Hi any advice is great in my case :/
Background: My son is 7 in June. I split with his mother when he was 18months old (she cheated 10x, and I was fed up with taking her back). I looked after him every weekend at my mothers address. She would drop him off and have a go EVERYTIME, and demanded £100pw in maintainace (I was on £180pw), I agreed because she was in so much debt (store cards and catalogues) and I wanted my son to be taking care of. When she dropped him off he would be in a T-shirt and shorts (winter time) and she never sent buggys or things. So I went out with what remaining pay I had and bought all the items for him weekly, she'd come in a nose about and take whatever she liked and say it was what she "deserved." It was like this for about 6months, then I met my wife and she told me about the CSA calculater, and it was worked out to be £16pw she was entitled to, so I set up a DD for £80pm and she went totally mental, saying I wasnt allowed to see my son and that she was going to the solitors etc I continued paying the £80pm until I was made reduntant, but when I got another job I made the payments again to her.
My wife had out son in Jan 2008 and through the whole pregnancy she harrassed us saying horrible things.
She went to the CSA in November 2008 and the money came out of my wages. She told them That I didnt have a son and said my pay was double what it was, and it took them months for them to change all that.
I am happy to pay for my son, what I am not happy to do is fund her drinking and smoking habbit. My son is picked up from school on a friday BY MY MOTHER and dropped off on monday morning to the school. She picks him up monday after school feds him dinner of "curry in a can" and puts him to bed at 6pm. At most she has him 12-15hours a week. She's really mean to him saying "If someone gave me £10 to take him away I'd say yes and I wouldnt care less if they chopped him into a millions pieces." Ive been through solictors and they sugguested a DNA bacause of all the times she cheated and I agreed to prove he was mine, now I have to prove DNA in order to see him or the solictor wont help me.
We fought through solictors from Jan 2009 to march 2010, then one day she said I could have him (as long as I dropped the court case) and she was "sorry for being a cow" so I had him for 6months and until she wanted extra money for school uniform, milk money and toys etc (she was still receiving CSA and Id spent over £600 redecorating his room and buying him new clothes, toys, bedding, cutlery etc for stays at my house. I also paid for new glasses and a holiday which she didnt let me take him on) because I said no she said he can go to my mums again, because she'll still get her CSA and my mum has him more.
Resently Ive had to do night work just to make ends meet (it was a temp contract at my work) and the CSA say I have to pay arrears of £400 and the contract has ended and I back on days. They're taking £79pw off me to cover the arrears (which an adviser told me Ive got 2 YEARS to pay back) and it's gone from £27pw maintenance to £39pw. I only get paid £200pw. As Ive said before Im happy to pay for him, but he's at MY MOTHERS HOUSE ALL THE TIME!! My mum has him 95% of school holidays and 100% of bank holidays. How is it fair that she can have £2028 per year for not having him and palming him off to whoever she can.
Ive appealled twice and they ALWAYS come back with "as long as Im the one not having it doesnt matter who has him."
Ive resently rang 8x and they say they'll ring me back and they dont, Ive sent 2 emails and 2 letters. They dont get back to me and they carry on taking the money and not listening.
She told me when I was having him she'd let the CSA know and that the claim would go down, but it never did and she said "they said you have to look after him for a year for it to change." She's really taking the mickey out of me and Im sick of it, I dont know what to do and who to ask for help. Any advice Id be greatful for.
My mother has kept dairies of ALL THE TIMES shes had my son, but wont give them to me because "she doesnt want to cause a fuss," meaning my ex will stop her from seeing my son if she helps me. The advisors on the phone ALWAYS say I shouldnt have to pay maintenace if MY MUM is having him, but when I send a letter the people who reply say it doesnt matter. I just dont know what to do anymore :/