Ex lies about number of nights I have my boys

January 1, 2013

I have 2 boys from a previous relationship. Ive had the ex wife from hell. Evil and vindictive is not the word I use but on this occassion please excuse me for doing so. I have paid for everything, my ex got a lump sum payment from out flat in Edinburgh,maintenance payments, all travel to see my boys has been paid by me and all her bills paid by me whilst she sat on her backside. Since our divorce in 2008 I have paid for all the travel, flights, train journeys and petrol to see my children every 3 rd weekend and all the holidays! This is where the CSA comes in but first of all personally I think the CSA should be scrapped. There is no parity and in my situation the CSA has demonstrated that the rights of the father or non resident parent fall well below those of the single mother.

Basically since 2008 my EX wife gave false information to the CSA about the numbers of shared care contact. She told them I was only having my 2 boys 33 occasional nights , well anyone with half a brain will note that every 3rd weekend and all the school holidays is more than 33 nights a year! The CSA never asked me about the number of nights and took her word as Gospel!!!! This year I took on a new job and phoned the CSA and told them about change in circumstance, only to discover that I have over paid CSA maintemenace since 2008 to the tune of £965……money that belonged to me and my new wife and our daughter.

The CSA phoned my ex wife to ask about the number of nights I had my children and she verbally agreed with 52 nights or more. To cut a long boring story short the CSA saw in my favour twice and sent her a repayment notice for the sum above. The ex has now appealed against this decision and retracted her verbal agreement. She is now taking the CSA plus me to a tribunal court case in Scotland, I live in England……they will not change the location of court even though its her pursuing this.

The best it yet to come so keep reading. They asked me to provide concrete evidence that I had my children for the number of nights I said. Thankfully my wonderful wife kept 4 years worth of diaries with every date the children had seen us. The CSA took this information and saw in my favour but unbetold to us they photo copied all the diary entries ( not just dates the children had seen us but also my wife’s personel info about her children and other info)and sent them to my EX wife!!!!!! Talk about fuming. The CSA have apologised for this mistake but what they dont understand is that my EX wife is now using this info against me in the tribunal case as she has not hard evidence of her own! The tribunal court will not recall the diary entries and I feel I am the one being prosecuted. It was my EX wife who lied and gave false information back in 2008, has no concrete evidence herself, she is taking the CSA and me to tribunal not the other way round. It does say on the CSA letters that if you give false info you are liable for a £1000 fine but apparantly if you are the parent with care it is reviewed on an individual basis however, if you are the non resident parent it is viewed as a blanket approach. Total injustice and so much anomaly it is unreal.

I still see my children all the holidays as I cannot afford to see them every 3rd weekend anymore. I have 4 children living at home with me and simply cannot afford the flights plus maintenance payments. My EX does not put her hand in her purse at all. She gets all the child benefit, plus child tax credits plus child maintenance from me and she chooses to work part time. My children are not young young, they are in secondary school and she will not allow the children to travel without escorts with the airlines eventhough they are not required to have one legally.

The stress and emotional energy being spent on this is all caused by the fact that my EX wife refuses to deal with me in the best interest of my boys. The way she has transfered her feelings and issues onto them has had a profound affect on them.

Any info on how to get this resolved or if anyone knows of a good no win no fee lawyer then please respond.


  • Alice says:

    the weekends in shared care are classed as regular and the additional ones such as holidays are referred to as occasional nights so you need to add both together and that is what decides what bandwidth you are in for sc allowance.

    As your situation is now that you do not have enough nights to qualify for shared care you can apply for a variation in respect of contact costs. You will need to provide evidence of costs – receipts for plane tickets, invoices for accommodation if you need to book into a hotel or B&B whilst in Scotland. If the variation app was successful you would not get the full cost but an allowance would be deducted from the RM. You need to be realistic about the costs, you can’t submit invoices for high end hotels if there is a Travel Lodge or Premier Inn in the area, low cost airlines should be used if possible

    You also mentioned that you have 4 children living in your household – are you getting the correct allowance for these children in your CM calculation (it should be 25% of your net income before the 20% for your RM)

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