Courts happy to let my ex refuse access to my children

July 19, 2012

I am at my wit’s end as through no fault of my own I became the non-resident parent over 9 years ago when my now ex wife had an affair. Since we separated I have paid her maintenance every month from my bank account.

In October 2010, she contacted the CSA and said she wanted them to collect payments. I carried on paying her direct until July 2011 when the direct debit I had set up through the CSA was supposed to start. They didn’t ever take any payments so this got me into arrears, not because I refused to pay or there wasn’t money to pay the direct debit but because the CSA didn’t take it.

If I didn’t phone them, I would be even more in arrears! They have also sent me letters including the time from October 10 as arrears even though I was paying her direct then. To make matters even worse, she has for quite a while stopped the children coming over as regularly as they used to so has now claimed more money because of the number of nights they don’t stay here, including holidays that she doesn’t allow them to share with us. Why are the nights counted anyway when its the days that cost the money looking after children?!

My eldest daughter might only spend 2 nights a month with us, if she is allowed to that is, but that is 4 days and 12 meals, plus shopping and outings etc. I feel that the system is very backward to only count how many nights. How is a resident parent allowed to engineer it so that the non-resident parent doesn’t have the pleasure of seeing his children but has to pay more?!

I would understand if I was saying I couldn’t or wouldn’t have them but I practically have to plead with them to come over and the children are at times locked into their mothers house and I am left standing on the doorstep, waiting to pick them up, the best that happens is that I gets a barrage of abuse from my ex!

I have tried obtaining a court order but the judge decided to let my ex do whatever she pleases and she does. All I want is to see my 2 daughters on a regular basis and not get bullied by the CSA!