Why should I have to pay when she’s causing our relationship to break down?

December 8, 2013

I have been contacted nearly 6 weeks ago by the CSA regarding maintenance of a child.

I have had an on / off relationship with the mother of the child since she told me she was pregnant. The child is nearly 3 years old.

It was always assumed i was the father but i was never named on the birth certificate and he was not given my surname.

I have never been married or lived with the mother.

I have always made payments in a voluntary agreement and in turn i have had access to the child.

As i said, we have had an on / off relationship, so when we are ‘on’ i get to see a lot of the child, when we are ‘off’ things have always been made difficult for me to see him.

Therefore i have been torn between staying in a ‘loveless’ relationship so i can have a major part of my sons life, or try and be happy and move on but not see much of him.
Around 10 weeks ago, we split up again, due to me finding out she was still seeing her ex.

I ended our relationship and have told her repeatedly by SMS that i do not want a relationship with her, all i want is reasonable access to my son, and if that happens we can keep things amicable.
She immediately stopped me seeing my son, and has refused my requests to come and remove my possessions from her house.

After i contacted her saying that if she wouldn’t let me see my son then i wouldn’t pay her our agreement, hoping she might see sense.

Shortly after i was contacted by the CSA. I explained all of this story and they basically said they’d not care if i get access’ all they want is the money.
Understandably annoyed i told them i wanted a DNA test carried out to prove paternity.

i am currently waiting for the results of DNA test, and when the results come back, assuming he is my child, i am then looking at a long legal battle.
I have not not appointed a solicitor as it seems that i will have to pay £350 per letter which she can ignore and still not give me access.

I am happy to pay if i knew i would get access to the child, but what options do i have if the mother withholds access for no reason?

Why should she be entitled to child support when she is wilfully causing a breakdown in the relationship between father and son?

If i refuse to pay the CSA what will happen? Do i get my day in court and stand and tell a judge all thats happened? Or will i just be forced to pay and no-one will care bout the reasons why?
Any help or advice please…


  • anon says:

    If the DNA test results come back and are positive, then the case will be pursued and set up. If you refuse to make payments (for whatever reason) then arrears will accumulate on the case. If you are in employment, a deduction from earnings order will be put in place and the CSA can enforce a total collection amount of 40% to clear off any arrears which may have accrued.

    This is not through a lack of care or consideration for your circumstances. This is purely because the CSA do not have the power to get involved in any disputes over access, and their position is that it is the responsibility of both parents to provide financial support to their child regardless of access arrangements.

    It may seem harsh, and maybe unfair when like you say, access is withheld for no reason, but the CSA really have no power or control over that.

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