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1. JayLo
   Member
   
   

   Just came through a very messy divorce, separated for 5 years and had to fight through the courts to see my son after being denied access for 3 months. I have never missed a maintenance payment, even before the CSA got involved, which was as initiated by my ex after she stopped the access. I've cooperated fully with them at all times, even paying alleged "arrears" that I had accrued. I've been assessed 4 times in a year and a half even though none of my circumstances have changed. I've asked my ex on numerous occassions if we could get back to the voluntary agreement, with me paying the assessed amount, and every time she has refused point blank. It's almost as if the CSA is a weapon at her disposal. As a result of this, I have rejected 2 job offers which are higher paid that my present job, as I really can't take the stress of the CSA much more. I should add that I spend lots of additional money on my son in terms of clothes etc as my ex uses the maintenance payment to fund a lifestyle. I love my son dearly, but don't see why the ex should benefit from career progression after she ended the relationship, and moreso now that we are divorced. Any similar stories or advice?

   Posted 10 months ago #

2. Lonesome
   Member
   
   

   Hi JayLo,

   From what you have written I think your thoughts are bang on right about the ex-wife using the CSA as a weapon at her disposal. That's why she refuses to return to the voluntary arrangement eventhough this was working well at the time.

   I think this also why you have been assessed 4 times in the year and a half because if the CSA are 'informed' of a change in your circumstances they will follow up on the 'new information.

   We too have been subjected to lots of reassessments with the ex-wife providing untruthfull information to the CSA. In a recent recent letter written to us from the Independent Case Examiner (ICE), it states quite clearly that you have to inform the CSA of any change to your income or address BUT also "The Agency is also obilged to act on any changes instigated by the parent with care".

   This could be the reason behind your reassessments.

   Posted 10 months ago #

3. sheepdog
   Member
   
   

   Hi Jaylo, my ex uses the CSA as a threat, when we split it we sorted finances out ourselves as part of a 'package' - I left her equity in the house so she could stay there in return for regular access and a slightly reduced rate of maintenance going forward to take the equity into account, this was all done through a solicitor and documented. Even now she keeps threatening to take me to court. Now she's stopping me from seeing the kids and poisoned them against me. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's going through this sinario. It's not that I don't contribute - I give her a regular amount every month, it's increased every year as organized - but of course it's never enough! It sounds like your ex is just bitter and wants you to suffer from these intimidating threats and reassessments, don't let it get you down, never let her know it gets to you, even if it does, keep your chin up and NEVER let her see it's affected you. She might just get fed up of contacting the CSA herself, as for taking a better paid job - my advice would be to look for something that you enjoy, if it's better paid then all well and good, at least your kids will see that your trying to help them and moving into a better job. I know it's hard because you don't want her to benefit from your hard work, but try and put it out of your mind, things will settle down one day.

   Posted 9 months ago #

4. RR
   Member
   
   

   JayLo, I know you started this thread so I appologise for using it to ask someone else a different question but I am desperate - SHEEPDOG, you say that you pay a reduced rate maintenance as you left your ex equity - how long ago was this as I gave my ex an extra £37,500 in exchange for a complete cessation of CSA when daughter turned 16 and now the CSA say I have to pay as they can overrule any private agreement. I'm feeling like she still sees me as her income provider - she battled for a long time for 50% of my income as she felt she wasn't obliged to work (despite being employed full-time!!)

   Posted 9 months ago #

5. sheepdog
   Member
   
   

   Hi RR, without going into too much detail for obvious reasons - I had an agreement when I split over 8 years ago that I'd leave equity so that she could stay in the family home - she effectively bought it for less than it was worth, in return she undertook not to take me to the CSA and take a reduced rate of maintenance. There are obviously circumstances that she would have to involve the CSA if I failed to pay what we'd agreed (i.e. if she lost her job) but other than that it stood. This was documented by my solicitor and I'm glad to say that it's stood me in good stead. I don't have a lavish lifestyle or earn mega money but the amount I'd have been paying would have been more over the years. I work hard and put in lots of hours. Did you get an agreement that was signed by the two of you in return for the £37,500? If not, it might be worth tracing your bank statement and if need be - flash the paperwork under their nose if asked, I'm sure they would have to look at it logically and take it into account. I don't know how it'll work - best off asking Big Gaz on this one. Best of luck

   Posted 9 months ago #

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