Dealing with the CSA when your ex partner is lying!

December 1, 2010

In short i found out my now ex partner to whom i have two beautifull daughters aged 10 & 8 , was having several affairs so we parted and i moved out of the then familly home.

She contacted the CSA and they contacted me ( to which i have no problem with at all , i am more than willing to pay for my children)and i was fully co operative with them and today i received there child maintenance – our decision report.

Firstly i informed the CSA about outstanding familly debts of approx £6500 to which they informed me that £ 3000 was unacceptable as it was on credit cards ( im sorry but in this day and age i assume not many families don`t have credit card debts ) the further £ 3500 ( balance of a £12000 loan ) they asked me to provide details of.So i got togeather the details , bank forms,agreements and forwarded them onto the CSA.They then contacted me to provide details of what this money had paid for to which i supplied them a detailed list of the items i was still paying for that were still in my ex partners house.

The CSA contacted me a week later to say they wouldnt accept this variation as they had spoken to my ex and she denied it was anything to do with her.

I spoke to the CSA staff member and asked is that was the only paramater they have for assessing these matters ie, phone my ex and say do you accept responsibilty for these debts and we will reduce your maintenance payements or do you deny it and get more money!!To which the CSA basically said YES.I said to the CSA memeber of staff that there system was ludicrous to not have an independant assessor or similar to which see basically agreed and suggested i contact my local MP!
The other point is that i have my children 2 nights a fortnight plus about four weeks holiday per year and my ex has told the CSA i dont have them at all as she found out that would reduce her maintenance by a 7th.

This system seems so unfair and staggered against the father of any child and so weighted towards the mother no matter how honest or not she may be , please can any one help ?

ps. I wrote my local mp ( for the first time ever )4 days ago to see if he could help with the injustice and i await his response,.

Any help or advice from other fathers out there going through this nightmare would be so greatly appreciated.


76 Responses to “Dealing with the CSA when your ex partner is lying!”

  1. Melanie Jane Newman on December 1st, 2010 10:49 pm

    Laura, Allan does not know how to 'shut up', he was asked on a previous thread by the site administrator to curtail his posts but he is a legend in his own brain space and will always be perfect and right in his mind. Any response you come up with he will twist so he can make you out to be in the wrong. If you want to lock horns with this man you need to break down his argument piece by piece but then you would end up writing a novel rather than a response Just like our dear friend Mr Morrell…..soooooooo not worth it. As I have said before rude!

  2. Su Sephton on December 1st, 2010 10:50 pm

    Contact your local MP viawww. It's an easy site as you type in your postcode & it will show who the MP is. It's set out as letter form, all you do is briefly outline your need for assistance & include your contact details.

  3. Laura Maybey on December 1st, 2010 10:54 pm

    Melanie I'll be contacting the admins anyway. Poorly checked page.

  4. Allan Morrell on December 1st, 2010 11:14 pm

    Dealing with the CSA when your ex partner is lying!That was the original idea of this post… I commented as to my opinion as to ex-partners that lie…. that comment remains firm in my opinion.. If you choose to lock horns, then that's an issue for yourselves to deal with!!! You choose to start directing comments with my name included… either towards me or about me in name… will deservedly have a response!!!!The commnt of Novel was regards additional afterthoughts sweety!!!pay your attentions to your childs needs with the gusto you use to get the last word!!!!! else comment according to original post!!!!!!

  5. Laura Maybey on December 1st, 2010 11:16 pm


  6. Allan Morrell on December 1st, 2010 11:22 pm

    Fair enough for you…. laura… Last laugh then……….. eh!!???????Opinion relating to post would be more appropriate!!!! Thank you!!!

  7. Laura Maybey on December 1st, 2010 11:27 pm

    Didn't realise you were an admin on this page. The one getting the last laugh is the CSA.

  8. Allan Morrell on December 1st, 2010 11:31 pm

    Melanie.. I have never commented that I myself to be a legend!!! Legend is the word you chose to use…. You include my name, you will receive an opinion relating to the post you made accordingly…!!!The curtailing comment was due to my afterthought entries which I have curtailed….I have entered post directly and according to application of posts including use of my name therefore making a direct approach in comment either towards myself or about myself!!!!Please continue to provide your opinions via PM unless you choose to continue making idiots of yourselves like that you accuse me of either directly or indirectly!!!!! Else accept I will respond in the same attitude you choose to request!!!!!Whatever you say I am!!!!!! I know the truth why PWC's lie!!!!!

  9. Allan Morrell on December 1st, 2010 11:40 pm

    Yes Laura… and if all PWC's stopped their cases… the CSA would have nothing to do… therefore no earnings for no work….You choose to use CSA… that becomes your problem if you feel you aint getting what you are entitled…. I cannot sympathise with those who choose to use CSA and dissapprove of the system they choose to use to gain revenge on NRP which affects the children involved….I have presented an opinion where it could be possible to meet a reasonable agreement between NRP and PWC… Some PWC's ( the unreasonable PWC's) use every trick to gain financially while child misses out on contact with NRP… while NRP funds PWC…. of which some or many are likely to use the maintenance on retail therapy and in some cases, drugs or alcohol….. It happens!!!!!One objective…… like the same objective the CSA… MONEY!!!!!The root of ALL evil!!!!!!!!

  10. Lee Hughes on December 1st, 2010 11:40 pm

    Can people please start to be civil to each other, If I have to read much more then I'll either leave or start blocking people. i certainly ain't a fan of doing that but I'm hear to listen to other peoples views and problems and see if possible if I can be of help.Personally, the sooner we all work TOGETHER to achieve a more equal situation regarding access and maintenance the better. If you're at both extremes of the spectrum then I can't be done with listening as you'll only be harming that cause!

  11. Allan Morrell on December 1st, 2010 11:48 pm

    PWC's… the children need their NRP…. not the constant bickering about money… the CSA are taking advantage of PWC and NRP and ultimately the child!!!!!The way to closing them down is to show how incompetent they are, prevent their ability to do their work effectively… the government will see it has no purpose or interest for society as it cost society… its a waste of money….if the staff have no work… the staff at CSA have no job…. they will prove innaffective…. ultimately!!! CLOSURE!!!!Return it to the courts…. penalties placed on non compliant with contact issues where PWC with-holds contact from NRP and ultimately using the child as a weapon against NRP!!!

  12. Laura Maybey on December 2nd, 2010 12:09 am

    No courts want to deal with it. They've got enough cases as it is without maintenance disputes.

  13. Laura Maybey on December 2nd, 2010 12:14 am

    Its not about what Im entitled to, its what the child is entitled to. If i shut my case then he would recieve nothing ever from his father. I dont touch the £1.25 a week he recieves as it goes into a bank account which he will have access to and complete control of when he is 16.

  14. Lee Hughes on December 2nd, 2010 12:23 am

    A mechanism should be in place that deals with both access and maintenance at the point of the split. After extensive attempts to resolve the matters should access go to court and maintenance to another organisation. If one party is shown to have been unreasonable then they should suffer penalties for not complying.

  15. Laura Maybey on December 2nd, 2010 12:30 am

    That's true lee.

  16. Pauline Brown on December 2nd, 2010 6:52 am

    Most def, Lee.

  17. Charmaine Leworthy on December 2nd, 2010 8:43 am

    Annika and Laura, Melanie has hit the nail on the head. Don't let him wind you up, he thrives on it. I don't respond to any comments he makes anymore, its s fruitless exercise and very time consuming, some of his points are valid but sadly get lost amongst the ranting. The creators of this site state one of their main successes has been to show NRPs that the CSA isn't necessarily biased towards the PWC, the next issue they should tackle is the ongoing war that has erupted that shows that some NRPs are most certainly biased towards PWCs and these types never consider the real work we do as parents. Some accuse us of being financially motivated and quote completely unrealistic costs involved in bringing up children, showing just how out of touch they are with the reality of full time parenting.I'm personally not happy that people who have posted looking for advice get very little intelligent response and are bombarded with vile language, derogatory personal comments and useless ramblings, and I feel the administrators of this site should step in and put and end to this. This site is on a rocky road to becoming a cesspit of hatred as apposed to the advice forum it was intended. Newcomers will run a mile at the torrents of abuse and those with something of value to offer are leaving in droves because of the childish, insulting postings of a chosen few.Phil reiterates what I've said previously, all this anger should be aimed at the government not each other. We all agree on one thing, the CSA is wrong and needs to be sorted for everyones sake. Why relationships broke down is personal and differing to each of us, there are two sides to every story (it may make very interesting reading to hear from the ex's of some of the NRPs, see what their version of events are!!) but it makes no difference to the CSA or their calculations so isn't really relevant. Bottom line, our ex's weren't that bad at the time or we wouldn't have had a relationship with them. People change for a variety of reasons, but reactions are a response to other peoples actions. If you've acted in a manner that has caused distress or animosity don't expect you ex to be reasonable or compliant, human nature makes them rebel when hurt, but remember it was your choice to act in that manner, your ex is dealing with the emotional train wreck left behind.So if the PWC has been responsible for the split don't expect the NRP to be happy about being booted out of the home he's worked his arse off to provide you and the kids. And if it's the NRP, no one, regardless of their sex, is going to be happy about being abandoned and left to bring up the kids primarily alone. If there is physical or emotional abuse elements involved then things obviously become more complicated. The LAW states that both parents are responsible for that child until they are 18. We all know this when we embark upon the decision to become parents, just because the reality is harder than the fantasy or the grass maybe looks a bit greener on the other side or we don't really like the person we chose to have a child with anymore doesn't relieve either parent of that responsibility. Fact is kids can't be raised on love alone, there is a financial aspect that needs to be met by both parents. How that is going to be done fairly is the issue. Is 15% of your net income a lot?? I don't think so, and I know for a fact a damn site more that 15% of my income goes on my child!!

  18. Susan Ward on December 2nd, 2010 9:08 am

    I feel very sorry for you, but as is said many many times, its the nrp who comes off the worst. My husband and I also had the same problem as you are now having and in fact he is still paying off loans that he had with his exgirlfriend, because like your ex she denied it and of course the criminal support agency took her word after all she was so hard done by.(NOT).All you can do is keep on at them, but ubfortunately they don't have proper staff training for nrps cos after all we are the criminals leaving the POOR PWC who have it so tough. Maybe one day the boot will be on the other foot and the PWC will indeed have to pay their fair share to look after THEIR child. After all it takes 2 to create a life.Whilst there are some PWC who play fair many do not, and see it as revenge to the nrp.At the end of the day it is the children who suffer and the csa should be about them.They say everyone is treated fairly I Know thats not true. We are still paying his ex and the money comes out of our 3 yr old daughters's money which the csa take into account,I hope his ex is really thrilled with that.

  19. Karen Bedford on December 2nd, 2010 10:12 am

    Actually brokenfather, I left the family home with my children as my ex was abusive and it took me nearly a year to get back in there through the courts as he wont leave, he left all the debts for me and my family to pay off as I was told I might not get the house back as I ‘made myself intentionally homeless’ and that I had to pay the debts, so, obviously you are wrong on the ‘men’ bit!

    Anyway back to the real problem here, Sorry to hear about your experienced John, but unfortunately its not just some fathers have wont support their children but some mothers too, whether PWC or NRP, obviously I was the PWC, Mother but I know there are many fathers who are NRP who suffer injustice because of the ‘people’ who play the system not to support their children, which is disgraceful. Please join the facebook groups child support agencies failings as this is for PWC,NRP,mothers and fathers who have suffered probs due to the failings of the CSA by not implementing procedures to stop these ‘child abusers’ which I believe they are when you not supporting their children, when/where they can, as mine def. can and could and never did and never would.

    I have been seeing my MP for 12 yrs over this and not got far with it as I would like but I have managed not only to get numerous special payments but also a large advanced payment to stop Watchdog filming my story. Im currently (past 18 months) waiting for Upper Tribunal appeal hearing date. Good Luck with everything.

  20. Garry Clarkson on December 2nd, 2010 11:36 am

    Let stop using these silly anachronisms. NRP and PWC. There are two PWCs in REALITY. You guys are pandering to the CSA's neologisms. Its funny how they take the mothers word as gospel without evidence but refuse to acknowledge evidence the other side. Mass refusal brought down the poll tax (as well as marching on central London). Direct Action is the way forward so let's organize.

  21. Allan Morrell on December 2nd, 2010 3:11 pm

    Charmaine… I note your use of common sense… if only those other PWC's could learn by your example!!!!

  22. Brokenfather on December 2nd, 2010 3:55 pm

    Thank you for providing further evidence of the abuse of men by the legal system Karen.

    Even when a man does stay, he can easily be removed should the woman desire.

    This gender bias must stop …..

  23. Charmaine Leworthy on December 3rd, 2010 8:05 am

    Susan, I can't believe a mother is actually making the statement 'one day a PWC might be made to pay their fare share'. You must be lucky enough never to have been a single parent and I sincerely hope you never become one. It's hard enough bringing up a child with two people and two incomes, as you well know. Your partners previous children do not become second rate just because he has chosen to start a new family. Their needs are still the same, and to my knowledge there is no 'single parent discount' available when buying necessary items. A PWC pays their 'share' in far more ways than financial. Would you be happy if your partner came home one day and said 'here's 15% of my wages, I'm keeping the rest' and I'll only care for the children for a set period every week?? I think not!!!

  24. Allan Morrell on December 3rd, 2010 2:49 pm

    funny how many PWC's who are not single cant manage and single PWC's find it a bit hard to manage financial provisions for their child…Notice… its again a comment of Money!!!!If you dont have enough money then a budgeting plan being put in place might be of help… that way!!! Child will benefit financially… also with a bit of compromise along the way…PWC and PWC/NRP will manage to provide a friendly environment instead of the constant bickerings in relation to financial support!!!!My child is happy with my provision of clothing and footwear while PWC eceives nothing…. Clearly a compromise has to be reached out to for the benefit of child involved

  25. Allan Morrell on December 4th, 2010 11:27 am

    BOTH PARENTS SHOULD PAY THEIR FAIR SHARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  26. Michael Peebles on April 24th, 2014 8:12 pm

    everybody seems to be having allot of fun on here but any chance I could get some advise please. my ex wife threw me out of our family home, not my decision. since leaving I have provided for my beautiful daughter by filling their freezer on a weekly basis still keeping the t.v licence paid along with car insurance. all of a sudden my ex decided that I can only see my daughter for 2 hours a week. when I refused she went missing for the whole of the easter holidays until child services got envolved and organised visitation for me. since then she keeps making plans for the days I’m supposed to see her so she doesn’t want to come with me when I turn up. I have been told by friends that she has been telling people that I am abusive and threatening her. today I recieved my csa pack through the post so I phoned them complete the application to find out that according to my ex I have no contact and that my daughter doesn’t stay with me every other weekend. and for that I am expected to pay my ex 50 quid a week leaving me with no money to live. I have no idea where to turn so please stop the fighting and put your heads together and give me a hand.. PLEASE!

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