My outgoings now exceed my income by a third

August 16, 2012

RE: The Systemic Persecution of a good father by the CSA

I am a law abiding, higher rate tax paying, Professional Engineer and recently left my wife in February because I could no longer endure what had become an abusive relationship of which, I should clarify, I feel strongly that I was the abused party.

My wife has embarked on a cynical and downright vicious emotional and financial campaign against me, including denying me access to our jointly owned house by changing the locks, denying me access to my four young boys, making false allegations about me to all and sundry, and selling my personal property to the value of £7k.

The latest action taken against me was for her to engage the CSA. I understand that this Government Agency was set up to protect children from absent parents that won’t look after their children’s interests. I would like to state categorically that I do not fit this definition of absent parent so should not be eligible for the attentions of the CSA. This unhelpful and unwarranted interference at this early stage of my marriage breakdown is causing significant financial and emotional damage that will very shortly inflict serious hardship on the entire family.

The CSA have demanded that I hand over 25% of some fictitious level of earnings (not what I actually earn but based on me getting some massive hypothetical bonus in 2013) to my wife each month with immediate effect.

I was already providing closer to 40% of my actual earnings by providing for housing, shelter, clothing, utilities, insurances and a car. However, the CSA refused to take any of this into consideration and simply said that financial assistance must be done through them or I would get the payments extracted from my earnings directly, fined or imprisoned.

Although I have been paying out a lot of money each month, the CSA will only reduce their demands by 25p for every £1 that I pay directly to keep my children housed and fed.

The obvious thing would be for me to stop paying out on anything but the CSA. Unfortunately, I can neither modify the mortgage to compensate for this demand as my vicious wife (as a joint party) is blocking any such change and I also cannot reduce the numerous debt repayments I took with me to help her out, as they are already at the minimum levels.

My outgoings now exceed my income by a third. Clearly I cannot pay out four thirds of my net income every month and stay financially viable.

The CSA have advised me that they “don’t care” about my current financial commitments and they don’t care that I now have no money for food and have had to resort to charity from friends; their opinion is that the CSA payment is a priority debt and my mortgage isn’t, so I should stop paying the mortgage. The CSA also said that they didn’t care that I was being denied access to my children and would continue to reward my wife for her despicable denial of access to my children by not allowing me any reduction with regards even to preparing for having my children to stay. In addition the CSA said that they didn’t care that my wife is stealing from me by selling jointly owned assets and spending the money on herself. They also didn’t care that the money they took from me to give to my ex would most probably not be used to feed and clothe my children but to finance her somewhat profligate lifestyle.

The simple upshot of this situation is that I am now being forced by a Government Agency to default on my mortgage and make my family homeless and give money to someone that is unlikely to spend much (if any) of it on my children. This is of course a simple solution that meets the targets for the CSA but in my mind an unethical one where the “means” does not justify the “ends”, which could well have potential Human Rights implications.

When I worked in London the general rule for commuters that cared about less fortunate people that resorted to begging was to provide them with food, in that way they were fed, didn’t get mugged for the cash and didn’t squander well-intended cash on things that didn’t help them survive (e.g. drink & drugs). In a similar way the CSA are undermining the non-resident parent’s ability to direct their financial support to where it will benefit their children. After all, the CSA is supposed to be about children’s welfare, not about providing the resident parent with all the trappings of a good job without actually having one. I know of a resident parent that bought herself a BMW on CSA money, where is the child support aspect in that?

The CSA should not become engaged in a marriage breakdown until after a Court Hearing that deems it appropriate. The Court should also ensure that the financial assistance is directed at the children and not for the open abuse by the resident parent.

The CSA is an inherently unjust organisation that needs bringing into line with civilized society and the proper rule of law, NOW!

Comments

  • NIGuy says:

    I’m in a similar position to yourself, though fortunately never married….

    I’m about to be forced into bankruptcy by the CSA and have clearly stated to them and my MP, that once this happens, I will lose my car, the only method of transport available to make the 80 mile roundtrip per day to work… Thus end up on the dole…

    Reality check… Nobody cares….

    Contact Families need Fathers…. And good luck

  • Terry norris says:

    NIguy…sums up this vermin called the csa…..he’s right….soooo right…they don’t care….why the hell they are called the csa is beyond me…lol…..they don’t giving a rats arse about the welfare of the kids who’s fathers life’s they are destroying…..only the fat arse sitting in the leather chair at the treasury….fucking disgusting how these people treat hard working honest fathers and get away with it….they make a mockery and laughing stock of the human rights bill.

  • Claire says:

    This story certainly does have a heartfelt plea attached to it however, FACT this man left his wife and 4 children for the women next door, FACT this man earns a very healthy sum of money, FACT this man took the family car leaving his wife with no transport, bear in mind he now owns and runs 2 cars. This is just a 1% of the evil this man has inflicted on his family and extended family. This man deserves no sympathy, he is a lieing awful gutless coward. I could go on but I simply cant be bothered to waste my words on such a poor and pathetic excuse of a real man.

  • Claire says:

    One thing that I do agree with is the poor performance of the CSA… He’s paying half of what he should be, work that one out.

  • Kerina says:

    Perhaps ‘Claire’ you should get your FACTS straight before you make stupid comments to the world. No doubt all these so called FACTS came from the ex-wife who is being spoken about.
    FACT this man is in serious debt, despite being on a good wage. FACT the family car and his motorbike were left for her use, but the motorbike was sold without his permission to buy another car! FACT the other car he has is a company car, so doesn’t really count does it! FACT there is only so much rubbish you can take from your partner and 12 years makes him a saint! Good on him for getting out and making a fresh start.
    As for not paying enough CSA, he’s paying far too much and considering my ex pays me only £50 a month when he feels like it, he gets to see his children every week. I wouldn’t dream of using them as a weapon to get at my ex even though he didn’t treat me very nicely. My children are far too important!

  • Sally says:

    @ Claire if he is paying for his kids as Kerina says, why do you say ‘He’s paying half of what he should be”?.

    The FACT is that he is responsible for the welfare of his children NOT his ex or her lifestyle…. he should pay a % of his salary but should NOT be expected to pay for everything… I do not know the details of his separation from his ex but I do know that he should not be left with ALL the financial burden just because he is the NRP… with 4 children, I am sure she would qualify for housing of some kind.

    Both parents should be allowed to move on with equal input to their childrens lives, both should work to support their kids (where applicable) and deal with their private problems outwith the CSA. By involving the CSA the ex has just caused a whole lot more trouble as they are not sympathetic to anyone and only care about the money they recieve!!!

    FACT vicious ex’s use the CSA to punish the NRP…. well I hope the ex in this situation realises that more damage can be done (to the kids) by involving the CSA as this NRP will not be able to AFFORD anything for the kids!!

  • Claire says:

    Kerina, how long we’re you sleeping with this man for? And besides this has got nothing to do with you, you are not family. Something had to be done as there was no support for the children for a good few months, and this support has only just started to trickle through. I’m not getting into this with you kerina. This man has been lieing to you about everything you have heard so you cannot comment. My sister has done nothing to warrant any of this. Steps were taken for this to be resolved without court and CSA but unfortunately your wonderful partner didn’t show up, so you enlighten me how anyone is to survive with no support, and seemingly not bothering about the children. The children are the priority above anything else. So I ask why you chose to fuck my sisters husband and knowing he had a family? How could you do that? This website is for parents who feel they are getting ripped off by the CSA who are there to help support the family for the kids sakes. I don’t expect to get a decent response.

  • Claire says:

    Just to clarify, the bike was the mothers and as he took the car she had to sell the bike to buy another as couldn’t be left with no transport. Lol, kerina, your a joke so just chill out and get a life, and preferbly not someone else’s.

  • Gerry Gleed says:

    Thanks everyone for all of the interesting comments.

    Getting back to the real point, the CSA should not allow themselves to be used as yet another weapon in the arsenal of the morally challenged.

    The CSA should act after (and only after) due legal process. Each case should be assessed on its merits by a Court Hearing. If this is not the case then the CSA are (by definition) acting outside of the law and whichever “one size fits all” process they adopt they will undoubtedly cause severe injustice to someone somehow.

    Many will say that it is not financially cost effective to use due legal process for every case but to dispense with this will be at the cost of justice, something that I thought the UK felt strongly about.

    It is mainly this cheap and nasty lawless approach to family finances that has brought this CSA HELL website into existence.

    All organisations make mistakes but in this case the CSA can’t be blamed directly. It is the Government that is making the mistake by allowing such a fundamental systemic fault to exist within one of it’s own organisations.

    I would recommend that the CSA is disbanded and those that have worked within it pardoned for their crimes against humanity and clear the decks. We could then get back to using the tried and trusted UK justice system. NRAs may still not like the outcomes but I’m sure that on the whole they would be better outcomes than being damned to a life of CSA induced poverty and persecution.

  • Puppylove says:

    Well, you definitely deserve some kind of award in theatrical drama, because that is exactly what this is, Theatrical! I have known both you and you wife personally for many years and even at your very mature age! You have apparently experienced every single scenario anyone could ever attempt to imagine. I would tire hearing your obviously made up stories. The trouble is you are so convincing to people who don’t know you. I think the problem all stems from your traumatic childhood, do you really want your kids to be traumatised too?

    I personally feel that you are in need of I psychiatric analysis. The truths are you were the bully in the relationship and are desperately trying to cover the fact you committed adultery with another woman under your wife and 4 boys noses. So in your strange view you feel like it will make it all better if you make J out to be the monster, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I think J needs a medal for coping with your lies and mind bulling for so many years.

    Dont you think you have done enough damage to your family by sleeping with another woman while married? Exactly what kind of example are you setting them? Why do you continue to torcher J when it is YOU who has committed the crime? You are taking things way to far and because of this it is so obvious that it is yet again ALL lies! plus i recall you previous wife was apparently a manipulating bully to…. strange……….

  • Puppy Love says:

    I think the CSA should know this!

    Well, you definitely deserve some kind of award in theatrical drama, because that is exactly what this is, Theatrical! I have known both you and your wife personally for many years and even at your very mature age! You have apparently experienced every single scenario anyone could ever attempt to imagine. I would tire of hearing your obviously made up stories. The trouble is you are so convincing to people who don’t know you. I think the problem all stems from your traumatic childhood, do you really want your kids to be traumatised too?

    I personally feel that you are in need of a psychiatric analysis. The truths are you were the bully in the relationship and are desperately trying to cover the fact you committed adultery with another woman under your wife and 4 boys noses. So in your strange view you feel like it will make it all better if you make J out to be the monster, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I think J needs a medal for coping with your lies and mind bulling for so many years.

    Dont you think you have done enough damage to your family by sleeping with another woman while married? Exactly what kind of example are you setting them? Why do you continue to torcher J when it is YOU who has committed the crime? You are taking things way to far and because of this, it is so obvious that yet again it’s ALL lies! plus i recall your previous wife was apparently a manipulating bully to…. strange……….

  • Rainbow says:

    Puppy Love, you are obviously some kind of dog. Get a life and keep your snout out of business which has nothing to do with you. Gerry is clearly on here for advice and not for a personal slanging match.

  • Carl says:

    To the original poster of this story…. our lives appear to be in parallel. I find myself in exactly the same position .

    The ex lives a life of relative luxury yet still demands more. I filled in a variations form a couple of months ago and the CSA now admit to losing it last week. So am back to square one. Am left scraping around for a few quid here and there to make ends meet whilst she books holidays to Spain and the latest… installing an open fire in her home !

    All at the same time when she says she cannot afford to pay for my youngest daughter to continue with her theatre classes !

    the whole system sucks and the CSA dont give a flying fig about decent fathers who have looked after their children for years but now find themselves living apart.

    Our mortgage was in joint names and I have continued to pay half but am now getting letters from her solicitor saying that if I dont pay it all then repossession is a possibility ! How the hell can I afford to pay it all ??

    Somehow we need to put an end to this misery !

  • Oh my giddy says:

    How the hell can people relate to this post in any way shape or form? This man LIED and CHEATED on his wife with a FRIENDS WIFE for almost two years! Surely this man is a master of deceit, if you take into the fact that his “friend” was very ill in this time ( Well done Kerina you played the doting wife really well, one issue though, you got the wrong husband!) you can ascertain he has no right to perch upon this steed and whine about how his live isnt a bed of roses, if he had cared about his children one bit he would have ended the family unit in a civilised manor before “shacking up” with his friends wife.

    he destroyed his family when he committed adultary, in doing so he proved his only loyalty is to himself, you have to also factor in that his kids and the children of his hussy all went to the same small school together, two were in the same class, so I guarentee everyone out there, this man is no saint nor is he a victim, he is a cold, calculating adulteror with no real love for his sons if he had any love he would not have utterly and totally disrespected them and their mother in this way.

    He pulled the wool over his wifes and friends faces for two years, dont be so nieve and take this post on face merit, as for Kerina’s angry reply, its a shame that you didnt defend your childrens fathers honour so hard when his friend was schtucking you!

    To all the fellas agreeing with this man, his actions caused another father to have his children taken from him, not only that, one week after he had removed his friend from Kerina’s marital home he had Kerina’s children calling him their “New Daddy” now look at the facts and realise this man is not a victim but an aggressor. He doesnt deserve any support nor understanding he is scum, pure and simple.

  • Puppy Love says:

    Reply to – Rainbow on October 3rd, 2012 9:17 pm
    Puppy Love, you are obviously some kind of dog. Get a life and keep your snout out of business which has nothing to do with you. Gerry is clearly on here for advice and not for a personal slanging match.

    My lovely sweet rainbow, I am far from a dog, and i do have a life. but thank you for the compliments.

    You know nothing about me, so i would keep your comments to yourself or i might bite you.

    All the advise Gerry needs is to tell the truth and stop torchering his family!

    xx

  • Saint Not Sinner says:

    Some interesting posts. I certainly have sympathy for NRPs if they are unable to make contact with their children due to financial circumstances beyond their control. I feel sorry for the children most of all. I know of a resident parent who deliberately moved from the South of England to Scotland to prevent the NRP from seeing his children – that puts things in perspective.

    Those of you with debt problems (other than debts to the CSA) can really benefit from treating this as a separate issue. There is help available to those who have genuine need – search the internet for agencies that provide free debt advice. There may be options other than bankruptcy, but it will depend on your individual circumstances.

    Clearly there is more than meets the eye with Gerry’s story – did the CSA really say that they “don’t care”, or did they say that they cannot take that into account? Is the family car also the company car? or has the family car been transported to another time or dimension? Saint or sinner? salt of the earth law abiding citizen, or economical with the truth? you decide.

    Anyway, Gerry should accept that spousal maintenance and child maintenance are entirely separate. Spousal maintenance is best dealt with through the courts, but to suggest that all child maintenance should be dealt with through the courts is ill conceived. It would be a very expensive option that cannot be funded or supplemented by tax payers and therefore would be a preserve of the affluent – surely this defeats the object?

    The CSA (or its replacement) should be a low cost alternative where common sense does not prevail and no voluntary and fair agreement is reached, but the current system is undeniably failing in some/many cases.

    In my opinion, the CSA (or its replacement) should focus much more on irresponsible NRPs, whether they be absent, or have sufficient excess income that they are not willing to share with their children.

    Unfortunately, however child maintenance is paid, voluntarily or otherwise, there is always the possibility that it will be spent on holidays/cars/helicopters/boob jobs, rather than clothes for children, etc.

  • Gerry says:

    Apologies to the genuine responders for the Trolls that have posted with their narrow minded bitter views about me and as such am appalled that you should be subject to such diatribe. however, this does show nicely the kind of treatment I had been getting before I escaped. These offenders form close but misguided friends and family of the ex. I have been advised that litigation is an option for any slanderous comments of which there are rich pickings.

    Now an update on the original subject.

    The CSA continue their unlawful activities which now include previously undeclared (made up on the spot) rules about denying me any variation on my mortgage payments on the jointly owned family home. The issue appears not to be whether I have been paying the mortgage but the manner in which I paid it! Of course being severely in debt, payments became sporadic and incomplete at times but eventually by not eating, giving up my flat, borrowing from parents (etc etc) I eventually caught up, only to be told that the CSA don’t accept that form of irregular payment schedule. They have not only disregarded the variation but have also applied penalties! Having now taken well in excess of 33% of my earnings (proof via P60) they refuse to give any back or reduce future payments on account that I haven’t asked for a review (eh?). Well in fact every phone call I have ever made has requested such s review so the liars should be exposed from their own recordings (or will these conveniently get lost?).

    The CSA are truly an organisation fit for a country like North Korea. Perhaps the staff could be relocated there to make them feel more at home? Less drastic would be the addition of a few more IQ points somewhere? These would ideally be situated in one single brain rather than spread liberally throughout an overstaffed, overtly under-intelligent and evil organisation.

    I am about to start an appeal process again (the last appeal was never processed) but I fear that the evil organisation is unlikely to respond in any legitimate manner.

    Now I know that this may sound incredible but I have recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer and don’t have long to live. The CSA know my situation so have brought forward their illegitimate penalties in case I die before they get the monies they aren’t due.

    These are the immoral depths of the CSA for which I shall fight to gain compensation for distress and possibly aggravating (if not causing) my cancer.

    I believe that there are hundreds of us NRPs that have succumbed to suicide, depression, heart attacks, strokes, diabetes and cancers through the stress caused by the CSA that I wouldn’t hang around playing the game any longer than necessary.

    I strongly suggest that if anyone is in or is approaching a similar position to me with respect to the CSA then simply cut all ties and leave the country (Canada is a safe haven from the evil ones) as it could actually save your life!

    My last ever word on the subject is to wish very good luck to all of you embroiled with the evil organisation and hope that true family justice will eventually prevail.

  • A young child... says:

    Replying to Oh my giddy ~

    For a start, I want to make it clear I am his ‘hussy’s’ child, if Gerry cheated on his family with my mum I would’ve known. He never entered our house without his ex until 2012, you wrote that message in 2012, claiming that he had been committing adultery for 2 years, that’s impossible, I chose not to see my dad because he hurt me and no, I have not been brain washed, I remember all of it. Gerry wasn’t perfect again nobody is, however, if his ex aka joe had one bit of intellenge left in her she would’ve ignored it an moved on herself. Goodbye.

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