Can I stop my ex seeing our daughter?

November 13, 2011

My ex partner is totally paying the system, resulting in me having had no CSA payments for 10 months.

I have been reasonable in letting him see our daughter, despite this. We live over 100 miles apart, and I have been paying out petrol money to meet him over half way every other weekend. I do not want our daughter to stop contact with our daughter, but I don’t see why I should spend money driving when I’m not receiving any payments from him.

Would I be within my rights to stop meeting him, but advise him that he is welcome to drive to where we live, whenever he wishes, to take our daughter out for the day?



11 Responses to “Can I stop my ex seeing our daughter?”

  1. Bob on November 14th, 2011 1:16 pm

    Hmmm… its all relative in fairness.

    I think that Fathers should be encouraged and supported in keeping in contact with their children. Especially daughters whom research suggests seem to be the most likely gender for fathers to lose contact with.

  2. JP on November 15th, 2011 6:21 pm

    yes, he wants to see her he should drive to her or move closer 100%

  3. martin dell on November 16th, 2011 11:56 pm

    so u want the mooney aka csa maintance plus you want him to pay 100percent petrol money to see his daughter
    you cant have both
    what ur basicly saying is that it becomes so expensive for him to travel to see his daughter that he cant afford to see his daughter

    that a 200 mile round trip twice collect drive home drive back and drive home

    question who moved away was it you or him
    personal it should have gone to court and this situation would not have happened
    hence why i got a court order so it could not happen

  4. Claire on November 21st, 2011 9:10 am

    Thanks for your comments.
    We’ve since come to an agreement that he pays me £100 pm (he earns over £400 pw and has no other children at present). And he will meet me 40 mins from where he lives. At least this covers my petrol (I’ll end up with £20 per month).
    Not 100% fair, but better than nothing.
    In response to Matrin Dell, I moved 100 miles away because he was violent towards me and ended up in court (convicted) with an injunction for smasking my house up
    Luckily, he has a good family so I feel safe that she goes there as I know he would never lay a finger on her.

  5. Lisa on November 25th, 2011 12:21 pm

    If he is getting paid 400 quid a week and ‘can’t afford’ to drive 200 miles twice a month to see his child then the guy clearly has problems. What is he spending that amount of money on that is more important to him than time with his daughter? AS a full time parent, ill male a guess that a very large percent of your income on your child, why should it be different for him? He should be paying you more than 100 a month, and he should be paying the cost of travel to see her. Anyone who says otherwise is probably also another dead beat dad trying to get out of providing for their child. I feel sorry for men like that, I know my dad worked hip ass off to get out of contributing to my upbringing, and I will never have respect for him because of this. It amazes me how men will invest more time and money into getting out of paying for their kids than what it would cost to just pay up.

  6. Chris on November 28th, 2011 1:14 pm

    Using children as the weapon in a financial dispute is morally reprehensible however you may try to justify or rationalise it. You should be ashamed of yourself. Your children have a right to a relationship with their father, and not just when you decide or in the manner you think is appropriate based on how much he does or doesn’t pay you.

    Life isn’t fair, get over it.

    And stop using your children in this way.

  7. Claire on November 29th, 2011 10:24 am

    mmm….how interesting that some feel that absent parents should have the right to see their children, but they don’t have the right to pay – so sad

  8. Claire on November 29th, 2011 6:15 pm

    Lisa, you’re absolutely right.
    I am a full time working mum, and without having a child I’d live in a cheaper property, my utility bills would be less, my Council Tax would be less, my food bill would be less, my petrol would be less (in fact, I wouldn’t need a car), there would be no dinner money, school trip money, after school activities, extra clothing, cheaper holidays abroad etc etc etc.
    So yes, I’d say a good percentage of my wages goes on my child.

    My ex is a waste of space who thinks I get a monthly parcel delivered for free, with clothes/ food etc for our daughter…..WAKE UP!!

    The sad truth is, I’ve never stopped my ex being a father to our child.
    She’s now 10, and without any bad-mouthing from me, she’s seeing that he is selfish and prefers a night on the lash, peeing his £400 pw up the wall, than having a night in with her once a fortnight and paying maintenance to help bring her up.

  9. sammy -jo burroughs on March 24th, 2012 6:23 pm

    Me and my partner spilt up over a month ago he see’s our child every monday to sleep then on a friday for few hour’s but when he had him he doesn’t spend time with him it’s his mother that dose ewverything I’ve asked him a few time’s for help but he has kicked off with me I don’t no what els to do I don’t want him near our son he drink’s take’s drugs and cnt look after him x

  10. angie on March 24th, 2012 6:51 pm

    My daughter is 15months old me and her father are on and off we good for 3 months then we split etc its not healthy he drinks alot and is very immature and verbally abuses me he doea call a drug wen out drinking with his friend woth is about 2times aweek. He is on her bith certificate but he wo t let me bring her up i dont want him near hear is rude he swears hes frienda r in and out of prison and he has been in prison and went into priaon wen i w

  11. Claire on March 28th, 2012 9:59 am

    To Angie and Sammy… both sound like me 10 years ago…trust me, these boys are never likely to change and become decent family men, so get out now!!
    If they work, go to the CSA, and don’t back out, because it will come back to bite you on the bum! Make a strict timetable with them to be fathers to your children, but keep it at that.
    5 years after spliting from my eldest daughter’s waste of skin father, I have met, married and had another child with a lovely, caring man, who does his best for his kids and is fab with my eldest daughter .
    He works 2 jobs to help keep a roof over our head, buys my eldest shoes/ clothes, pays for us to go on holiday etc, while my eldest daugher’s real father is due in court next month for assaulting his current partner, and isn’t allowed to see their new baby son….he’s 40 years old now!!

    In response you you men on here (or ‘absent parents’) who say we’re using our kids as weapons blah, blah blah……take some time to think about the parent that your children live with, who wipe your children’s tears away, feed them, keep them warm, teach them etc etc whilst receiving little help (emotional or financial) from the absent parent in some cases.
    A REAL man and a GOOD father helps to provide for his children financially, and would walk across hot coals to spend time with them. If you don’t agree with this, then send for that application form to be on Jeremy Kyle!!

Got something to say?