Ex-wife’s planning to abuse child support system
I am on my third day without sleep. Without success, I have tried to find any information to save our lives.
My husband first wife died of cancer at the age of 22, they buried her on my husband’s birthday. They had a 3 year old daughter. He then married another woman who was divorced and had a son from that marriage. Since her husband did not pay child support, my husband took over the role of father. She and he had a daughter the first year of marriage. Within the second year, there were problems in the marriage. She kicked him and his daughter from his first marriage out.
She filed for a divorce. He was ordered to pay child support based on his income. He paid for years and believed it was his responsibility. He had no contact with his ex-wife nor his then 3 year old daughter. He was afraid of falsely being accused of abuse. He barred himself from contact with his daughter as he knew the conflicts between him and his ex were too great. He also now lived in a different state. We got married and we had a combined family of 4 daughters.
Then my husband had a terribly work injury that left him unable to work. He continued to pay his child support. Then in 1999, due to his pain and depression, he ended up in a mental institution for awhile. I called Child Support and asked what could be done as the child support payments were getting hard to make. In IL, they will not reduce your child support just because you are not working and in a mental hospital. He applied for SSDI and it took 2 years to get. I was the one who helped him as he was not able to do it himself nor could we afford an attorney. I called his ex wife but she would not talk to me. I talked to her mother, and told her that the mother had to go to her local SSA office and apply for benefits for the minor child, as she would be the payee. She delayed going. I then sent a certified letter to her and to Child Support, and the Clerk of Courts, explaining that the SSDI benefits would be considered child support. I called the SSA office and was told that she had applied and now the child was receiving her SSDI benefits.
Years went by and we heard nothing from child support, the Clerk of Courts, nor his ex-wife. Since in the past if he was late with even one payment, she was in court, wanting him to be held in contempt, and arrested. When the child turned 18 and out of high school, we called to make sure there was no back child support owed. We were told no amount was due. During this time my husband has had over 23 surgeries, he was disabled at the age of 33 in 1997.
I worked and was the main wage earner in the family. We bought a house, and I paid most of the bills, and paid for the health insurence for our family. When his minor child had a medical bill, I paid it out of my income. Our children went to college and graduated. Then I became very ill, unabled to work and qualified for SSDI. We just manage to get by. Last week, we received a call that has changed our lives forever. His ex hired an attorney and claims now, that my husband owes child support from 12 years ago. She is seeking a judgement against him, wants all of his SSDI benefits, and will probally put a lien on our home. We did not know that in IL, when she recieved a lump sum and a SSDI payment that included back years, that IL would only count that SSDI payment as one month.
She recieved over $22,000 more in support from SSDI than was ordered for withholdings. I was shocked. I asked why she did not make claim that this child support was owed to her while the child was a minor. He told me that she was waiting for the child support to “build” with interest. The child is now 23 years old. She had remarried after the divorce with my husband and she recieved $717.00 a month from SSDI and did not “need” the back child support at that time. Her attorney also told me that at the time 12 years ago, she could not “afford” to hire an attorney to seek the child support. In one year she recieved close to $12,000. Then she averaged almost $10,000 a year in child support for one child. My husband was recieving $1200.00 a month in SSDI. He now recieves $1,600.00 a month and his ex wants 100% of it. She claims the $9,870.00 in back child support is now almost $30,000 with the interest.
She also wants the one time 20% penalty fee and her $8,000 attorney fees. He is facing possible jail time, losing his license,a lien put on OUR home and having his picture on the internet as a “deadbeat” dad. Many attorney websites now offer how to get the “nest egg” or forever child support from your ex. They claim “only death” of your ex will stop the payments. Then they explain how the ex can “get” the personal assets of her deceased ex’s estate. My husband has talked about ending his life as he does not see a way out to protect us. We have been together 22 years and married 18 years. The attorneys I spoke to in IL want a $2000 to $3000 retainer. None of them sounded as though there was anything we could do. My husband finds out Monday when he is to have his next surgery. He is only 47 years old and feels as though his life is not worth living. I myself am feeling in shock, and don’t know how to stop this. We cannot get a loan nor help from our elderly parents. My husband father has cancer and his surgery is tomorrow. How can the child support laws take 100% of anyone income, especially a disabled person’s.
The ex is now divorced from a third husband. I wonder what hell he is going through. When I called the Child Support Agency again today, I am told the same thing, no child support is owed…when I told her about the call from the attorney, she told me if the ex would have come in when the child was a minor, they would help her free of charge to collect back support. I asked her if they help the ex when he doesn’t even know he owes child support until 12 years later. She said that it was up to the custodian parent of when she wanted to ‘collect” the child support. How is this in the best interest of the child? Women waiting to collect child support when their children are grown? And why isn’t SSDI back pay counted as back pay when the ex receives it…even a bigger question, why can the ex collect child support forever? Thanks, for letting me share.
This is a warning to all fathers, don’t trust Child Support when they tell you that you don’t owe. Also, nowhere in IL law does it talk about how SSDI is to be paid toward child support. The law does however talk plenty on how they can take all of it for back child support. Looks like another sleepless night for me….