CMS is to blame for ex’s behaviour and my situation

I’ll start from the beginning.

I met a girl, was with her 6months and she fell pregnant, best moment of my life when my little girl came along, I looked forward to our many happy years together as a family.

I was living in a studio flat, no seperate bedroom, but was told by the council I would have to wait till she was 7!.

We endured sitting in the bathroom every night till our daughter fell asleep, this went on for 2 years, she would not sleep if in same room as her.

This got rather difficult and we decided we would be better “officially” splitting up so then she could get a place of her own, which would be more suitable.

This worked, and we moved and all was going well, until she was cheating on me. We split up when my daughter was 2years, 8months, but we remained friends. We sorted out visiting, and agreed that we would never go through Csa, obviously Csa contacted her and tried to get her to claim but she said we both agreed we were happy to sort ourselves, they said, as I was there at the time, that if you make this decision now, you won’t be able to change your mind in future.

But she advised them that we have it sorted so that was end of that.

I was seeing my daughter from Friday night, to Sunday, I would pick her up, and drop her back, obviously pay for everything whilst with me, and if the ex said she would needed anything would be happy to oblige if a reasonable demand.

There was no issues apart from her changing times to suit her needs, but it was fine, just a pain in the ass, and was not so often she took the mickey, I was there to pick her up without fail every weekend, I only ever cancelled once, which was not long after we split up, heavy night out, was not capable to drive or look after a child, but I very rarely drink, couple times a year if that.

Even when I had a big car accident, I got the train down which scared the life out of me after accident, but there is no excuse for me not to see my daughter, I could walk, all I need.

After 6 months she told me she had a boyfriend, this was not an issue and we still got on really well.

Month later and she is pregnant, again not a problem in my eyes, still got on fine, still seeing my daughter, but now I was missing dates cus she was going to her dad, or going to see boyfriends family and she wanted to take my daughter too. So visits getting less and less but I kept with it, didn’t cause any arguments over it, just played along.

Just before she was due to drop with her new baby, I had arranged to see my daughter on a Tuesday due to her seeing her dad on the weekend that I was meant to be having her, but I’m a self employed window cleaner and Tuesday is my commercial day, so I said to her I would be working till about 12pm and will be straight down after, I called her that day just before 12 to say I have just finished and will be down in half hour, by the time I got my van home and jumped in my car and travelled 15 miles in heavy traffic, I was half hour late. She came out the house soon as she arrived going mad, shouting that she has had enough of me being late and I’m taking the piss, I said to her I’m half hour late because of traffic and having to take my van home to get my car which had child seat.

I’m actually quite a punctual person and am very rarely late, but if I was it may have been 10mins or so, but I was always there when I said I was, in the rare occasion she dropped my daughter to me, guaranteed I’d be waiting for at least a couple if hours but that’s fine according to her, made her know I was not happy but never caused a scene.

She refused to let me have my daughter that day and proceeded to drag her indoors by her arm, my daughter was screaming at this point so I went to put a stop to the madness to have the door literally slammed in my face.

She then said after contacting her by facebook that my daughter does not want to see me, I knew this was absolute rubbish and tried to contact her many times but never could to speak to my daughter, just got she doesn’t want to see you, her birthday was not long after this so took down her card and present, to have it snatched out of my hand on the doorstep and have the door slammed in my face aging. I then become to realise that she was doing this to play happy family’s with ger new boyfriend and baby.

I didn’t get to see or speak to my daughter for over 3 years, yet I took down Christmas and birthday presents, not even to be able to give to her as never got an answer at the door, so I’d post card and leave present on the door, never got so much thanks or anything. I kept sending her msgs on a regular basis pleading to see my daughter, I have done nothing wrong, never got a reply, my family also tried to contact her, have big family’s so many aunties uncles grandparents ect, they never got a response either, until August 2014, I sent my usual msg, really would like to sort this out so I can see my daughter, missed out on enough already.

I didn’t get a response from her, but a letter from child maintenance saying I must pay for my daughter.

I contacted them and said firstly that we had an agreement that this would not happen, but because they changed from Csa to cms, that gave her right to reapply.

I then made it clear that I have no issue paying for my daughter, but my ex is the one that decided that she wanted to play happy families, then so be it but don’t involve me….but I also said if I can even just speak to my daughter I would happily pay.

They threatened me, and got the attitude and I quote “we are the government and we tell you what you got to pay and you will pay it” this didn’t go down well, ended me up saying you won’t get a penny from me until I see or speak with my daughter, put an attachment on my earnings, I’m self employed and am the boss, take money from my bank accounts and I’ll close them down, and send me to prison, see if I care. This kinda worked as they then went back to my ex and said I will only pay her I made direct payment. I never said this, but it worked and funnily enough she phoned me same day, unbelievable.

But I was happy, but when she contacted me I said I think I’m owed an explanation of why ur have missed out on nearly 4 years of my daughters life, she then replied, “because you kept coming down drunk”

I could not believe what I was hearing and said how did you come to that, for a start I very rarely drink and would never drive with my daughter even if I had a pint, but the point being I don’t drink.

Her reply was, oh well if we can’t agree to this then it ain’t going to work. Where the fuck does she get off, but for the sake of my daughter I played along with her game and agreed to disagree for sake of my daughter, secretly I wanted to punch her head in, but I am not a violent person, quite the opposite.

Conversation moved on and I agreed I’d pay her maintenance but we need to arrange me seeing my daughter., thought it was going to be once a month but managed to arrange once a week, jackpot. But when I started see her I was not allowed to the house, wouldn’t even tell me where but did tell me she moved 3 times when I asked about my daughters presents so she didn’t get any of them. But she also made it clear that none of my family could come and see her as it was mine and my daughters time to bond after such a long time, which I agreed and seen sense in it, but then to find out later there was reason for this.

My ex told me that she was being evicted and would be moving soon, not sure where but will let me know.

The funny thing is we all got along like nothing ever happened, but when it’s too good to be true, it usually is and this was no exception.

I was seeing her regular for 3 months and was told she was moving just after Xmas. I was very surprised on the last visit before Xmas that she invited me to the house. Went down, gave my daughter her presents, had a tea and a chat and left.

My daughters birthday was month after this which I never got to see or speak to she then went back on her high horse making up excuses.

What I came to realise is that this was never about seeing my daughter, it was about her to see what money she could get so then she can get her new place and cut me out all over again, this is when I realised why she didn’t want rest of my family to see her, was never about me growing a bond, was just so it makes it easier her she cuts all ties again. Been calculated from the start using my daughter as the ammo, sicko, no thought to how my daughter feels, just long as it suits her needs.

To top it off, I have cms basically holding a witch hunt for ME, because I stopped payments in January, they have since gone to court to obtain a liability order, was told it was going Court and I thought ideal, I’ll get to have my say without it costing me an arm and a leg which I cannot afford due to being self employed, don’t earn a lot, just rather be working for my money than claim it, funny thing is I never got a date, next thing I knew is I had a judgement, which cannot be appealed unless cms give permission too, what a joke, so cms are obviously above the courts. I then had to admit defeat, and pay to avoid further upheaval in my life. Being a self employed window cleaner I am reliant on the weather, which has been terrible over last 2 months and has crippled me, all this time I have been panicking about making payment to cms but can’t pay what I don’t have, I’m also behind on my rent now because of poor weather.

I today picked up the courage to call cms before they contacted me and advise them of my situation and I will be paying and catching up arrears soon as I’m able.

Was told, “that’s OK, we have sent it to bailiff and I now have to deal with them, so basically, I’m screwed, they know that but yet proceed to screw me over more and cost me more mo ex which I can’t already afford.

I now feel like I’m on the verge of a  breakdown and really don’t know what to do now.