CSA want me to sell my home

January 6, 2010

My name is peter and like most of the stories i hear i am no different from 100’s of men when it comes to the lovely csa.

My hell began a number of years ago when my ex wife got told from someone with no brain that she would get more money out of me if she went to the csa, i told her this was not true and they would actually reduce what i was then paying which was about £260 a month which on a £850 a month wage i thought was ok.

Anyway she went to the csa and firstly they arrested my wages for two months! two months with no money! i had to beg and borrow from family, once i had a huge battle with the csa saying that i was infact paying my ex wife £260 a month and could prove this with my bank it finally got through and the hold on my wage was stopppe, they then told me to stop paying my ex wife and they would take over, i had to show wage slips and bills ect to which they then sent my ex wife a letter saying she would now be getting £38 per week!

you might think great for you peter but guys this is where my hell started, my ex wife and her now new partner decided to stop me seeing my daughter as they could no longer get the money or more money as she wanted. There was nothing i could do, my wee girl was taken away from me. I found myself in a state of depression and just couldnt cope, i ended up losing my job but was determind not to sign on or claim money from the goverment! so my mums boyfriend gave me a part time job and knowing my state of mind new i would take time off now and again but it kept me out there and not alone.

Once my state of mind was back to normal i sought out to find a lawyer and fight to see my child! this was a long battle and lastest a few years of various court dates. It was there i realized that men really have no power at all, yes the judge can rule you a fit father and decide you should see your child but your ex partner still has the power guys! let me explain, i would show up to pick my daughter up and her partner would answer the door and ask questions like , where are you taking her? what time will you return? you better not be late as we have plans?

HELLO!!! this is my child!!

my lawyer told me they are trying to taunt you, if you get angry or god forbid hit him then you have lost big time! sometimes i would go to there house and chap the door and ring the bell, no answer, wait 10min, try again, no answer so i would drive away and then about 5-10 min later get a phone call saying where are you? your daughter is waiting , why are you late? this happened more times than i can count on both hands, they would then go to court and say i am always late!

the court got really bad, i had to sit and listen to her lawyer saying that my daughter could not sleep the night before she was seeing me because she was scared and that she would sometimes wet herself, i think at that one i broke down in court crying which just mad me ex laugh, i must admit though that my lawyer told me in confidence that my ex wifes lawyer phoned him to say he was deeply sorry for saying that in court because he advised against it but they where adimint that he was to say it!

the judge was really nice to me anytime i went and i could tell she knew that there was this guy in front of her always polite, on time for court, wore a suit, no criminal record and just wanted to see his wee girl but her powers where limited, i was breaking down all the time in court and my lawyer called to see me and asked how much more i could take because it wasnt going to get any better. T

he next time i visited to collect my daughter she opened the door and my ex wife and her new partner where standing behind her, my daughter was in floods of tears! i asked whats wrong baby whats happened, she looked at me and said daddy i dont want to see you anymore, your hurting me! i fell to the floor in tears and looked up to see both my ex and her partner laughing! they told this 6 year old child to say this!! they put her through that and just laughed! i wanted to kill them!

that was the last time i saw my daughter, its been 4 years now and it just gets worse! some people reading this wont agree with what i did but how can i put a 6 year old through that! it was easier for her if i just walked away, they where not bad parents please understand, they just didnt like me! and wanted me away and yes i know they win but one day when my daughter and i meet again then they will be the sorry ones, i have kept every court letter and everything that shows how much hatred they had for me with no reason other than money.

My csa hell started shortly after this , letters coming in saying i was to pay this a week then another saying something totally different! phone them and get a different person and nothing has been logged on the computer or they lost the file! anyway it turns out they say i owe them £3.500 and they want £170 a month until cleared, now as i explained to them i get £92.40 a week wages and dont claim any benifits at all so how can i afford this after bills and food, there words where “we dont care” find the money! ask your family and friends, ask your neibour!! then the lady said you have equity in your house, ” sell it” i said pardon me? sell my home? yes she replied we will get our money someway, i had to agree to this silly amount of money but have failed to keep up payments as my mum already helps me with my mortgage as i bought the house for me and my daughter because it had a nice garded for her to play so my mother doesnt want me to lose anything to do with my daughter.

They have since passed it on to the sheriff officers who have gave me a letter to which i have 14 days to reply, basically pay the £3.500 now or else, well i dont have £3.500 to give them, i have tried my bank and loans but i got refused and i just cant pay £170 a month , i offered £65 a month but they said £170 or nothing and again was told to sell my home, i think this is what they want so they can say look at us the mighty csa we have forced this dead beat dad to sell his home!


i cant take anymore, i had the letter from the sheriff officers on christmas eve! lol, merry christmas peter! i have to be honest and say that i have thought about suicide because i just cant take this, the most important thing in my life was taken from me to which i had no control and did not want! i am not one of those fathers who just couldnt give a toss! i loved my wee girl with every bone in my body! the most sweetest thing when a child looks at you and calls you daddy!!

i miss that so much! i dont know what this new year will bring for me but i really dont want to face it i am not strong enough anymore, they have taken my strenght away! you win csa, you win!


  • chall says:

    Peter, come and join us in the forum at http://www.afairercsaforall.co.uk

    – once there you will be amongst 1567 other’s who are having or have had problems with the agency and child contact, you could gain much needed support and advice.

  • Kerry says:

    Peter, my heart goes out to you, I am a Mum going through, not as bad, I thought it was untill i read your story ,situation as you. Yesterday I joined afairercsaforall.co.uk. This site has given me hope, i know we can’t fight the world,but to be proactive does help,I don’t blame you for walking a way, Ive felt like it so many times and yes sometimes ending it all. The child support agency has a lot to answer to, non of the people they chase, ruin lives or distroy are dead beat parents, and I say parents because it doesn’t just happen to dads believe me.Take a look at the website and be strong for your daughter.


  • McNALLY says:

    A fairer csa for all..co.blah blah
    Get real,you will lose everything,you shagged the woman,now she is gonna screw you to the end.
    But wait the fun starts when your daughter becomes an adult.
    Ive lost homes cars every thing,its all to do with money eh!
    You love your daughter that much then dont loose your head,
    You want to see the face of your ex when your daughter gets in touch,
    Ive waited 7 years and im gonna spend the next years catching up, its worth it

    F*** the csa and all that work for them

  • Charlotte Grantham says:

    I am so sorry to hear your awful situation, My partners ex has done the exact same thing! She was having an affair with her COUSIN (yes i know how wrong!) and ended up kicking out my partner in 2002, He has 2 children with her (she had 2 from a previous marraige) He started to make payments to her getting her to sign to say she has received them etc just to be on the safe side, anyway her new fellar started to get involved and causing upset by making her not allow my partner to see his 2 children, Making excuses , not turning up at agreed places etc…….it got so bad that my partner ended up taking her to court over it, in the mean time on one occassion he did get to have the children- on there return as he was getting out of the car they both attacked him! then had the cheack to ring the police to say he attacked them!!! thankfully he had photos etc…but the police stilly arrested him and chucked him in a cell!!…….he was released without charge!.
    Anyway my partner got a court order to see his children (aged then 6 & 2) but she would never obide by it, still never turn up, never meet where they said and always made excuses so he took her back to court ….and in tern done it a total of 3 times and got 3 court orders for her to abide by;but she didnt!
    The terrible thing happend when he hurd through his solicitor that she had took the children with this bloke to scotland to live!!!!!!!!!! My partner was deverstaed……..He felt that when he had his first child with her he always new that in the back of his mind she could be evil so when she asked him to marry her he did it just because he felt that he would have more rights HOW WRONG WAS HE? he never told any of his family as they all hated her, and even kept the wedding a secret up to 6 months after!…..
    He did have her adress in scotland and one day he aranged to meet her to see the childen, he drove all that way alone tearful, and scared of what might happen, to meet them in a tesco carpark. She said you can take them into mcdonalds while we do our food shopping in tescos, she said dont take photos of them dont ring anyone i.e his parents so they can speak, dont do nothing!!! they sat and chatted but they were so young they just didnt understand. His son who was 6 ish at the time was his life, went every where with him, his little daughter was cute and blonde and just a little daddies girl.
    Anyway when they came back to get the children from him the new fellar kicked off mouthing off at him saying,”you will never see your kids again” and awful things like that, so my partner lost it compleatly, and hit him!! He had it coming, and he was totally out of order.
    My partner got back into his car and started the long journey home, crying all the way and listening to them keep ringing him up taunting himdown the phone whilst he could hear the children screaming and crying in the backround.
    THAT WAS THE LAST TIME HE SAW HIS CHILDREN 8 YEARS AGO!! He has no idea where they are as they have moved 6 or 7 times, yet the csa still are hounding him for money!
    He had no house, was living on his mums sofa,had no money and was bearly holding down a job due to depression.

    I know that this dont help you, but I want to say that you are not alone, the delightful CSA have now said that he has arrears of £3000 but wont tell him where from or even how as he has paid every week since SHE put in her claim. They have now said that to accomidate the money for her (as lets make no mistake thats where its going, to her!! her kids wont benifit from it!) they have reduced his protected earnings proportion to £134.99 a week! we have a house 3 children and a life to lead too! How do they expect us to live?? My partner rang them up in tears and he said i may as well end it all as i cant provide for the family i have now, let alone her! and the nasty woman on the other end of the phone said, “well we still well get money from you”………. what even if he’s DEAD??? I am astonished at the level the CSA call goons go to upset these poor fathers, my theroy is half the time the woman kicks the fellar out so she can move her new one in….SO THATS HER CHOICE…….I dont see how it can be allowed to have a mother who will take, take, take, off the poor struggling man but dont allow acces………….MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    All I can say to you peter is like my partner one day they will read all the court letters and all the things that their mother has done will be brought to light and they then will be able to have that right to choose………AND I CANT WAIT FOR THAT DAY!
    It must be awful for my partner as he only has memories and a very few amount of pictures to remember them by……He wouldnt even recognise them in the street!

    Good luck xxx

  • Haysam says:

    I have smeller or worth experience then this I have not seen my 2 boys for 5 years my ex have few divorce friend with a lots of experience to how to manipulate the system and get away with is the law here in the UK is sucks.

  • John says:

    I Feel For You Mate It Brought Tears To My eyes When Reading It.

    Am In A Similar Situation Am Paying CSA Everything They Want,Never Missed A Payment They Want More I Give Them More. Now Am In Arrears Cause Of Them Can’t Pay Anymore Thinking About Packing In Work Work Is Not Paying Now. Just Going To Pay CSA.

    They Are Threatening Me With Prison Now. But Before I Go To Prison I Will Make Sure They Will Have A Reason To Do It. I Will Go And Murder My EX.

    That Is How I Feel At The Moment.

  • Peter says:

    Hi John,

    Please calm down, i know its hard! what good will it do in the end? your child (children) will then lose both parents!

    When i first wrote this about the CSA i was in a terrible state and wanted to end everything! My nightmare ended when i finally got speaking to a MAN at the CSA and not a women!!. The gentleman was very understanding of my situation and this is the part i could not get my heAd over!! He told me that he could not understand why they have not accepted my offer of paying them back £60 per month as this was more than fair compared to my earnings, when i explainded to him about being told my house was to be sold ect he said yes this is true and can in extreme cases happen BUT! this is normally only when someone refuses to pay us! or is in extreme debt, He told me to leave this with him and he would get back to me. Later that day i got a call saying that as long as i paid the £60 per month and kept up payments no further action would be taken, this all happened because someone at the CSA actually listened to me!! Anytime i got a women on the phone at the CSA i felt i was spoken to like SCUM!! just a man that has no care or respect for his child, it is a discrace the way they speak to you! we are human beings!! not monsters! Yes the CSA needs to be there for the fathers that don’t give a t**s but please don’t treat us all the same!!

    I still have not seen my daughter since my first post on here and still everyday i long to one day see her again, even though she will be older, she will always be my wee girl in my heart, i know i have and still am missing so much in her life it tears me up inside, the thing that keeps me going is that one day i hope to see her again and explain my side of the story! am i going to say how much i hate her mother and partner when i see her again and say how much hurt they put me through??? No! I will only say, ” i have missed you so much and i love you Lauren, we have so much to catch up on, please give me that chance”

    I have had enough hate and hurt in my heart over these years, i don’t see the need to share that with my daughter, she will know when she looks into my eyes for the first time again just how much i have missed her without saying a word.

    My advise to fathers out there going through the same thing is, please be strong! There will be days you feel you can’t go on but you must! Go to a mirror and stare, look at yourself and say ” this won’t beat me!” Keep saying it, shout it if you must! Just don’t give up.


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