My ex and his lack of decent payments

November 30, 2011

I got divorced around 6 years ago now. My ex husband is a self employed man who was very clever at cooking his books. At the time, in my naivety, I allowed him to divorce me, thus meaning he could drag out the case till he had a new years books showing his profits going from £64,000 to £12,000.

He did this so as not to have to pay me a fair amount as I left him and he was still very bitter.

All this time down the line, he has still never increased his payments and I only receive £170 a month for our 13 year old son. This does not even cover his lunch, travel and my petrol to take him to school a week.

We did have this order made by a court but I was wondering if there is anything we can do to get a better deal? I am financially strapped though I do work full time. My ex has recently purchased a 3 bedroom semi detached house in hitchin, this property would of been a minimum of £250,000 and he pays the mortgage alone.

When I have attempted to get him to talk about the maintenance he supplies, he simply laughs at me and says you can’t do anything.

My lawyers at the divorce were not very strong and did not argue my case as well as they could of. They said the best thing I could do was accept the offer made and call it a day as he was self employed and this made it almost impossible to chase.

If he now has a mortgage for this property, then clearly his wages must be showing as a lot more than he showed several years ago.

Is there anything you can do to help me?

Kindest regards,

Layla Prutton

Comments

10 Responses to “My ex and his lack of decent payments”

  1. bob on November 30th, 2011 4:08 pm

    Imo £170 should be more than enough. I pay roughly the same. However my money is spent on hair and nail and tanning. Perhaps consider overtime or a second job? Remember you cannot expect him to be a financial doormat

  2. Terry norris on December 1st, 2011 10:30 am

    Too true
    You are using him as a financial doormat…you left him you cheeky mare..but see you still want his money…get on with your life and let him get on with his…your choice remember …you left him. Tou are soo typical of many women who ditch their husbands and boyfriends but still expect them to financially support them even when you meet another bloke who’s better off then your ex…you still milk the ex for whatever you can get and at any cost…you use the kids as money cows…this is all about greed as usual.my wife walked out on me for a man she was cyberwhoring with.all I ever did was love her and be good and supportive to her first child and our child.and what do I get after she leaves me…..a kick in the teeth from her to the tune of £320 a month for a daughter I never see,a daughter she took from my life at the age of 3 who’s now nearly 9 .lost yrs that can never be brought back.it’s despicable that a father can be treated like this and the CSA just see me as easy money like the bitch I married.Call me old fashioned but when a woman leaves you for another man because you not good enough for her and the other man knows he’s destroying a family unit,then he should take on that roll as father and provider and not expect the ex to support the family that he wanted…I say f**k you…you wanted my wife and kids…you got them….now be a man and look after them….so have some respect woman and get on with your life and leave him alone.

  3. layla on December 1st, 2011 10:40 am

    This is no ones business. I sent this to the csa and have no idea how its got on here.

    You’re clearly bitter men who think you should be able to carry on with your lives, minus your responsibilities.

    HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME!!!!

  4. Michael - CSAhell.com staff on December 1st, 2011 10:54 am

    Maybe there’s a leak at the CSA and they past your information to CSAhell.com? Or maybe you just sent it to CSAhell.com not realising you were on this site, and not on the CSA’s own site?

    Which do you think it is?

  5. karen bedford on December 1st, 2011 12:15 pm

    I think the issue is here, that he had better solicitors than you did so dont know if that will affect you getting anymore but dont know how far you got with the CSA – but they have a criminal compliance unit which works with credit ref agencies – but you need to help them first with bank accounts/statements etc so they can get a link to see the others, good luck, join the facebook groups child support agencies failings and others for support and advice.

  6. janet on December 1st, 2011 3:07 pm

    Ah layla you must have wrote it on here by mistake! Don’t worry about terry he seems to judge every pwc on here cause of his bitterness

  7. Dee on December 2nd, 2011 9:15 am

    OMG!! bitter isnt the word!! Just because a women chooses not to lead a unhappy life with the man who fathered her child does not mean that he then has the right to ignore his parental responsibility. Layla you have every right to financial help from your ex and dont let any one tell you different. These men complain about the percentage that is deducted from their wages but neglect to realise that ALL of our wages and income is used for the up bringing of their child whilst in our parental care. I work 3 jobs and even have to work all night to provide the best possible life style for my son.I work over 60 hours a week and have done for most of my sons life to provide for him He is nearly 15 and I have NEVER had a penny from his absent father, Now they have finally caught up with him and thats my fault how? Why should my current husband let this man get away with the financial cost of the child I had with my ex? My husband has provided both for us and his own daughter from a previous marrige and has NEVER bitched about it once! You make your bed, you lie in it!!! The children did not ask to be bought into this world and they shouldnt suffer because of a break up! I would love for only a percentage of my wages to be taken for child care and the rest left for myself!! But it doesnt happen for those of us left with the child. And if I want to go and get my nails done and tanning etc then why the hell shouldnt I? When its me who had the sleepless nights, the nights spent in hospital with my son when he was ill. Its me who had to leave him with child care to graft every hour that was available to keep him in shoes, food, holidays and pay for the ever expensive basics of school! All without a care or a hand out from the man who made him!! To you absent bitter men, MAN UP! We took our responsibilty with us and didnt cry about the cost of the children, we just got on with it and requested what we are legally entitled too. You bitch and moan because you have to pay but ignore what we mothers have to deal with on a daily basis.

    To BOB: £170… pathetic. it costs me £50 for my son to go to school a month on the bus as I have to work full time and cant take him. It costs me £60 a month a lone for his school dinners as I dont get any benefits or help due to my income! He’s in adult size clothes and has been for over a year now whilst continuing to grow rapidly! how far do you think your left over £60 goes? thats less than £20 a week for games, shoes, clothes, hair cuts, school trips, food etc! Bet you spend more than that a week on socialising!!!! But hey your life clearly more important than your childs!

    to Terry: ever stopped to take a look at yourself and attitude and asked yourself WHY she left you?!? I mean, you come across as such a nice kind charming caring man!!!!! (sarcasm)

    If we werent legally entitled to it we wouldnt be able to fight for it. May be you should have thought about it BEFORE having had children.

  8. Bob on December 2nd, 2011 12:02 pm

    Dee,

    You have just proved my point in golden principal!

    Allow me to explain: £170 a month and my ex according to Govt guidelines is expected to match £170 as 30% of combined income (for the one child) would be £340… so your figures it costs you £50 a month for your son to do this… that means you only use £25 (as YOU are expected to match this under the terms set out by the reasons why the Govt set up the CSA 15%)… 1 child according to outdated Govt figures = 30% of salary.

    Therefore… the question your should be asking is: How far does £120.00 go (thats 2x£60)… remember… you are responsible to an equal amount as what he is…

    Point proved again. This is just another reason why so many guys get completely and totally wound up and see their ex’s as money grabbing… surely you can see my post now makes sense. The Mother is expected to match this amount!!!

  9. alice on April 14th, 2012 8:20 pm

    I agree with the men. A majority of women spend the csa on hair, nails, nights out and holidays. I know a guy that got left with his son and the mother does not have to pay a penny. Yes a guy should provide for his kids but the amount csa expect a guy to pay is stupid. My ex barely had enough to live on yet his ex was having a laugh buying flat screen tvs

  10. Simon banks on January 24th, 2014 2:18 pm

    I totally agree, why are you complying for. As long as he contributes to the child’s upbringing then why should he find your lifestyle. This is not a business transaction

Got something to say?