I want to stop my ex seeing his children

December 27, 2010

My ex (nrp) is self employed he pays £5 a week for two kids via the csa he was paying £50 a week private agreement that was untill he started to pay when it suited him (hardley ever) then stopped compleatly & told me to go through the csa. If i asked for money as we had nothing no baby milk nappys etc i was told to find some other mug to pay for them!

I cant afford to live its only because i have my parents support that we survive my kids are 1 & 2 i dont have the option to get back to work yet childcare costs etc makes it not worth it, he works full time & sees them through a contact centre that i take my children to voulenteraly he says i use them as a weapon but as far as i can see he dose i have no life anymore while he’s been on holiday this year & has a fully paid one booked for beg of nxt year he parties every weekend & wears desighner clothes, my kids are lucky to have clothes most are hand me downs from friends or bought by relatives! I’m thinking about stopping contact & making him pay through the courts to see them as he obviously dosnt care about them realy or thier well being.

It’s sad i kno that its become a war but y should i live in poverty (benefits are not as great as u might think) while he claims poverty but lives like a king, whats right & whats wrong is always clouded by the situation your in not paying to support your kids is wrong no matter. Its the kids who miss out, i can live without a haircut or night out but they cant live without food or a bed to sleep in or shoes that i cant afford so if withdrawing contact is the only way to make him pay then so be it y go out my way to provide contact when he refuses to support them & has enjoyment in the fact we suffer because of it.

A stupid game where kids get forgotten.

Comments

92 Responses to “I want to stop my ex seeing his children”

  1. Brokenfather on December 27th, 2010 10:26 am

    Do you rent your children out to anyone or just the father?

    Shame on you.

  2. chickpea on December 27th, 2010 12:27 pm

    She’s hardly renting them out……what a disgusting
    comment!! He should be paying for his children, he sounds like he
    wants all the rewards that children can bring to a parent but
    does’nt want to contribute to their life. He puts honest decent
    hardworking NRP’s to shame. No it should’nt be ‘pay per view’ but
    when are these lowlife going to realise that there is more to
    bringing up a child than a few cuddles and kisses. Alot of NRP’s
    would kill for a chance that this loser has of seeing his kids, and
    would be more than happy to contribute moneywise to their up
    bringing.

  3. Miles on December 27th, 2010 1:15 pm

    He sees his children via contact center?? Wtf you evil woman share the kids maybe he will help more…

  4. Lisa Hunter on December 27th, 2010 5:18 pm

    word to the wise…don't deny access unless there are other issues (Not sure why this writer has to use a contact centre) and if he is as much of a tosser as you say he is you're children will work that out for themselves, don't EVER lie to them tell the truth and before long your children will make the decision for themselves as to whether they want to have visitation sad as it seems i know.

  5. Darren Garner on December 27th, 2010 5:28 pm

    my ex used our child at this game if she didnt get her own way. so i went to court and put the court order in place. but if you stop access in the end it will be more suffering for your children and it could end up back firing in years to come. i have always paid for my child and the CSA have got involved because my ex had got greedy. now i resent paying as being ordered and tention between us is at a all time low. this also has had a bad effect on our daughter. ask you ex if he could take you shopping to buy things instead of giving you money? then he may not feel as bad and you could even get more out of him. i used to do thing with my ex and cost me even more than what i was paying. its an idea.

  6. Maxine Knowles on December 27th, 2010 5:29 pm

    Its sad, too many times the NRP doesn't support their children at all,however,don't withdraw contact even though it may be tempting as it will only hurt your children in the long run. Keep a diary of what is happening,write lettersto the CSA, MP's, write to your ex, email your ex about it, and keep everything. When the kids are old enough you can explain the situation and show them how you tried to deal with it and they can make their own minds up. This is what I will do with my daughter then she can see everything factuall,nothing made up, and let's see how much respect there is at that time. While the kids are young its best not to cause them any unnecessary hurt by stopping contact or even saying bad things about the other parent. My ex is self employed and employs about 11 people in his business that is riding on the crest of a wave, though he hasnt paid a penny since Mar 09. Tempted as I was to withdraw contact I didnt and I'd advise you not to….. you really have to be the mature party here and still let him see his kids as much as it sticks in the throat which it will do for sure. There are lots of good NRP's out there too who do support their kids,it's the minority that aren't any good. In the meantime use your friends and family as much as possible for support. The kids dad will regret his behaviour in the future I am sure of it.such a shame xx

  7. Dolphin Keeley on December 27th, 2010 5:44 pm

    If you go to work child care is FREE…And on benifits you get milk vouchers FREE BABY MILK. Keep your children. Stop thinking he is your money tree. Stop useing the children for money. Get a life.

  8. Sylvia Dunai on December 27th, 2010 5:51 pm

    Stopping access to the children will make your children suffer more, you shouldn't do that unless your ex poses some sort of danger to them or like he would abduct them etc. Children are not stupid, and they will learn with time (without you having to badmouth their father) that their daddy deliberately didnt want to continue. If he doesnt want to pay, why doesnt he invest the money by buying clothes and nappies for them so he makes sure you wouldnt have the chance to spend that money on urself (if that's what he is scared of). I hate fathers and mothers who selfishly spend all money on themselves ,yet the kids dont have clothes to wear, dont have food to eat, they aint got nappies , furniture they need or school accessories etc. Shame on him! He makes his own kids suffer.

  9. Sylvia Dunai on December 27th, 2010 5:53 pm

    continue = CONTRIBUTE* Excuse me, my daughter was sitting on my lap, drawing my attention away. lol Embarrassing..

  10. Allan Morrell on December 27th, 2010 5:58 pm

    Any PWC who with-holds contact between NRP and their child is a selfish greedy arrogant PWC!!!!! any selfish PWC who uses this 2 gain more money is an arrogant greedy parent who does not deserve to keep those children… An abhorrent PWC who uses and abuses the child of their human rights should not be the PWC!!!!!

  11. Sylvia Dunai on December 27th, 2010 5:58 pm

    If u get working tax credits, u can claim help with childcare and they gonna pay (upto) 80% of the childcare fees, so long as it's an OFSTED registered nursery or OFSTED registered childminder. So yes, you DO have the option to go to work. Not great money but eventually if you work hard enough, u can get out of poverty.

  12. Michelle Gibbard on December 27th, 2010 6:23 pm

    hmmm yes theres always 2 sides to a story the way it was written sounds just like my partners ex,she complained he wasnt giving her much when we got togehter so i would take his child out to town and buy what i could without leaving my own children out spent money on clothes and trainers,then she decided it wasnt fair she was paying half towards taxi fares,i had to give up work due to illness so we couldnt afford it and spend an extra £50 a weekend on shopping so we said we would only be able to afford to pay half guess what,contact stopped from the following weekend with excuse after excuse and no thnx to my partners twisted mind she's brainwashed the child into thinking he's a nasty dad well we never once saw her in the decent clothes we bought her and always turned up in clothes way to small for her.as i have said to his ex we have proof of her games and when his child is older she will learn the truth and see who lied and caused the contact to stop then see who will be blamed and can gurantee it will be his ex and not him as she is portraying to every1,give the children a chance to have the contact dont go down the rd of where we are at it's not fair on them.trouble with money is its the root of all evil and i know because we have money problems and his ex is sending nasty txts about why he hasnt paid on time to csa because as she once said to me she wants to ruin him

  13. Sylvia Dunai on December 27th, 2010 6:56 pm

    Ok, some mothers (PWC) are nasty like that BUT !!!! there are ALSO fathers (NRP) who do not support their children at all, and by this I don't necessarily mean money ,but ANY form of support: buying clothes, nappies, food and other life necessities. My baby's dad didn't even call us to wish his daughter a happy Xmas. He knows our phone number. Why doesn't he call ever then? See, every story has two sides, very true BUT this is NOT an excuse as to why he is not lifting up the bloody phone to dial my number. There you go. Now some people gonna come and say that I am a nasty person and he must be an angel and there must be an excuse as to why he is not interested in his kid. hahaha yeah right…

  14. Lorraine Moore on December 27th, 2010 7:08 pm

    The trouble is, if you do stop contact then it could go to court (especially if it is already in a contact centre).Is it really worth going through all that heartache & expense..which the children will be going though as well??Any judge in the land is going to think you are bonkers..there is a reason why contact & money are kept separate.

  15. Allan Morrell on December 27th, 2010 7:35 pm

    I note an above comment were it is mentioned …and let's see how much respect there is at that time…. It shouldnt be a war with child and NRP!!!! this would teach the child how to disrespect!!!!Let the child decide!!!!! not cause child to be disrespectful…. such parenting skills would explain this as poor parenting!!!Try compromise rather than cause conflict!!!!

  16. Deborah Barrett on December 27th, 2010 7:37 pm

    u want to go to court because you want more money than what the csa has judged as means tested payment, because u beleive his life style if better than urs, this is so silly, i think ur ex is saying about the weapon using as u complaining about money after the csa has sorted out payment. If u cant work because of children and feel here father leds a better lifestyle , would they be better of living with him , so they have these holidays to and u can work??? Children dont want to know about parents argueing about money, they will grow up and learn who to turn to when required. I think the judge will see u as mad to take it to court for what u said, if u beleive that has more disposable income than orginal accessed ask the csa to check it out for u, bringing up kids is hard but its not the end of the world x

  17. Allan Morrell on December 27th, 2010 7:39 pm

    Sylvia, sorry to hear your childs father has not considered even just phoning to say happy xmas…. At least ur there to support her.. keep strong and try not 2 raise the issue with her…

  18. Deborah Barrett on December 27th, 2010 7:39 pm

    also if csa went back to the system where all contributions from non resident parents went in to the the benefit system , u would have none of it as it will be contributing to ur benefit allowance

  19. Sylvia Dunai on December 27th, 2010 7:43 pm

    Well, thanks Allan. At least my boyfriend is there to be a father figure, a great father figure indeed, supporting her in every way.

  20. Allan Morrell on December 27th, 2010 7:48 pm

    ylvia…thats good… at least you can be content that your family unit is adequate in the supporting of the emotional and financial welfare of your child!!! be happy that you are rid of your ex…. It'll be your daughter he has to explain himself to… not you….. let yor daughter make her decisions in her own time…

  21. Sylvia Dunai on December 27th, 2010 7:52 pm

    I hope he will not fill up her head with crap like "oh I always tried to call u so many times but ur mother never answered the phone". My boyfr will be able to tell her that I never changed my number so her dad could have called us any time but he never did. In 2010 he called me ONCE, that was in february and that was it. Now it's nearly 2011…My daughter already has a lovely 6 weeks younger step sister, they could be twin sister as they even look alike. :) We're gonna have one big family soon. A special family. :)

  22. Sylvia Dunai on December 27th, 2010 7:58 pm

    twin sisters*

  23. Deborah Barrett on December 27th, 2010 9:29 pm

    u daughter will find out for her self what her father is like when she grows up sometimes the hard way, never deny the fact she has a different father, and continue as you are supporting her and bringing her up in a family full of love x

  24. Michelle Gibbard on December 28th, 2010 12:29 am

    this is true sylvia as long as you have been honest with your daughter she will make her own mind up in time,my partner has been txting his daughter we know she has bad spelling and he's been getting perfectly spelt txts back,so we know who is txting,yes the mother i've tried my hardest to keep the bond there but the mother is twisting everything but as ive said in another post the daughter will see the truth for herself when she's old enough at the moment she is too young to have her head played with her mothers doing enough of that already.what angers me is its not about money its about love for these children why cant pwc who are ranting and raving and looking at ways to get back at nrp grow up and realise these are human beings they deserve to have a choice and pwc should respect that and not stop visits it's about the child not them and their petty arguments!!

  25. Dolphin Keeley on December 28th, 2010 7:54 am

    I would just like to point out. If you get benifits you get CSA on top all of it. 2008 Rules you will now get all of your CSA payments ontop of all your benifits.And don't underestimate your child. Children are not thick. Let her work out for herself. If he fills her head with rubbish later on. She will work out herself who is lieing. It may take time for her to. But you have to have faith in your child. You are all she has. If you stop her seeing her dad she will grow up and hate you for it. Let her find her own way. It will work out in the end. It always does. Good luck. Dont use your child to hurt your ex. That is not right.

  26. Sylvia Dunai on December 28th, 2010 8:59 am

    Michelle, maybe the ex is jealous of you so she tries to give you and your partner hard times.

  27. Brokenfather on December 28th, 2010 9:30 am

    Yes he should chickpea. So should the mother and she doesn’t, but I don’t see anyone wishing to restrict her relationship with her children because of it.

    Silly me, that proviso only applies to fathers of course …….

  28. KMcQ79 on December 28th, 2010 10:05 am

    So you are using your children as a bargaining tool?
    What will your children think of you when they have minds of their own?
    Of course the father should contribute more,but by not allowing him to see his children,I doubt if he will contribute one penny.

    Let the father see and get to know HIS (not just your) children,maybe then he will be more interested in them and willing to contribute.
    I could be wrong,but this is the correct and moral way to deal with these people.

  29. Karen B on December 28th, 2010 10:39 am

    Broken father – GET HELP!

    Chickpea you are right, as my ex did the same, would say what a great father he was, never went to their secondary school to pick up/take there/school play, etc. etc. didnt pay for anything, would take credit for anything they did, which was done to me and my parents!

    Because my ex, mucked around seeing OUR children, not turning up, turning up late, bringing back early for no valid reason whatsoever, didnt buy them anything, bring them anything, including food and drink. I had to give them packed lunches!! He would favour my son over my daughter, so I went back to court time and time again to get the order changed. He still didnt keep to it and made it clear to me he would continue to muck ME around, I got fed up with picked up the pieces with the kids in tears, so I stopped the contact and asked for supervised visits, I was refused – because he was their father!! So I stopped contact and was in contempt of court, first got verbal warning, then written and told next time I would go to prison. But then the Welfare officer got involved and my kids said they did want to see their father but explained what they wanted, etc., so he was told to do just that, which he didnt, so my children decided to give up hope on him and didnt see him for years, they are both adults now, my daughter sees him but has no respect for him and views him with the same contempt he did her, my son doesnt have any time for him and doesnt see him. So they do see for themselves whats what. You cant stop them seeing their father unless you have enough/valid reasons, yours wont be. Mine was because I felt he was damaging them mentally by abuse, which was just to get back at me through them.

    Its frustrating as I know Ive been there, but all I can say is your children will see what you have done for them and what he hasnt and will judge themselves when they are older. Concentrate on getting justice through getting him to support the children, please join the facebook groups Child Support Agencies Failings and others, for free advice and support, as I have been successful in some ways, compared to others and still fighting for justice for 12 yrs, you are not alone unfortunately, the system lets the children done because whether mother/father/pwc/nrp people abuse the system whilst others who support their children suffer.

    KMcQ79 – if only you were right, but unfortunately for the majority of cases you are wrong.

  30. Brokenfather on December 28th, 2010 11:44 am

    Karen, it’s Brokenfather not Broken father!

    Help for what exactly?

    Do you think it is appropriate for a mother to hold the father to ransom then? Those that do so are the lowest of the low and do not deserve the blessing of children.

    Children are not pay per view you know …..

  31. Kev Blythe on December 28th, 2010 12:07 pm

    The csa as we know it needs to be scrapped thay dont know there arse from their elbow – these kind of issues have been around since its creation. I was once advised by a customer sevice rep ( i am not a customer thay provide me with no service, i cant choose to use the csa i have to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Customer) the csa computer is never wrong, I work as a pc tech repair 80% of issue are software errors the mighty EDS system (provided by the yanks at a cost 454 million pounds and has never worked) is just a bit of software like any other which can make errors. Thay have powers to wreck someones life childmotherfather words fail me. Every time their is a election no one that i know of ever bring up the subject of the inherent faults of the mighty csa.

  32. Tracy Jackson on December 28th, 2010 12:38 pm

    Dont stop contact..he may well do that on his own, so it wont be on your concience. He may be aselfish bastard , but your kids are not aware of that yet. My ex hasnt paid for 4 years and lives the same lifestyle as yours. It was our eldest boys 12th b'day ystdy and he didnt get an xmas or b'bay card. Its the youngest' in 2 wks and he wont get anything either. The cards were the only contact he made with them. Be a good mother to your children til they go full time school and then get a job during term time..saves on child care and the kids get to spend time with at least one of their parents. Dont rely on him to pay.. your children are young enough for you to make a good life for yourself and if he does put his hand in his pocket thats a bonus. Its hard not to be bitter when there is not enough money to treat your kids, but if he's happy to live his lifestlye knowing his children could be going without.. then shame on him! * Took 2 1/2 hr round trip this morning to give ex a piece of my mind at forgetting his sons b'day ( unknown to boys who been invited to frnds for day- before I get accused of neglect) His neighbour informed me he was on holiday in America and wouldnt be back til 3rd January. Says it all really!

  33. hg on December 28th, 2010 2:06 pm

    i agree with the last statement, no point being bitter and twisted, allow contact and yes you can work and raise children and will be better off. Working family tax credit is designed to get parents back to work ! The government contribute to childcare….have you even looked into this?
    He has nice things cuz he works for them….you can do the same. If he chooses to lose out on his children then that is his choice but I would always allow chidren the privilledge of both parents with or without child support.
    I was a single parent for years and went back to college and got qualifications and now I have a good job and support my two children and don’t need a penny off my ex! good luck…..you can do it too !! :)

  34. Allan Morrell on December 28th, 2010 3:24 pm

    Any PWC who promotes or condones restriction of contact between child and NRP is only thinking about themselves and not about the children involved!!! any PWC who is intent in restriction of contact between NRP and Child does not deserve the right to have the children in their custody… in fact does not havethe right to be a parent..There are women who would be excellent mothers but dont have the privelege of being able to concieve….. such women are more worthy of motherhood than the mother who wrote the original Post!!!!!

  35. TracynMartin Halford on December 28th, 2010 3:57 pm

    Allan, i have stopped my daughter going to see her dad who lives over 200 miles away for many reasons. and 1 of them does boil down to money.He used to collect her from my house and took her to his for 2 weeks during school holidays and i used to drive there to collect her. he walked out of his job and claims poverty. he says he cant afford £5 a week. so i have not let my daughter go to his house since. How can he feed her ? He can not afford £5 per week.She eats more than that per fortnight. I refuse to drive up and down the country to collect her and he says he cant afford the petrol to collect her and bring her home TOUGH. i said he can come see her here whenever he likes but for past sixteen months no show.(there are other reasons too) but on money alone i do have a very valid point(so i feel) i am a great mum who is ensuring her daughter is well looked after 52 weeks of each year

  36. Allan Morrell on December 28th, 2010 4:56 pm

    I suggest compromise…. U clearly comment you are unable to afford the transport and also the NRP appears unable to provide cost of transport… However! I raise question in relation to the money issues you present… this £5 he cannot afford… is that the CSA assessment or your demand?? If CSA have assessed this amount then clearly that is what you would be recieving…. however if like myself as an NRP your ex is nil assessed then that would be due to shared care… if you are recieving the £5 then your child is being provided for…. If an issue of contact is restricted by finance rather than by your demand or desire then it is only an issue of arranging financial compromise for NRP and child contact…My comments of disdain are an issue were PWC is intent in not allowing access!!!!

  37. Allan Morrell on December 28th, 2010 5:15 pm

    Tracy…your NRP must have gone unemployed for various reasons… is one because he was financially being crippled by yourself or CSA???My concern is relating to were PWC's stop access to GAIN money and for personal vengeance.. not because both parents have financial problems… are you in employment or on benefits.???…

  38. TracynMartin Halford on December 28th, 2010 9:02 pm

    for six years he paid 125 a month this was what we agreed when we split up. just before he married sixteen months ago he quit his job and said he was no longer paying a penny. At the time i was working 42 hours a week to pay the mortgage and bills and look after myself and our daughter. with this loss i had to pick up overtime to make up the money which obviously our daughter misses this time with me as i now work 50 hours a week.His wife sat my daughter down (aged 9) and explained daddy needs to go on holiday after he gets married and so cant afford to pay mummy any more.He changed his name (leaving my daughter with the same surname as nobody)and sent her a cheque which bounced for her birthday.I went to csa and they awarded £5 a week as he was on benefits. After 8 months he was £95 in arrears. Each time the money did not go in my account i called csa asked why ,got told the benefits agency had stopped the claim and said i could reapply . after the third time i stopped the claim as my money and time was being spent chasing £5. He does not have shared care he lives at the other end of the country and had her for 4 weeks a year 2 at summer 1 at easter and 1 in october (which he stopped three years ago)meaning he had her for only three weeks.he does not help with clothing. or any thing. he says he left his job because it was stressful. he does not appear to have financial problems his wife runs a successful business and they seem to enjoy life. I dont see why i should get in my car and drive 1 mile to take her to see him if he does not support her.

  39. TracynMartin Halford on December 28th, 2010 9:07 pm

    oh and the £125 he paid was agreed in 2003 when his wage was £1300 a month. I assume his wage went up over the years . the support did not. I was more than happy with that provision for my daughter and dont feel it was an excessive amount. I never asked for more for anything and i provide well for her .

  40. Allan Morrell on December 29th, 2010 12:18 am

    Hmmm! there are a few discrepancies you raise in your comments… CSA automatically deduct £5 from benefits as direct link to DWP… CSA would already have taken those deductions from start of claim….Fact!His wife has successful business? what benefits is your ex in reciept of??you made an accusation in your comment yet I dont see how you could provide evidence of the following statement you make regarding your ex's wife……….His wife sat my daughter down (aged 9) and explained daddy needs to go on holiday after he gets married and so cant afford to pay mummy any more…. this comment seems a little odd and makes a more than sincere impression of your distaste towards your ex's wife…. and appears to be an issue were you comment that your ex (on benefits may I add) has to pay for holidays….. how does anyone on benefits afford holidays?????So if your ex is on benefits…. and CSA would have started already making deductions from his benefits, are you recieving it or not.???? If not.. why not.. he isnt to blame…. who made the 200 mile move away and who stayed where?????.. Benefits agency do not stop the claim, the CSA are in the control seat… is it more to the truth that the CSA just have not paid you although they have the power to make deductions before he recieves his benefit??the money gains interest while banked before it goes to PWC… the longer it sits, the more interest the government fatgat makes in interest… niether PWC, NRP or child benefits from this interest gained while it sits in the government purse… It seems you are hell bent in hurting the NRP because he is unable to afford the transportation cost, maybe the cheque bounced when CSA took a huge chunk before he could work finances adequately… you appear to be making a judgement without asking him if CSA are taking deductions from his benefits or not and for what reason either way!!!

  41. TracynMartin Halford on December 29th, 2010 5:34 am

    csa said they can only pay me when the money has been deducted from him. They said he must have been stopping and re starting his benefits claim.I dont know why i was not getting the money the arrears still stand today.He says he recieves jsa.My evidence regarding the conversation she had with my daughter was a text from her saying "i have explained to ………. and she says she does not want any money and wants us to enjoy our honeymoon.Now im off to pack my case bitch"my daughter then told me what she said when she came home .my daughter was a bridesmaid at their wedding so its hardly me having sour grapes. I would love to know how he could afford a two week cruise followed by two weeks in bulgaria.Who knows?The cheque bounced while they were on their honey moon and as you say they take £5 a week not lump sums.Funny though the cheque was in a totally different name not his surname or his wifes surname but a totally different surname.Oh and he beat me throughout my pregnancy and weekly untill he battered me with a phone when our daughter was three. so i kicked him out. he then got a flat three doors away from mine.he worked mon-fri i workrd fri sat sun mon. He began to refuse to have my daughter saying "i always have to have her on my weekend off work" what i could not get through to him was that i had her on my weekend off work but my weekend just happened to be midweek. As he still wanted his clubbing nights. After missing work and wages i was struggling to pay the mortgage. My parents asked me to live with them while i got on my feet so i moved. I could have been bitter back then due to the violence but was not he saw her untill 2 weeks before her 10th birthday.i have 147 texts from his wife on my phone one of which says "my ex has signed over the 5 bed house to me and you are not touching the money bitch" another reads"me and … laugh our heads off at you you baby looser"(after i had lost three babies and burried 1 as she was late term)the last night my daughter was in his care (his wedding night)i got a text at 3 in the morning saying "me and you will meet tomorrow bitch and ill fucking wipe the floor with you" me and my husband were shocked to say the least. so it appears she has an issue with the life long bond i have with my ex. why am i punishing him for not being able to afford transport. do you suggest i drive to the other side of the country (while working 50 hours a week) to drop her off and then go and collect her a week later?ha ha i hardly think so. The courts will see the texts which i have saved. they can see the cheque that bounced and hopefully some one will look into their dodgy dealing as she goes by 3 differant surnames and he uses two different names . so they are probably conning the country only they know. i have chosen to have the courts assess this case if he ever applies to court for an order. the only things i know have been text to me from his wife. am i to believe her or not?as i said in an earlier post there are many reasons i have stopped her going there only one is down to money. At xmas he asked my daughter what she wanted , she told him and he said ok what colour do you want?she told him. then 3 weeks before xmas he called her mobile and she did not answer as she was on a guides trip. he then sent a text saying i am not getting you the present i will send a hundred pound gift card. two days later he said he was sending a fifty pound voucher. Is it right to make promises to your kids then break them cos she did not answer her phone?(his wife told me it was cos she did not answer the phone)if i had a problem with his wife as you suggested then why did i let my daughter be a brides maid? if i am evil why did i let him see my daughter after the violence? he can afford the journey to take her to his home town but not to come see her. I dont have an address so dont know where my daughter would be i think the courts will be the best judges in all this

  42. TracynMartin Halford on December 29th, 2010 6:11 am

    so was 125 pm out of his 1300 take home pay excessive you failed to comment.how do you suggest he sees his daughter?

  43. Charmaine Leworthy on December 29th, 2010 9:02 am

    Withdrawing contact won't make him pay, but will give him an opportunity to tell your children you stopped him from seeing them. And the courts would not look favourably on your decision. You do not say why contact is through a centre, but having visited these places many times through my work this must be stressful for such small children, don't make things even worse for them.If you feel his true income has not been declared apply for a variation or a departure based on his lifestyle. I understand your anger towards this man that has left you with the full responsibility of two small children but don't hurt them trying to hurt him.There is life after separation, you just need to get out there and find it. There's an abundance of help available for single mothers with childcare and training for future employment, but the motivation and willing has to come from yourself. You've obviously got very supportive parents who will help you.The chances are the type of man you describe would probably tire of these children in the future anyway, and as your children get older they will form their own opinion of him and make their own choices.Dont be reliant on anyone but yourself for yours and your childrens future. It is hard but thousands of us do it, you׳ ll know where you stand financially, your children will respect you for it and any monies you do receive from your ex will be a bonus. Your time and emotions are wasted on this man, concentrate on being the best mum possible. Dont allow yourself to be aware of his situation, that's just rubbing salt in the wounds and giving him an element of importance in your life.

  44. Allan Morrell on December 29th, 2010 11:54 am

    Tracy, violence and abuse is a good reason, so long as it aint about money… the abuse…I feel for you, as for your ex,he aint a man..!!!No he shouldnt break promises but is the £5 of any real benefit to you… as for stopping and starting JSA…. Is it really worth what he's doing as it'll all count as arrears when he finds employment and then he'll really suffer, It could well be the woman who has an issue with you for having a life connection but surely she knew this when they got 2gether…. if it is an issue with her mind… she's probably pussywupped him, then you'll probably find them splitting at some point…and he'll have 2 lots of maintenance 2 pay out…All the best Tracy… just focus on ya child rather than the cash!!!! else you'll just wind yaself up and that aint good for the child!!!

  45. Allan Morrell on December 29th, 2010 11:57 am

    leave access arrangements open but let the courts take control and decide… over what your ex should be paying… but let ya child see you allowed contact.. he'll show how much he cares or not and your child will be able 2 decide whether she wants contact or not… Do not close contact because you want to, closecontact when and cos your child wants nothing to do with her father….

  46. TracynMartin Halford on December 29th, 2010 3:52 pm

    as i said i told him he can visit her here when ever he likes but he says he is not coming to this "shit hole" i even offered him half the petrol to pay her a surprise visit at xmas. he refused. i will not take her there.I stopped my csa claim in october when he was at £95 arrears for that exact reason .it was not worth the hassle. It all went sour just before his wedding when he called crying asking to speak to our daughter. i said she was in bed as he was drunk and upset as his future wife had kicked him out. i was very kind i calmed him down told him not to drink any more and to get some sleep(as this was when he became violent to me) i said things will be better in the morning.i said i would get our daughter to call him the next day , which she did and he thanked me for the help. I have said that even if he gave me 100 a week i still need him to take steps before my daughter goes there such as her having a bedroom, me knowing where she is,for them to talk to her about appropriate topics (not child support)him not going to the pub just for that time she is there.ensuring she does not eat sweets all week . And him telling his missis that he has a duty to his child like it or lump it, I never bad mouthed him to our daughter about his violence. she asked about it once when she was young and i said "mummy and daddy cant get along living together but can be friends apart. she accepted that.i truly feel i have been reasonable . i just want my daughter to be happy and safe and preferably to see her dad . he just needs to pull his finger out. i have sent a mediation form and £20 to the local mediators for my first appointment and i hope he will also agree to mediation . if not it will have to go through the courts not good but necessary

  47. chall on December 29th, 2010 4:24 pm

    Hi takesTheMick,

    CSA and contact issues are not connected.
    In general there are far too many non resident parents who are denied contact with their children. Those children end up being the victims of adult wars and disagreements.

    If you feel that your ex is living a lifestyle that is inconsistent with their income, then you can appeal to the CSA who will investigate. If found in your favour, then his liability will be increased to reflect such.

    Your welcome to drop by the forum at afairercsaforall, you are certainly not on your own.

    chall

  48. Allan Morrell on December 29th, 2010 6:02 pm

    U do right!!! If only all PWC's could be as reasonable as you appear to be!!!! Unfortunately, ther are PWC's who make up similar stories in order to take revenge as contact issues are important to many NRP's who do want to have contact and provide both emotionally and financially for their child…. but some PWC's abuse the law and the childs rights for both emotional and financial revenge on their ex… it is wrong and abhorrent when stories are made up by PWC's to impress on family law courts that the PWC being a victim and the child at risk of being a victim of abuse…I am not saying your story is untrue, I just hope you are being truthfull for the sake of your child and yourself respectively!!!

  49. TracynMartin Halford on December 30th, 2010 7:34 am

    oh its all true …..unfortunatly. look at it this way , when she went to see her dad it was a nice little break for me. A week where i could blow caution to the wind and have no responsability, no body saying, can i have can i have lol.being a full time parent and working 50 hours a week is hard work.Stopping her going to see him without good reason is simply chopping off my nose to spite my face. If i thought i was in the wrong in any way i would not embarrass myself by being selfish. I believe i am a good mum and am working to ensure my daughters best interests are being met .

  50. Allan Morrell on December 30th, 2010 2:35 pm

    Tracy… we all have to accept the child has needs… can I have… is a childs repetition of cause..lolI have never said your story is untrue, I can only summise that you tell the truth and I make no judgement… I just hope that things work out for you…It can be a pleasure tohave a break, unfortunately there are many NRP's who wish they could provide the PWC with a break from the child/children but there are PWC's who are using their children to gain maximum maintenance payments by calculation of CSA assessments and such assessments based on NRP's shared care or resticted care of their child caused by PWC's who are hellbent on revenge and in order to achieve their satisfaction prevent child and NRP contact as this will and does hurt the NRP's who want to provide financial and emotional care for their child!!!!!!

  51. Moi on December 30th, 2010 2:56 pm

    @ Brokenfather: Completely agree with you! If you want kids and you have kids then get off your ass and work!
    @ takes TheMick: You and your ex split up! He has the right to get on with stuff! You can not stop them from having a relationship with their father unless he pays for it!!!! Did you have parents to look after you? Do you reckon any amount of money would replace holidays spent in the family? A hug from either of your parents when most needed? And a question for all these women that do deny contact : if you walked out of your house tomorrow to go and have a pint or whatever you do with your free time paid for by the tax payer, and something falls off your roof and kills you there and then… Would you like for your kids to be put in the position of living with a person they could have known and would be able to comfort them, as that person is their parent? Or would it be better for your child to be handed over to the parent who has been denied contact, therefore, unknown and suffer huge emotional damage that would most definetely scar them for life? Hey! It be just as good as placing them in an orphanage!
    And there is the biggest issue… We only think about now and about what we might be missing and who’s fault it is. No one ever looks at what they could do themselves to improve things! And no one thinks about all the possibilities! Bet none of you have thought about that one, eh? What if I die tomorrow? What do I want to happen with my children?
    Shame on all of those that really can’t think about those poor and innocent souls first! I defo can’t see how you can call yourselves parents?!!!! And you defo don’t deserve for anyone to call you Mummy or Daddy…

  52. takesthemick on December 30th, 2010 2:58 pm

    Shame on me hey? Shame on him for all the times hes slammed
    doors in our faces & told me to find some other mug to pay
    for them shame on him for not helping then calling social services
    & telling them the kids wernt propperly looked after (which
    may i add they are) he was seeing them & not paying so NO i
    dnt rent them out u narrow minded idiot its not just about money
    its about him being there for them! He wasnt at the youngests birth
    & didnt support me through the pregnancy he even had me
    arrested twise once when i was 7months gone saying that i was
    harrasing him & recently tried to set me up by sending
    threataning messages then telling the police it was me which it
    wasnt! hes got people to befriend me then asked them to report me
    to the police & social services which thankfully they didnt
    as they thought it was wrong & couldnt see a problem ive
    had countless threats that he’ll take them & its all to
    hurt me not because he is concerned about his boys i dnt care about
    the money realy but i care about the effect his actions towards me
    affects our children it breaks my heart for them believe me ive
    tried i am not evil im in a situation where i dnt kno what to do
    for the best do u think he deserves to see them? I would love him
    to be able to come pick them up & take them out but he cant
    as he uses everything & everything to try ruining my life
    & his childrens! Thank u for all the posative comments ive
    recieved i appreciate them & for all the others who are
    simply passing judgement to make themselfs feel better it isnt
    helpful! ur entitetled to your oppinion tho as am i if u dnt agree
    thats fine im not looking for approval just a bit of advise from
    ppl who’ve been there.

  53. takesthemick on December 30th, 2010 3:11 pm

    I used to work full time i did the same job as him it was
    me who got him the job! I hated giving up work i loved it &
    could easily earn 3000 a month but i too was self employed
    & i worked nights which now isnt possible. We now live off
    100 a week between 3 of us i kno how much he earns & if it
    was possible for me to go back believe me i would! Other than my
    mum (who is not well) i have no one to ask to have them its not
    like i can even ask thier father as he changes his number as soon
    as i try contacting him. If only life was as simple as u imply then
    there wouldnt b a problem woukd there!

  54. takesthemick on December 30th, 2010 3:41 pm

    I agree its not pay for view its also not up to me to make
    them love him or not i dnt slag him off to them or in front of
    them. we use a contact centre as hes got a harrasment charge out on
    me & i cnt go near him & it was me who called them!
    i cant tell him about his kids what theyre doing or how they are
    ive had my son at the emergancy doctors opposite where he works his
    car was parked nxt to mine he never came in to see what was wrong
    or eva called to check he was ok ive even walked 3miles in the snow
    b4 to take OUR sick son to the doctors help my friend would of been
    giving me a lift would it not? They do have a right to have a
    relationship with him i dnt begrudge that & that is not the
    reason why i want to stop contact i cnt help but feel he should
    showing he wants a relationship with them otherwise he can wait
    untlll theyre old enough to decide if they want a relationship with
    him its thier decition then as i am well aware its not about me or
    him but them & what they want/need.

  55. Michelle Gibbard on December 30th, 2010 7:45 pm

    quote from sylia " Sylvia Dunai Michelle, maybe the ex is jealous of you so she tries to give you and your partner hard times" she has already told me she's out to ruin him yes you are right we cant get to court yet but the txts and her going to his workplace and asking his whereabouts and just because we couldnt afford both ways for a taxi she lied constantly as to why his daughter couldnt visit theres been lies upon lies and now his daughter wont come to the house as we were advised not to push the child and not to question the child either until we can get legal aid then she wins hands down every time but what will happen is in the end the child will know the truth and she will prob be on the end of the childs wrath when shes 16 or older for being a liar and forcing no contact.

  56. Lee Griffin-Scott on January 3rd, 2011 12:23 am

    Anyone, ANYONE, that refuses the Non Custodial Parent from seeing their child over money, deserves to have their parental rights removed and a change of custody enacted. NO ONE , absolutely no one has the right to remove the childs right to have a relationship with either parent.In my world, not allowing the other parent a relationship with THEIR child is a hanging offense, if money is the main motivator. The only way contact/visitation should be revoked or denied, is if it is sanctioned by the Courts, Police or Child Services.If you stop your child from having a relationship with the other parent you are guilty of Parential Alienation. You are using the child for your own selfish means.

  57. John on January 4th, 2011 12:22 pm

    I paid £2000 for a contact order. It was repeatedly broken by the childrens mother. It was having a profound affect on the children who were caught in the middle, because of a war mongering mother. The courts did absolutely nothing regarding the mother and they wanted ME to pay anohter £2000 for a worthless piece of paper.

    I told my children that it was for the best that I stopped seeing them and that they should speak with their mother as to why? I have seen one of my children who is now out of the system…………………but then the CSA dumped £6400 worth of debt on to me and I ceased contact again…telling him again to speak with the CSA and his mother!

    I don’t give a flying F anymore. A decent father who wants to see and pay for his children treated like a criminal!

    I am going to the European courts.

  58. takesthemick on January 4th, 2011 3:13 pm

    The system is wrong why cant they agree on a figure that is seen to meet a childs basic needs & have that as the ammount every father pays reguardless of thier income etc but work out a payment plan that is most affordable to them when reviewing how much they pay & when depending then by what job they do, make it optional for the father to give more if he wishes to. I thought the system was for the childrens welfare not about segregating people a father is a father what stupid thinking that some should pay more than others all children are the same & have the same basic needs.

  59. Michelle Gibbard on January 8th, 2011 1:33 am

    thanks scott i totaly agree there but try getting social services to listen to the concerns and read documentation of a failure of social services which we have makes you sick to the teeth and who is suffering …the child and father all because this woman wants a complete hold over him yes a case of mental abuse of a child complex i know

  60. Rachel on March 15th, 2011 2:05 pm

    err.. you said you had your parents help? get up and get a job and take care of your kids instead of expecting everyone else to do it for you in a finacial way, if your parents are helping then i am sure they wouldn’t mind helping watch them while you actually work, and i dont believe for one second that you are no claiming any benifits at all!!
    stop depending on the father to help pay for your life… your kids yes.. you, no

  61. Claire on March 31st, 2011 11:14 pm

    I believe also, that we as parent’s should let our children make their own minds up!!

    unless the relationship is abusive in any shape or form!

    Emotional abuse and playing games with our childrens lives is why so many people end up on Jeremy Kyle these days.

    I split up with my ex because he was cheating on me. I never stopped him seeing our children (3) we actually got on well and he had regular contact until he realised i was in a relationship with someone else. He then ceased all contact with me and bought all 3 of our children mobile phones, and arranged everything through them. He still has regular contact and pays his way more than alot of men by the sound of it on here. BUT…… He actually does nothing with our children when he has them. He turns up as and when it suits him, sometimes not at all if he is “out on the lash”. The children hate his partner at times and hate them smoking in the house/ bedroom and car when the children stay there.

    He never goes to a parents evening/ sports day/ christmas play etc etc. he will
    pay for near enough anything they want but
    not give them his TIME.

    And that is my point!!
    forget him, forget money, children will survive on hand me downs and all they really need is basic care….love, time, food in their bellies, a clean bed to sleep in and basic hygeine. (sorry if i have left anything important out) My children have decided for themselves they do not want to see their dad at the moment, 3 years after our split. Just let nature take its course. Do not be jealous of his life style you have the best gift of all. Children are very hard work but even with no money you can have the best fun ever.

    Do you know what,the children did not ask to be born, they did not choose to have their parents split up. They just need security and to know they are loved and both parents are there for them no matter what. Sure they like the best designer clothes, and playstation/ x box/ phone etc etc but deep down they just want to know that their parents are united for them and love them unconditionally. Please please please do not use your innocent children as a weapon, they are emotionally inept to deal with things and take adults emotions on. If your ex does not pay anything towards them that is his immaturity and he is irresponsible. grit your teeth for now, i completely understand what a struggle it is for you. I would not put my children in nursery or a childminder so i can work. Why have kids for someone else to bring up??? We are lucky in this country to have a benefits system for genuine people like you to use. (I don’t by the way) it’s only people who abuse the system i disrespect. Keep your chin up and keep smiling your children will know and respect you when they are old enough to understand. Good luck.

  62. Rachael Suddes on April 18th, 2011 1:37 pm

    I am amazed at the ammount of people telling her to get out and get a job . I am divorced and im going through the same more or less but let me tell you my version …..
    He left me , then a month later i found out he was having an affair and he moved to Devon to be with her . 6 months later he found her i bed with another man , ahhhhh karma . SHAME
    We constantly argue via email abouth the children and his lack of wanting time with them , dont get me wrong he pays me maintainance every month via CSA . Now before anyone has any comments , i never went to CSA but he thought because he paid me money every month that he would go to CSA and inform them of this and they then went through his earnings and he has to pay more now . He wont pay me more but i am not bothered about the money at all . i want him to see his children . He has them one weekend out of two and has filed for a variation order for travelling expenses so he can come see the girls . Why should he deduct money from my girls money so he can visit them ???? Is that fair ?
    Anyway the recent argument is how i should take the girls to devon for him , baring in mind i live in County durham !!
    I cant work , i am raising my 2 girls and they are important i am however looking to go to work whilst girls are at school and then holidays i will have to leave . If you have never been in this position then i dont think you would understand , i have noone to watch my girls or help me and childcare is so expensive i just couldnt afford it . I dont get any benefits other than tax credits , its hard to get by but my boyfriend helps me loads . Before anything is said on the boyfriend front , hes in the Navy and cant help with the girls or he would .
    My problem is , the verbal abuse i get from my ex husband has me going nuts , my 12 year old daughter says she doesnt want to see him anymore but my 3 year old cries whenever they go to stay with me . He is goodish with the girls when he has them though . I dont want to force them to go , but he is their father and he has a right to see them whether he is a t**t to me or not .
    I have even tried to help him with the late payments to the CSA and informed him everytime they hve contacted me saying they are sending debt collectors and his reply was how i was a “cold , callculating person not looking out for anyone but myself ” . i emailed him asking about the girls recent trip to Devon and asking if his gf would stop for toilet visits and to let the little one have a run around to break the journey up ,and is she a good driver and take care with them in the car . bare in mind i have met his gf but dont really know her and his reply was i have no right to ask such questions and that he cant believe i asked them and that the girls are no longer going to Devon and he will make sure they know i spoilt all the plans .
    3 and a half years on and what he does and says to me still upsets me why does he think im so nasty when all im trying to do is help to make the girls lives easier and better for when they visit him ???

  63. terri winsor on July 2nd, 2011 8:34 am

    tracy n martin halford i can not believe the lies you are telling these people come on tracy you say you have not had a problem with me first my man walked out of his job after 21years for a very good reason who would walk out for nothing after working 21 yrs my step daughter was only allowed to come to the wedding if we paid you £135 which we did oh you forgot to mention that the day before we were due to marry you demanded another £135 pound or you were coming down to take the child back i have never had a successive business i wish i did my love i would not be in this position now and you no you were getting paid direct out of my husbands benefits our wedding and our 2 weeks honeymoon was all paid for when my husband was still in employment we have never refused you anything all we said is now he not working we cant afford £135 but we will send up what we can and it would have been a lot more than £5 but you refused you wanted it all our we were not getting to see the child you have destroyed a daddy and daughter contact you fail to tell them about some of the text messages for instance when i was pregnant well before you falling pregnant what did you say to me away and pickle you’re baby how evil if you are going to go on sites and tell all these lies there yes the other site is right you do need help they all said you are bitter and twisted and my husband did take it to court and got his rights and visitation sorted out he was looking forward to her first visit in 2 years august we thought right put the past behind but not you shall i tell them the truth my love you phoned up the next day after the court case and said the child’s school uniform costs £300 and i want £150 of us or we don’t get to see the child you telephoned a 72 yr old grandmother to your daughter and said i want £150 or you dont see the child you have used the child as a weapon and its cruel yes my husband did change his name to his late grandfathers name and so the new baby can be called that surname were you not talking about how yous were getting married and the child in question will be taking over yr new husband name see there two sides to the story and the text to the night we got married was yes i did want to meet you as you put us throe hell and back with not letting the child come down to be a bridesmaid at her daddy’s wedding unless we gave you money i wondered why you blocked me i cant believe the lies you are telling i have not got 3 names the name on the cheque was my name i had for 24 yrs whilst i was married that i just did not bother getting it changed oh you failed to tell them that you reported my husband at Xmas for working so our money would get stopped at Xmas and you new we had a new baby your daughter little sister like the baby you had 4 mths after me if she is yr daughter baby sister then its the same for both of them and was very disappointing when i asked would my hubs daughter like some pictures of her new baby sister your reply was no thanks she sees her baby sister everyday in other words she wants nothing to do with her that’s not nice she is a little baby who would like to see and get to no her half sister like she has had the chance to bond and get to no her half sis up there you got a bad problem with me and you need to grow up and take lessons on telling the truth

  64. terri winsor on July 2nd, 2011 8:40 am

    just please give us a break you will never be totally happy untill you have ruined the father of your child
    its all abut money were is the child needs here there not you are destroying a daddy and daughter and the truth will come out yes you did invite him to go and see his daughter but you no we no money yes you did say you would give £30 towards fuel but were would he sleep and remember you were threatening that if he was to ever go up there again he would not be made welcome so he didnt refuse the way you are saying it how about a bit of the truth now

  65. terri winsor on July 2nd, 2011 8:57 am

    allan morrel coment tracy halford
    tracy knows that her daughter got her own room we my husband is lucky to have 1 pint a week as we got a baby to look after she is being so unfair my husband has never ket his daughter down we phone and ask her what she would like for birthdays xmas she tells us we get it and we need to get the solicitor to post it special as tracy said we were never to send any thing up as it would go right in the bin and me and hubby are so in love i did not kick him out i would never do that to the man i was about to marry and now i have his baby two sides to every story just stop using yr daughter as a weapon if you had that great concerns why has it been ok for her to have come down before oopps becouse you were getting youre £135 well the law gave you what you were intitled to we wanted to give you more you said nope you want £135 we couldnt so then you got £5 direct from benefits tell the truth this is so bad you putting all this down lies lies what has anything got to do with the fact that you wont let daughter come down becouse of money so glad he took it to court and got it sorted

  66. uniform on July 23rd, 2011 2:23 pm

    No i dont think that was evil what the woman has done. there are always two sides to every story and people automataically feels sorry for the father dont they.
    my ex has 2 children from a previous relationship and pays his girls through csa £5 each a week what an earth can you buy with that for the kids it does take the mick esp when he is on over £400 in benefits a month. He lounges about spends money on cigarettes, cds,magazines,concert tickets etc!!! something is wrong here and i agree a child should never be stopped seeing there father and should not be used as weapons but when he lets them down and moans about collecting them when its raining incase he gets wet then wha sort oft father is it?

  67. terry on September 9th, 2011 1:10 pm

    well she at it again tracy n martin halford tracy formally known as norris even now we have had her daughter down and had lovely time the bitch has stopped her coming back down well all i can say is whatever tracy norris you are full of lies lies loies and its so sad for youre daughter but then thats what creatures like you do isnt it she even cried that she did not want to go back home as she was enjoying seeing her daddy now you going to do it all over again well up to you we done our best with you but we cant handle all the lies and cant believe you got social services on to us like i told you on the phone that what can they do if you’re daughter has misplaced her coat and if her father took her into a public house as some of yr daughters friends was there what is wrong with that she had a lovely time her dad had glass coke with her and she played with friends bit strange u getting social services because of that i have sent you a copy of what social services said there is no concerns for the safety of my baby and my husbands daughter so wonder what else you will try tracy norris from Yorkshire is such a lier

  68. terry on September 27th, 2011 6:24 pm

    and now she reported me to working tax credits because i sell my babys clothes on ebay and because we don’t give her the money its not like i make any money i just trying to get a couple pound bck on it anyway tax credits are laughing at her everybody sells on ebay its not like i got a massive business on there

  69. jaywal on November 22nd, 2011 1:14 pm

    Hi,im sorry to say but stopping ur ex from seing the children wont be benaficial to u if he takes u to court for access as the court will still grant contact!ive spent 3yrs battling in court with my ex for sumthin far more serious tht nvolves a 14yr old!an he still got given unsupervised access!good luck with what u decide to do.

  70. Tracy Halford on December 12th, 2011 9:55 am

    well little up date on my story. Was sent an assessment letter dated 9/11/11
    and have been assessed 28 per week and there are arrears on top of that. As my exes wife stated he could not pay as he was out of work. He has now been officially working since june and am yet to recieve anything more than a fiver a week. So Terrys claims that he does every thing and more for our daughter is bull drppings!! It took a disabled 79 year old man to return my daughters jumper 3 months after she visited her father.

  71. terry winsor on January 23rd, 2012 3:43 pm

    you freaking lying bitch bag Tracy you get your money every week why u must come on here and lie look at just last week you got a extra £50 on top csa are totally messing us around pay this amount pay that amount why are you also lying about your daughters jumper she left it hear didn’t she and so u say a 75 yr old man returned her jumper eeemm i posted it back up Tracy they all no what you like on here hen you constantly hound us day in day out why cant you leave us alone and go and get some help with your lies it don’t bother me but if you want Tracy i can copy a statement and post it on here and let them see who lying do you no she makes up that many different names on Facebook so she can have a nosie at what i get up to sad isnt it she even said that the card i got my baby to send up to her sister was disgusting as you see Tracy is a horrible person who lies lies lies you no she blocks everyone she talks to when they relies she is full of crap feel so sorry for the little girl who stuck right in the middle of it

  72. T Halford on January 24th, 2012 8:24 pm

    no ter the 75 year old disabled man posted it 3 months after it was left there. And yes to settle the argument post on here the statement that proves you have been paying the 28 a week plus arrears that you owe. And if you like i will post the cards from royal mail asking me to pay to recieve my daughters xmas cards a week late because you had not put a stamp on. Frankly i cant work out if you are just thick or did it on purpose. One thing i do know is what my daughters face looked like on xmas morning when she realised she got f all from her dad.

  73. Claire on January 29th, 2012 5:51 pm

    Can I ask others opinion,me and my husband split nearly a year ago now and in the beginning we made a decision that on his days he not on shift the kids would go stay with him I agreed as I didn’t want any battles over them, he has since met someonewho has 3 kids of her own so the agreement no longer stands, I understand this but what really annoys me now when he does have them its not for long and if I ask him if he could keep them longer I get abuse of’im not your babysitter’i never no when he bringing them back when I ask its more abuse,this is really getting to me now as I can’t do anything Incase he brings them back early I’m at a loss as what to do does anyone have any suggestions ..thankyou

  74. kate christie on February 9th, 2012 2:37 pm

    I had a baby girl with my partner eight years ago, we split up when she was three because i had found out about a string of affairs he had and another child he had fathered while we were still together.
    I had a battle to get maintenance and he paid for about six months through a private agreement but then stopped as he claimed he didn’t have any money, i went through the CSA and it took them two years to get him to comply and eventually he is paying maintenance.
    he moved in with his parents and was seeing his daughter every second weekend and a lot during the holidays as i was working full time and it was a real help, although it was his parents who had her more than him.
    I met my husband and everything stayed the same with access for a couple of months then the father started to not have her as much and it got to the stage where it was just when they had nothing to do they would ask for her for the day.
    We would go for a couple of months with no contact at all and i was always the one to contact them to ask if they wanted to see her, but they were always too busy!
    I stopped being the one to make first contact and there was no contact at all for 7 months, not even a xmas card! I always asked her is she wanted to phone her dad but she always said no.
    My husband decided he hated her being treated like this and wanted to adopt her so we started the process, but the biological father has stopped it!
    It is so frustrating that a father can treat a daughter like this.

  75. ozzy on February 17th, 2012 9:14 pm

    welll i have been paying for my son 165 a month via csa and still have not seeing my son for a year coz my ex does not want me to part of his life or even to be near him … solicitor and court does not wok out .. always she saying excuses to blow out contact centre ..i have booked contact centre with solicitor so many times and also blown out coz her excuse .. could any one advice me what shall i do next ?

  76. Elaine on March 22nd, 2012 12:26 am

    i agrre this man does not deserve to have anything to do with his children :( but not just because of the financial situation. I too have used these contact centres (forced by court) and they are a complete waste of time the kids hated it :( if this guy really wanted to see his kids he would be able too if he went through court. i am so sick of hearing oh she won’t let me see them bah you bunch of liars you can’t be bothered and before you all crack at fathers for rights. I hear them all the time at work moaning about theyre evil ex’s while theyre sitting in the pub drinking once again with again another new woman, one of them e.g accusing his ex constantly of being a bad mum claiming she beats the child because he has small bruises up and down his legs (show me an active 4 year old who doesn’t ) claiming he’s going to take them off her and applying for full custody refusing to “just accept” access arrangements when she does give in and lets him take him he dumps them at his mums and is off out boasting about HIS boy. did i mention he doesn’t want to work or pay maintenance either…my ex is an alcoholic drug abuser who had full control over when he took my kids etc until whilst passed out his nephews sexually abused my daughter, she got away and went to him begging for help she was told to f off as the boys dragged her back to repeat the assault when she told me infront of him he accused her of lying then excused this as childsplay she was only 5 and infected with theyre dirty nails beaten black and blue…he stood up in court called her a liar whilst she had social workers, therapists and doctors with evidence and guess what the bastard still got access. its been 4 weeks and he hasn’t shown up half the time he uses maintenance as a way to get back at us so the csa have been called in now he plans to move over 400miles away and appear when it suits him with a plan to get out of maintenance. my daughter is terrified of him now just 7 she self harms wets the bed, has no friends as shes became a pysco child and to top it off she currently has no school shoes because of lack of funds…so come on fathers for rights do you really think he has the right to apply now for half her parental rights???? i know theyre are some spiteful women out there but if you were a decent father you’d get access no probs if he could then you can so stop hiding behind the bitchy mother routine

  77. Natalie on April 27th, 2012 3:12 pm

    My boys dad has an evil father he threatened to kill me in front of him and were not even together anymore! I’ve never cared about money I just want the best for my child moneys the route of evil I am a hardworking mum and don’t claim benefits! I work for my confidence and respect so my child grows up and knows the right way to go in life, stop moaning about money as if u don’t get enough from benefits! I had the worst violent relationship threatened with knives and bullying mentally and physically so unless he is actually a threat to your children u need to let him see them not in a room with people watching him ! Sounds like all u care about is money and that’s so wrong!!

  78. Katie on May 2nd, 2012 8:12 pm

    I have been reading through these comments and i am going through a hard time at the moment with my ex, he hasnt bothered with his daughter for over 9 months.when my daughter was 12 weeks old my ex threw a glass frame acoss the room and it shattered all over my daughter, i explained he could have scarred her for life or taken her eye out. his responce was ‘ I dont give a fuck’!! nice eh. since this he has been violent, aggressive, not texted or asked about my daughter he has been threatening to the pint i had to call the police. after 4 months i didnt hear anything from him, he would ride past me and my daughter in the street, not even acknowledge her,i would text him saying he can come across to see her instead of riding past, his responce was ‘dont text me again i wont reply if u do’!! i have STILL after all this offered him contact at my parents house without me there so he can get to know her his reply is my solicitor has advised me to continue with legal proceedings sorry, now if u were that bothered about seeing ur daughter then u would take any contact esp what he has done. but not al PWC are evil, some ex’s are evil. he didnt turn up to her christening, neither did ANY of his family because i was going?? he never texted or rang on her 1st xmas, never rang or texted on her forst birthday. nothing! so now it is going to court because he apparently wants contact? but the contact he has been offered is not what he wants so he’s decided to go the hard way but missed out on 9 months of her life!!! absolute waster! i dont agree with stopping access just because of money, if it was me i wouldnt give a toss about the money if he doesnt want to pay for his child than shame on him!!! im not an evil person but i wouldnt hand my daughter over to a stranger, he is no different because he’s her dad, to her he is a stranger so it has to be supervised at forst because she will be distressed and its not fair to put her through that. so do people think im an evil horrible person because i certainly dont.

  79. Godalmighty on May 4th, 2012 4:04 pm

    I find it disgusting that the so called ‘fathers’ are using their rights as a weapon against mothers who are doing their best for their children. I’ve read some horrendous posts about violent, aggressive fathers who show no commitment until they feel like it being given access by the courts. As far as I’m concerned the welfare of the child is paramount, and if the child is too young to know any different then they should be PROTECTED. The whole legal system stinks to high heaven. I’m sure there are fathers who are genuinely loving and interested in whats best for their children, but by god, where’s the sense in courts allowing access when this is evidently not the case. Why should a child have to suffer first before anything is done about it. I’ve read a lot of posts with bitching and backbiting, and to be honest I wouldn’t want my daughter growing up around that. Parents need to GROW UP, and act like parents, and @terri winsor you’re a disgrace. If you were a civilized human being you would not feel the need to embarrass yourself in retaliation. You seem to me to be a foul mouthed fool, I’m not surprised the mother has her concerns.

  80. Original post on May 5th, 2012 9:14 pm

    Above is one of the best comments on this page BRAVO nicely put the family court system are child snatchers they don’t care if he’s never contributed to their lives they believe all his lies that he is! they check nothing!! They don’t care about the affect it has on the children & in fact if they think contact is causing distress to the children they have the power to remove them! It’s all for the father & giving him the opportunity regardless of how the kids might feel about it mine have nightmares & ask if daddy’s going to kill them? They don’t want to go but no one seems to care about that I definitely agree kids need to be protected more not from loving parents but from parents who don’t have the capacity to be there for them & then think proving that your a good parent means dragging them through the court system for their own selfish needs. Just my experience anyway

  81. anon on June 13th, 2012 11:14 am

    I have been reading this post as i am in a bit of a sticky situation and have a conflict going on in my own mind. I left my ex a year ago due to him being alcohol dependent and taking drugs and mentally abusive towards me to the point that i was scared. I ended up co sleeping with my little boy as he told me that he was going to come and take our LO whilst I was asleep so he could have time alone with him. I hasten to add our LO waws only a month at this time and I bf him and due to me not trusting our LO to be safe would not allow him to stay alone with him. He refused to look after our LO if I wanted to have a bath or anything and as I said I got scared of him and when my son was 6 months we left. I returned to live near my parents for support and as i had more chance of getting a job down there. ( this is 200 miles away from where my ex lives) Since moving here i have never stopped my ex from seeing my son and have only put conditions in place such as he would have to see my son in a contact centre or with me present again due to alcohol and drug taking I do not trust my sons safety in his care. He has seen my son once and only paid £50 in my sons bank account which I have not touched as my intention was that he would be able to use the money he placed in the bank account to put towards petrol to come down should he be short one month. He has let Remi down on 4 occasions where it has caused me to put my plans on hold or miss out due to him saying he was coming down and then failing to. He told me he was coming down on 22 june this year and i said we would be available from 12 til 4 and then didnt hear from him again for 4 weeks i had to make plans and he contacted me and asked if it was still ok i said yes but time has changed to 12 til 3 which he has kicked off about and got abusive over the phone and i have said if he is not happy to change the date. He has then called me a lier and told me he had to see him for longer as he hasnt seen him for 10 months. I hasten to add that he has niether called or contacted me via phone or email for long pirriods of time. He would call and then no contact for 8 weeks then might call again and still wouldnt ask how his son was doing. I am in 2 states of mind I feel its best for my son to see his dad but i want to ensure his safety and make sure he is comfortable. and other side is telling me to say go to court because i cant deal with the uncertainty any more and nither can Remi. I also will add he has a daughter from a previous relationship and through a voluntary agreement he gives her mum 30£ a week child maintenance. Any advice please.

  82. rachael on June 30th, 2012 4:50 pm

    here she hardly renting her kids out u stoped muppet right she is if he cant be bothered why hell shuld she and na social welfare aint all that i coped whn i had one now ive to and i cant one them i bearli get help with there daddy hes always making excuses bout something thy shuld be made rare them as much as mother do i bearli never get out house am stuck in every day week raring to children and one there dads is useless wanker other one aint about

  83. rachael on June 30th, 2012 4:52 pm

    i dont like mother stoping the father of chid seeing child for no reason but if thy cant be onli bothered whn thy fell like it thats def story why shuld we let them

  84. sue on August 18th, 2012 5:15 am

    i have a grown up16 yr daughter by Tracy ex and i no that man has tried everything to see his daughter Tracy just does not like his wife iv seen all the messages and it is so bad his wife has just retaliated and backing up her husband she keeps blackmailing the father and wont let him speak to his daughter
    and that man would not no about violence he would never use violence against the mother of his child,its so sad that a parent would take the time to lie to get a bit of attention i did not think that you need this attention shame on you for keeping a father away from his child i just so pleased that my daughter has a close bond to her father i feel its very important think what is best for the child and not you

  85. angir on September 8th, 2012 4:02 pm

    No mother/father should stop contact due to money that is a terrible act. Access should only be stopped for the safety of the child.There are contact centres also to facilitate contact. Some comments on this thread do give cause for concern and it is clear to see why some conflicts arise over contact. Often it is not the fault of the father , but his new spouse. The woman on here using foul language ought to be ashamed of herself and see she is preventing her partner form seeing his daughter with her behaviour.

  86. mark lees on February 7th, 2013 4:08 am

    im looking for my dad never met him or sin his picture i no his name is darren garner an he ust to live in walsall on elm street plz help me find him

  87. Nel on June 19th, 2013 8:23 pm

    Ha stop contact you div mine ex wife did this after she put me thro the contact centre bullshit and then I went to court and got full custody and guess what she don’t pay a bloody thing towards them now it’s amazing what happens when the shoes on the other foot . Does she rent the children out haha classic lol

  88. James Matthews on August 2nd, 2013 5:41 pm

    Maybe he should have custody of his children she obviously cant provide for them and has to sponge off an ex partner!! he obvioulsy has a good job and can afford day care, these lazy mothers are after one thing and that is to have a easy life sitting on there ass getting an income of their kids dads and then using their kids as a weapon, one word SCUM and before anyone comments I have got full custody of my daughter because the judge saw my daughters mother for exactly for what she is. GOLD DIGGER

  89. Helen price on August 11th, 2013 8:59 pm

    You absolute bunch of idiots, a man should support a child just as much as a mother does!! If his child needs nappies he should buy them aswel, a child is something created by two people mother and father and should be supported by both people, in refusing to do so this man is making his children live without daily essentials. Shame on you people who say she is wrong for expecting him to support his children. What a horrible messed up place this world has become!!

  90. Martin on August 20th, 2013 3:47 am

    The CSA has ruled that the father pays the assessed amount. There is nothing you can do to change this. Why would stopping contact make him pay. If he isn’t volunteraly making payments now, do you think he’ll pay once he has to take you to court to see his children. I’ll guarantee he won’t.
    If your children have a good relationship with their father then I can also guarantee that if you remove their father from their life it will hurt no one but your children.

    My ex removed then drastically reduced my contact with my daughter. She will never see a penny more than the CSA has ruled. However, my daughter wants for nothing when she is in my care.
    I don’t ask my ex for money to raise my daughter and my ex earns more than me.

  91. sarah on August 25th, 2013 6:08 pm

    Funny when fathers have their child for a week and expect a reduction in support. Even if it is the only weeek the child has spent with the father.

  92. Cath on January 28th, 2014 1:02 pm

    I’m totally with you on this one , I’m a single parent of a 3 yrs old and split with the farther just before I found out I was pregnant . I have gone out of my way to involve him in his child’s life in every aspect and I do believe that if your man enough to have a baby then yeah you should be man enough to help support your child. As a single parent and full time adult student I do revived some state support but not enough to be above the poverty line. Every penny I get gones on food, gas, water, electric, and basics such as toothpaste shampoo and clothes ect I haven’t bought new clothes for myself. In 3 years and then they were maternity cloths. My ex started helping financially for the first few months then nothing , he comes and goes and lets his child down on a very regular basis (Usually when hes either met Someone new or the csa have been in touch)I’ve gone the thought the CSa and he’d keep quitting his job now he owes £1500 in debts. It’s his child be a man and support them. I have never stopped him for seeing his child but but his infreqency of contact and not bothered attitude is so mot stable for a child so this is why his is now not being given accesd. when he act like a responcable adult he can have the privilege of his child. So you small minded people think its ok for a man to get awaywith giving no finacial assistance , but its ok For him to have a brand new 50″ 3d tv and hugo boss jeans and ive got to bath my child using hot water from the Kettle becsuse we cant Afford gas . Yeah thats Sounds fair and i hope he feels proud. another thing I’m not sure if its the same everywhere ( I assume it is) but I only revived help with child care cost when my child turned 2 and was only informed of this 1 month before the 3rd birthday, so it’s not ad easy as just get s job being a full time parent to a pre-school child is a full time job. I do believe that every child needs both parents and being fortunate my self to have an amazing set of parents I see this first hand , however I don’t see how a “man” can call them self a dad and not want to care for their child ( hugs and kisses are great but they don’t fill your tummy or keep you warm ) and after us putting all the hard work and efforts in both physical , mental and financial how you expect to come round and be fun loving dad enjoying all the fun times. Should be ashamed !

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