Ex uses the CSA for revenge rather than support

I have been broken up with my ex for over 3 years. When we first broke up I was giving her money for things my son might need, but he was still being dressed in the neighbour’s hand-me-down clothes. He looked awful too- never looked like he was getting enough sleep, and he would cry when I returned him to her saying he wanted to stay with me. It was heart-breaking knowing that he wasn’t being treated properly at her home, but having to take him back there anyways.

Once I decided not to take him back and the police showed up at my house and told me basically that I had to give him back because I wasn’t the residential parent. After that she started being funny; refused my visitations and contacted the CSA. I spent about 6 months paying solicitor’s fees for him to write letters to her free legal-aid provided solicitor and going to court. She lost her case because her focus was on the fact that my new partner- a PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHER- was part of my visitations and she didn’t want that. But that didn’t stop her, she broke her Court Order 3 times and finally an Enforcement Order had to be placed on her before I got to start my visitations again. All this was caused by her jealousy regarding my new partner and had nothing to do with my son and yet free legal aid provided her the opportunity to drag me through court with false allegation after false allegation.

Then I was made redundant and things suddenly changed. The CSA started taking the £5.00 a week from my benefits. She started behaving civilly. She started asking my new partner if she would babysit. We had regular visitation with my son. We were providing her with anything he needed; my partner worked full time so if there was anything my son needed we got it for him. We believe at this point she contacted the CSA again and told them we now had our own arrangements, as the payments stopped. Then a year ago I found employment and began working again. We continued to have regular overnight visitations with my son when my shift pattern allowed it, generally having 2 nights visitation a week. We took him on a 3 week holiday to Canada when my partner and I got married. We provided him with a full summer wardrobe, we provided his school uniforms, we provided a summer and a winter jacket.

Once it started to get cooler we provided more appropriate winter clothes. When the weather was bad in the wintertime we provided him with proper footwear; as well as providing his willies, his sandals, his school shoes and his trainers. We consulted with his mother every month and anything she said he needed we purchased.

Then randomly about a month ago we received a letter from the CSA saying that I was now needing to pay back payments for my son, along with the established amount of child maintenance each month. We were not contacted to ask about any overnight visitations with my son, but they did manage to contact my employer to demand that this money be taken from my wages. It’s sickening that the mother can simply wake up one day and decide to call and give whatever story she wants to the CSA and it’s taken as fact. Why was it not questioned that she had not contacted all this time? Why was she not asked for proof that she was having to provide for him all on her own? Why was the school not contacted to see if we have regular involvement in his school life? The CSA is not interested in looking individually at each case to see if the child is being provided for, they seem to be simply focused on ensuring that the mother has everything she claims for, without question. It shouldn’t be acceptable, and yet, here we are.

Too many mothers are using the CSA for revenge, to damage the father financially, to punish them for the break down of the relationship, no matter how long ago it was or how many other men’s children she’s had in the meantime (she has already had 1 more child since we broke up). Too many of these mothers have everything in mind except what is best for the child. Why should we continue to encourage this behaviour by letting them have everything they want, no questions asked? I feel the only place the CSA has is to maybe provide mediation between the parents to sort out the arrangements- both financial and visitations. They should be following their own rules and contacting both parents. The parent making the claim should have to prove that they’re actually supporting the child without the non-residential parent’s help. It’s time for a change.

If you have read my story and agree then write to your local MP and to David Cameron and tell your story to them. And sign my petition; if we all work together maybe someday this biased system can be changed.