My son only really sleeps at my ex’s but I’m only getting £30 – where do I stand?
June 11, 2013
My partner and myself are currently quite mutual. He has him 3 night a week, these nights include 6pm-7am twice a week, on which nights i feed and bath him and the 4pm Friday until 4pm Saturday, which I would only really count as one day a week.
I currently get £30 a week, considering the two of the three night my ex partner has him are just over 12 hours of which of then are asleep . I’d like to know where I stand on this basis ?
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If I were you I would sit down and discuss this with your ex, for god sake do not trust the scum CSA, they will lie and destroy any relationship that your child has with his dad, and to no end will drive a wedge between your mutual sleep arrangements, The CSA are so corrupt, oh and be wary if the troll Alice whom is really a prevented man whom likes to cross dress, it, that, whatever you want to call it, is a pathological liar, but then again so is every CSA employee, good luck
Mesn
Meant to say a perverted man
Well u could always go to the csa who are incompetent and continously make errors and you would probably get more but the csa have a history of making up fictious arrears that will leave your ex skint, possibly losing his home so that he won’t even have anywhere to have his kids for 3 nights a week! Try talking to him 1st! Csa will promise you more than 30£ a week. They will even encourage you not to let him have them so much with the promise of more cash! But if you go csa route there is a very good chance that the r’ship between your kids and your ex will suffer and it seems like he is a father who wants a relationship with his kids if he has them 3 nights a week!
– How does three nights a week only ‘count as one day a week’??
count yourself lucky that he is helping you out by having 2/3 nights a week, and getting 30 a week. wot do u want? blood?.. funny how the mothers only think about mony. you can have your kid/s anytime you want but fathers cant. do you think thats a high price to pay?. get off your but and stop thinking about other poeples money and think about how you can get a job and bring up your kids/s.
I work four days a week but thank you for your input!!!!
If your son stays at his dad’s one more night per week he becomes the primary carer, can claim the child benefit and the CSA from you. Better block his access altogether, it’s what the CSA would suggest to you anyway.
Whoever has the child benefit has ultimate power.. :0(
Parent your child. Get a job. We have to. The money is NOT for you. I don’t get £30 a week for the privileged of bringing up my own child. Its not the state’s job to collect tax on your behalf.
unless its the father. I didn’t want to comment on this but I just had to. What world are we living in. Who is this woman?
– Makes you wonder doesn’t it.. (shakes head in disbelief).. Almost on the same par as my schizophrenic ex-Mrs!! :0( Since when did society choose money over contact??
So basically I have to pay for child care all his meals, clothes , activities and the dad just gets to pay £30 a week unless I stop contact , which I would never e ed do .i was just wondering why there isn’t a fairer system for people who actually want to get a long, which we do . Thanks for everyone’s help
Hi Emma, unfortunately the CSA was not set up to help people like you (who want to have an amicable relationship with their childs father because you are putting the needs of your child first).
The CSA thrive on (and activiely encourage) conflict between two parents as it keeps them in job… they promise PWCs that they will get them more money but there are conditions, you reduce the overnight stays the child has with the NRP (how on earth is that in the best interest of the child??) and they will falsify arrears to ensure the NRP pays a lot longer than he should, they also lie to the PWC and tell her they have not recieved payment from the NRP (when they know they have), payments are delayed, withheld, ‘lost’. Two CSA workers have been sent to prison for fraud and theft….. what does that tell you??
The whole system is a sambles and was set up to keep unemployment down (by employing people no other decent company would employ) it was NOT set up to look after the welfare of children….
Good luck..
You have it good you ex still has a relationship with your kid and keep him over 3 nights a week it’s nearly shared care and he give you cash what more do you want 40 % of his wages and a public flogging for not doing enough the two of you deserve a new life appart and having his kid 3 times a week over night and 30 quid is a great compromise in difficult circumstances !
I completely understand people point, but I over all he has him 48 hours a week in totally , I have to pay for all his clothes meal child care , petrol to get him around which comes to far more than £30 a week. I want complaining about the amout he has him I was simply wondering why the Cost should not be split
Most PWC get fuck all you have it good ,your kid has it good shared care 30 quid and whatever benifits you may or may not get Are you wanting a pound of flesh too 🙁
Have you forgotten to put you half share in pluse what benifits you get for the kid , I think you are being greedy and unrealistic !!!!
The point to my post was to to slag off the father as we get on well and I agree I’m lucky he wants to have him, but at the same time he is half is so why shouldn’t he have him. I work very hard I don’t get benefits, my ex is in a very well paid job and all I was researching was why the mother is expected to pay for everything and the only way to go about changing anything seems to be to fall out or cause a friction between my son and his fathers relationship. I’m not ungrateful i just think the money side should be split fair. As a lot of you are saying I should be ” greatful” for my ex , people done walk up to a mother and say how ” greatful” they are for having their own child so what’s the difference .
I don’t get benefits other than child benefit which everyone is intilted with the father or with out,
I also tea and bath him have him in his pjs 6 out of 7 nights and he’s back with me in the morning by 7am
You get 20 quid child benefit and at the point of sounding heartless to give you kid tea and bath him ! That’s what mums do if you have a problem with this you should have been a career woman and not had a kid !!!!
Yea but it dosnt cover the £350 I pay in child care , or all the fun exciting activities I pay for my child to enjoy each week. How stupid must you be to think that this is to do with me not wanting my child it’s simply stateing I work hard so does his father things such a child car, clothing , petrol, activities should be split equally!
The kid can’t drive , my mum and dad never had a car or much money never did me any harm kids need more than finances split down the middle, like I said before should have been a career woman !
What because I got a degree and I want to give my child the best I can …. Get a grip !
I’m sure a lot more people would have somthing to say if I didnt drive, couldn’t therefore go to work and therefore sponged of the system, u can’t tell someone they can’t have a child and work bloody hard for them,
What do you want of the father? get a grip he has them 3 nights a week if that’s not enough should have had a kid to someone else , because you have a degree big deal doesn’t make you a good mother , ex partner or a good person when people split up a compromise must take place and I don’t think you are able to do this . Do you want your ex back ?
Where did I mention having a degree making me a good person or mother. The point was that I’m trying my very hardest to work and supper my child so that he is happy, he is very much loved by both of us. I’m 24 and was with his dad 10 years , purlee because we are friends and mutual dosnt mean either of us want to get back together we just broke up on good terms. The reasoning for my original question was because the csa calculator states even with him being wit his dad threw nights a week in intilted to more. I was purlee trying to find out information on this, not to get abuse or aggressiveness.
Id never ever take any time away from my child being with his dad and I know his father would me we stop seeing him. It was just a simple question after I looked at the calculator.
We have decided to come to an agreement between our selfs instead of the CSA , but Thank you very much for ur input and concern on my child’s welfare and my career!
Emma be wary…….. Of course the CSA calculator says more its the tool they use for conflict………….. A NRP (as your ex is) is assessed on gross pay……. No allowance for rent,mortgage, food electricity, travel to work, council tax its crippling many a father…me included….Dads have to have a few quid as well for the time with their kids…. surely there is help with childcare costs,,,,,I offered my ex the chance to be in my shoes I would gladly look after mine and have the benefits such as reduced rent in a council property, or work part time while they are at school……. its hard from both parents perspective and i suggest that you look into other benefits such as wtc CtC as it seems your losing out…..do not let the CSA into your relationship which sounds good for your child… The animosity would wreck their realationship and probably yours,,,look at other avenues for your childs sake.
@ emma….if you’re only working part-time, why aren’t you claiming tax credits and help with childcare which I’m sure you’ll be entitled to? Also housing and council tax benefit?
I’m a pwc who got no help with two kids from their father and truthfully would have loved his input more so than his money.
Emma, the Dad sounds a decent sort and wants to be with his kids and well done for not running off to the CSA and stopping contact, CSA is a very emotive subject as you have seen, The calculator will tell you what the CSA deem is a fair amount for your ex to pay you, If you feel £120 a month is not enough then, please show your ex the figures CSA quote, The posters above have already explained the pitfalls of the CSA so avoid at all costs, Your ex however will have outgoings and a life to lead following seperation/divorce and many things we do not or have not budgeted for. If you can broach the subject and reachy some form of amicable payment plan that puts no financial strain on you both then great. But as warned above if you do go the CSA route do not expect the level of fatherhood to remain the same as something will have to give. Hope you can arrange a FAIR deal for you both.
My last word on this , Emma you get 87 pounds a month for chid benefit , 130 a month child maintenance if you put in you 130 a month that 347 pound a month for child care I think that is very fair and I don’t even have a degree 🙂