Non resident parents are scum

June 27, 2010

As one of the very first CSA “guinea pigs” of 1994, I fought for years and years for maintenance for our little girl from my ex husband. He never willingly paid his fair share, and even went to the extent of leaving his longterm commercial Director role, and going self employed -purely in order to avoid paying maintenance. After tribunals, seeing umpteen solicitors, thousands of letters, copies of accounts, phonecalls and sheer frustration and desperation, I eventually got £12k in back arrears when our daughter was 17!

He still owes over 10k, but as the arrears are over 6 years old – they have closed my case and say that the great “British law system ” does not allow for arrears older than 6 years to be enforced. Our poor daughter now does not speak to the rat which unfortunately is her father. The years of untold heartache, has torn relationships and families apart. It isnt worth it on reflection. Best rub your hands free of the dirt which call themselves “absent parents” who wriggle out of their responsibilities to their victim children.

The men who do this are scum, and karma will see to them (my ex now has a metal hip and prostrate cancer) – HA!

Comments

  • Action Man says:

    I am a Non Resident Parent ie Father. I resent the comments you have made above. Not all Non Resident parents are as you describe your ex. I provide for my children. My ex is a Resident Parent who persists in using excuses to deny me contact with the children, involving our children in our disputes and insists on using my children as bargaining tools to try to get more money from me (ie telling the CSA that I have my children less often than I do). Children should not be “Pay Per View”!! I provide for my children, I shouldn’t have to pay to see them.

    Your generalising of all Non Resident Parents is totally wrong and you should publicly apologise to all those you insult. My ex is a Resident Parent and I do not publicly generalise that all Resident Parents are Money Grabbing Women who use their children as pawns and do not work because this is not always the case.

  • Chris says:

    I am also a non resident Father. Your comments regarding us are totally misfounded and poorly judged. As per action man above, my ex used the excuse that no money was being paid to her from the CSA so therefore I was unable to see my son. This being despite the fact that at the time the fledgling CSA was asking me for varying sums of money ranging from around £25 per week to around £4-5000 per month with all the usual threats that came with the CSA back in those days. I paid the CSA for 16 years around 20-40% of my earnings, depending on how the dice fell during the morning coffee break at CSA HQ. The ex used my son as a pawn for a bit and then vanished. I found out last year that she had been and got married, my son had been adopted by the new husband and they all emigrated to NZ and I was none the wiser. The CSA never stopped collecting though until my sons 18th birthday – by which time he had been in NZ for around 11years. I doubt if they ever saw any payment from the CSA.

    Please don’t generalise non resident parents. Each one has its own story, it’s usually a sad one.

  • Keiron Hodgson says:

    I am what the CSA classes as a Non-Resident Father, and I too find your sweeping statement offensive and demeaning.

    I have always provided for my children & have regular access (albeit when my ex is feeling in a good mood, or has a new boyfriend and wants time with him – this time with my kids I snap up immediately)

    Time with my kids can never be given back if missed, however the CSA is abusing not just NRP’s but PWC’s too. I have sympathy for anyone caught up with the incompetency & idiocy of this Government Dept. The biggest losers though in all of this are the Children, they are the ones caught in the middle and generally used as pawns by ex’s and cash cows for the CSA.

    I am on the receiving end currently after having always paid 25% of my salary for my 3 children, (Voluntarily I might add – and originally direct to Ex) however according to them, I have arrears!! Even though they have the proof of all my payments!

    So please, as much as your experience is harrowing & I do have sympathy for you & your daughter, an apology would be nice.

  • Rachel McRae says:

    I am a resident parent and in honesty find all the sweeping statements from both sides offensive and demeaning.

    Reading all the above is really sad and what I notice is a trend of blame for the other party and no one seeing CSA process I personally think creates these situations and makes things alot harder. Although it is the refusal of both sides that make the situation worse.

    I have a son, who I have always let his father see him, even let him come on holidays (so he has not missed out), its not been ideal sometimes as has let him down, he has never paid and has csa chasing him for two children.

    Blaming each other for the misdemenours is ok a fact of life as it is stressful, and understand, why should a resident parent be amicable when the non-resident parent is being non-amicable and visa versa, I really get that. What defies me is the child stuck in the middle of it.

    If there was an easier, legal and more defined service for parents to ensure that all elements of parental responsibility are achieved then things would be better. Whilst not wanting to look too fairytale like, I understand that not an instances are the same but a large amount could be resolved easier if there were better timelines for the CSA, and if access was also a mediatory part.

    When you have waited 2 years+ for a payment its very frustrating, and believe this puts strain on all parents. The non-resident parent gets a ridiculous bill and gets angry , and the resident parent has to meet the extra maintenance whilst not receiving.

    In my scenario – I would love a private arrangement with the non-resident parent but with how CSA works I can’t. CSA works you pay 15% for one child and 20% for two, but if one parent has a private and other through CSA it would be revert still to 15% for one, and by default the parent would find themselves having to then pay 15% for the other child to ensure fairness. Which means 30%. By default I had to agree to CSA to make it easier for the non-resident parent as even I can see 30% is a terrible amount. But its 2 years on and still has not paid, he received a bill £4000 how the hell can he pay that… its daft. I have got mad sometimes at is resiliance to contact the CSA and threatened no contact but never ever done it, it’s just heat of the moment. My son adores his dad, and unless he put my son in any danger he has as much rights to see him as me.

    A comprehensive package would suit. If a child is in danger then that is a completely different story but I think if parents have to use agencies to mediate for payments then access should be mediated to and an easier and quicker resolve should be met for the childs sake.

    It is the real world when people split up its hard and anger takes over, but longevity is a factor (and the csa system), and every case is different and no one should generalise, there are some good and bad on both sides.

    I agree with Chris; Please don’t generalise any parents. Each one has its own story, it’s usually a sad one

  • Dave says:

    Money grabber comes to mind. Most women are though. A friend of mine has custody of his kids lets his ex see them but doesn’t want or ask for a penny from her. But i suppose thats the difference between most men and women, woman are just vindictive and want as much as they can get, not just what the child needs. Why should he support you as well as his child?

  • abscondee says:

    Reply to non-resident parents are scum.
    This whore probably has kids to different fathers, and is screwing them all through the CSA.
    As like all whores who run to the CSA they don`t really care about the kids, they are just cash registers for them. What the Truth Hurts. I hope you get cancer and your tits fall off.

  • Matt says:

    Wow even your topic title is pathetic.

    I am a non resident parent who is currently working closely with child services following the discovery of severe psycological abuse of my daughter. Amazingly during child access court proceedings very derogitory comments were made towards me. She even accused me of never paying for our child, which was later retracted when CSA provided a statement displaying that i had overpaid (one of their many errors) by over £3000. As for being pathetic towards someone with cancer despite any wrongdoing is awful. your kids are going to live with that loss you god damn moron

    So in short you are an idiot.

  • melanie kane says:

    My boyfriend was married to a woman who earns the same amount as him – £120k but yet my boyfriend pays the entire private school fees for all three children (£2400 per month), and has historically paid her £1000 per month but now she has taken him to the CSA who have increased the payments – they dont take any account of the school fees payments he makes either. Utterly ridiculous and she is quite happy for him to have sleepless nights almost every night through worry about money and huge debts and no pension while she sits happy taking all the money he earns and living in a flat that he paid the mortgage on and has the equity from his parents. Utterly appalling behaviour and the CSA have a lot to answer for if they cant see what women like this are like.

  • stuart says:

    What a sweeping and highly offensive title this has, I read the first couple of lines and unfortunately could not get past the header, I can understand the issues you have faced however considering I am a non-resident parent I am outright ofended that the website has allowed ANY reports with such titles. is there any wonder we get a ostracised and looked down at by society.

    I personally can see both sides of the argument, living with my partner whose ex the biological father of her daughter, 2, does not see, pay for nor even attempt to contact, i do understand that some non residents are not living up to their responsibilities, HOWEVER, I AM OFFENDED AND OUTRAGED to be tarred by the same brush as these ‘men’ I stood by my ex throughout her pregnancy, even though our relationship was over by her own choice, i believe the words were ‘I just dont love you anymore’ I then commenced payment of maintainance from the week he was born, to be told a fortnight after he was born that i would never see him, yes my world ended i was broken, but i continued plugging away working a full time dead end job and paying my way through college, 9am until 1 am four days a week 4 hours between shifts on a friday and as much as posible at weekends, whilst also taking things to a solicitor to get visitation rights and parental responsibility, my son now 10 sees me every weekend and there has not been a week in those 10 years where i have not contributed to his upbringing even during the 6 months where i ‘was not allowed’ to see him.

    Now today this morning as I am taking him to school I hear in the background as I went to pick up one of her other four children (yes i do that to make it easier for her so she does have ONE morning a week where she doesnt have to drag all 4 of her kids out to take 2 to school) i hear her partner of 8 years or so calling my son A TRAMP and Fattest kid in the family, dont get me wrong my son isnt the smallest but he eats healthy and exercises whist with me and he also has new clean ironed clothes on when coming from my house…

    so i beg you please, tell me who you think is scum again, and carefully choose your words because people should not be victimised, unnecesarily labelled and should certainly not be looked down upon because of stereotypical views.

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