Ex has threatened abuse of daughter

November 4, 2011

My ex partner used to abuse me physically and emotionally; he used to hide my contraceptives and told me that he is jealous of my relationships with my family and friends and tried hard to separate me from them. when i got pregnant he said he immediately thought of benefits and wanted another one after she was born. During my pregnancy h tried to cause accidents with me in the car, told me to abort and made threats to punch me in the stomach. He told me if left alone and she wouldnt stop crying he would abuse her; he told me he would abuse her if he had to change her nappy and would take her away from if i left him.

I did leave him and reported what he had said and done to the police but due to lack of evidence the case didnt go to court. He doesnt want to contribute to her he just wants to play with her without looking after when it suits him and keeps changing a his mind about being in her life. He also told me that because we have a child together he will always be in my life and will poison the childs mind and make it difficult for me to be with some one else and i would have to choose him out of lonliness.

This man terrifies me; his behaviour is unpredictable anf i fear for my life and my daughters. i have had to change doctors, where i shop, my numbers and i cant go out alone.

He is now applying for access to see her everyday. I didnt put him on the birth certificate and i fear my child will end up disturbed. He is very good when it comes to putting on a front and im afriad people will believe him; what can i do to stop him from having contact with her for her safety?

Comments

  • Mick says:

    Go see a solicitor, tell them youir story. They may suggest you take out a residency order to prevent your ex from trying to take your child away from you. As far as access is concerned, let him apply through the courts for it. Access can be arranged through contact centres where you dont have to have any kind of contact with your ex whatsoever, plus it is supervised access at a time agreable by you both. If he starts to be a no show, it will get logged and access can be withdrawn completely then. Dont believe the nonesense your ex says when he reckons you wont find any better than him. My ex said the same to me. I have had better since and if i am honest, even if i had never had better, being alone is better than being back in a situation that doesnt work and never will.

    Just because you ex is applying for access every day doesnt mean that you have to agree to it does it! You still have to perform your daily routines with your children wether he wants to see them or not. As i have already stated, access doesnt mean it has to be where you live either, or where you have to have direct contact with him. If he keeps showing up and making threats to you, call the police, get socail services and the courts involved if need be. Try to obtain a court injunction to keep him away from you. I know its a lot of hassle and grief you could probably do without, but if in the long term it puts distance between you and your ex, it will be worth it. I dont know what kind of man your ex is, but if he is the type that will threaten you but would cower and be all humble before a judge, or back down if another man was to come into your life, then you know for sure then exactly what he is.

    As for the question of maintenance. you dont say if he works or not.Get the CSA involved if he wont voluntarily help you financially to maintain his kids. It would look well in court if hes pleading how desperate he is to see his kids yet wont contribute a penny to put food on their table. You need to get to the point where you can call his bluff on his threats, be past caring what he says even. A bully can only ever maintain power over their victim as long as he/she knows they can still scare you. Once they know you will fight back, and no matter what you will no longer ever bow to their threats, only then will you ever be truly rid of this creep. If you got friends or familly that can be there for you at short notice when needed. Talk to them. Once he realises you are no longer alone and have witnesses to his threats who would stand up in a court against him to repeat what he says under oath, he will back down. If he comes to your door, dont answer it. Call the police. A bully can only ever prevail as long as they know you will bow down to their threats and feel they can keep their victim isolated from any kind of help from friends/familly or even a new partner. I know this is easier said than done, but it is the only way you are ever going to be able to truly get on with your life and move on in the long term. Hope this is of any help to you.

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