Do you buy your children expensive presents at Christmas?
December 14, 2010
Here’s a question for all of the non resident parents out there; do you buy your children expensive presents at Christmas?
When I first split up from my ex-wife I was very conscious not to use the fact that I was working and could afford gifts that were perhaps more expensive than she could to buy my kids’ loyalty. I made sure I didn’t spend more on them than she could and certainly didn’t want her to think that I was showing her up with expensive presents.
However, it soon became apparent that she was doing her best to offer them better alternatives than seeing me every weekend by taking them to their friends’ parties, to the park – basically anything to persuade them not to meet up with me. I felt that their loyalties were indeed being bought and they were being used as weapons against me.
Then, as only one of my children wanted to meet me one weekend, I bought him a toy fire engine. It was only a small gift, hardly one of the latest new computers or quad bikes, but it was enough to have my ex-wife complaining that I was buying his loyalty and causing her problems with the other two children.
Maybe I was playing her at her own game, maybe I sank to her level, I’m not sure – but the fallout was that she never let me see my children again. She insisted that if I wanted contact ever again I had to go through a lawyer, which of course I could not afford as I paying the CSA for three kids, for arrears I swear to this day I did not owe, and for a loan on a car that had been stolen and my ex-wife had claimed on the insurance for.
Presents such as fire engines I could afford, solicitor’s fees to arrange court dates and contact with my children, who were being persuaded not to see me anyway, I couldn’t.
I digress. What I want to know here is what the general consensus of opinion is on this? Do you buy expensive presents for your children, can you afford to with the CSA bleeding you dry, or do you keep it small so as not to appear flashy?
I personally haven’t seen my children for over two years (coming on for three) and this year I’ve bought small token presents for them because my ex-wife insists (via email) that they will be given the presents and they will be told who they are from.
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Maxine, you may need to take your tablets…., probably the best preference for yourself being cyanide my dear… It would end all your problems in an instant!!!!
Ha ha!!! Lisa has blocked me, the truth is out!!!!
Allan, are you suggesting Maxine commit suicide? You sick sick man. Infact, your not even a man. You disgust me.
Alan, give the girls a chance, many of them are on our side as well. The Csa takes OUR money, which is for our children, and KEEPS IT! Many of the mothers are really struggling because they have our children, and the Courts then refuse to let us look after them , and the Csa takes all our money, prevents us from providing for them, and then refuses to give the money to the mothers and/or our children. The fight is against this total corrupt government quango that stelas our money and uses to pay their own ridiculous salaries and bonuses. Remember 70p of every £1 they collect goes to their staff. Shut the xxxxxx thing down and we (including the taxpayer) would ALL be better of, and I mean ALL, fathers, mothers, children AND the taxpayer.
A suggestion of suicide??? …no… in light of the sarcasm I present it… in no way do I wish Maxine any harm, she means nothing to me, she is niether friend or foe to me and a suggestion that if she prefers not you argue then she needs to stop acting as if I were to be her ex……the fact that maxine presents malicious allegations which she knowingly is unable to provide evidence to suggest the comment to be true or false and attempt of lecture on morality or maintain in comment with the original post… that she should choose wisely and appropriately to stop while taking advantage to comment in a negative manner regarding my illness and disability!!!
YES, the CSA's SUICIDE. But they are going to need some help from us to do it! And that means the mothers on here as well as us dads! So are you ready to finally destroy this bunch of Child Abusers and Killers?
I agree with you peter, but we also have PWC's who financially and emotionally destroy the NRP with the SUPPORT of the CSA!!And we also have the examples of PWC's who would be likely candidates for employment within CAFCASS and CSA…Malicious comments by direct use of name within comment made for what reasons????If I remember correctly… A polite notice was presented for everyone to apply to….. but to get into an issue that they may have concerns with with their own ex's privately… is beyond the call of duty wouldnt you agree?
Any accusations I made were nameless but towards the selfish arrogant greedy manipulative PWC….
Yes, we all know that, you've had it, I've had it, but some of them just don't know what they are doing until they involve the Csa. Just like we found out! We ALL thought ANYTHING had to be better than the Court system, but what a mistake we ALL made! And now, we are ALL paying the price!
well my arrears are in the delay system and non recoverable…. the CSA needs closure, but to insight the nessessity to engage in direct argument will not remove the CSA….. Maxine responds to my comments regarding provision of expensive presents or presents within budget and the issues of what type vouchers the PWC is unable to use for retail therapy, and maxine feels the desire to divert the comment towards the issues of cheating, I wonder how she thinks that will help to remove the CSA!!!!
I am amused by maxines thoughts!!!!
they could change the law for having multiple wives then every parent will be the Resdent and no longer any NRP's for the CSA to Harrass and demand fictitious amounts!!!!!
and some of us didn't have choice as to whether we got the CSA involved…give us his details within 14 days or your income support stops (1996!)
Sarah-Jayne, you have no idea about me or who I am for that matter, as for disgusting you, I really couldnt care….. As for me being a man or not is not an important issue and does not concern me in the slightest… you mean nothing to me and never will so your thoughts or comments about your thoughts are unimportant…I suggest you get back to using the same exhuberance into your motherhood duties which you use to comment about your thoughts to/or about me!!!!Clearly you assume that I would wish harm to Maxine… Maxine is not important to me… whether she harms herself or not is not my concern… My concerns remain only for my child… his emotional and financial support by me….. not the silly gob almighty thoughts of PWC's who have no history or relationship connection with me!!!!
Ref: Christmas presents. If you are an NRP or PWC there are lots of options if one or the other parent is on a budget. Young kids – my little girls NRP dad got her some box games the other year from a car boot sale and she liked those just as much as if they were new – effectively she could get more toys as they are so cheap at a car boot, and often hardly used. Ebay is good – I've got my daughter things from there before which are brand new but cheaper than in the shops. Also the jewellery is cheap if you look for the sellers from Hong Kong, especially the silver jewellery – I have used them and they do delivery but it just takes longer for the package to arrive than buying from the UK. Designer clothes and accessories for kids can be bought off the m and m direct website for way less than high street prices.Something I also do is buy bits throughout the year and put them away so that I dont get hit with all the present costs in Nov and Dec. Im a PWC and havent had a penny support for my daughter since March 2009, so I work full time to try to keep a roof over our heads. Obviously by paying all childminder costs, school dinners, clubs, uniform etc.. myself I do find I am still on a budget too so these tips above are things I do to get through. I hope this helps!
As an aside, an update to say that I'm not planning to ingest any cyanide 🙂 but have just munched my way through half a massive box of chocolate brazils!
Yum, can you send some to me please?
Of course….I will DHL then especially! We got a hamper at work as a little prezzy but it has about a million calories in it so any help you can give me to prevent my waistline from expanding will be most helpful! x
Gutted…lol.. I cant eat choccy Brazils in the same quantity as I was able to a couple o year ago… Maxine… eat a few more to make up for me… pls…thanx!!!!!
lmao, love brazil nuts and chocolate….a great combination! Too expensive to DHL them to me as I am sure you've better things to spend your money on… I've settled for a Snicker instead!Suprisingly I have had things sent to me by a few people that I have met on forums… a sound card, dvd burner and windows XP… there are some very thoughtful people out there!
Yay! found some expensive presents on da cheap at TJ hughes!!!! sum more at poundland and a few more at Aldi…..