I want to stop my ex seeing his children

December 27, 2010

My ex (nrp) is self employed he pays £5 a week for two kids via the csa he was paying £50 a week private agreement that was untill he started to pay when it suited him (hardley ever) then stopped compleatly & told me to go through the csa. If i asked for money as we had nothing no baby milk nappys etc i was told to find some other mug to pay for them!

I cant afford to live its only because i have my parents support that we survive my kids are 1 & 2 i dont have the option to get back to work yet childcare costs etc makes it not worth it, he works full time & sees them through a contact centre that i take my children to voulenteraly he says i use them as a weapon but as far as i can see he dose i have no life anymore while he’s been on holiday this year & has a fully paid one booked for beg of nxt year he parties every weekend & wears desighner clothes, my kids are lucky to have clothes most are hand me downs from friends or bought by relatives! I’m thinking about stopping contact & making him pay through the courts to see them as he obviously dosnt care about them realy or thier well being.

It’s sad i kno that its become a war but y should i live in poverty (benefits are not as great as u might think) while he claims poverty but lives like a king, whats right & whats wrong is always clouded by the situation your in not paying to support your kids is wrong no matter. Its the kids who miss out, i can live without a haircut or night out but they cant live without food or a bed to sleep in or shoes that i cant afford so if withdrawing contact is the only way to make him pay then so be it y go out my way to provide contact when he refuses to support them & has enjoyment in the fact we suffer because of it.

A stupid game where kids get forgotten.

Comments

92 Responses to “I want to stop my ex seeing his children”

  1. Moi on December 30th, 2010 2:56 pm

    @ Brokenfather: Completely agree with you! If you want kids and you have kids then get off your ass and work!
    @ takes TheMick: You and your ex split up! He has the right to get on with stuff! You can not stop them from having a relationship with their father unless he pays for it!!!! Did you have parents to look after you? Do you reckon any amount of money would replace holidays spent in the family? A hug from either of your parents when most needed? And a question for all these women that do deny contact : if you walked out of your house tomorrow to go and have a pint or whatever you do with your free time paid for by the tax payer, and something falls off your roof and kills you there and then… Would you like for your kids to be put in the position of living with a person they could have known and would be able to comfort them, as that person is their parent? Or would it be better for your child to be handed over to the parent who has been denied contact, therefore, unknown and suffer huge emotional damage that would most definetely scar them for life? Hey! It be just as good as placing them in an orphanage!
    And there is the biggest issue… We only think about now and about what we might be missing and who’s fault it is. No one ever looks at what they could do themselves to improve things! And no one thinks about all the possibilities! Bet none of you have thought about that one, eh? What if I die tomorrow? What do I want to happen with my children?
    Shame on all of those that really can’t think about those poor and innocent souls first! I defo can’t see how you can call yourselves parents?!!!! And you defo don’t deserve for anyone to call you Mummy or Daddy…

  2. takesthemick on December 30th, 2010 2:58 pm

    Shame on me hey? Shame on him for all the times hes slammed
    doors in our faces & told me to find some other mug to pay
    for them shame on him for not helping then calling social services
    & telling them the kids wernt propperly looked after (which
    may i add they are) he was seeing them & not paying so NO i
    dnt rent them out u narrow minded idiot its not just about money
    its about him being there for them! He wasnt at the youngests birth
    & didnt support me through the pregnancy he even had me
    arrested twise once when i was 7months gone saying that i was
    harrasing him & recently tried to set me up by sending
    threataning messages then telling the police it was me which it
    wasnt! hes got people to befriend me then asked them to report me
    to the police & social services which thankfully they didnt
    as they thought it was wrong & couldnt see a problem ive
    had countless threats that he’ll take them & its all to
    hurt me not because he is concerned about his boys i dnt care about
    the money realy but i care about the effect his actions towards me
    affects our children it breaks my heart for them believe me ive
    tried i am not evil im in a situation where i dnt kno what to do
    for the best do u think he deserves to see them? I would love him
    to be able to come pick them up & take them out but he cant
    as he uses everything & everything to try ruining my life
    & his childrens! Thank u for all the posative comments ive
    recieved i appreciate them & for all the others who are
    simply passing judgement to make themselfs feel better it isnt
    helpful! ur entitetled to your oppinion tho as am i if u dnt agree
    thats fine im not looking for approval just a bit of advise from
    ppl who’ve been there.

  3. takesthemick on December 30th, 2010 3:11 pm

    I used to work full time i did the same job as him it was
    me who got him the job! I hated giving up work i loved it &
    could easily earn 3000 a month but i too was self employed
    & i worked nights which now isnt possible. We now live off
    100 a week between 3 of us i kno how much he earns & if it
    was possible for me to go back believe me i would! Other than my
    mum (who is not well) i have no one to ask to have them its not
    like i can even ask thier father as he changes his number as soon
    as i try contacting him. If only life was as simple as u imply then
    there wouldnt b a problem woukd there!

  4. takesthemick on December 30th, 2010 3:41 pm

    I agree its not pay for view its also not up to me to make
    them love him or not i dnt slag him off to them or in front of
    them. we use a contact centre as hes got a harrasment charge out on
    me & i cnt go near him & it was me who called them!
    i cant tell him about his kids what theyre doing or how they are
    ive had my son at the emergancy doctors opposite where he works his
    car was parked nxt to mine he never came in to see what was wrong
    or eva called to check he was ok ive even walked 3miles in the snow
    b4 to take OUR sick son to the doctors help my friend would of been
    giving me a lift would it not? They do have a right to have a
    relationship with him i dnt begrudge that & that is not the
    reason why i want to stop contact i cnt help but feel he should
    showing he wants a relationship with them otherwise he can wait
    untlll theyre old enough to decide if they want a relationship with
    him its thier decition then as i am well aware its not about me or
    him but them & what they want/need.

  5. Michelle Gibbard on December 30th, 2010 7:45 pm

    quote from sylia " Sylvia Dunai Michelle, maybe the ex is jealous of you so she tries to give you and your partner hard times" she has already told me she's out to ruin him yes you are right we cant get to court yet but the txts and her going to his workplace and asking his whereabouts and just because we couldnt afford both ways for a taxi she lied constantly as to why his daughter couldnt visit theres been lies upon lies and now his daughter wont come to the house as we were advised not to push the child and not to question the child either until we can get legal aid then she wins hands down every time but what will happen is in the end the child will know the truth and she will prob be on the end of the childs wrath when shes 16 or older for being a liar and forcing no contact.

  6. Lee Griffin-Scott on January 3rd, 2011 12:23 am

    Anyone, ANYONE, that refuses the Non Custodial Parent from seeing their child over money, deserves to have their parental rights removed and a change of custody enacted. NO ONE , absolutely no one has the right to remove the childs right to have a relationship with either parent.In my world, not allowing the other parent a relationship with THEIR child is a hanging offense, if money is the main motivator. The only way contact/visitation should be revoked or denied, is if it is sanctioned by the Courts, Police or Child Services.If you stop your child from having a relationship with the other parent you are guilty of Parential Alienation. You are using the child for your own selfish means.

  7. John on January 4th, 2011 12:22 pm

    I paid £2000 for a contact order. It was repeatedly broken by the childrens mother. It was having a profound affect on the children who were caught in the middle, because of a war mongering mother. The courts did absolutely nothing regarding the mother and they wanted ME to pay anohter £2000 for a worthless piece of paper.

    I told my children that it was for the best that I stopped seeing them and that they should speak with their mother as to why? I have seen one of my children who is now out of the system…………………but then the CSA dumped £6400 worth of debt on to me and I ceased contact again…telling him again to speak with the CSA and his mother!

    I don’t give a flying F anymore. A decent father who wants to see and pay for his children treated like a criminal!

    I am going to the European courts.

  8. takesthemick on January 4th, 2011 3:13 pm

    The system is wrong why cant they agree on a figure that is seen to meet a childs basic needs & have that as the ammount every father pays reguardless of thier income etc but work out a payment plan that is most affordable to them when reviewing how much they pay & when depending then by what job they do, make it optional for the father to give more if he wishes to. I thought the system was for the childrens welfare not about segregating people a father is a father what stupid thinking that some should pay more than others all children are the same & have the same basic needs.

  9. Michelle Gibbard on January 8th, 2011 1:33 am

    thanks scott i totaly agree there but try getting social services to listen to the concerns and read documentation of a failure of social services which we have makes you sick to the teeth and who is suffering …the child and father all because this woman wants a complete hold over him yes a case of mental abuse of a child complex i know

  10. Rachel on March 15th, 2011 2:05 pm

    err.. you said you had your parents help? get up and get a job and take care of your kids instead of expecting everyone else to do it for you in a finacial way, if your parents are helping then i am sure they wouldn’t mind helping watch them while you actually work, and i dont believe for one second that you are no claiming any benifits at all!!
    stop depending on the father to help pay for your life… your kids yes.. you, no

  11. Claire on March 31st, 2011 11:14 pm

    I believe also, that we as parent’s should let our children make their own minds up!!

    unless the relationship is abusive in any shape or form!

    Emotional abuse and playing games with our childrens lives is why so many people end up on Jeremy Kyle these days.

    I split up with my ex because he was cheating on me. I never stopped him seeing our children (3) we actually got on well and he had regular contact until he realised i was in a relationship with someone else. He then ceased all contact with me and bought all 3 of our children mobile phones, and arranged everything through them. He still has regular contact and pays his way more than alot of men by the sound of it on here. BUT…… He actually does nothing with our children when he has them. He turns up as and when it suits him, sometimes not at all if he is “out on the lash”. The children hate his partner at times and hate them smoking in the house/ bedroom and car when the children stay there.

    He never goes to a parents evening/ sports day/ christmas play etc etc. he will
    pay for near enough anything they want but
    not give them his TIME.

    And that is my point!!
    forget him, forget money, children will survive on hand me downs and all they really need is basic care….love, time, food in their bellies, a clean bed to sleep in and basic hygeine. (sorry if i have left anything important out) My children have decided for themselves they do not want to see their dad at the moment, 3 years after our split. Just let nature take its course. Do not be jealous of his life style you have the best gift of all. Children are very hard work but even with no money you can have the best fun ever.

    Do you know what,the children did not ask to be born, they did not choose to have their parents split up. They just need security and to know they are loved and both parents are there for them no matter what. Sure they like the best designer clothes, and playstation/ x box/ phone etc etc but deep down they just want to know that their parents are united for them and love them unconditionally. Please please please do not use your innocent children as a weapon, they are emotionally inept to deal with things and take adults emotions on. If your ex does not pay anything towards them that is his immaturity and he is irresponsible. grit your teeth for now, i completely understand what a struggle it is for you. I would not put my children in nursery or a childminder so i can work. Why have kids for someone else to bring up??? We are lucky in this country to have a benefits system for genuine people like you to use. (I don’t by the way) it’s only people who abuse the system i disrespect. Keep your chin up and keep smiling your children will know and respect you when they are old enough to understand. Good luck.

  12. Rachael Suddes on April 18th, 2011 1:37 pm

    I am amazed at the ammount of people telling her to get out and get a job . I am divorced and im going through the same more or less but let me tell you my version …..
    He left me , then a month later i found out he was having an affair and he moved to Devon to be with her . 6 months later he found her i bed with another man , ahhhhh karma . SHAME
    We constantly argue via email abouth the children and his lack of wanting time with them , dont get me wrong he pays me maintainance every month via CSA . Now before anyone has any comments , i never went to CSA but he thought because he paid me money every month that he would go to CSA and inform them of this and they then went through his earnings and he has to pay more now . He wont pay me more but i am not bothered about the money at all . i want him to see his children . He has them one weekend out of two and has filed for a variation order for travelling expenses so he can come see the girls . Why should he deduct money from my girls money so he can visit them ???? Is that fair ?
    Anyway the recent argument is how i should take the girls to devon for him , baring in mind i live in County durham !!
    I cant work , i am raising my 2 girls and they are important i am however looking to go to work whilst girls are at school and then holidays i will have to leave . If you have never been in this position then i dont think you would understand , i have noone to watch my girls or help me and childcare is so expensive i just couldnt afford it . I dont get any benefits other than tax credits , its hard to get by but my boyfriend helps me loads . Before anything is said on the boyfriend front , hes in the Navy and cant help with the girls or he would .
    My problem is , the verbal abuse i get from my ex husband has me going nuts , my 12 year old daughter says she doesnt want to see him anymore but my 3 year old cries whenever they go to stay with me . He is goodish with the girls when he has them though . I dont want to force them to go , but he is their father and he has a right to see them whether he is a t**t to me or not .
    I have even tried to help him with the late payments to the CSA and informed him everytime they hve contacted me saying they are sending debt collectors and his reply was how i was a “cold , callculating person not looking out for anyone but myself ” . i emailed him asking about the girls recent trip to Devon and asking if his gf would stop for toilet visits and to let the little one have a run around to break the journey up ,and is she a good driver and take care with them in the car . bare in mind i have met his gf but dont really know her and his reply was i have no right to ask such questions and that he cant believe i asked them and that the girls are no longer going to Devon and he will make sure they know i spoilt all the plans .
    3 and a half years on and what he does and says to me still upsets me why does he think im so nasty when all im trying to do is help to make the girls lives easier and better for when they visit him ???

  13. terri winsor on July 2nd, 2011 8:34 am

    tracy n martin halford i can not believe the lies you are telling these people come on tracy you say you have not had a problem with me first my man walked out of his job after 21years for a very good reason who would walk out for nothing after working 21 yrs my step daughter was only allowed to come to the wedding if we paid you £135 which we did oh you forgot to mention that the day before we were due to marry you demanded another £135 pound or you were coming down to take the child back i have never had a successive business i wish i did my love i would not be in this position now and you no you were getting paid direct out of my husbands benefits our wedding and our 2 weeks honeymoon was all paid for when my husband was still in employment we have never refused you anything all we said is now he not working we cant afford £135 but we will send up what we can and it would have been a lot more than £5 but you refused you wanted it all our we were not getting to see the child you have destroyed a daddy and daughter contact you fail to tell them about some of the text messages for instance when i was pregnant well before you falling pregnant what did you say to me away and pickle you’re baby how evil if you are going to go on sites and tell all these lies there yes the other site is right you do need help they all said you are bitter and twisted and my husband did take it to court and got his rights and visitation sorted out he was looking forward to her first visit in 2 years august we thought right put the past behind but not you shall i tell them the truth my love you phoned up the next day after the court case and said the child’s school uniform costs £300 and i want £150 of us or we don’t get to see the child you telephoned a 72 yr old grandmother to your daughter and said i want £150 or you dont see the child you have used the child as a weapon and its cruel yes my husband did change his name to his late grandfathers name and so the new baby can be called that surname were you not talking about how yous were getting married and the child in question will be taking over yr new husband name see there two sides to the story and the text to the night we got married was yes i did want to meet you as you put us throe hell and back with not letting the child come down to be a bridesmaid at her daddy’s wedding unless we gave you money i wondered why you blocked me i cant believe the lies you are telling i have not got 3 names the name on the cheque was my name i had for 24 yrs whilst i was married that i just did not bother getting it changed oh you failed to tell them that you reported my husband at Xmas for working so our money would get stopped at Xmas and you new we had a new baby your daughter little sister like the baby you had 4 mths after me if she is yr daughter baby sister then its the same for both of them and was very disappointing when i asked would my hubs daughter like some pictures of her new baby sister your reply was no thanks she sees her baby sister everyday in other words she wants nothing to do with her that’s not nice she is a little baby who would like to see and get to no her half sister like she has had the chance to bond and get to no her half sis up there you got a bad problem with me and you need to grow up and take lessons on telling the truth

  14. terri winsor on July 2nd, 2011 8:40 am

    just please give us a break you will never be totally happy untill you have ruined the father of your child
    its all abut money were is the child needs here there not you are destroying a daddy and daughter and the truth will come out yes you did invite him to go and see his daughter but you no we no money yes you did say you would give £30 towards fuel but were would he sleep and remember you were threatening that if he was to ever go up there again he would not be made welcome so he didnt refuse the way you are saying it how about a bit of the truth now

  15. terri winsor on July 2nd, 2011 8:57 am

    allan morrel coment tracy halford
    tracy knows that her daughter got her own room we my husband is lucky to have 1 pint a week as we got a baby to look after she is being so unfair my husband has never ket his daughter down we phone and ask her what she would like for birthdays xmas she tells us we get it and we need to get the solicitor to post it special as tracy said we were never to send any thing up as it would go right in the bin and me and hubby are so in love i did not kick him out i would never do that to the man i was about to marry and now i have his baby two sides to every story just stop using yr daughter as a weapon if you had that great concerns why has it been ok for her to have come down before oopps becouse you were getting youre £135 well the law gave you what you were intitled to we wanted to give you more you said nope you want £135 we couldnt so then you got £5 direct from benefits tell the truth this is so bad you putting all this down lies lies what has anything got to do with the fact that you wont let daughter come down becouse of money so glad he took it to court and got it sorted

  16. uniform on July 23rd, 2011 2:23 pm

    No i dont think that was evil what the woman has done. there are always two sides to every story and people automataically feels sorry for the father dont they.
    my ex has 2 children from a previous relationship and pays his girls through csa £5 each a week what an earth can you buy with that for the kids it does take the mick esp when he is on over £400 in benefits a month. He lounges about spends money on cigarettes, cds,magazines,concert tickets etc!!! something is wrong here and i agree a child should never be stopped seeing there father and should not be used as weapons but when he lets them down and moans about collecting them when its raining incase he gets wet then wha sort oft father is it?

  17. terry on September 9th, 2011 1:10 pm

    well she at it again tracy n martin halford tracy formally known as norris even now we have had her daughter down and had lovely time the bitch has stopped her coming back down well all i can say is whatever tracy norris you are full of lies lies loies and its so sad for youre daughter but then thats what creatures like you do isnt it she even cried that she did not want to go back home as she was enjoying seeing her daddy now you going to do it all over again well up to you we done our best with you but we cant handle all the lies and cant believe you got social services on to us like i told you on the phone that what can they do if you’re daughter has misplaced her coat and if her father took her into a public house as some of yr daughters friends was there what is wrong with that she had a lovely time her dad had glass coke with her and she played with friends bit strange u getting social services because of that i have sent you a copy of what social services said there is no concerns for the safety of my baby and my husbands daughter so wonder what else you will try tracy norris from Yorkshire is such a lier

  18. terry on September 27th, 2011 6:24 pm

    and now she reported me to working tax credits because i sell my babys clothes on ebay and because we don’t give her the money its not like i make any money i just trying to get a couple pound bck on it anyway tax credits are laughing at her everybody sells on ebay its not like i got a massive business on there

  19. jaywal on November 22nd, 2011 1:14 pm

    Hi,im sorry to say but stopping ur ex from seing the children wont be benaficial to u if he takes u to court for access as the court will still grant contact!ive spent 3yrs battling in court with my ex for sumthin far more serious tht nvolves a 14yr old!an he still got given unsupervised access!good luck with what u decide to do.

  20. Tracy Halford on December 12th, 2011 9:55 am

    well little up date on my story. Was sent an assessment letter dated 9/11/11
    and have been assessed 28 per week and there are arrears on top of that. As my exes wife stated he could not pay as he was out of work. He has now been officially working since june and am yet to recieve anything more than a fiver a week. So Terrys claims that he does every thing and more for our daughter is bull drppings!! It took a disabled 79 year old man to return my daughters jumper 3 months after she visited her father.

  21. terry winsor on January 23rd, 2012 3:43 pm

    you freaking lying bitch bag Tracy you get your money every week why u must come on here and lie look at just last week you got a extra £50 on top csa are totally messing us around pay this amount pay that amount why are you also lying about your daughters jumper she left it hear didn’t she and so u say a 75 yr old man returned her jumper eeemm i posted it back up Tracy they all no what you like on here hen you constantly hound us day in day out why cant you leave us alone and go and get some help with your lies it don’t bother me but if you want Tracy i can copy a statement and post it on here and let them see who lying do you no she makes up that many different names on Facebook so she can have a nosie at what i get up to sad isnt it she even said that the card i got my baby to send up to her sister was disgusting as you see Tracy is a horrible person who lies lies lies you no she blocks everyone she talks to when they relies she is full of crap feel so sorry for the little girl who stuck right in the middle of it

  22. T Halford on January 24th, 2012 8:24 pm

    no ter the 75 year old disabled man posted it 3 months after it was left there. And yes to settle the argument post on here the statement that proves you have been paying the 28 a week plus arrears that you owe. And if you like i will post the cards from royal mail asking me to pay to recieve my daughters xmas cards a week late because you had not put a stamp on. Frankly i cant work out if you are just thick or did it on purpose. One thing i do know is what my daughters face looked like on xmas morning when she realised she got f all from her dad.

  23. Claire on January 29th, 2012 5:51 pm

    Can I ask others opinion,me and my husband split nearly a year ago now and in the beginning we made a decision that on his days he not on shift the kids would go stay with him I agreed as I didn’t want any battles over them, he has since met someonewho has 3 kids of her own so the agreement no longer stands, I understand this but what really annoys me now when he does have them its not for long and if I ask him if he could keep them longer I get abuse of’im not your babysitter’i never no when he bringing them back when I ask its more abuse,this is really getting to me now as I can’t do anything Incase he brings them back early I’m at a loss as what to do does anyone have any suggestions ..thankyou

  24. kate christie on February 9th, 2012 2:37 pm

    I had a baby girl with my partner eight years ago, we split up when she was three because i had found out about a string of affairs he had and another child he had fathered while we were still together.
    I had a battle to get maintenance and he paid for about six months through a private agreement but then stopped as he claimed he didn’t have any money, i went through the CSA and it took them two years to get him to comply and eventually he is paying maintenance.
    he moved in with his parents and was seeing his daughter every second weekend and a lot during the holidays as i was working full time and it was a real help, although it was his parents who had her more than him.
    I met my husband and everything stayed the same with access for a couple of months then the father started to not have her as much and it got to the stage where it was just when they had nothing to do they would ask for her for the day.
    We would go for a couple of months with no contact at all and i was always the one to contact them to ask if they wanted to see her, but they were always too busy!
    I stopped being the one to make first contact and there was no contact at all for 7 months, not even a xmas card! I always asked her is she wanted to phone her dad but she always said no.
    My husband decided he hated her being treated like this and wanted to adopt her so we started the process, but the biological father has stopped it!
    It is so frustrating that a father can treat a daughter like this.

  25. ozzy on February 17th, 2012 9:14 pm

    welll i have been paying for my son 165 a month via csa and still have not seeing my son for a year coz my ex does not want me to part of his life or even to be near him … solicitor and court does not wok out .. always she saying excuses to blow out contact centre ..i have booked contact centre with solicitor so many times and also blown out coz her excuse .. could any one advice me what shall i do next ?

  26. Elaine on March 22nd, 2012 12:26 am

    i agrre this man does not deserve to have anything to do with his children 🙁 but not just because of the financial situation. I too have used these contact centres (forced by court) and they are a complete waste of time the kids hated it 🙁 if this guy really wanted to see his kids he would be able too if he went through court. i am so sick of hearing oh she won’t let me see them bah you bunch of liars you can’t be bothered and before you all crack at fathers for rights. I hear them all the time at work moaning about theyre evil ex’s while theyre sitting in the pub drinking once again with again another new woman, one of them e.g accusing his ex constantly of being a bad mum claiming she beats the child because he has small bruises up and down his legs (show me an active 4 year old who doesn’t ) claiming he’s going to take them off her and applying for full custody refusing to “just accept” access arrangements when she does give in and lets him take him he dumps them at his mums and is off out boasting about HIS boy. did i mention he doesn’t want to work or pay maintenance either…my ex is an alcoholic drug abuser who had full control over when he took my kids etc until whilst passed out his nephews sexually abused my daughter, she got away and went to him begging for help she was told to f off as the boys dragged her back to repeat the assault when she told me infront of him he accused her of lying then excused this as childsplay she was only 5 and infected with theyre dirty nails beaten black and blue…he stood up in court called her a liar whilst she had social workers, therapists and doctors with evidence and guess what the bastard still got access. its been 4 weeks and he hasn’t shown up half the time he uses maintenance as a way to get back at us so the csa have been called in now he plans to move over 400miles away and appear when it suits him with a plan to get out of maintenance. my daughter is terrified of him now just 7 she self harms wets the bed, has no friends as shes became a pysco child and to top it off she currently has no school shoes because of lack of funds…so come on fathers for rights do you really think he has the right to apply now for half her parental rights???? i know theyre are some spiteful women out there but if you were a decent father you’d get access no probs if he could then you can so stop hiding behind the bitchy mother routine

  27. Natalie on April 27th, 2012 3:12 pm

    My boys dad has an evil father he threatened to kill me in front of him and were not even together anymore! I’ve never cared about money I just want the best for my child moneys the route of evil I am a hardworking mum and don’t claim benefits! I work for my confidence and respect so my child grows up and knows the right way to go in life, stop moaning about money as if u don’t get enough from benefits! I had the worst violent relationship threatened with knives and bullying mentally and physically so unless he is actually a threat to your children u need to let him see them not in a room with people watching him ! Sounds like all u care about is money and that’s so wrong!!

  28. Katie on May 2nd, 2012 8:12 pm

    I have been reading through these comments and i am going through a hard time at the moment with my ex, he hasnt bothered with his daughter for over 9 months.when my daughter was 12 weeks old my ex threw a glass frame acoss the room and it shattered all over my daughter, i explained he could have scarred her for life or taken her eye out. his responce was ‘ I dont give a fuck’!! nice eh. since this he has been violent, aggressive, not texted or asked about my daughter he has been threatening to the pint i had to call the police. after 4 months i didnt hear anything from him, he would ride past me and my daughter in the street, not even acknowledge her,i would text him saying he can come across to see her instead of riding past, his responce was ‘dont text me again i wont reply if u do’!! i have STILL after all this offered him contact at my parents house without me there so he can get to know her his reply is my solicitor has advised me to continue with legal proceedings sorry, now if u were that bothered about seeing ur daughter then u would take any contact esp what he has done. but not al PWC are evil, some ex’s are evil. he didnt turn up to her christening, neither did ANY of his family because i was going?? he never texted or rang on her 1st xmas, never rang or texted on her forst birthday. nothing! so now it is going to court because he apparently wants contact? but the contact he has been offered is not what he wants so he’s decided to go the hard way but missed out on 9 months of her life!!! absolute waster! i dont agree with stopping access just because of money, if it was me i wouldnt give a toss about the money if he doesnt want to pay for his child than shame on him!!! im not an evil person but i wouldnt hand my daughter over to a stranger, he is no different because he’s her dad, to her he is a stranger so it has to be supervised at forst because she will be distressed and its not fair to put her through that. so do people think im an evil horrible person because i certainly dont.

  29. Godalmighty on May 4th, 2012 4:04 pm

    I find it disgusting that the so called ‘fathers’ are using their rights as a weapon against mothers who are doing their best for their children. I’ve read some horrendous posts about violent, aggressive fathers who show no commitment until they feel like it being given access by the courts. As far as I’m concerned the welfare of the child is paramount, and if the child is too young to know any different then they should be PROTECTED. The whole legal system stinks to high heaven. I’m sure there are fathers who are genuinely loving and interested in whats best for their children, but by god, where’s the sense in courts allowing access when this is evidently not the case. Why should a child have to suffer first before anything is done about it. I’ve read a lot of posts with bitching and backbiting, and to be honest I wouldn’t want my daughter growing up around that. Parents need to GROW UP, and act like parents, and @terri winsor you’re a disgrace. If you were a civilized human being you would not feel the need to embarrass yourself in retaliation. You seem to me to be a foul mouthed fool, I’m not surprised the mother has her concerns.

  30. Original post on May 5th, 2012 9:14 pm

    Above is one of the best comments on this page BRAVO nicely put the family court system are child snatchers they don’t care if he’s never contributed to their lives they believe all his lies that he is! they check nothing!! They don’t care about the affect it has on the children & in fact if they think contact is causing distress to the children they have the power to remove them! It’s all for the father & giving him the opportunity regardless of how the kids might feel about it mine have nightmares & ask if daddy’s going to kill them? They don’t want to go but no one seems to care about that I definitely agree kids need to be protected more not from loving parents but from parents who don’t have the capacity to be there for them & then think proving that your a good parent means dragging them through the court system for their own selfish needs. Just my experience anyway

  31. anon on June 13th, 2012 11:14 am

    I have been reading this post as i am in a bit of a sticky situation and have a conflict going on in my own mind. I left my ex a year ago due to him being alcohol dependent and taking drugs and mentally abusive towards me to the point that i was scared. I ended up co sleeping with my little boy as he told me that he was going to come and take our LO whilst I was asleep so he could have time alone with him. I hasten to add our LO waws only a month at this time and I bf him and due to me not trusting our LO to be safe would not allow him to stay alone with him. He refused to look after our LO if I wanted to have a bath or anything and as I said I got scared of him and when my son was 6 months we left. I returned to live near my parents for support and as i had more chance of getting a job down there. ( this is 200 miles away from where my ex lives) Since moving here i have never stopped my ex from seeing my son and have only put conditions in place such as he would have to see my son in a contact centre or with me present again due to alcohol and drug taking I do not trust my sons safety in his care. He has seen my son once and only paid £50 in my sons bank account which I have not touched as my intention was that he would be able to use the money he placed in the bank account to put towards petrol to come down should he be short one month. He has let Remi down on 4 occasions where it has caused me to put my plans on hold or miss out due to him saying he was coming down and then failing to. He told me he was coming down on 22 june this year and i said we would be available from 12 til 4 and then didnt hear from him again for 4 weeks i had to make plans and he contacted me and asked if it was still ok i said yes but time has changed to 12 til 3 which he has kicked off about and got abusive over the phone and i have said if he is not happy to change the date. He has then called me a lier and told me he had to see him for longer as he hasnt seen him for 10 months. I hasten to add that he has niether called or contacted me via phone or email for long pirriods of time. He would call and then no contact for 8 weeks then might call again and still wouldnt ask how his son was doing. I am in 2 states of mind I feel its best for my son to see his dad but i want to ensure his safety and make sure he is comfortable. and other side is telling me to say go to court because i cant deal with the uncertainty any more and nither can Remi. I also will add he has a daughter from a previous relationship and through a voluntary agreement he gives her mum 30£ a week child maintenance. Any advice please.

  32. rachael on June 30th, 2012 4:50 pm

    here she hardly renting her kids out u stoped muppet right she is if he cant be bothered why hell shuld she and na social welfare aint all that i coped whn i had one now ive to and i cant one them i bearli get help with there daddy hes always making excuses bout something thy shuld be made rare them as much as mother do i bearli never get out house am stuck in every day week raring to children and one there dads is useless wanker other one aint about

  33. rachael on June 30th, 2012 4:52 pm

    i dont like mother stoping the father of chid seeing child for no reason but if thy cant be onli bothered whn thy fell like it thats def story why shuld we let them

  34. sue on August 18th, 2012 5:15 am

    i have a grown up16 yr daughter by Tracy ex and i no that man has tried everything to see his daughter Tracy just does not like his wife iv seen all the messages and it is so bad his wife has just retaliated and backing up her husband she keeps blackmailing the father and wont let him speak to his daughter
    and that man would not no about violence he would never use violence against the mother of his child,its so sad that a parent would take the time to lie to get a bit of attention i did not think that you need this attention shame on you for keeping a father away from his child i just so pleased that my daughter has a close bond to her father i feel its very important think what is best for the child and not you

  35. angir on September 8th, 2012 4:02 pm

    No mother/father should stop contact due to money that is a terrible act. Access should only be stopped for the safety of the child.There are contact centres also to facilitate contact. Some comments on this thread do give cause for concern and it is clear to see why some conflicts arise over contact. Often it is not the fault of the father , but his new spouse. The woman on here using foul language ought to be ashamed of herself and see she is preventing her partner form seeing his daughter with her behaviour.

  36. mark lees on February 7th, 2013 4:08 am

    im looking for my dad never met him or sin his picture i no his name is darren garner an he ust to live in walsall on elm street plz help me find him

  37. Nel on June 19th, 2013 8:23 pm

    Ha stop contact you div mine ex wife did this after she put me thro the contact centre bullshit and then I went to court and got full custody and guess what she don’t pay a bloody thing towards them now it’s amazing what happens when the shoes on the other foot . Does she rent the children out haha classic lol

  38. James Matthews on August 2nd, 2013 5:41 pm

    Maybe he should have custody of his children she obviously cant provide for them and has to sponge off an ex partner!! he obvioulsy has a good job and can afford day care, these lazy mothers are after one thing and that is to have a easy life sitting on there ass getting an income of their kids dads and then using their kids as a weapon, one word SCUM and before anyone comments I have got full custody of my daughter because the judge saw my daughters mother for exactly for what she is. GOLD DIGGER

  39. Helen price on August 11th, 2013 8:59 pm

    You absolute bunch of idiots, a man should support a child just as much as a mother does!! If his child needs nappies he should buy them aswel, a child is something created by two people mother and father and should be supported by both people, in refusing to do so this man is making his children live without daily essentials. Shame on you people who say she is wrong for expecting him to support his children. What a horrible messed up place this world has become!!

  40. Martin on August 20th, 2013 3:47 am

    The CSA has ruled that the father pays the assessed amount. There is nothing you can do to change this. Why would stopping contact make him pay. If he isn’t volunteraly making payments now, do you think he’ll pay once he has to take you to court to see his children. I’ll guarantee he won’t.
    If your children have a good relationship with their father then I can also guarantee that if you remove their father from their life it will hurt no one but your children.

    My ex removed then drastically reduced my contact with my daughter. She will never see a penny more than the CSA has ruled. However, my daughter wants for nothing when she is in my care.
    I don’t ask my ex for money to raise my daughter and my ex earns more than me.

  41. sarah on August 25th, 2013 6:08 pm

    Funny when fathers have their child for a week and expect a reduction in support. Even if it is the only weeek the child has spent with the father.

  42. Cath on January 28th, 2014 1:02 pm

    I’m totally with you on this one , I’m a single parent of a 3 yrs old and split with the farther just before I found out I was pregnant . I have gone out of my way to involve him in his child’s life in every aspect and I do believe that if your man enough to have a baby then yeah you should be man enough to help support your child. As a single parent and full time adult student I do revived some state support but not enough to be above the poverty line. Every penny I get gones on food, gas, water, electric, and basics such as toothpaste shampoo and clothes ect I haven’t bought new clothes for myself. In 3 years and then they were maternity cloths. My ex started helping financially for the first few months then nothing , he comes and goes and lets his child down on a very regular basis (Usually when hes either met Someone new or the csa have been in touch)I’ve gone the thought the CSa and he’d keep quitting his job now he owes £1500 in debts. It’s his child be a man and support them. I have never stopped him for seeing his child but but his infreqency of contact and not bothered attitude is so mot stable for a child so this is why his is now not being given accesd. when he act like a responcable adult he can have the privilege of his child. So you small minded people think its ok for a man to get awaywith giving no finacial assistance , but its ok For him to have a brand new 50″ 3d tv and hugo boss jeans and ive got to bath my child using hot water from the Kettle becsuse we cant Afford gas . Yeah thats Sounds fair and i hope he feels proud. another thing I’m not sure if its the same everywhere ( I assume it is) but I only revived help with child care cost when my child turned 2 and was only informed of this 1 month before the 3rd birthday, so it’s not ad easy as just get s job being a full time parent to a pre-school child is a full time job. I do believe that every child needs both parents and being fortunate my self to have an amazing set of parents I see this first hand , however I don’t see how a “man” can call them self a dad and not want to care for their child ( hugs and kisses are great but they don’t fill your tummy or keep you warm ) and after us putting all the hard work and efforts in both physical , mental and financial how you expect to come round and be fun loving dad enjoying all the fun times. Should be ashamed !

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