Not allowed to see my Kids but still have to pay

December 6, 2010

I broke up with my ex in 2005, she basically kick me out when I was suffering from depression. I since found out she had two other blokes on the go.

I also paid her £26k, half for maintenance and the other to pay off debts. I have since won back half of this after a nasty court case.

She has since stopped me completely from seeing my kids because she is bitter and twisted. She will obviously have turned te kids against me by now as well, but I still love them and want contact but no one seems to be able to help.

And the CSA just take take another £440 paid today.

I aint got a clue what to do next!!

Comments

22 Responses to “Not allowed to see my Kids but still have to pay”

  1. Brokenfather on December 6th, 2010 10:04 am

    If the mother obstructs your relationship with your children, all you can do is apply to the County Court for a contact order. This can become expensive if you use a solicitor but it can be done by yourself if you prefer. Contact the local County Court to where the mother lives and ask them what forms are required (it may have changed since I last used them) and apply there. They will be available online. There is no point you applying to your local court as the case will just be moved to hers anyway (just another example of the disadvantage that is imposed on the father!)

    Some mothers will comply with the court process and any orders made, some will not. You won’t know for certain until you try.

    Do not expect a easy ride from her. If she was amicable you wouldnt need to apply to court in the first place, and judges seem to forget this ……

  2. martin dell on December 6th, 2010 3:09 pm

    if you cannot afford to pay for help to get access you can do it yourself by going to the court and getting a c100 form for access
    record and documante everything if she refuses walk away and log it down do not rise to her bitterness once you have a court order in place and she refuses to hand them over you can fone the police present the court order and they will assist you for the access . (if she refuses and police have been fone log it down they starting to come down hard on mother who refuse access and defy court orders)
    also hand a copy to the school for there records
    also a copy to the csa which proves you have access and taking responsabilty for the children
    stay calm at all times

  3. Troy Love on December 6th, 2010 9:49 pm

    I spose the answer is to keep going for the sake of your children. It's what I've had to do.

  4. Mark Yak Attack Howard on December 6th, 2010 10:37 pm

    I wish i could give you the answers because thats what all of us are looking for !!!

  5. Darren Blackburn on December 6th, 2010 11:50 pm

    It never feels better m8

  6. Craig Bulman on December 7th, 2010 9:38 am

    Snakes with tits

  7. chall on December 7th, 2010 9:45 am

    Hi Derek,

    How many children are you responsible for paying CSA for?

    At present CS and contact are unconnected. Situations like this are extremely upsetting.

    As has already been said, you could apply to the court for contact (download form c100 from the court website). Depending on how old your children are, their feelings may be taken into consideration.

    Have a look at Families need fathers and Dads UK websites/forums, they are reputable and could help advise you regarding contact, LIP (Litigant in person) and McKenzie friends.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall.co.uk

  8. Lee Hughes on December 7th, 2010 12:49 pm

    http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954This is not automatically the case for unmarried parents. According to current law, a mother always has parental responsibility for her child. A father, however, has this responsibility only if he is married to the mother when the child is born or has acquired legal responsibility for his child through one of these three routes:(from 1 December 2003) by jointly registering the birth of the child with the motherby a parental responsibility agreement with the motherby a parental responsibility order, made by a courtLiving with the mother, even for a long time, does not give a father parental responsibility and if the parents are not married, parental responsibility does not always pass to the natural father if the mother dies.All parents (including adoptive parents) have a legal duty to financially support their child, whether they have parental responsibility or not.

  9. Lee Hughes on December 7th, 2010 6:22 pm

    So am I. Contact? Define what that means in the eyes of the law….

  10. Peter Anderson on December 7th, 2010 8:32 pm

    So can you change your job or go self-employed?And, what have you done about seeing your children, and what do you intend to do? o you want to see them? Don't worry about PR, get the contact, and that doesn't necessarily mean Court applications.

  11. Phil Lee on December 8th, 2010 10:16 am

    Get to court get your parental responsibility as the childs legal father – unless there are exceptional circumstance you will be given it irrespective of what the pwc says (trust me been there) the judges know the score and you should trust them as tough as it may seem it does get better – just takes a while, keep the faith and NEVER give up being a GREAT dad… ever.

  12. Pete on August 26th, 2012 12:21 pm

    I’ve been there done it got the t shirt.
    THE COURTS & CSA WILL TAKE YOU TO THE EDGE, AND YOU WILL WANT TO COMMITE SUISIDE!!! WALK AWAY.. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE.. THERE IS NO HELP FOR FATHERS FROM COURTS OR CSA OR ANY ORGANISATION IN THE UK. ALL PROMISES, BULLSHIT & PAPERWORK, NO ACTION. WALK AWAY WHEN YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH. BECAUSE THEY HAVE ENDLESS FUNDING, LEGAL AID, CSA “GOVERMENT”
    LET IT GO.
    I DONT WANT TO SEE MY DAUGHTER NOW.. IT HURTS.
    BUT I FEEL BETTER FOR IT. NO MORE BATTLING ON MY DOOR STEP WITH DIFFRENT MEN. NO MORE DAYS & NIGHTS IN POLICE CELLS, NO MORE COURTS, DOCTORS WANTING TO GIVE ME TABLETS.
    JUST BULLSHIT, CSA TRYING TO PUT THERE HAND IN MY POCKET.

    I have had how many diffrent court orders to see my daughter I dont know.
    I have to pay, she gets legal aid. Then I get her legal aid bill because she cant afford it.
    Northampton court gave her my land, she robbed my bank by internet banking. The court done nothing. She smashed up my car, and the court does nothing..She tryed to get me out of my house to live in it with another man, The only help was the mortgage company who took me to court to reposess it because I said if she is in and I am out I wont pay.. Hence I still have it. She has lied to the court, got me arrested for harassment, when I dont know where she lived. All drop offs and pick ups were at my home, And I harassed her. I have had men come here to fight me.. Who have lost, then of course I am arrested. I have not seen my daughter in nearly 3 years. She took me to court, I got a letter after the event 2 days later when i was ment to be in court, then the out come around 10 days later stating no contact. This has been a battle for over 3 years.. I never persused the final court order.. Its now aproaching 3 years since passed. Since then its been CSA, doing orders on bank account, now they are putting an order on my home.. If they want to sell it.. They can. I will just move out. The court can sign on my behalf. Now I wont sign nothing, talk to anyone about it.. To me, she and my daughter are dead. And it seems harsh.. But is problary for the best.

    MEN NEED TO STOP CHATTING AND ORGANISE A MEET UP SOME WHERE. AND SIT DOWN TOGETHER TO ARRANGE TO PERTITION TO GOVERMENT FOR HELP FOR US.
    IF I GET MORE THAN 1000 EMAILS I WILL ARRANGE SOME THING. FOR US FATHERS TO MEET. WE CAN ALL TALK ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS. BUT NOTHING EVER GETS DONE. WE NEED A MOVEMENT. AN ORGANISEATION TO HELP EACH OTHER. LIKE A UNION. AND ALL PAY INTO TO HELP EACH AND EVER ONE OF US LEGALY. AS THERE IS NOTHING OUT THERE. WE CAN ALL HELP EACH OTHER TO SEE OUR CHIDREN AND OFFER FINANCIAL & EMOTIONAL SURPORT.

  13. Pete on August 26th, 2012 12:31 pm

    JUST MAYBE, I WILL PUT MY BOXING GLOVES ON AGAIN..
    I AM SERIOUSLY THINKING ABOUT LEARNING LAW ON THIS SUBJECT. I WOULD HELP MEN FOR FREE. AND STAND FOR THEM IN COURT. BECAUSE ALL THIS IS SO WRONG..
    ITS ABOUT MONEY.
    HOW MUCH THEY CAN TAKE FROM YOU…. CSA, THE X
    AND HOW MUCH THEY CAN MAKE YOU SUFFER.
    THEY DO THIS AT THE EXPENSE OF THE CHILDREN.
    AND WONDER WHY THEY HAVE PROBLEMS LATER IN LIFE.

    THE ONLY THING SHE HAS NOT DONE IS TRY GET ME ON JERMEY KILE SHOW. I WOULDNT GO.

  14. bri on December 5th, 2012 8:50 pm

    hi i went to court for my kids and she made a pack of lies up baicaly sayin i ws violent but the court granted supervised access by time this was done was 3 yrs and kids had been turned against me and i felt like a complete stranger to them which if u been in that situation is so sad , so now the csa have suddenly sent me letter sayin i owe 3g , but someone said cause she went down the”im violent “route it wipes out her right for csa ,cause i so called “violent ” they should not contact me , like most here no prob payin if i can see my kids , im also self employed , wats the score on that ,

  15. Jason on March 11th, 2013 3:54 pm

    My ex tried to get all my house, all my pension and lied all the way through the courts when we were getting divorced, she got 25% of pension and 50% of house.

    Now (well 2 years ago) she accused me of touching my children, social services fell on me like a ton of bricks, contact stopped, questioned by police twice and been to court about 6 times now and guess what STILL IN THE SAME FUCKING POSITION I WAS 2 YEARS AGO.

    The law is biased, its up to me to prove I am innocent rather than them proving I have done bad things (which I havnt), the judge wouldnt even let me send a christmas card to my children and the guardian who is supposed to be on the childrens side AND even though my eldest (14) wants to see me and gets upset when she cant, has suggested no contact because she thinks my ex will get upset if I see my daughter.

    I fucking hate this country and I have been stabbed in the back several times and for the privelidge of not being able to see my children I have to pay £400 per month.

  16. lisa on March 11th, 2013 6:59 pm

    @ Derek, follow these instructions and you wont go far wrong, good luck
    CSA complaints free phone number 08007838527 You may have been phoning and complaining to the CSA for a long time getting nowhere use this guide and you will see how quickly they respond. Please do excuse if I repeat the steps I have done this for a good reason. 1.Complain and Appeal and get your MP involved EMAIL the complaint and appeal copy everyone in.
    2.Order your Data Prints by post and email.
    3.Email all and sundry use the email list and email them every couple of days to remind them.
    4.Not happy with data prints items missing Complain to ICO be sure to copy everyone in. [email protected]
    This is what you do immediately if you believe the CSA are taking too much from you! ■First thing you must do is make an official Complaint and Appeal *EMAIL THE COMPLAINT*and contact your MP and get them involved regarding your issues you are having with the CSA. Mention that you believe that they have made an Official Error. Ask the CSA for the decision to be set aside as they are not leaving you enough to live on and is going to cause you an injustice. This is based upon Regulation 55 of the Child Support Act (Maintenance Assessment Procedure) 1992 http://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/1992/1813/made
    Attach a copy of ALL your outgoings, even the things the CSA don’t allow for.

  17. andy k on April 5th, 2013 2:25 am

    hi firstlly cant believe the shit that we are having to go thru because of the women ive just been through the first court hearing and no doubt there will be many more talk about stiring shit up £600 quid a month all i wanna do is see my daughter on a regular basis but because of the system its taken 9 months to get this far guess im doing better than some but its driving me up the wall im never gonna give up i will win coz shes my flesh and blood however its not a nice process!!!

  18. chall on April 5th, 2013 8:12 am

    Quote lisa on March 11th, 2013 6:59 pm “@ Derek, follow these instructions and you wont go far wrong, good luck
    CSA complaints free phone number 08007838527″

    ??
    The number you have given lisa does NOT accept incoming calls!!

    Re; Post 26 by firestar on the link below
    http://www.anorak.co.uk/forums/topic.php?id=1146

    “Regulation 55 of the Child Support Act (Maintenance Assessment Procedure) 1992

    and ask the csa for the decision to be set aside as them not leaving you enough to live on is likely to cause you an injustice.

    attach a copy of ALL your outgoings, even the stuff the csa don’t allow for.”

    You seem to cobble quite a lot of your posts together by mixing a variety of other peoples posts together …

  19. Sally on April 5th, 2013 12:03 pm

    @ chall – what difference does it make if Lisa is providing advice to those in need from information she has read on other posts??? isn’t that the whole point? SHARING information …. ???

    Carry on Lisa… any help is better than no help, and its better help and advice than you would get from the idiots who work at the CSA…

    Lisa – be warned, chall has a reputation for stalking people like you who try to help others…. she will begin by posting comments after your posts and then start to get nasty….

  20. Lisa on April 5th, 2013 1:06 pm

    @ Chall, im sorry since when did me “cobbling posts” together make any difference as long as it works, i thought this forum was about people have complaints that they need to address,
    The telephone number above has been changed earlier this year due to the scale of calls it was taking, this one is now correct 08456090082
    I do apologise if its not clear to you, most people get the jist of what im trying to do,

  21. Lisa on April 5th, 2013 1:12 pm

    @ Chall
    The variety of my posts are nothing to do with anybody else, i can assure you, these documents i provide are what i and a few others have workd damn hard to get to help people facing daily dilemmas unlike other people here i think the CSA are a law unto themselves and if going out of my way to help some poor soul get his/her life back then so be it,

  22. chall on April 7th, 2013 8:10 am

    Hi Sally, jumping onto one of my replies ((((((((AGAIN)))))))) – careful pet, Iooks like you’re stalking me lol…

    lisa,

    No need to try and patronise me …
    I agree share correct info, but it’s misleading to pass off as your own.
    here also http://www.csahell.com/heard-nothing-from-the-csa-in-15-years-before-they-demanded-money-12918.html/comment-page-1#comment-29396

    Passing on info / helping others with the CSA is not a new revelation. Needless to say there is a rake load of such on the web some good, some bad.
    It may not be clear to you, but I’ve been helping NRP’s & P’sWC for a few years now with CSA issues, as have other members on here, FB and on other sites and forums – even Sally has gained info from me ;) albeit she’s calumnious.
    Sadly such attitudes (trolling), along with unnecessary personal attacks aimed at others giving or looking for advice with their issue, helps nobody but it’s quite revealing some people consider themselves in such a position to judge and be oppressive towards others in such a manner.

    Re your comment regarding the 08007838527 number being ‘changed earlier this year due to the scale of calls it was taking’ not sure where you gleaned that info from but it’s incorrect, that number has not accepted calls since at least 2007.

    By all means give general advice, but understand what you’re giving and ensure it is correct, as we all like to see ‘some poor soul get his/her life back’.

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