CSA advice forum

CSA advice forum » PWC Discussion

1. lozzt_123
   Member
   
   

   Hi,
   I am hoping someone would be able to give me some advice on what is right and if anyone has been in the same boat, what I can do legally.

   I am now a single mother. My ex partner has recently left and I have our daughter currently. The situation is now we apart, he has since got together with a supposed friend of fine, and is starting a relationship with her, how long that was going on I dont know. However, now he is in the "relationship" he only wants to see his daughter as and when it suits. I am now on my own with her and my son from a previous relationship, and I am finding things hard. She is only six months old and especially in the evenings can cry for hours as she is over tired. When I ask him for help he says no but then expects me to jump when he wants her. He wont pay any money towards her and isnt working so I cant claim CSA money.

   I need to know whether I am in the wrong by wanting to deny him access until he pays his way, or even helps with emotional things regarding her. I dont agree it should be on his terms and there is no way that I want her involved in his new relationship as she has a mummy and daddy, just daddy left her.

   Please do not judge me as some posts on here, as I havent denied access or anything yet, I would just like advice on the right thing to do without having to get a solicitor involved.

   Posted 10 months ago #

2. Silverdel
   Member
   
   

   Does your ex claim JSA,? if so he would still have to pay you £5.00 per week + £1.00 per week to clear the arrears, its worth contacting the CSA just to set up your case.

   Posted 10 months ago #

3. babydoll
   Member
   
   

   Children need consistency, espeacially at your babies age and routein, if he cant be bothred now the chances are he never will be. My advice to you would be to set up a meeting and discuss it together whats best for your child, but i think laying down the rule of you not wanting the new girl friend involved will push him away even more than he is now. The baby is probably crying alot because she can sence your stressed and tence and babies are very perseptive to their mums feelings, i would consentrate on your little family set up the meeting and discuss access but most important dont argue, give him a trail period dairy everthing and after the trail period if he still hasnt stepped up then he probably wont, but aleast you will have given him the option and the chance to make amends if he blows it then it his loss and your gain as the baby will always be yours

   Posted 10 months ago #

4. Gallii
   Member
   
   

   You need to do what you think is best, I agree people who don't pay for there children really don't have much right to say "I WANT". And although Children should know there parents, I don't believe the non resident parent should be aloud to get away with not contributing to the child they have created. At the end of the day its you that needs to decide what you feel is the right way forward, and don't be swayed by what other people think or say its your choice and yours alone and remember no matter what you decide NOONE has the right to judge you on your decision.

   Posted 10 months ago #

5. Mark148
   Member
   
   

   I would say no to denying him access on the grounds that he isn't paying any maintenance. As already highlighted, the CSA can deduct monies from his benefits and you can request a reassessment when you know he has started work.

   Give him the opportunity to be a father and act responsibly but don't let him walk all over you and ensure he gives you advanced warning of proposed visitation. Better still try to organise a visitation planner and keep a diary of ongoings.

   It is always better that a child has two loving parents in their life whether they are together or not. It is up to the adults to act as adults and always put the needs of the child first.

   I myself have not seen my Son since Jan 08 as his mother has alienated my Son against me. I continue to pay CSA maintenance of £470pcm which I believe to be excessive yet I will always stand up and pay as any responsible parent should. Should I not pay maintenance because my ex denies me access.........I believe I should pay because he is my Son whom I love and I must act responsibly, he will find out the truth one.

   I spent over £20k in the Family Court System to no avail as the system itself is weak and does not punish those who make false allegations. It is also time consuming due to the case load numbers of those who are entitled to legal aid.

   I would suggest that you act in a responsible manner, give him the opportunity to be a father and at least that way in the future when your child asks about Daddy you can tell the truth without any possible repercussions. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

   Posted 6 months ago #

6. SarahField
   Member
   
   

   https://www.facebook.com/groups/protectctc/

   Posted 6 months ago #

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