Absent parents are a disgrace

August 10, 2010

Enough is enough… these so called absent parents who play the system as an absolute disgrace – the problem here is THE SYSTEM and the lapse government which has controlled every part of the CSA – or whatever they call themselves now! They are too busy targetting the EASY cases and treating parents who want to pay unfairly – whilst turning a blind eye to the absent parents playing the game. If they do not ‘currently’ have the powers to investigate these cases thoroughly, then it is this Government, what WE have elected who should change the law NOW. How can you investigate a persons income – if you cannot by law look at their bank accounts. They talk about exsisting powers, but these are completely useless against the kind of absent parents who know how to play the system, and their accounts.

I am a fulltime mother, who pays for all my son’s childcare. His father has him every other weekend, but pays £5 per week. The CSA are not interested, aslong as the Inland Revenue are happy with his filed accounts – they are too. Insidently he has shown an income of around £7000 pa. Whilst struggling on his income, he drives a brand new mercedes, lives in a very large 4 bedroom detached house, and has had atleast 5 foreign holidays this year that I am aware of. I have just been advised that he has just purchased a plot of land to build several houses upon recently, which was purchased at around £200k.

I am just waiting on the CSA to write to me with their final assessment, then I will be contacting my MP. I am fully prepared to – with the help of others in the same position to instigate some kind of campaign, petition etc – in order for this situation to be highlighted and brought to the politicians attention. I look forward to my reviews!

Comments

  • lc says:

    i think good luck to him hes worked for it so why should nt he live a decent life why dont you go & get a job full time & keep your children hes paying what hes been asked to pay people like you are the reason thousands of nrp are living in poverty he probably spends on the chid when he sees them you should stop being so bitter & try & get a decent life for your self & children instead of expecting your ex to keep you in money he as a life too !!! i did it on my own & made sure i provided for my two children their father never paid csa money to them, theres plenty of help you can get if you work ie, child care costs, working tax credits, child tax credits so why do you want your ex to keep you & your children?? get a job !!!!

  • Brokenfather says:

    If you are a full time mother then I assume you mean you don’t work, therefore you contribute nothing financial to the cost of bringing up your child, the tax pay funds the lot!!!!!

  • secondclasscitizen says:

    Is anybody not pissed off with the way they are being treat?!?!? ANYONE!!!!
    I am a father who’s access has been denied by the mother. I had paid over £5000 (most of it in a form of a loan) to her before the child was born to help get her on her feet. Then she got the CSA on my back. The CSA didn’t give a fuck that I had paid shit loads towards my child and said I owed them back payments – then I got made redundant and could not pay the loan off so the banks then fucked me over some more too. The CSA didn’t believe I had lost my job and continued to mount up a debt for me returning to work. I have basically being living off nothing for the post year as all the majority of the money I have earned has been swallowed up. And now the csa are still taking almost double what they should be taking from me wages. You get nowhere trying to sort things out with them the case worker don’t give a fuck. The mother on the other hand has rent/benefits/council tax and probably more all paid for by the tax payer, plus the money that I’ve given her plus the money the CSA has taken from me. I can’t afford to take her to court (because i work) and I have no idea where she is living now. I continue to work for nothing while she takes takes takes. The csa do not support children nor families, all they do is work to meet targets regardless of the consequences it has on children and absent parents.

  • S Barnes says:

    I obviously didnt make myself clear. I am a mother of two who is working fulltime 40 hours plus with an income of 40k a year.. I find it rather shocking by these narrow minded opinions and assumptions, at the end of the day he created children with me and now has decided to leave the nest and does not feel that he needs to contribute financially anymore. Together we created these children and we are responsible emotionally and financially for our children until they reach the minimum age of 18. And before you say it, it is irrelevant what incomes single parents earn, the absent parent should always be expected to be financially involved and liable for their own children.

  • Laura says:

    The CSA have been chasing the nrps that pay or at the very least try towards their children & leaving those who abuse the system to continue to do so. Its disgusting to say the least. The CSA have failed pwc, nrps & more importantly the children. The whole thing is a sham & if this new coalition government want to save money then scrap this already doomed ship & start all over again from scratch. Stop putting money into something that isn’t working. The CSA/CMEC is not FIT FOR PURPOSE! Scameron take note!!

  • Karen Bedford says:

    S Barnes, I cant agree with you enough.

    LC you cant even be man enough to give your name, so obviously you have something to hide and obviously would exploit the system!

  • lc says:

    KAREN BEDFORD !! my name is actually LORRAINE !!!!!! and my husband is making regular payments to his children and as nothing to HIDE at all he pays £400 a month to them . but i still feel very strong about the pwc scrounging from their ex husbands & thinking its their responsibility to keep them as well as the children lets face it your not telling me that the money you all get from them goes on your children !!! as i said in my previous post i brought up my 2 children on my own & worked a full time job to keep my children as their father did not pay towards them .
    do you actually work KAREN BEDFORD ? or do you expect your ex to keep you as well as your child / children?? do you have anything to hide ??? because we dont …………….

  • S Barnes says:

    Loraine. I am not aware of what the cost is in total to bring up a child til the age of 18 – but i know it is alot.. so how can you say that money from an absent parent would not be spent on the child.. Where do you think the money does come from? I am not sure what other peoples circumstances are, but I know that if a single parent is in receipt of benefits, that any money collected by the CSA would be put back into the governments purse. If a singe parent is working, and there is an absent parent – both parents have a responsibility to pay for the childs upkeep. I am not sure why there is so much anger in regards to my post, as I am making it clear that I do not agree with how the CSA treat men who are honest and want to pay for their children either. My point is that my ex is lying about his income in order to pay £5 per week for my childs upkeep. I alone have to pay £500 per month for my childs nursery fees.. and this is so that we both may work.. When I told him he should pay me half – he said it was my problem. My issue is with men who care so little about their children that they do not pay for them.. If anyone disagrees with me, then all I can say is I wouldnt want to be a child of yours!!

  • Brokenfather says:

    “My point is that my ex is lying about his income in order to pay £5 per week for my childs upkeep.”

    Well, as you seem to consider the child solely yours, why should he be forced to pay you anything ….

    It seems to me far to many women see the father simply as a cash cow for ‘their’ children.

  • Brokenfather says:

    Perhaps we should look at it another way Ms Barnes.

    You expect the father to contribute financially to you for the care of your child when with you. Do you contribute financially to the father for the care of your child when with him?

    You get the Child Tax Credits available to assist you with your costs of the care of your child. Do you share that with him to assist him with his costs of the care of your child?

    You get the Child Benefit available to assist you with your costs of the care of your child. Do you share that with him to assist him with his costs of the care of your child?

    Or perhaps we should look at it yet another way.

    Does the Government dictate to you that you must spend a certain percentage of your income on the care of your child regardless of what the true costs may be, like it does the father?

  • lc says:

    s barnes . i am not disagreeing or complaining about my husband paying for his children what i am saying is that most of the pwc are not working and you say you do not see any of that money well in fact you do see that money because its what parents on income support live from, your ex partners money from the csa goes to the benifits & there fore if you look into it will see its that money you live off !!!!! yes it may not be all of what hes paying but the amount you get each week is actually from your ex !!
    also surely its your responsibility to pay for the up bringing of your children too so why should it always lay on the nrp to proivde for the children?? they have a life too , if you want whats best for them then WORK also the nursery fees you pay dont you get help with them from the govenment?

  • lc says:

    oh forgot to say lc is me LORRAINE
    just so karen bedford knows im not hiding from anything !!!!!!!!

  • lc says:

    would you like it if your ex took a car out on finance then came to you for half of the payments etc ???
    the nrp is being ripped off by the csa & left in financial difficulties to pay these stupid amounts of money to the csa what they forget is they need to be able to live aswell .
    and also s barnes if your working surely you will be getting child tax credits ,working tax credits, child care allowance & your family allowance ,plus your wages, plus you £5.00 a week csa ?
    but you still want more !!
    then you wonder why the nrp is bitter …………….
    from lorraine

  • S Barnes says:

    i work – jesus before you people respond to my thread – have the decency to read it properly first. secondly i receive £82 4 weekly in child benefit.. i do not receive tax credits as I earn above the threshold.
    Both parents have the reposibility to pay for a child upkeep. If any of you feel otherwise then I would suggest you join the realworld.

    its sad that there are people responding with such odd views.. I guess that is a reflection on the way society has evolved.. it is a shame.

    good luck with all your lives, by the looks of it you need it 🙂

  • Nigel says:

    To S Barnes,

    I do agree that it is the responsibility for both parents to bring up their children. I do not have a problem with that, it is the way that some women use the system, which by the way is all too happy to beat up on the non resident parent in so many ways.

    If you think it is odd that some parents cannot afford to see their children or are not being allowed quality time with their children then I wonder what sort of person could think that.

    Parents should do what is right for the children ultimately, but also both parents need to be considered. If one parent, who loved and cherished his child is forced out of the matrimonial home by threats, then proper contact is prevented all savings spent and so many games played for sympathy where work was deliberately lost and parasitic use of the system to get back at the non resident parent.

    All these things and more backed up by a system that simply is not interested in evidence and looking at fair-play leads to resentment as our input is lost. When love and care is overlooked and “paychecks” put in place of proper loving connection, then please do not expect people to be happy.

    We all need to be treated with respect ,and parents behave like adults as also is the case of those we have paid to oversee these things…then children will have someone to really look up to…as what example of humanity do they have to witness now??

    For pity’s sake think.

  • james says:

    to s barnes,

    first of all from what your saying at the start your very bitter about your partner leaving you an you are very jelouse about his nice life style he’s living, so you use the csa to attack him for no other reason than for your bitter secondly can i get his phone number for advise lmao lmao i bet you’d be alrite with it if you had the big house’nice car etc

  • Brokenfather says:

    Well Ms Barnes, the father of your child does contribute towards the financial care of your child. He pay 100% while your child is in his care.

    Your beef is that he doesn’t pay enough to you on top …….

  • lc says:

    s barnes
    im not sure what you are going on about then if your ex pays to your children & you work ??????? or are you saying he does not pay enough to you ???
    we are in the real world i think its you that is living in another one .as you say its both parents responsibility to take care of the kids and most nrp are doing just that and its making their own life suffer ie,in debt to make these stupid amounts of money to the csa , and good luck with your life too sound like it s you that needs it ,not us that voice our opinions if you dont want people to comment on posts then dont place one in the first place .
    from lorraine

  • lc says:

    james

    s barnes probably works for the csa !!!!!!!!

    from lorraine

  • gary says:

    Get over it. Concentrate on your own life instead of obsessing about your ex partners lifestyle.
    You got ‘care and control’ of your son, deal with it. In this country, men get the shit end of the stick. If they cooperate with the CSA they get driven into financial ruin by the CSA. Who can blame them for doing their best to evade the system?
    I agree that the father should take some financial responsibility for their kids. But having a child doesn’t give you a meal ticket. Give the man credit for keeping in touch; perhaps if you actually talked to him instead of threatening to ‘write to my MP’ you’d reach a more satisfactory financial arrangement!

  • CSAusafsa says:

    The whole problem with the CSA is that it it is set up in such a way that it allows the RP to exploit the NRP and so defeats any aim in representing the child’s best interests.
    The law is unjust , its application is also unjust and we need to change it. The law perpetuates conflict so that lawyers , courts and barristers will always be rolling in money. As long as this is not recognised by the powers that be then the CSA will continue to blight the lives of parents and children. If you are priveleged to be the parent with custody , then don’t push your responsiblity on the parent who has been denied .
    The parent with custody doesn’t have to declare their income or show how they are supporting the child , they receive all the benefits and when the payment from the NRP comes to them they are not required to show that is infact being spent on the child. They then can go and spend it on themselves easily without any accountability.
    On top of it the non resident parent must also be paying for the child when they spend time with them which goes unrecognised. How can that ever be fair?
    When parents split, then each must bear their own responsiblity- they cannot force the other to do it.Each parent will have to account to the child for the contribution they made, not to each other.
    Clearly the CSA is unsustainable and it should be razed to the ground-it’s just not fit for purpose. There should be continued , sustained and mass protests, until it dissolved altogether. Either that or break the law because it is unjust and keep doing it until those whose grand idea it was see the flaws and get rid of this institution that is costing more than it is worth.

  • Meg67 says:

    Hi,
    I would just like to say that IMO there is a big differance between a NRP and an absent parent……… A NRP is normally the good guy, they want to provide for their children, they want them for weekends, they remember birthday and christmas cards/presents etc, etc …… They also want the chance to build a new life for themselves and maybe to start a new family, who they will also care greatly about…… These people SHOULD BE respected for what they do and NOT treated like criminals by the the CSA…… I also think that if maintenance payments were bought in line with Child Benefit rates it would make the system much fairer…. This would mean that a guy with 2 children should have to pay no more than £35 pw (with a protected income level),. Both parents should also be equally responsible for costs incurred for the NRP to stay in contact with their children and any PWC who tries to make things awkward should be penalised
    Absent Parents on the other hand are the not so good guys… These are the ones who tend not to want to have anything to do with their children and will go to great lengths to pay nothing towards their childrens upkeep…… Now while I totally agree a PWC should work to provide for their children as soon as they start school, these absent parents should be the ones that the government comes down hard on because while these absent parents are shirking their parental dutties, a lot of the time it is the tax payer who is having to pay for their offspring in the way of benefits….. One final thing to think about……. The average NRP who is being crippled by an unfair system is also having to pay tax , to pay for the children that the absent parent refuses to pay for!!!!

    Many thanks for reading

    Meg x x x

  • S Barnes says:

    james.. and for the rest of you

    firstly it would be respectful if you could reply within the english language and spell it properly. Oh well I suppose that is just what I am dealing with here. If you all believe that paying £5 per week from the absent father covers :- nursery fees (which I pay in full incase there is any confusion here) new clothes, travel, food (for our child – incase there is any confusion) , nappies etc etc – and this is just the tip of the iceberg as anyone who takes the financial responsibility for a child on this thread would appreciate, then I m well and truly wasting my time. I will however be pushing the CSA every step of the way to expose the lies and fraud that my sons’ father has declared as his earnings to avoid paying for our child’s upkeep. I apreciate, however, that everybody’s experiences are different on this thread, and where I have previously spoke of how I do not agree either with the CSA explotation of absent parents who are easy prey PAYE targets, I have expressed MY fustrations at my experience of a father who is not providing financial assistance for our son and has lied to avoid this. I am an extremely tolerant person and I sypathise with all circumstances as they present themselves. I am commenting on a loopehole within the HMRC, CSA and self employed/company directors. So from the people who have responded to my thread, who feel that your children are worth £5 a week in child support, may I suggest you work self employed and find yourself a good accountant. You may have more money in your bank accounts at the end of the month, but if you see your children going without day to day, then I know that you will not complain!

  • Emma says:

    S Barnes: I happened to find this thread by pure fluke while I were randomly googling a question. I have read through the posts and I could’nt agree more with all your responses to these negative remarks from others towards you. I think £5.00 a week is an absolute joke. If this man which is supposed to be a responsible dad were actually living under the same roof as you and were the bread winner of the two of you then surely he’d be paying alot more than just £5.00 a week to be looking after his child, .. so Why is it that if they don’t live under the same roof they think that they don’t have to provide in the same way. At the end of the day, it’s not all about what the money is spent on, because whats paid in one hand is then paid out on other and the cost for bringing up children is’nt cheap.

    Also for those mum’s who do choose to stay at home to look after their children I hold my hands up too because caring and looking after children 24/7 is a hard job to do. So why should’nt they be paid to do so. I can totally empathise with your situation and can totally understand your frustration.

    £5.00 a week would’nt buy a pair of school shoes, yet alone paying towards the actual living costs. It costs roughly £5.00 or more to keep a dog each week, …. big difference between providing for children and providing for a dog I’d say.

    Good luck with it all anyway 🙂

    ps: and screw him for all you can get, he sounds like he deserves it!!

  • Meg67 says:

    S Barnes……. I certainly don’t think it is ok for a NRP to be allowed to get away with paying £5 pw (some, including my ex can’t even be bothered to pay that)…. These are the REAL ABSENT PARENTS and the ones that the CSA should be chasing the hardest…… I also agree that it is a disgrace that the system allows the “Self Employed” to wriggle out of paying for THEIR children if they so wish….. IMO I think the CSA should be allowed to hand these cases over to the Inland Revenue for the taxman to collect!!!! HOWEVER, I feel just as sorry for the NRP’s who ARE willing to pay for their children BUT at a more affordable rate (these people have to live too). YET the CSA are allowed to take as much as 40% of these peoples wages without so much as proving the arrears to be correct!!!!
    That is WRONG TOO !!!!!!

    Many thanks for reading

    Meg x x x

  • Karen B says:

    Dont judge me you dont know me.

    as i said in my previous post i brought up my 2 children on my own & worked a full time job to keep my children as their father did not pay towards them .WHAT DO YOU WANT A MEDAL?

    My ex never kept me me,

    I have nothing to hide whats your point?

  • Karen B says:

    S Barnes, I totally agree with you

  • Karen B says:

    Ok Brokenfather, so we get all that help, but then my ex gets a lot more, by defrauding the tax system, saying he earns approx. £15k less than what he does, so what do you think about that then?

  • Karen B says:

    Get over it. Concentrate on your own life instead of obsessing about your ex partners lifestyle. WHEN I HEAR EXCUSES LIKE THIS, OBVIOUSLY MEANS YOU TOO ARE USING THE SYSTEM TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

    You got ‘care and control’ of your son, deal with it. In this country, men get the shit end of the stick. If they cooperate with the CSA they get driven into financial ruin by the CSA. Who can blame them for doing their best to evade the system?
    I agree that the father should take some financial responsibility for their kids. But having a child doesn’t give you a meal ticket. Give the man credit for keeping in touch; perhaps if you actually talked to him instead of threatening to ‘write to my MP’ you’d reach a more satisfactory financial arrangement!

    NO THEY DONT ACTUALLY AS ITS PROVEN THEY EARN MORE HAN WOMAN, ETC. ETC., READ THE NEWS.

    NO YOU ARE TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT EVADING THE SYSTEM THAT IS MEANT TO BE FOR THE KIDS.

    YOU OBVIOUSLY ONLY SEE THIS ONE WAY ONLY.

    When

  • Karen B says:

    The whole problem with the CSA is that it it is set up in such a way that it allows the RP to exploit the NRP and so defeats any aim in representing the child’s best interests.

    YOU HAVE THIS SO WRONG, BOTH PARTIES EXPLOIT THE SITUATION, BOTH NRP AND PWC, UNFORTUNATELY IM ONE WHO HAS THE NRP EXPLOITING THE SYSTEM

    iF you are priveleged to be the parent with custody , then don’t push your responsiblity on the parent who has been denied .

    ITS NOT ABOUT THIS, ITS ABOUT FINANCIAL SUPPORT.

  • Karen B says:

    I am commenting on a loopehole within the HMRC, CSA and self employed/company directors. So from the people who have responded to my thread, who feel that your children are worth £5 a week in child support, may I suggest you work self employed and find yourself a good accountant. You may have more money in your bank accounts at the end of the month, but if you see your children going without day to day, then I know that you will not complain!

    S Barnes – I agree,

  • harddoneby says:

    Lorraine’s posts are clearly being made by a man. S Barnes is not expecting her ex to support her she works full time and can support herself – no doubt she could earn a lot more if she didnt have to manage the school run! However she does expect her ex to contribute towards the support of HIS children. She is not a scrounger and is not the only person in this position. Men never seem to think about the fact that once a woman has a child her earning potential is impacted – small children dont get themselves to school back and they constantly bring home forms which nearly always require a payment of some kind even if it is only a green hat and a purple jumper by the morning!! nrd’s have no idea how easy they have it. All most of them have to do is pay and large number of them dont even want to do that! I have no repect for fathers who expect ME to pay for their children. If they didnt want them they should have put a sock on it!!!

  • harddoneby says:

    My comments are based on my experience of bringing up my daughter by myself for 12 years. For the first 10 of those years her father paid nothing at all, I still encouraged a good relationship between him and his daughter. He responded by leaving her on her own in the house when she was far to young to be left alone,being rude to myself and my family (all of whom had always been supportive of him). He wants to call all the shots and contribute nothing. Oh and he has just stopped paying for her again. I work full time in order to support her and Im lucky to have good family support but the best family in the world does not take away the stress of constantly worrying about how I am going to afford the things she needs and the things she wants eg school trips @ £250 a go. He doesnt care less and feels he doesnt want to pay ME money – I am constantly amazed that I was stupid enough to marry someone who feels that supporting his daughter is paying ME! When we met I earnt more than he did and have never and will never expect him to support me if anything its the other way around! I feel very hurt that thinks so little of our daughter that he begrudges contributing towards her.

  • chall says:

    There’s good and bad on both sides of the fence!

    The CSA fail ALL those they fail – it doesn’t consider if they are male, female, resident parent OR non resident parent.

  • Rachael says:

    I will have to agree with you in full force. I have had very similar experiences with both the girls Dad and the CSA. I have been to see my local MP about the policies of the CSA and via him have received a letter from Government stating their policies. I would like to forgo an argument about their policies, and let them argue in parliament how they can justify their current legislation!
    I hope this blog is still live and we can tackle this together!
    Best wishes
    Rachael

  • unbelievable replies to the original post and absolutely why this country allows absent parents to swan around doing their share. Mothers who did it alone saying others mothers shouldnt get any support.. None resident parents saying resident parents are bitter.

    Simple fact is.. each parent should pay half of the costs associated with a child.. if both work, half the childcare. half the clothes, and everything including contribution to household og ot isnt shared care.

    Children are the only expense that one parent can get out of paying for.. if two people hava a mortgage or loan, they are responsible.. no one would say its fair one doesnt pay half.. but when its children, it seems ok.

    Original posted works, earns enough probably to getting little tax credit and prob lose child benefit. So pays all the costs of a child. Other parent has them every other weekend.. so resident parent pays for childcare, school meals, uniforms, clothes, regular housing for those children which is more than would be needed if she didnt have them.. plus all the other things while she sees the childs father paying £5 week.. what possibly could he give those children every other weekend that makes up for what a single parent pays out.. for necessities.

    SHOCKING, and a disgrace.. all parents should pay half…. no questions asked.

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