we form an opinion based on experience of that person. You, like ‘chall’ are starting to become unprofessional ….

    Sally, the sooner you realise that neither Alice, myself or anybody else for that matter, has any obligation to squeeze into your own personal requirements of what you expect from others, the more beneficial it would be for the other people who post on here and sites like this, who actually need factual information and not assumptions.

    Just my two penneth and like topper, I will leave you to continue bickering…


  • Sally says:

    @ chall – are you going to start causing trouble again chall??? you may not have noticed, but no-one has really missed your comments or childish outbursts so please refrain from getting personal…

    And the sooner you and Alice realise that the people you are giving ‘advice’ to are human beings the quicker you will understand why emotions are involved… what I expect from people like you and Alice is to provide a service that is impartial without getting nasty when people don’t agree with you…

    You hide behind the guise of ‘chall- afairersystemforall’ and yet you are bias in your response and bully people when they disagree with you… so lets not go there… YOU and Alice do NOT always provide factual information… this has been proven by J. Lisa, Bonnie and a few other so don’t get on your high horse…. you and Alice know more than most people on here but you get it wrong and other people are left confused…. so maybe you sure make sure your ‘facts’ are 100% correct before you give ‘advice’…

  • j says:

    Now now Sally no ‘bickering’ please, you read the post by chall who added their ‘two pennath’ to the debate, chall has stated quite correctly that – “… the more beneficial it would be for the other people who post on here and sites like this, who actually need factual information and not assumptions. …” So there you are.

    Mind you I have had another look at the original post and can’t quite see what ‘factual information’ the person wanted? They have not asked for any specific information, nor have they ended their post with ‘does anybody have any advice’?!

    Perhaps chall reads something into the post that we cannot see? It seems to me that the person who did the original comment was making a statement rather than seeking ‘advice’. I mean it did come across as a bit of a rant, seemed like bickering for the sake of it to me.

    If it is of any help I think most of us ‘advised’ that stalking (isn’t that a criminal offence) wasn’t the best way forward and when children are involved it is particularly worrying.

    There will always be those who think that ‘stalking’ is acceptable behaviour, some may even think that following other peoples children is also ok. I find that repulsive myself but thats just my view.

    I think the closest the original post came to seeking information was in how to make a complaint against the incompetence of the csa? Maybe chall (or even alice) could help in this regard?

  • Sally says:

    @ j. lol lol lol my goodness, he/she is back on site 2 minutes and already she’s dictating what ‘I must realise’… 🙂 🙂 compared to the idiots at the CSA, chall is actually quite entertaining… i’d rather deal with her any time… split personality or not, she certainly knows how to get attention… 🙂

  • John says:

    If the system was simple,fair and flexible, that would be a start.

    If it was not discriminatory against the nrp and there was a degree of empathy, that would cut the nrp some slack, you wouldn’t mind.

    If they didn’t attempt to criminalise and demonise the nrp. as if they were pariahs.

    But Oh no, it’s their way or the highway, we must comply with this flawed legislation and the oafs who attempt to implement it.

    Important matters involving children belong in the courts with professional qualified people, and not with untrained idiots at the CSA.

    They dress it up as they like, every nrp and most pwc’s knows it a shambles!

  • lisa says:

    @ Sally, ignore tham hun, we know the CSA are a bunch of thieving self centred gits only after one thing, lining there own pockets, money money money is the only thing they care about, all one sided and very biased, Alice and Chall should be ashamed

  • karen says:

    As I said before and keep saying the reason why the system is unfair is due to some who play the system whether PWC or NRP but there are many bitter twisted people on here who have nothing better to do with their time by try to belittle and undermine others. Shame on them, as what do they teach their children? Join the facebook groups Child Support Agencies Failings for advise and support.

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