I’m constantly helping my ex with money anyway – what can I do?
July 18, 2013
I have a daughter with my ex-partner, who has 3 children from a prior relationship. In essence she screwed the father of her eldest 3. I know she receives in excess of £400 a month via CSA for these children.
Now, since splitting with my ex I have contributed what I can for my daughter through a private arrangement (trying to keep things civil). My daughter also sleeps at my home every single night and is with me every weekend, from Friday night until Monday morning during which I pay for her needs.
However when I disagree with my ex’s demands for more money, she threatens going to the CSA. I am playing a balancing act with trying to please her and juggling my expenses (mortgage, council tax, travel costs, bills, loan repayments, car insurance+tax and all the other usual expenses) while living under the constant threat that she is going to go to CSA and have 3 years arrears put on me. Effectively I feel like she is holding me to ransom as she can demand what she likes, by threatening to make a phone call to CSA.
And all of this is from a mother who in my opinion is not fit for purpose. Just recently she spent the CSA received from the father of her eldest 3 children on a pet Lizard for herself at the cost of £100. Not satisfied with this unnecessary waste of hard-earned money, she spent another £150 on a second Lizard and supplies out of her Child Tax Credits. The following month, she bought a secondhand iPhone (£150) with the CSA money received. And this month just gone she spent £350 on a new pet Chihuahua dog for herself!!! She also spends her weekly child benefit on fake nails and hair dye on a weekly basis.
Now, I have no problem paying for my daughter and I contribute what I can afford based on my other outgoings and my daughter sleeps at my home every night and stays with me every weekend, but I have a real serious problem in having to bail my ex out by giving her more because she is so reckless with money and doesn’t even spend it on her kids or on my daughter. CSA, Child Tax Credits and Child Benefit are there to pay for the children, are they not?
What can I possibly do about this situation? I either have to accept her demands and pay up when she asks for it (knowing it will not be spent on my daughter anyway) or face the constant threat of CSA.
It honestly feels like hell and I cannot believe that a person would take someone else’s hard earned cash and waste it the way she does. Is there anything that can be done about situations like this? I would almost consider it fraud or child abuse as she is depriving her children of their fathers money, for her own selfish needs.