She doesn’t want or need my money but she won’t tell the CSA

November 24, 2013

I never knew about my son until his mother named me as his father over 4 years ago, i had the dna tests and he was my child. Since then I have asked to get to know him, to be brushed off everytime, she has now blocked my e-mails and facebook accounts which i was in touch with her on.

I am nothing more than a sperm donor and have to pay £33.00 per week for this child, I am struggling to the point of declaring bankcruptcy, I have a wife and child to support myself. My ex has told me in an e-mail that she doesn’t need or want my money yet i still have to pay as she wont tell the CSA this, she is working and living with her partner who is bringing my son up, I dont know where to go from here but i think it is very unfair when i cant even tell you what my son looks like.

I feel robbed and shouldn’t have to pay for someone i have never met. Any help would be very appreciated.


  • Marcus Lasance says:

    £33 does not seem a lot to support a child you admit fathering. It’s less than the average UK smoker spends on cigarettes. This bankrupts you ? Maybe concentrate on getting to know your child (or stop smoking)….

  • Corryn says:

    Marcus, the whole point is he is being denied access in any form by his ex. This does seem unfair, and something alot of Dads or NRPs have got to deal with – bitter exes who dont mind using their child as weapons.

    £33 pound per week may not seem like a lot to some people but it can make a significant difference if your already stretched to the limit and have to pay this on top of everything else. When my husband was assessed and ordered to pay 65 per week, we were 18 months in to a 5 year HP for a car, which overnight we could no longer afford the 168 monthly payment. Further, the CSA payment became our second biggest bill after rent, also overnight, which was hard to cope with. We got our car payments halved for 6 months to ease the pressure but this left us with arrears and im afraid if Mummy dearest hadnt of stepped in and taken over payments we would no longer have a car. We are still in further debt to her now though but she’s happy she will get it back when we are in a better position. Thank god for family!

    Poster, i dont know if you have advised the CSA that you have a child now with your new partner? I dont think they will backdate but your new child should be included and a reduction given to any payments going forward, will be small but every little helps.
    Think its shit how your being treat, dont know if it may help, but the money your paying is going towards your son – not her- try and think of it that way.
    Hope you get contact in the future, good luck.

  • jo says:

    Marcus, what about vilifying the mother who failed to tell this guy he was the father?

    Why should he be denied any access but the pwc allowed use him as a cash machine when it suited her? Too much of this is happening and when is enough going to be enough?

    Surely a relationship with his son and vice versa should be more paramount than getting csa involved!

  • Marcus Lasance says:

    Jo, I completely agree that Wayne should have access rights to his child, but it’s not within the CSA domain to fix that. It should be and I would sign a petition to that effect. Wayne should talk to a solicitor and have his case heard in a family court. His kid may need him more than he realises. Seems more important than having a fit over £33.00 per week. Just trying to put things in perspective.

  • jo says:

    Actually Marcus, if the pwc doesn’t want the nrp involved then no court in the land will enforce it…look how many fathers are fighting for that right and getting nowhere to find themselves 1000’s in debt. If the OP is struggling to afford 33.00 a week on csa, how can he possibly afford solicitors fees on top??

    And I know its not in the csa’s remit with regards to contact but I feel you missed my point. I feel the pwc in this case is very unfair, why only tell a guy he’s a father just to get money yet deny him that right to see his son and turn his life upside down?

    I wish access and child support work together, unless there are reasons not to.

    And by the way £33.00 a week is a lot to some people, which I feel is the case for the guy above so don’t be patronising.

  • Ellie Milao says:

    Corryn unfortunately we informed CSA of the fact we had a baby 12 weeks ago and because I now get more child tax credits my husbands weekly amount increased by £11 which is totally unfair coz that is my babies money. Jo actually you are wrong in what you just said about courts not enforcing a PWC to allow a NRP to see their child. My husband has had to fight for a relationship with his through the courts. His ex broke the 1st court order so when it went back to court for the 2nd court order the Courts made it clear to his ex if she brakes this order she will be punished either with a hefty fine or prison time.. Needless to say she has made my husbands son available every week since then. She informed the courts that she didn’t want my husband in his sons life.. So you see there is a court in this land that will grant NRP access to their child regardless of what the PWC wants.. N im sorry but no PWC has the right to stop their child having a relationship with the NRP unless that child is at risk.

  • Ellie Milao says:

    You don’t need a solicitor to go to court for access to your child. We could not afford a solicitor so my husband went and represented himself and still got a court order in his favour. There is also a group called families need fathers who have McKenzie friends who can help you prepare for court and attend with you. These are people who have been in this situation n all you have to do is pay their expenses like travel n food

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