CSA Self Employed
Being self employed doesn’t mean that non resident parents can avoid paying the CSA, but many NRPs do see self employment as a way of escaping the Child Support Agency.
Because the CSA tends to use the DEO (deduction from earnings order) as its favoured method of collecting payments, many people choose to quit their jobs as a way of escaping it. The CSA prefers to use the DEO because it is quick and easy, and it means they do not have to converse with the non resident parent or come to any agreement about how and when payment will be collected. The CSA will issue your employer with a DEO, and your employer has to comply with it or they will be threatened with the bailiffs. Few employers will challenge this.
As a result, and because a DEO can be for as much as 40% of your wage, many people choose to quit their jobs and either become unemployed, or go self employed. The CSA does not like to chase after non resident parents who are self employed because it is more hassle, requires more legwork, and through creative accounting the self employed are able to disguise earnings, thus reducing the amount they owe to the CSA for the maintenance of their children.
The CSA will use the most recent tax return of the self employed person to work out how much money they earn, and how much money they need to pay. Because a non resident parent has to pay 15% of their earnings, after tax, for one child, it is in the NRP’s interest to declare as little as possible in their tax return. This way they pay less tax, and less child support.
Becoming self employed is very easy, and it can even be done while keeping your current job if your employer will allow it. Some non resident parents choose (with their employer’s permission) to become ‘contracted’, which means they are not salaried, they do not have any of the perks or security of a full time employee, and they pay their own tax.
There are many tales on our website from non resident parents who have gone down the self employment route for one reason or another, and you can read their advice on how they have managed it, and what the outcome was, right here.
Comments
33 Responses to “CSA Self Employed”
Got something to say?
Loading ...
Why don’t all these women think about the consequences of having children beforehand??? !!! They seem to act like they’re the only victims. The new wives\girlfriends of their former partners end up with complete stress through no fault of their own.
I have had previous partners but never had a child with them until i knew was the right time instead of jumping in and then crying later!!
Sick of the men getting the blame, women are in full control of their bodies, ever heard of contraception??
We have paid maintenence but some of these moneygrabbers want more and more so in the end the fathers end up leaving employment and moving away and sometimes they end upm splitting with present partners and those children suffer, what a ridiculous system!!
To Michelle
I am one of “these women” who had children with my ex HUSBAND so i did think it was the right time and right person. However things broke and i ended our marriage but we made workable agreements for access and child support and everything worked great until he got a new girlfriend and then wife who didn’t want his children around and didn’t want to him to pay anything for their wellbeing and so forced me to go to the CSA.
HOW ABOUT THE NEW GIRLFRIENDS/WIVES DECIDE IF A MAN WHO ALREADY HAS CHILDREN AND SO A COMMITMENT TO PAY FOR THESE CHILDREN BEFORE GETTING INVOLVED. HOW ABOUT THEY SWITCH THEIR BRAINS ON AND KEEP THEIR NOSE OUT OF THINGS THAT ARE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. THEIR WAGES ARE NOT TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT FOR CHILD SUPPORT ONLY THE FATHER’S WAGES GET IT FATHER (IT TAKES 2 TO MAKE A CHILD MEN ARE EQUALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTRACEPTION) OF THE CHILDREN PAY FOR THEIR CHILDREN FROM THEIR EARNINGS AND ANY STRESS FELT BY YOU AND THE OTHER IDIOTS THAT TAKE ON A MAN WITH KIDS THEN BLEET AND CRY ABOUT IT LATER IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE STRESS FELT BY THE PARENTS WITH CARE STRUGGLING TO FINANCIALLY SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN. My new husband has not once complained about using HIS earnings to support my ex husbands children so why is it so many new wives and girlfriends yap on about money that does not come directly from them. Ridiculous system is right though and hopefully it’ll change soon and NRP will be properly assessed and pay the correct amount of money for the CHILDREN THEY EQUALLY CREATED.
Men don’t get a legal right to the reproductive freedom that abortion gives women. So we cannot be held equally accountable for children. Nor do men get 10 forms of contraception like women do.
Tax, CSA is all theft backed up by the threat of violence. It is morally wrong in principle.
I had to leave my job because the CSA wanted too much money than I could afford,I was left in debt by a previous partner,and whilst working,had to pay basically double,rent on top of rent arrears,council tax on top of council tax arrears etc. Now,I am running my own flat,albeit trying..on £51 a week! I want to smash to fuck out of my ex for this! Her time is coming,I swear. Might se me on the news soon. Fuck the CSA!!!! Might take a few of them cunts with me. Peace
It would be useful to comprise a traitors list of CSA employees and politicians who support this evil organisation.
They should be identifed in the same way that Nazis and facists are, even years after the event.
CSA staff are cowards, They would not dare steal a man’s pocessions without the collaboration of the police and courts. However if theyhad to look over their shoulders averey time they went out or turned the ignition key in their car they might think twice.
Every man should be prepared to pay for his kids, however he should also have equal rights of access and a say in their future, unless he is a violent bully or dickhead. However when faced with violence and theft by the CSA then the rules change. He should have the right to fight fire with fire. Evil is only overcome when it faces a greater level of violence. HItler and Japan were not defeated by Hippys. The CSA will be defeated when people are too scared too work there and they suffer the pain that they currently inflict.
Its AN ABSOLUTE JOKE how the CSA can force someone to pay money for a child – their should be sme exclusions – what about when the mother stops the father from seeing the child or the child wants nothing more to do with her father and his new family?? why the hell should he pay then. I agree with john – its complete theift.
and kirsty you talk aload of bollocks aswell – keep your nose out of matters that dont concern you to the new partners – of course it bloody concerns us, everything that happens in a relationship concerns the other espeically financial affairs.
Also when working out csa payments they take 15% per child, but if you have children living with you they disregard 10% per child why the hell should you pay more of a percentage for the child thats not living with you???
This is a shit system, they dont take anything into account , what if you cant afford to pay your own living costs, debts etc then they force you to make payments for a child you dont even see – fucking joke.
Can any one tell me why if i never had i say in the pregnancy i should be made to pay for it ?
I do believe if you have a child then yes both parties should look after the child but how does up to 40% of my earnings justify this how did this women survive before they contacted me?
Why cant women think about the possibility they may be left holding the buck and take this into account before giving birth whats so wrong with having the thought of in the worst case that things don’t work out will i be able to manage and raise my child regardless if the father is around god forbid he pass away then what ????
lets get this straight, i live with my partner and 2 kids the second being mine. her 9 year old son from her ex, who is self employed and earns up to £20,000 but puts £11,000 on his tax return. we know this as my partner has seen previous tax returns when with the ex. he is living as a single person now with his mum. he has his son every other weekend and pays my partner £30 a week NOT THROUGH CSA. my partner works 16 hours a week at minimum wage and i work full time. do you lot reckon he should only pay £30 a week? what a joke!!!!!!!! dinner monies alone are £12. I dont begrudge paying for my partners son but he needs to contribute more. SELF EMPLOYMENT IS THEFT NOT THE CSA.
CONDOMS……..Men stop moaning and use them then you will not get stuck paying for your 3 seconds of pleasure,
And please the new partners stop moaning that your boyfriend/husband has to pay for there children, You took them on knowing this and if you have children with them and split up you will also be wanting the CSA to help you, You should hang your head in shame!!!!!!!
£12 dinner money??? Surely it is cheaper to buy a loaf of bread and some ham!!! I agree that fathers should pay for their children but they are also entitled to a life after the breakdown of relationships where children are involved. I also feel that the father shouldn’t be made to pay more to the ex just because they are doing well for themselves, the children wouldn’t reap the rewards because the family unit is no more. The CSS should also take into account if the mothers make it impossible for fathers to keep in regular contact, they are happy enough to have the money but not so happy to keep the regular contact up,
I have paid voluntary money to my ex-wife since we broke up and my Daughter was 2. I struggled to manage voluntary payments (most of that time), but it was’nt good enough, and now she is threatnijng CSA? it’s not fait to us blokes, that we can be treated like crap by women and CSA only take the women’s side all the time?? I tell you, it ain’t bloody fair for blokes, when it comes to breaking up and trying your best to be a dad, and you have it thrown back in your face by the ex??
I had 2 children with my ex and we both decided this is what we wanted. At the time i didnt realise he was going to get hooked on drugs start dealing and end up in prison for 4 months. i certainly didnt realise the drugs would become more important than his children. 6 years after our split he has paid a total of £200 £175 of this was paid last month for a school trip i told my daughter i couldnt afford. i now listen to her happily tell everyone her daddy paid for this. In my head i think who really paid the price. I have tried to come to an arrangement for him to pay regular money but he refuses saying the kids will always be okay because he knows i will look after them. He then goes to spend his money on ‘fun stuff’. What do the CSA do…nothing because he declaires no earnings as he is self employed. Even though he has a car a house with no mortgage and 2 holidays a year (not including the holiday camp called HMP) Why dont i chase this..because he just becomes violent and stops seeing the kids. He shouts outside my house and paddies like a child. This then upsets the two most important things in my life. 6 years on and im left with an ex who sees my children as and when he wishes and jokes about charging me for the KFC he bought them. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world.
i owe the csa 23 i served in the army for 11 years when i left i found myself owing the 23 grand . i was earning 300 pounds a week hgv driving they took 100 quid a week and wanted another 60 quid for arrears in the end i couldnt afford to pay my bills or rent and felt trapped . so i just went to the doctors with depression and went sick eventually i got the sack in the meantime the csa still continued to take 100 quid from my sick money leaving me with 50 quid to live on . after 6 months they finally sorted it out but wouldnt pay me back any money instead put it towards the arrears i owed . i have been on the sick for 2 years now and i have a roof over my head and food inside me i can afford my bills and i am less stressed . i cant see any point in ever returning to full time work . the way i see it is 20 pecent of nothing is nothing they can get the money from my cold dead corpse .fuck the csa they treated me like shit talked to me like some kind of criminal i will do everything in my power to fuck the system over . i never started out this way but the goverment play there games and i will play mine . fuck them all robbhing bastards
whatever tithead
The whole thing is a big balls-up. The Government makes these choices. Everyone is nit-picking at everyone else………….for what???? I blame the Government for making everyone hate everyone else. The Government is the root of all evil. Think about it.
I understand both sides…. Men should pay for there children, but women should understand there are otherthings to pay for after a split. Not being steriotytpical (my heart goes out to the working single mums) but most women dont, like my ex!!! I am happy to pay for my child, I want him to be taken care of and looked after properly. I give what i can afford and sometimes my current wife helps out too. we struggle by and give what we can.. BUT what gets me is why do ex’s want MORE. always MORE. Apparently it is my fault we split so i should pay for leaving, breaking her heart, upsetting the family. Nothing to do with her going mad, locked up for 3months and being physically abusive then!!!!!!!! C.S.A. have nearly killed me, I wasn’t allowed to see my children if i didnt bend over backwards to her every whim, C.S.A. was taking £70 a week off me. I couldnt afford to live and i was loosing everything including my 2 baby girls who are at home, my new marrage was on the rocks because of it al as i had taken to drink. ???? why Becasuse i was depressed… some women get depressed every other day. I bought my first house at 18, should be laughing now but after selling house with £50,000 equaty After paying her i was left with £1200 solicitor bill. Why does she still want blood why does csa take it. now lets get to the point. C.S.A go take a long jump off a short cliff…… Men Pay as much as you can afford its your child as well nobody has rights to a child, its the Childs right to have both parents. That goes for mothers too…… Women stop moaning be happy that your ex pays you anything and if he doesnt pay anything take him to court, yes its a pain in the arse but arnt your kids worth it?????? theres more men outthere who want to pay for there kids, than who dont. stop making the good men/fathers pay for the minority. you had a child with the idiot, you sort him out.
My husband left when our children were three years old six months old, because he decided that he wasn’t cut out to be family man, and ran off with another woman. He is self employed, and earns between 50 and 60 Thousand pounds a year. He pays me £50 pounds a week, when he feels like it, and I have struggled and struggled to get the money from him.
I can understand the frustration from some fathers who don’t see their children, and possibly didn’t ever make the decision to have a child in the first place. But surely a man who is earning a lot of money, and chooses to have children, but then decides that it’s just ‘not for him’, shouldn’t be able to just opt out. I agree that the CSA doesn’t really work, but there has to be some way of forcing people like my ex to pay towards the cost of raising his children, who I have never forbidden him from seeing, even when he’s left me struggling to pull enough money together to buy a loaf of bread and a pint of milk.
I find all this a crock of shit with the CSA !! my partner has 3 kids his ex never worked and its 39 now she lost everything my partner ever worked for lost the house all savings ..run bills up to the 1000′s now she wants money for the kids so we went though CSA hes self employed so we do get off lightly …but what I am so pissed off with hearing is my ex he’s now no 60 k a year and only pays £50 etc …I think 10 pounds a week is enough for school cloths and shoes for one kid …your ex doesnt own you the mother a living just to make sure the kids kid has shoes and clean cloths …i brought my kid up on my own never asked for a penny and i never got a penny ….he was on good money but hayho I do it on my own thank you !!!!!mothers out there its called looking after ones self!!!! ….UR EX OWES YOU NOTHING, get off your fat asses if your not getting enough money in from the state goverment then get a fucking job !! all fathers need a life after the ex’s they have bills to pay just like everyone else …why the hell should they have to pay more if they earn more its bloody wrong …i never expected it im a proud women and will do it on my own …..my son never went without a thing !! you ex wifes give some of us good ones a bad name ….im totally up and fighting for the fathers and if everyone got together on facebook or twitter and everyone stopped paying csa on a set day there be nothing at all the goverment could do about it …and they would be forced to close the fucked up csa for good …..i am so sure that the person to of set up this crock of shit would of been a women ….hay and another thing if we was to set up a anti csa group and there was enough people to join then we could easily close it down for good …in fact i set a group up tonight on facebook the group will be called close csa down for good !!!! look it up tomorrow and i think if we could get 100000 people to join then we could get heard !!!
Helen, you are a total bitch. The reason you are so angry is because you see your partner’s money as yours to spend, you are just like the women claim to hate, why else would you be so emotional about your partner’s cash?
The tone of all these messages is twofold. Children are their own little people who need eat, wear clothes, go out on activities etc. It takes an avearge of 130,000K to bring up one child, if you love your kid then you should be happy to contribute towards that, 15% of your salary is not that big a deal. Obviously there are plenty of people out there who truely do not love their children and I can see why it would be annoying to have to pay for the little fuckers you hate, that is what you all really mean isn’t it, you hate your kids and wish they didn’t exsist. The women loves her kids and cannot understand that you don’t give fuck about them, it doesn’t make sense to her.
Then men that go on about contraception etc etc, they are just little children themselves stamping their feet about the fact they are now fathers and have to grow up, they are so damn angry about having responsibilty, because they can’t be little kids themselves anymore and have something to love and look after, they blame it on a women’s womb or body parts rather than their fucking selfs. They are just freaks.
Then there is the other element of all of this, actually spending time with these little people, if a women wants someone to contribute truely to her kids, then she has to let the father see them, women who don’t are also selfish bitches. Fathers who demand to see their kids, but don’t want to pay for them are selfish bastards. Basically alot of children have a bunch of cunts for parents and step parents and most people who make comments about the CSA on sites like this fall into one of these categories.
Then there is all the decent people caught up in the middle, mother’s just struggling to get a bit of help so their kids can go on outings and do fun stuff, have good childhood and grow up happy etc. Father’s who are paying maintainance but don’t get to see their kids because the mum won’t let them, these are the decent people caught up in the middle of all the other nasty types who cannot accept that they have kids at all or that they have to share their kids with someone else, or that their partner has children with someone else. To all those nice people caught up in the middle you have my sympathy, and the rest of you can go to hell on a handbasket, for making divorce, seperation and bringing up kids hell on earth, because you cannot see further than the end of your own noses
well said, gee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my ex has his own buisness,2 infact,he goes on great holidays 2-3 times a yr,drives brand new cars,lovely detatched house,claimes it all on expences,and do u know how much he pays a wk ??? a tenner for his son !!! who he doesnt even wanna see,hes never had a birthday card !!! SO HELAN you stupid cow !!! no every parent should provide for there child 2 the best of there ability and yes it varies from parent 2 parent but aslong as its there best then its good enough !!!! omg i cant believe ur attitude !!!! go away !!!!!
Yep, well said Gee!
.. And Helen, you sound just like my ex’s new partner!! Get a life and grow up, I can tell by your attitude that you like to get your own way.. I feel sorry for your partners ex..!!! Sad COW! You’re one of those women we call “The wicked STEP MOTHER.” Hahahaha 
I had a DOE order put on my wages that left me with £80 a week to live on, Bare in mind since leaving my family home because the ex was a thief lier and claiming benifit as a single mother even thou I was living there and paying the bills and providing for her and her other two kid’s (not mine) !!! I left the situation not before getting her pregnant of course. I got a full time job in order to set myself up in a home of my own. At this point the CSA put a DOE on my wages. My rent on the property was £75 per week, fuel in my car was £50 a wk just to get me to work not to mention all the other running cost’s involved. As a result I had to give up my job and the employer was very understanding making me train up a new employee to do my job before I could get LAID OFF of course.(inorder to claim bennifits) I am now rent free,council tax free and get free dentist + optitions,free gym,free bus pass,) The CSA are currently taking £6 out of my benifit and not £420 a wk out my pay packet. WHO,S PAYING THE BILL NOW. My child get’s everything, Need’s for nothing and with out compromise. Great goverment plan never been so well off.
I’m one of the poor dad’s that hasn’t seen my son since he was 12, he’s 16 in a few months.
Prior to that I hadn’t seen him for 9 months as “it’s just not convenient” blah blah. I know his mum told him I didn’t care, love or want him, he told me one day after asking me “why don’t you want me dad?” I nearly collapsed on the spot. How can you bloody women out there USE your kids as weapons??? And how bloody NASTY of his mother to tell him that.
The last words I ever heard him say were “thanks for looking after me dad, see you at Christmas”. Not a word from the ex or my son since. Nothing. Oh plenty, plenty of letters from the CSA though.
To this day I do not know why I can’t see my son. We had a private arrangement in place up until he went back with his mum to Scotland. Taken without my consent may I add.
I have sent e-mails, cards, letters, pre-paid and programmed mobile phones, gift cards – everything I could just so I never get “you didn’t keep in touch” thrown at me. Now whether he gets anything or not past his firewall of a mother I’ll never know. But at least in my heart I have done my best.
For all you mummies (and daddies) that put crap like that in your children’s heads, they grow up one day and no matter what, they will say “Dad, why didn’t you see me for all those years?” Then the truth will out. I have plenty of friends who’s mummies did this and when the kids say “Guess who I met today mum? Dad.” Then all those years of lies come tumbling down.
You will get what you deserve one day.
I had 2 kids with my ex. She shagged around and the marriage broke up.
She then pursued a campaign to shaft me because I was earning good money at the time.
She refused got my chldren to phone me up and say they didn’t want to see me (they were 6 and 8), I would drive the 200 miles to see them (as pre-arranged) and she would either not answer the door, not even be in the house or have something planned. Needless to say, this form of child abuse she practiced completely wrecked a relationship between a father and his 2 sons.
I then fought back.
I took redundancy, got a 20K pay off which quickly disappeared a puff of £20 notes under the mattress.
I’m now self employed, my ltd company pulls in over 100K a year. After all necessary “business expenses”, I’m earning 15K a year. I also have a new family of my own – 3 sons and a great wife whom I trust.
I am working on building up a relationship with my first 2 boys again. It is difficult though as they have a lot of their mother in them.
i have twin boys of 14 yrs inwhich my ex partner never paid a penny 4 ! while he earnt 800 a wk ! i worked 2 jobs 2 try and make ends meet , i tried everyfing to ask 4 his help always got told 2 f…..k off so i went 2 csa after 14yrs off nufin ! and low and behold , left he job and went self employed ! so still nuffin , and 4 all the new partners who whining on here , u cud b nxt raising ur children alone with no help ! i wud really have 2 ask myself if my new partner didnt help support his children from past relationship what kind off man he really was b4 i had another child with him ! yes there are sum greedy women who want everything and more but most mums jst want whats best 4 there children , i cry most nights coz i cant even afford new trainers 4 them ! we hav never been on a hoilday while my ex travels the world ! so 4 all the new partners shut u bad mouth abt we shud hav used contaceptive ! maybe u shud have thought off that when u had more children with them ! when u knew he didnt even suport his others ! i thick ur the greedy selfish bicths !!! rant over X
i was paying my ex for my child my daughter landed in care but my ex still wants me too pay csa which i think is wrong but the csa says i still have to pay it why ???as she is not caring for my daughter just now i dont have parental rights but my EX wont let me see my daughter but my daughter is 14 and see wants to see me what can i do
PLEASE PLEASE SOME ONE HELP ME
Here’s a story for you all…
I had a letter last year from the CSA telling me I have been named as the parent of a 13…. YES 13 YEAR old girl..! After a few double takes I read the letter again, saw the other parents name and realised it was my ex girlfriend all those years ago from school.
Going back 13 years and 9 months from that date at the time I was in the Royal Navy and due to go away for 6 months. We were having a serious relationship when she told me she was pregnant. Although I was going away, I was over the moon and promised her that I when I came back we would get a house together…
The saddest part of this story is that 3 months later at christmas and I’m 3000 miles away in the Falkland Islands, during a phone call she was really off with me… I was trying to stay positve by telling her to hang in there but all the reactions were really negative… I can’t remember the exact words spoken but I suggested that we do this and that when I come back and she said there was no point. When I asked why she simply said “The baby isn’t yours” and repeated the same words when I questioned it.
Feeling absolutely gutted and betrayed by the person I loved, I spent the next few weeks deliberating over whether there was any baby at all..? I never actually saw her pregnant.. Or maybe it wasn’t mine and she was doing the honest thing and getting together with the real father.. Or maybe she had an abortion..? It was all too much to think about and I never expected to see her again in my life….
So, I guess the good news is now I know that the baby was mine afterall, only she has someone else’s surname – He signed the birth certificate as the father knowing he wasn’t? I’m also 250 miles away and have a family to lookafter and fund so don’t have the spare cash to travel and visit… The girl isn’t bothered about seeing me as it’s too strange a situation for her and I don’t know how to say that I would have been there for her had her mother not lied and changed the course of our lives without making the mother look bad.
After the initial CSA letter demanding £380 a month which wiped out our savings I then have contact via email and phone with my child for the first time…? How odd is that… I remember when my other daugther was born last year and the deep joy of the first contact by holding her in my arms, I haven’t spent one day away from home since she has been here and every day is a pleasure (apart from the teething moments)… But with the 13 year old somehow a bond is to be made over the phone or email, although we’ve met on two occasions we’re never going to live together like a family does… It’s impossible and too much of an emotional strain to continue with… I now don’t have contact but still pay a monthly amount to the CSA.
I’m glad it’s out in the open now but I just wish the mother would have been honest in the first place as this has been a massive financial and unexpected emotional disturbance to my current family and after my loyalty to the state and 22 years service in the RN I would have wished for something a bit more supportive rather than the letters telling me I have been named as the parent and now I must do the responsible thing and pay up… If I had known about her 13 years ago I would never have left, but there’s more to it than just the money, it is said that before a baby is born it is the spirit of that child that chooses its parents and it comes to earth at exactly that moment in time for a reason because it wants to be with those people and has a task to fulfill. I just hope the girl gets through this and hopefully we will see each other in the future…
Best wishes to you all…
Andy
Money, money ,money what about contact, mental well being, fairness for all concerned parties?
I think the crux of the problem with the csa concerning NRP’s i fair treatment and a fairer system.
Currently their is little to no flexibility in the system and it is administered by poorly trained and paid incompetants.
We hear alot about child poverty and what the csa is doing to bridge the gap between poverty and a reasonable standard of living, but what about the real issues of contact and physical and mental stability, are these not just as important?
I find it quite dispicabe that ex’s, mine included, are willing to take my money but not let me see my kids. I find this immoral too.
For those in the south i was recently interviewed on Radio Sussex about this matter, access and parental alienation.
Fundementally the system is unworkable and there is no balance between PWC’s and NRP’s. Until it becomes fair or is scrapped we will continue to skirmish with it. I use the term skirmish as we have yet to form a coheasive force.
There is more to supporting children that throwing money at them an i for one would give anything to see mine and form some sort of relationship with them, sadly i feel this maybe many years in the future.
Personally the csa have been into me for 7 years and it has been hell, i am on first name terms with my M.P.
Fight for what you believe is right and fair and like me if you have no contact with your kids, believe that one day they will want to know.
some of the comments on here make me laugh and make me angry my little girl is 16 months and has only seen her dad three times, we were engaged and planned the baby together then when she was three weeks old he decided he wanted to be out clubbing and doing drugs with his friends and didnt want to know us anymore , im a single mum struggling like hell to afford everything on my own to bring her up and make sure she doesnt go without and the ex does whatever he likes, hes self employed earning £80 an hour and because its all cash in hand non of it declared i dont see a penny of it now tell me thats fair? iv spoke to the csa on numerous occassions to try and sort this out and they dont want to know they just go by what he tells them personally it should be called the father support agency because of me struggling on my own means my little girl has basic everything and i think she deserves better than that i only asked for twenty pound a week but apparently this was to much her nappies alone come to this before formula milk food and clothes, fair play to the dads that do pay but all these people slagging us mothers off on here i highly doubt you understand how bloody hard it is to try and afford everything alone , and as for ex’s new partners having to get involved i think thats a load of bullshit the matter is between the father and his child end of ,he was man enough to make a baby in the first place so should understand he has to take responsibility aswell as us mothers everything should be 50/50 then its only fair, the system is messed up and as a result thousands of kids are going without
Every father should pay towards their child’s upbringing but they shouldnt be forced into paying such high amounts that they cant afford to live. My partner quit his job and went self employed and we can now actually afford to live. My partners ex moved away with her new partner and refused to help with the travelling so it made seeing his child very difficult and expensive, we asked csa for fuel allowance but they refused (they clearly dont have the child’s best interests at heart) so on top of the high maintenance he was already paying he also had to pay for travelling expenses. She was constantly ringing up csa trying to get more money out of him, resulting in csa taking a double payment from him twice which put him in his overdraft and unable to pay his mortgage leaving him with never ending fees. She eventually moved back closer to us (to get her council house) and because my partner went self employed she cancelled csa and they set up a private maintenance payment. He’s in the process of doing his first full year tax return and shes now decided that she wants to increase the maintenace despite their agreement and the fact that shes been able to manage fine on what hes been giving her. Shes told him the amount she wants and if she doesnt get it she’ll go back to csa. Some of you might be on her side and think that shes doing it for the kid but shes openly admitted to us that she uses my partners money to pay off her luxury items that she buys on credit. Her partner works and declares hardly any of the money hes earned (his own words), she sits at home all day and they claim every benefit they can. Now get this, whilst me and my partner are both at work worrying about how much maintenance hes going to have to pay, shes on holiday relaxing in the sun in a 5 star all inclusive hotel. HOW THE HELL IS THAT FAIR!!
Why should it matter how much the father earns? It costs exactly the same amount to bring up any child. Kids dont need new clothes every week and they could probably be fed on £10 a week, and its not the fathers responsibility to pay the mothers housing costs, you already get enough benefits for that. Fathers should be allowed to move on and have a new life with another partner, and ex partners should stop being greedy. And to those that say its got nothing to do with the new wife/girlfriend of course it has, when my partners worried and stressed because of his ex or he cant afford the bills where we live because his ex is demanding too much money of course its going to bother me. Aslong as hes paying towards his child then we deserve to have a nice life too.
My statement again without too many spelling mistakes!
I agree and am in a similar situation, but with a twist.
I have twin daughters, now 13. I have always paid what I could afford and more through the CSA and privately. I saw my daughters every other weekend and I would travel and collect the girls wherever I was living or working. The mother drives but never commits to meeting me half way, or less. When you consider that she now lives 220 miles away having recently moved to a Bed & Breakfast business in Weymouth, I either have to travel down at 0500 Saturday mornings, stay overnight in a local B & B and spent what time I can with my daughter. (Yes, I did say daughter. The twist is coming!). On most occasions, because I have to pay so much in living costs and CSA like we all do these days, I just spend the day with her. I leave at 0500, drive the 4-5 hour journey down to pick her up at 1000, spend the day out in Dorset, take her back as late as I dare around 6-7pm and then drive all the way back to Cambridgeshire. I am usually absolutely knackered by then, not to mention it is dangerous to drive that long. But I have no choice.
The twist: I saw both daughters and kept in contact with them constantly. Love them to bits. There was a sinister family history that I do not want to go to detail here at this time but involved the mothers mother and father when she was young. Things were that bad at home that the mother of my daughters and her step sister ran away from home in her early teens and ended up under the guardianship of the step sisters boyfriend in Lincoln when she was 14. Once my ex wife left the new home to pursue a career she cut off contact with her family for many years. Now the mothers mother, my daughters grandmother and I have a mutual hatred for each other – very happy with that. Upon her husbands passing she moved into the family home with her daughter and my daughters 5 years ago. Thats when problems occurred.
One day I was speaking to my daughter (G) about an upcoming picnic we were planning when she said, ‘Daddy I want to tell you something but I don’t know how.’ At that point the mother came into the room with G and my daughter burst into tears. That was in May 2007. From that day I, and my side of the family, has not had any communication with my daughter whatsoever despite me trying everyway possible. For a few months I did not see either daughter. However when I visited the girls school one day my other daughter (B) saw me, came running up to me in floods of tears crying ‘she thought she’d never see me again’. I have seen my daughter B ever since but not her twin sister.
Despite every attempt directly and by the useless court system I only see one of my twin daughters.
I am hopeful things will change with time as Shane stated in his email. My daughters have come accross ‘diaries’ whereby the mother’s goal in 2006 was to stop the girls seeing me. They have come across letters that I had written to my daughter G, hidden away in boxes under the bed. They have overheard conversations between their mother and her husband stating ‘ I don’t know what the girls will do when they find out the truth!’….etc etc.
On top of that I understand that my daughters have been told that I am a violent man etc etc. A matter that was raised and discarded by the court process. However daughter G has this terrible innaccurate impression of me. But if I was that man, why would the court order state that contact should continue? Why would the mother be OK me seeing one daughter and not the other?
Like Shane said in March, children grow up and not only can they reason argument but will ask those questions and demand answers. The mother will suffer in the end but the poor actions, regulation and operation of not just the CSA but this country’s poor family legal services means that children and families have to suffer in the mean time. Sometimes for years and in many cases children and families never recover.
It’s about time this country woke up and established processes that supported the interests of children and families, both resident and non resident parents, properly and in a just manner.
Both my daughters are 13 now. I have lost nearly 6 years of my daughter G’s growing up. Her character, I understand, is significantly different and withdrawn compared to my daughter B. When she does finally realise the truth, despite the fact I despise my ex wife and her mother for the action they have taken, I do not want my daughters to turn their back on the their mother. But it could happen, repeating the cycle my ex wife had with her mother for many years.
I have no faith in this countries family law and child support procedures. A process like the CSA needs to be in place but it needs to assess all cases on an individual basis and establish fair and realistic calculations and arrangements for ALL parties. Not treat NRP like criminals.
However will this change?
I have been with my new partner for nearly 7 years now and we would like to plan a new family. Something I have subconciously put on hold because of my current commitments to my twins and the fear that if things went wrong with my new relationship, could I bear to go through the same problems.
A new life overseas beckons. Maybe thats a solution!
i’m married and have a baby with my husband, i have 4 children from my previous and my husband has a son & daughter. he has been nothing but honest with the csa and all they do is take the piss. He happily pays for his kids but it would be lovely to see his son benefit from it rather than one of his ex’s post over socialising sites about her stuffing her fat face with take aways and consuming wine, whilst my husbands son wears shoes with holes in them socks with toes missing etc etc. The system is unfair, my ex has managed to dodge the csa by going ltd & paying himself minimum wage. The csa is only good for the money grabbing bitter ex’s. my husband happily agrees to paying for his kids because it is only right. & to top it all they take my kids tax credits aswell!! it should be scrapped!!