Dads who are denied access to their kids should not have to pay

April 23, 2013

I gave birth to my daughter now 5years old in 2008, split from her father after just a few weeks. In fact i fled from him and his home town as he was addicted to drugs and violent. Cut a long story short- there was a no contact conjunction order put on him not to come anywhere close to me. In 2010 he got in touch with courts to lift the order and regain contact with his daughter, i was actually happily about this and welcomed the idea.

We both attended several court hearings for 12 months, unfortunately in this time he was to fail all drugs tests and prove himself violent. I tried everything to help him. Eventually the conjuntion was lifted and we could communicate and meet each other to come to a personal agreement between ourselves, i agreed for him to have contact as long as he was to get help, he was on jobseekers allowance and so i didn’t ask for any maintenance. My daugter began to form a wonderful relationship with him and he proved himself with fighting his addictions. Unfortuanlty this only lasted 2months and i was VERY UPSET and disappointed that i had let my daughter become attached.

I have worked right through my pregnancy and returned to work after 6months of maternity leave… i am now a qualified account having done several years at college/university and working full time, whilst paying for extremely expensive childcare! It was a huge risk to let my daughter regain contact with her father as she just isnt used to anything like his style of lifestyle, but i wanted her to know him at least. After he disappeared again in 2012 i immediately called the csa on him, i deserved for this to be put right and for him to have to one day eventually take responsibilty… he at first got this was refused from his jsa payments, he claimed he was under some kind of hardship and couldn’t afford the £5 deduction. In 2012 i discovered he had in fact become employed i contacted the csa so many times for them to tell me they were unable to trace this… isn’t it just a simple case of tracing him via NI number and see that he pays taxes..!!!!! I got stuck in then and discovered who he was actually employed by… contacted the csa again (doing there job for them) and they told me it would take atleast THREE months to investigate this.

You see… i would of believed this BUT in this time i actually have a new partner who also has a child..boy aged 3… he didn’t pay csa either but in fact paid cash to his ex.. EVEN THOUGH HES NOT ABLE TO SEE THAT CHILD! BECAUSE HES EX DOESNT ALLOW IT! He is also going through court, he doenst take drugs and doesnt have a history of violence and is currently serverly despressed after been seperated from his child… nov2012 she called the csa on him and after just one month of him getting a new job they had caught up with him and deducted 40PERCENT of his wage from his first pay packet. Now why can they catch up with a willing loving father and take what he cant afford whilst not seeing his child yet set a time frame of THREEmonths to make a violent, csa dodging, drug user pay his maintenance.The three months is now up and he csa claim that his employer have now refused to provide information about him, they have been fined and i am awaiting for news…probably more waiting! I have the very worst of bad luck.

I believe that all dads should pay for there children, of course i do, im fighting everyday for my daughters dad to contribute BUT dads who are horribly denied access to there children SHOULD NOT PAY.

We are.fighting a loosing battle, paying out to a child we dont get to see, and not recieving the maintanance we are entitled to!!! What can we do to reduce.payments – we are not allowd contact with the child in question, cant afford to pay, and have a child here at home that we just cant afford to provide all she needs without some help oursleves. Please please help us

Comments

  • Jeanette Stone says:

    Melinda Bas , what a naive view you hold, even if you could afford the court fee’s plus time etc, if the mother of the child does not want the Father to have contact, it will be denied at every turn,no matter what anybody say’s, this is from very bitter, experience, as my son has been living this hell for 7 years, thousands of pounds has been spent, numerous court visits, aborted telephone contacts, all to no avail, the child will not know his Father nor extended family, because it is Mothers wishes.

  • Sally says:

    Well said Jeanette – unfortunately it’s true Melinda, we were in the same boat but we only went to court once. We gave up, terrible as it sounds, the kids were emotionally drained (as were we)… my partners ex was hell bent on getting more money…

    It backfired on her – thankfully…. but the CSA are worse than useless…..

  • John says:

    I obtained a contact order, where the Judge specifically set down the terms of the order to the mother. It cost me two thousand pounds.

    Within a month the mother had broken all the terms of the order, defying the judge, and upsetting the children.

    I informed the court, and the judge did nothing to haul the mother back into court. Instead, I was asked to pay another two thousand pounds for another worthless piece of paper, whilst the court takes my payment and does nothing to enforce the order. Legal thieves!

    I dealt with it my way, by sending a note. ” if you cannot abide by terms of the court order, then contact ceases”. it did!

    The children are older now, and realise that their mother cost them contact with their father, because of her selfish ways!

    I later got stitched up with the ‘fake’ arrears syndrome from the CSA £6,400. So, I broke contact again, telling the children that they should speak to their mother, because, like many on here I was being robbed blind!

    Using children as political pawns, for the sake of money, is the lowest form of manipulation!

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