I am not on birth cirtificate, do I have to pay CSA?

March 3, 2012

I apparently have a biological child, I have no interest in getting involved as it was after a one night stand and completely against my will. I have never seen the baby and am not named on the birth certificate, there is also a possibility of it being someone elses however it looks like me. As bad as this sounds, I’ve been blunt, can CSA force my to pay CM if asked by the mother to make a claim regardless of me not being on the Birth Certificate?

Essentially can I be liable as the baby has my dna?


50 Responses to “I am not on birth cirtificate, do I have to pay CSA?”

  1. bri on March 3rd, 2012 12:51 pm

    Simple answer is YES.

    You will be “presumed” as a Non Resident Parent and as such the CSA will now hound you like many others fro money. This is just the start.

    Get a DNA test done to ensure yourself that even if you are the father there is no legal dispute regardless. Even if you don’t want to be involved and I take it that you have had pictures sent to you. You said the child looks like you?

    Anyway I’m sure others will provide you with advice and you can read plenty on here but we need action.

    I’ve started a post called: Proposal: Making legal challenge against CSA

    Good luck and welcome to CSA HELL 😉

  2. bri on March 3rd, 2012 12:53 pm

    UPDATE: I entered a wrong email address on first post.

    Simple answer is YES.

    You will be “presumed” as a Non Resident Parent and as such the CSA will now hound you like many others fro money. This is just the start.

    Get a DNA test done to ensure yourself that even if you are the father there is no legal dispute regardless. Even if you don’t want to be involved and I take it that you have had pictures sent to you. You said the child looks like you?

    Anyway I’m sure others will provide you with advice and you can read plenty on here but we need action.

    I’ve started a post called: Proposal: Making legal challenge against CSA

    Good luck and welcome to CSA HELL

  3. bri on March 3rd, 2012 12:54 pm

    UPDATE: I entered a wrong email address on first post.

    Simple answer is YES.

    You will be “presumed” as a Non Resident Parent and as such the CSA will now hound you like many others for money. This is just the start.

    Get a DNA test done to ensure yourself that even if you are the father there is no legal dispute regardless. Even if you don’t want to be involved and I take it that you have had pictures sent to you. You said the child looks like you?

    Anyway I’m sure others will provide you with advice and you can read plenty on here but we need action.

    I’ve started a post called: Proposal: Making legal challenge against CSA

    Good luck and welcome to CSA HELL

  4. chall on March 3rd, 2012 1:16 pm


    Given your post, bri is incorrect !

    There are some circumstances when the agency CAN presume parentage ie;

    “We can presume that a person named as the parent of a child is
    the father if they:
    • were married to the child’s mother at any time between the
    date the child was conceived and the date the child was born
    (if the child has not since been adopted), or
    • are named as the father of the child on the child’s birth
    certificate and the child has not been adopted since the birth
    certificate was completed.
    We can presume that the person named as the parent of a child
    is the parent if they:
    • refuse to take a DNA test
    • have taken a DNA test that shows there is no reason to doubt
    that they are the parent
    • have adopted the child
    • are named in a court order as the parent where the child was
    born to a surrogate mother (a woman who has carried the
    child for another person)
    • are, by law, presumed to be the parent of a child born as a result of fertility treatment (under Section 27 or 28 of the
    Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 1990)
    • have been declared the parent in a ‘declaration of parentage’
    made by a court (in Scotland, this is called a ‘declarator of
    parentage’), and the child has not since been adopted, or
    • have been found or judged to be the parent by a court, even
    if parentage was not the central issue of the case. ”

    If the agency have not yet made any contact with you, when they do, you should be given the opportunity to deny parentage. You will then be required to do a DNA test, if it returns positive, yes you will be liable to pay child maintenance for your child and the effective date for your case to commence will be when the agency first made contact with you and arrears will accrue from such.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  5. Michael on March 3rd, 2012 1:40 pm

    Wow that’s disguisting

  6. brian on March 3rd, 2012 10:34 pm

    Chall has explained in more detail 😉

    But I guess either way unless you get a DNA test to prove otherwise the CSA will contact you to start the process.

    Apologies for the double post..and thanks Chall for the correction.

  7. KMcQ80 on March 4th, 2012 10:19 am

    Get a DNA test and it will prove whther or not you are the father.
    As for ‘I apparently have a biological child, I have no interest in getting involved as it was after a one night stand and completely against my will…'[

    Well, WHO should pay for YOUR child?
    Me, members of this forum, pensioners?
    Please tell.

    As for ‘completely against my will’..You’ve been watching too much Benny Hill.
    Get real.

  8. Michael on March 4th, 2012 2:01 pm

    To the post above, you are saying that it is correct for a female to force someone to become a father all because of the “should have worn a condom” excuse even though we now live in a time when womens contraceptive options far out weigh the males.
    And aswell, as far as I know, she wouldn’t be entitles to any less benefits than she is now if I was having to pay.
    Don’t bother starting an argument with me on this because I really will be able to poke holes in every argument you come up with and it will end up in petty name calling…

  9. John on March 4th, 2012 7:09 pm

    Every CSA claim brought about by a parent with care should start with a DNA test. This way the CSA and PWC can’t ‘scam’ the ‘alleged’ non resident parent!

  10. chall on March 5th, 2012 7:30 am


    There is NO argument.
    Unless a person is mentally ill or was raped, both parties we assume were willing at the time.

    You can attempt to ‘poke holes’ in anything you wish, but the fact remains we are ALL adults and ultimately responsible for our own actions.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  11. nathan on March 7th, 2012 9:56 pm

    To right I agree with mick. It was you “poking hole’s” in the first place that got you into this trouble in the first place, You should of had a wank instead.You sound like the type to be a W????ER any way! Take on the task of being a parent and grow up, And get a propper relationship going insted of just having one night stand’s.

  12. Michael on March 8th, 2012 12:34 pm

    ^ Exactly what I mean about the name calling, please don’t comment on a situation you know very little about. And get past the stage of thinking that every time a person has sex the main purpose is to breed. Get out of your mind that the male always has to be the big bad one, like the man instegated the sex for his own sexual gratification and caused this baby to happed. Like she lay their prone with a smile on her face servicing my ‘needs’.
    You also need to get the notion of having a one night stand means that it was one night, not many different one night stands.
    And at the age of 19 I don’t think I should be in any kind of “serious” relationship.
    How about women start taking responcability for their own bodies and not have babies with everyone and anyone they can climb aboard.
    How about you keep your nose out if you weren’t going to contribute positively to the original convosation.

  13. Michael on March 8th, 2012 12:39 pm

    Oh and I know full well I’m going to be called a wanker just for pointing out people’s inequal attitudes in the way I have to this.
    Gender Equality works both ways and this is a joke, if a woman by chance gets pregnant even if you use a condom, you’re trapped for the rest of your life, wether you want to be or not.
    All because of her decision, disguisting.
    Internation Womens Day HA don’t make me laugh, half of you are bastards.

  14. Xer on March 9th, 2012 2:38 am

    I have to agree with Michael in part, i am in a similar situation, except that the girl in question with me told me she would take the morning after pill as the agreed form of contraception. I know it takes two and all that but when both parties have agreed to contraception and she then does not take it, even after I have reminded her and offered to pay (after her mother had also given her the money). She then suddenly decides to not take any. Next week she is pregnant and we both agree the best choice is for an abortion, as we are both young and would be foolish to bring a child into the world on a one night stand to two parents who are not together and who have not got the financial means to support the child. She, a week later deciders she wants it promising I would have to pay nothing towards it and she just has always wanted a child. I feel that she has forced me into the situation by lying about the contraception.

  15. Scott on July 8th, 2012 7:22 pm

    I have to agree with Michael also. I now find myself in pretty much the same situation. I was dating a girl for a couple of months and she said she was taking the pill, we ended up having unprotected sex in a heat of the moment situation. Not long after I finished it with her because she’d had arranged a date with someone else. Then about 2 months after this she contacts me to say she’s pregnant and that she’s keeping it. I told her I want nothing to do with the child and that if it is mine then I will pay but I would rather set up a private arrangement than use CSA as CSA rape your paypacket. She didn’t like this idea because I don’t want to play daddy with her. And now I could end up getting stung for paying for a child I didn’t want in the first place. I too think it’s disgusting that a man has no right or say in whether a woman keeps a child or not but has to pay for it anyway. Where the hell are our rights???

  16. Alice on July 9th, 2012 12:30 pm

    It doesnt matter who is right or wrong in a case like this.There is a child involved who wasnt asked to be born.Yes you will have to pay CS until the child has left education,and to be fair to both of you adults why did you not use protection also.Why do some of you men believe and trust the womans word that she has birth control sorted.My son is coming upto 17 years of age and I have sat him down and told him never have sex with any girl unless he uses condoms regardless what the girl says.You cannot be blaming the woman ,it takes two to have a baby and now you must pay for him/her.

  17. robbie hewlett on October 21st, 2012 2:19 pm

    i read this today..as was looking for something on grandparents who have no rights to child who is supposed to be grandchild no dna. no name on birth cerificate. and child looks nothing like my son .i know if girl says he is csa got involved but two years on .no dna and ive seen child once asked to see him but she had to consult her diary .told me dna was going to be done then said hadnt time or energy to prove my son is father so caused heartache to my family .and me who believed i had a grandchild .why do people do this what gives them right to play god with childs life .my son admits he did have sex with her but she also has another child whos father and family are not involved with her either .why do these girls do it to people its cruel and unkind to people who would have loved the child

  18. alex reddy on February 28th, 2013 7:57 pm

    alice so you are basically saying dont trust women they are all out to impregnate themselves, coming from a woman alice ? an agreement between two adults that one will use conrtraceptives should stand, why should men who have been conned have to hand over there hard earned money for some sick slag who wants a council place, ruining the guys future to have children with someone who is not sick in the head, some woman should be forced to have an implant ! so is it ok to not tell a woman that you have got aids, cause a child you don’t want which drains your money can be just as damaging to the health as aids can, so fuck it you woman lie about kids we will give them aids !!!! and i am being sarcastic you dumb cow

  19. Shell on March 8th, 2013 3:44 pm

    If you are to arrange the csa payments through csa and explain you were paying but would like to now do it through csa they won’t back date it because your the one to start it only will they backdate it is if the mother goes to csa first. And I agree with the man in question, my husband is in the same situation and his ex he was in a relationship with for 11 months she said she was on the pill but wasn’t his child is 2 and he pays csa but isn’t allowed to see him she won’t let him his name isn’t on the birth certificate so he has not rights what so ever I don’t think women should be allowed to have any money off the farther unless they have joint custody of the child. It’s wrong for women to use children as weapons but they do. The thing is even with your name not on the birth certificate csa can still have your money but if you ever change your mind and want to know your child you won’t have any rights so no matter weather you want anything to do with the child they can still have your money so I’d make sure your names in the birth certificate just gives you a few more rights if you ever want to know the baby and I agree a one night stand isn’t a commitment to have a child so yeah I’m with you completely on this to be honest x

  20. Linda on March 11th, 2013 12:33 pm

    as a man you have a choice as to whether or not you have a baby, that is to put on a condom or not. if you choose t o not use a condom then you know full well that a baby might be created. No woman forces you to not use a condom against your will. The decision to have a baby begins and ends with a condom but it is still a decision that is completely within the power of a male to make. Blaming the woman does not erase your own decision to not prevent a baby. No woman should ever hold entire responsibility for contraception and no female contraception prevents spread of disease like a condom either. do you even realise the health risks the contraceptive pill has?
    if you dont want a baby dont have unprotected sex and if you do dont go blamig anyone else for what you chose to do!
    if you want to sit there and say that women should take responsibilities for their own bodies then men should take respopnsibility for their own sperm!

  21. Cat on April 6th, 2013 3:21 pm

    Sex can equal a child. If you really don’t want any chance of a child then don’t have sex. It’s not a hard concept to grasp. Accept responsibility for your own decisions.

  22. ltir14325 on April 9th, 2013 9:44 pm

    geeze I feel for the men, the girl who is pregnant with my child has openly admitted to ‘fuckied you while you were asleep!’ as a man, I have no idea what to tell the authorities!?

  23. rachel on April 28th, 2013 11:21 am

    im 23 was in a commited relationship for over 5 yeas and doesn’t stop the w****r walking out on me 5 months pregnant and ignoring all my calls. I am now left with a baby boy to raise alone and I do get help of the csa even tho he doesn’t see the little one. you made the mistake you need to pay for it.

  24. goodie000 on May 21st, 2013 4:43 pm

    Oh my there are some really opinionated oxymorons out there.

    Contraception is not 100% guaranteed. Are you that thick to understand that a condom carries risk and is slightly less effective than the pill or the implant in terms of percentage rate. Some of you should read the back of these packets. Where does it state it’s guaranteed 100%?

    Plus your telling me you have never had a condom split on you? Lmao

    Get a grip an stop trying to be politically correct.

    The decision to have a baby lies solely with a woman, it is her body and she is the one who has all the rights to the child!

    When the law changes to start defending the rights of the man/father then you can all start being politically correct. There is no democracy when it comes to children and parent, the mother wins hands down in this current society.

    If you want men to start paying for there children instead of the government handouts then do more to try and change the inequalities of rights that a father has. When it becomes 50/50 then maybe the CSA will no longer be heard of!

  25. David on June 17th, 2013 10:06 am

    I popped on here to see how my mate can get out of paying CSA and was hoping for some decent advice but it just looks like an extension of your family disputes which isn’t very helpful, so thanks for that.

    For those that are interested, all I’ve found so far is for the father to leave the country, which my friend is willing to do but as a last resort, in my opinion this country has gone to the dogs and that should be his first port of call.

    I’m sure everyone has a different set of circumstances but I think most of these issues could be solved by issuing licences to breed, those licences should be expensive to deter people from adopting “a benefit way of life” and require 2 committed parents to enter into that licence. Just to be sure I’d probably make a literacy and numeracy test mandatory for the licence as well!

    Of course, people will choose to have babies without licences but in doing so they should forfeit all rights to any benefits (not just CSA) and be regularly assessed to see if they are meeting the needs of the child, if not, take it off them.

    Some might think this is controversial but I assure you compared to my other ideas such as irradiating “kappa” clothing or spiking “white lightning” with some sort of infertility drugs then it is very timid.

    Wish you all the best of luck!


  26. Emma on July 30th, 2013 7:01 pm

    I just think its not the child’s fault. Both parents are to blame. If you have sex you are potentially creating a child, no contraception is 100%. Think there are some cruel women out there that do go out of there way to get pregnant however there are also some genuine mistakes and a woman shouldn’t have to go through the physical and emotional pain of an abortion to save the man some cash. As the girlfriend of a guy who pays CSA for a child he doesn’t see by a girl who forced a pregnancy on him I get how unfair it can be on the father but I just don’t see a fair way around it without the child suffering.

  27. sharon on November 9th, 2013 11:07 am

    My son finds himself in the same situation he had a drunken one night stand with a woman he had knowing on and off for three years he saw once in a blue moon when they where out.
    she has five children by 3 different men already which to me says a lot.
    one father has custody of two off his children the others the fathers are not in there life’s.
    she lives on benefits in the past she told my son she couldn’t get pregnant as she had a miscarriage 4 years early and there had been complications and she could never have any more children.
    my son has always made it plain he never wanted to be a dad and she was fully aware of this.
    it dose take two to create another life and my son excepts he will pay maintenance for a very long time to come he trusted this woman.
    He has Learnt the hard way no matter how drunk you are do not jump in bed with out wrapping it first.
    no matter how much you trust the woman never believe they are telling you the truth I am not saying all women are like this they are not.
    she had her own motives to getting pregnant and dare I say entrapping my son was one of them as much as I would like to give the other reason ins I can’t at this stage due to legal reasons.
    my son is not name on the birth certificate so he has no legal rights to see or be part of his son’s life.
    Yes he did not want to be a dad but that choice was took away from him the child is here now but the law says says tough you must pay for the mother to sit at home doing nothing why you work your butt off but you don’t have any rights how can that be fair.
    A DNA test has just been done and he is the father and is quite happy to pay for he’s son but he had no choice in becoming a father so I’m sorry to say but I agree with a lot of the men on hear who where lied too I do think it should be a joint decision to bring a child in to this world there are a lot of girls and women out there who no what they are doing and get them self ‘s pregnant on purpose
    and I think the law should be changed so that if a DNA test proves you are the father then you should be granted the same rights as the mother if this is what you want

  28. sarah on December 10th, 2013 11:08 pm

    When i was in my relationship i was atually on the pill and i still got caught. Pregnant so ovouisly the pill isnt 100% effective either so dont you fink men should protect themselves. Aswell??? My childs father walked out on us when he was 4 months old and said he doesnt want nothing to do with him, so damn right i rang csa he created him wiv me so why should he pay 4 his son regardless. Weather he sees him or not. The fact off the matter is u created the child so step up to the responsibilities u now have. What i dont understand is why men dont want to know or see there flesh and blood doesnt make sence to me.

  29. jo on December 11th, 2013 9:53 am

    Sarah, at the end of the day women have a say whether a child is born or not. You’re right men should also protect themselves but even condoms are not 100% effective and if a woman falls pregnant a man has no say whether to be a father or not….this is why some men do not want a relationship with their child especially to a woman who went ahead and had a baby without his knowledge or consent.

  30. Lisa on December 11th, 2013 2:23 pm

    Some women have no pride, this government has created a monster, go to CSA then you can be a lazy bitch live off the state and not contribute towards your kids, benefits isn’t contributing that’s the whole country paying and your ex subsidising your lifestyle because CSA say so, having a child and trapping a man into paying for a child he neither asked for or wanted is morally wrong, just shows how a woman can have the upper hand to just take take take, and to top it off a woman doesn’t have to register a name on the birth cert tell the CSA any name regardless of whether he is the dad wreck his life and there is no come backs on her when in reality it’s fraud, what a morally wrong society we have become

  31. N kelly on January 22nd, 2014 10:40 am

    I tell you what’s “DISGUSTING” all you people who avoid providing for you children. If you didn’t want a child, you should have been more careful using contraception. I am fortunate enough to have children with a father who voluntarily provides, however some women are left on their own.

    Women do have a say whether a child is born or not, but being a so called “MAN” you will never know the true pain an abortion brings a woman. Physically and mentally.

    I have a friend who claims CSA but isn’t a “LAZY BITCH – Claiming off the state” She works damn hard to provide for her children – however, her children are still entitled to money from their father for an even better upbringin.

    I agree some women see it as a scape goat – which is morally wrong
    I agree some people paying CSA deserve not too. However, these broadcasted opinions are all aimed at people you don’t know and only wanted your advice! Not to be abused online about your opinion.

    In my opinion and advice – if I was in a situation now where my ex husband stopped voluntarily giving our children financial assistance, I would make the process legally through CSA. As I work 40hours a week. Provide. And so should he!!!

  32. E on January 31st, 2014 11:27 am

    I came across this post accidentally and have to say its heartbreaking. I am 8 months pregnant, work 48-55 hrs a week and my partner of 3 yrs left me, he asked for space to think as he didn’t want the baby but after a previous miscarriage I couldn’t bear to give up our child. During the time he needed space he agreed to pay maintenance, to come to the birth and to put his name on the birth certificate, during which time he said he was still in love with me. Now, overnight he wants nothing to do with the baby, says there is nothing between us anymore and he has ignored me for over a week acting like neither me or his child exist anymore.

    Whether a one night stand or a long term relationship it’s the children who suffer, they are the ones who will have to feel the pain of being unwanted. Arguments over maintenance are ridiculous, providing is just the start of parenting and i would urge anyone being harsh enough to consider not contributing towards the upbringing of their children to actually stop and think about how their own flesh and blood will feel one day when they realise they are hated by the people they need the most. Accidents happen, be responsible and realise what children need more than anything is to be loved and cared for!

  33. mlv on February 6th, 2014 5:08 pm

    Every time you have sex, you need to be prepared to bear the consequences, including fathering a child even if you didn’t want to. Simple.
    I’ve always had this attitude,band anyone who doesn’t is an irresponsible idiot.

  34. Kerry on March 9th, 2014 10:49 am

    I agree with most of the men in here. My fiancé had a one night stand with someone he had known most of his life, a lot of rumours started an when the baby was born my fiancé payed for a DNA test, she tried to fake it by putting it in her mouth as she cheated on her boyfriend an told all his an her family that her boyfriend wS the dad. HE is not on the birth certificate. My fiancé then again payed and done another DNA test which came back 99.9% positive he was the father. She won’t let him pay as she doesn’t want him in there daughters lives. They have been to court 4 times so far and still hasn’t got any access to his child, the judge said you need to wait till she is 5 so she can understand, which will be November this year. Me a my partner have a child an both work full time where as she sits on her arse claiming benefits, when it goes back to court we will have to pay again and she will get legal aid, also we well have to pay for 5 years of his daughters life, all because she’s a bitch who cheated on her boyfriend….. How is that fair?

  35. Jodie on March 14th, 2014 2:31 pm

    I think it’s disgusting the whole csa thing fair enough u pay for ur kids but to the extent of how much they take off a father is disgusting. How is it a woman can move on with her life have new partner his money n take off the guy csa would leave the guy with nothing even when they have moved on and had more kids they take money for the ex but there’s not same amount left for the other child that lives with him so basically they’ll take money out ov one household sayin it’s for benefit of his child so one household is happy n the other lives on breadline so much for the upbringing of ur kids when the one that lives with them is punished I think all money from both sides should be considered because defeats the object taking from one child to give another. So ok they say u won’t pay as much when u have other kids so for example payments are £48 but if you have one child living with you it would be £43 so you have to pay £43 to one but the other gets £5 . A guy would be basically unable to give the child he lives with same amount of money and that’s not even including bills the guy pays or if he’s the only earner in household. And god forbid he didn’t work n you was married to the guy the ex can basically take from the new partner but it’s not same for the woman and her new partner men no rights woman all rights it’s wrong and unfair

  36. martin on April 22nd, 2014 6:06 pm

    ohh dear

  37. Mike on November 18th, 2014 9:55 pm

    I agree with Michael. When I was younger I had sex with a woman whom told me she was on the pill. Drunk young and stupid I didn’t use a condom ( I always normally do ) anyway she became pregnant, I begged her not to have it as I was to young for a child and didn’t love her. She said she was having an abortion all lies, she then said If I really don’t want to be involved I don’t have to pay her anything. Another fat lie Csa was all over me. I’ve been paying ever since, Csa won’t even tell me where the child is they take my money they don’t care that I made a mistake they don’t care that I don’t even know where the child is. This was the worst mistake of my life and I regret it forever. I’m now in a loving relationship my partner understands my position and for that I’m so grateful. As for everyone that is shouting at the guy who doesn’t want to pay for a child he never wanted I hope none of you ever make a mistake. I feel your pain Michael maybe you might get lucky and the bitch will move away or her new fella will adopt the child.
    Good luck

  38. Deee on February 25th, 2015 11:20 pm

    Hate to say, an abortion isn’t something that anyone can just do, but I was on the pill when I got pregnant and it failed. My man and I were together for 5 nearly 6 years and I told him straight away that something was wrong, then he was trying to force me in to an abortion, it turns out he was doing that cos he was just about to move in with another woman. An abortion isn’t simple, like he said, it’s like having a tooth out! No it isn’t! Yes I chose to keep the baby and I have told him, who is now trying to hide it from his new woman cos he’s got his feet under the table, I don’t want him on the birth certificate, and I don’t want any money off of him. But still it takes 2 to do these things, but an abortion is something that can scar and damage a woman for life, and in my case could have cause infertility due to incompatible blood types.. A woman is never the same after it. If I had an abortion I knew I couldn’t live with myself. So I am having this baby and on my own, it would be nice if he contributed but I’m not expecting anything off him.. I must be a total mug though, am I a mug to let him walk away totally free? Should he pay?.

  39. simon anderson on July 15th, 2015 5:23 pm

    same kinnda story as the rest of the guys here, met a girl told me she couldn’t conceive as she had tumour on pituary gland, low and behold she fell pregnant, could no longer trust her and did not want any more kids am 43 with 2 children one of which is severly disabled, the girl originally stated that she did not need any support from me financial or emotioanal, csa contacted me about 6 months after child was born, raping my wagepacket of 600 a month I could no longer provide the maintance for my other 2 children which I have done all my life outwith the csa. I can barely pay my bills never mind buying xmas birthday presents for my kids ive tried quiting jobs and starting new 1s just to give me some extra cash its a bloody nightmare I have honestly thought about murdering the women but will be forced to flee the country leaving my loved children behind

  40. G on September 9th, 2015 2:00 pm

    I had a one night stand and used a condom and she fell pregnant I gave her money for an abortion and 14 years later I get a call from CSA that she has put my name and wants child maintenance I had no idea about any other children can any one help with advice

  41. Zoe on December 8th, 2015 1:29 pm

    I need advise:
    All the same kind of situation here…
    My boyfriend had a one night stand before he met me, around 8 months into our relationship he gets a phone call to let him know that he has a 1 month old baby. He knew nothing about her pregnancy until this point. Of course he was scared to tell me at the horrifying thought that he would loose me, so he fed her bullshit and agreed with everything she said to stop her from telling me whilst he got the courage (he kindly waited until after my birthday!) even though she told him to get drunk and tell me on my birthday (what a lovely lady)
    Anyway long story short, she was forcing him to be a dad saying that she didn’t want his money… When he told me we decided to stay together and ask for a DNA test. This started absolute hell for the both of us. Threatening messages, abuse and bullshit, even that he will never be able to see his “son”. AND OF COURSE… That she will be getting CSA involved!!
    If the child is his, unfortunately for the child he has decided not to play Daddy. However brutal but fair.. she brought her son into this world without a father.. so what does she expect.

    With all the threats and that he is not allowed to see the baby anyway, does CSA have to be paid?

    ((No nasty comments pleae, I believe there is no right or wrong to this situation.))

  42. John on January 25th, 2016 2:56 pm

    This happened to me 17 years ago and has caused me nothing but stress, shame, worry and embarrassment ever since. The ‘girl’ in question has 6 kids, all different dads, at least 5 from one night stands. I was a young and naive 20 year old when we had a one night stand. She told me she was on the pill and even to cum inside her. It was a bit of fun, not even enjoyable in hindsight, should have been long forgotten. But she got pregnant and told me she was keeping it no matter what. The only decision have made in the whole situation was to have sex. Yes I shouldn’t have trusted her, but a life changing commitment financially and emotionally is a hell of a sentence for someone else’s decision. Now she’s dumped her kids into care, which means I can at least form a relationship without having to deal with her but small price to pay for the whole situation, not to mention trying to sort a kid out who i believe I was tricked into having.
    My advice to men out there, one night stands – never ever trust a girl who says she’s on the pill. Ever. If you’re married or in a trusting relationship that’s different. And if you are unfortunate enough to find yourself in a position like mine, change your name, move far away. The government don’t care about the circumstances of conception and actively encourage women like this by benefits and Dna tests and the csa. You’re screwed once their on to you and it’s 18 years minimum.

  43. Do Gooder on February 23rd, 2016 10:34 am

    Well reading these situations I have been in a similar circumstance. i.e woman verbally saying she is unable to conceive (doesn’t want a baby/another child), followed by breakage of contraception (or unprotected sex for certain individuals) followed by i’m pregnant, leading to I dont want this baby and/or Im having an abortion which then couple weeks months later turns out to be “oh i didnt have the abortion but kept the money for the operation”. To “you dont have to pay or be involved if you dont want which then goes to “You are not involved…why???” eventually to “im contacting CSA” and “its not fair”, “I have to do this all alone” “what about me”, “you get to live your life while im stuck”…

    Well should of thought of that before to you played the trapping game. You females love to fuck up a guys life by keeping an unwanted child which leads to another fucked up child in this world. You go crying to CSA not because you need the money. only to “get back” at the guy who stated MONTHS ago that he “didnt want a child”, “wasnt ready”. Why do you stupid women do such things? Then you become evil and vindictive towards guys for what? You think us guys want to support something for 18 fucking years that we didnt want in the first place. which then ruins our future with the kids we DO want. a big FUCK OFF to you dumb bitches!

  44. Lauren on April 12th, 2016 4:00 pm

    Is it true that if a DNA test is done before the child is one, a father can have the mother forced to put his name on the birth certificate, therefore granting him rights?

    My partner has a nine month old son with an ex — she broke up with him while she was pregnant, did not put his name on the birth certificate and refuses to grant him any access. When the child was first born he paid her maintenance money directly (No involvement of CSA necessary), but stopped when he found out he was not on the birth certificate. Now she has CSA hounding him for money, including back payments.

    He is at the end of his tether now — he is willing to provide for his son, and wants to be part of his life, but his ex refuses to allow him access, or to do a DNA test, all the while insisting he pays for the child he has never even seen. Neither of us see how it can be justified that he has to pay when he has no rights and she refuses to co-operate.

    To make it worse, CSA are aware of all this, but still insist ‘her word’ that he is the father is enough to force him to pay( despite his numerous requests for a DNA test) and now say they will start taking the money directly out of his wages. Is there anything at all we can do without having to spend shed-loads of money that we really don’t have?

  45. MissC on April 22nd, 2016 2:33 pm

    WOW – This is the saddest thread I have ever come across.
    I’ve been in this situation as a woman. Dating a guy for 12 weeks and fell pregnant. At first he was happy, told everyone (we live in a very small, rural town) and although we were both freaked out we went ahead. Cue 3 weeks later, he sits me down tells me he wants to have an abortion. Cue another week, him and his ex spread rumours about me and try and force an abortion that way. Cue another weekend and he’s been arrested on a rape charge. Nightmare to say the least. I get that guys who are forced into these positions are angry and I can totally see their point of view but this happens to women too. I love my daughter but those weeks were the hardest of my life. Wondering what to do for the best of everyone in that situation including my daughter. fast forward 7 years and I can confirm its hell. I pay the lions share, whilst he earns way more than me. Every little decision is a battle and without the CSA I doubt I would get any money at all. This is not what I planned for my life at all either but you have to do right by the child. It certainly did not ask to be inserted into the equation. The ironic thing is he now has completely re written history and he forgets everything he has done and plays the victim. Crazy!!!

  46. Michael pugh on April 7th, 2017 11:56 am

    Hi all,

    Wow it’s so nice to hear people that see things my way. Like many on here I had a one night stand after a night of drinking when I was younger. We found out that a pregnancy had accured. We then agreed an abortion would be the best option as we were young and had a life to live. The mother lied and didn’t have the abortion but told me it was her desiscion so I wouldn’t have to have any involvement financial or otherwise. I tried to put my point across but was ignored. When the baby come sure enough as did the Csa bill that I was promised wouldn’t. I have paid it for 7 years no problems or issues. Now the new service want double the amount £380 pcm. What really gets me is they just slam these crazy figures on you. It doesn’t matter if you have a mortgage or bills to pay. It wouldn’t even matter if she married a millionaire I would still have to pay and be destitute. That’s a third of my wage for one mistake that I never really even had a say in apart from a drunken yes. Why can’t the Csa look at the situation as a whole and calculate payments accordingly. She travels the world with her child that she decided to keep while I live like a tramp trying to scrape pennies together. If I lived with her I would not be paying £380 a month for a child. No way does it cost anything like £760 a month to keep a child no way at all. The system is unfair. I believe if your in a loving relationship that brakes down where both parties concented to having a family then fair is fair. But these one sided decisions need looking at. It should be equal and pro choice should be a real option.

  47. Sandra King on May 11th, 2017 5:28 pm

    I am a mum of my son who had a one night stand with an ex who he saw for 4 months but split up as they had nothing in common and he knew it wasn’t working but on a night out where she works and after a few drinks one thing led to another
    She was still on the implant so he didn’t use a condom but a few weeks later he turned up on his door saying she was pregnant!
    They spoke and my son said it wouldn’t be fair bringing a baby into the world while there was no relationship
    She told him she want going to terminate as she had already had 3 abortions and last one she was 16 week’s!
    Her own mother didn’t know about it whom she lives with along with her partner and sisters
    She even told him she would contemplate adoption
    He feels she is not stable enough to go ahead with a baby as she has panic attacks and was on medication for anxiety attacks as well.
    My son has pleaded with her to have an abortion as how can she have a baby when she has already even mentioned suicide!
    My son is devastated at the idea of paying maintenance for a child that he didn’t want and even her own family know it’s not the right time for her or a child but she has now said for definite she is having it and she knows she will get a house so she can move out and be on benefits
    Even the step dad thinks she had planned this deliberately
    My son is a wreck right now and its hard for me too knowing this mistake is going to change his while future for at least 18 years
    I agree with some of the comments on here that its unfair that if a man wanted a woman to have the baby he has no rights because its her body but the man’s future is ruined if the woman decides to keep it
    It’s hard on my son as back when it was the old vs a it was calculated on three man’s rent or mortgage plus all his household expenses then they look at what’s left and decided by too and in my case he paid 48pd a month for 3 children as he went out of his way to get the biggest mortgage with his wife’s wages taken into account
    I took it to court and won and the money was back dated as was proved by a court that he had done this not to pay me much for his children but unfortunately after years of battling with the csa and winning my case he left the country a week later and moved to Australia leaving me no way of ever getting any money
    My son has no communication with him and nor any interest in him for even never telling him or saying goodbye
    How is this fair that my son grew up with hardship that his dad wouldn’t help him and yet the vs a now expect these men who like many on here had a one night stand and now for 18 yrs have to pay the price of a child whom they feel have been tricked so they can get the state to pay for their houses rent free with all other benefits while the man will suffer for next 18 years in financial hardship for a decision she makes alone

  48. Jane on May 13th, 2017 11:22 pm

    I was with my ex. Iv always wanted the happy family but having a baby His idea- lets have a family la la la. Then I ofcourse got pregs. Then ofcourse he shat himself and basically became very aggressive and I was scared of him truth be told. Anyway I kicked him out whilst pregnant. He spent the whole pregnancy making my life a nightmare- ended up putting me in hospital due to stress. Anyway hemorrhage and emergency c section later. I had my beautiful son.

    Anyway. He hasn’t seen his son since he was a month old, he’s nearly 6months now. Seems to want nothing to do with him. Doesn’t pay for him- which I will not be chasing him for.

    Just mad how men can get all like let’s have a family and then completely walk away from their responsibilities. But whatever- I seriously look at my lil boys eyes and fall in love everytime. One day he will ask me why doesn’t he see his daddy and I will have to face that question with grace and dignity.

    But all I will say is. Yes there are some madams out there. Yes there are some wankers. But whether you meant it or not. Is it really these lil angels fault? No it’s really not. So call names all you want gentleman because you can only call yourself a man by stepping up to your responsibilities- your flesh and blood

  49. Brian on June 8th, 2017 4:42 pm

    The new CMS take into consideration all overtime worked, they do this by looking at your wage income via the DWP, so if you earn an extra £4000 with overtime with a full tax year to put into a savings account the new 2017 CSM system will up your payment for a full tax year, so now your not doing the overtime (no longer any available) and you on a flat wage you will be paying more than you were on your previous flat income tax year, my biological sons mother told me she couldn’t get pregnant and had the tests that informed her this, she told me 7 days after a one night 3 minute stand and of course my response was not to keep the pregnancy, she then said I’m keeping it regatrdless of what I said and she didn’t want any money. I’m now a father to a child I never see, the only thing I get to do with him is a reduced wage packet every month. But I’m a bad bastard for having no contact. In my eyes she’s a liar , a penny pincher , with no morals. I hope her next shit is a porcupine

  50. Cassie on June 15th, 2017 12:56 am

    I find it disgusting the amount of men on here blaming the woman men are just as bad as women!

    I was with my Ex for 6yrs. In 2016 we lost a baby due to Acrania. I was pretty much ready to walk away from the relationship then, but he lured me back in with false promises played on my emotions after losing a child and asked to try again!!

    When I fell pregnant at the beginning of the year I found out he was still sleeping with the mother of his other children. When I messaged her she denied it, but he dropped me like a hot potatoe treated me like rubbish and said he would only be there for the baby if I kept him a secret! After 6yrs with the man that’s how I get treated. Why? Because he thinks I’m stuck. He didn’t say any of this at a point I could terminate he waited until it was to late.

    He has done nothing for this baby so far, hasn’t brought a single thing and has no intention of doing so. He plays emotional mind games and still tries to invite me round his house even though I now know he’s with another woman.

    Why shouldn’t he have to pay? If he had told me the truth and let me walk away neither of us would be in this position. Seems to me that men think they can do what they want. Use and abuse women and play happy families until it doesn’t suit them to anymore. Then they walk away pretending they where trapped and never had a choice!!

    I’d of never had a baby with a man that hadn’t said he wanted to! I feel like he’s robbed me of the opportunity to have a child with someone that would of been there. Not only that he’s made the last 9months a living hell. I’m glad we have csa I will be claiming it.

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