CSA Self Employed

Being self employed doesn’t mean that non resident parents can avoid paying the CSA, but many NRPs do see self employment as a way of escaping the Child Support Agency.

Because the CSA tends to use the DEO (deduction from earnings order) as its favoured method of collecting payments, many people choose to quit their jobs as a way of escaping it. The CSA prefers to use the DEO because it is quick and easy, and it means they do not have to converse with the non resident parent or come to any agreement about how and when payment will be collected. The CSA will issue your employer with a DEO, and your employer has to comply with it or they will be threatened with the bailiffs. Few employers will challenge this.

As a result, and because a DEO can be for as much as 40% of your wage, many people choose to quit their jobs and either become unemployed, or go self employed. The CSA does not like to chase after non resident parents who are self employed because it is more hassle, requires more legwork, and through creative accounting the self employed are able to disguise earnings, thus reducing the amount they owe to the CSA for the maintenance of their children.

The CSA will use the most recent tax return of the self employed person to work out how much money they earn, and how much money they need to pay. Because a non resident parent has to pay 15% of their earnings, after tax, for one child, it is in the NRP’s interest to declare as little as possible in their tax return. This way they pay less tax, and less child support.

Becoming self employed is very easy, and it can even be done while keeping your current job if your employer will allow it. Some non resident parents choose (with their employer’s permission) to become ‘contracted’, which means they are not salaried, they do not have any of the perks or security of a full time employee, and they pay their own tax.

There are many tales on our website from non resident parents who have gone down the self employment route for one reason or another, and you can read their advice on how they have managed it, and what the outcome was, right here.


149 Responses to “CSA Self Employed”

  1. lisa on February 13th, 2013 4:27 pm

    No offense ladies, you are old enough to make your mind up whether you want kids or not, its your decision alone whether you are going to give birth to that child, the man never has a say in the matter, if he didt want the child he still gets hammered for maintainance, maybe women need to think about whether they can single handedly bring up that child and financially support it should anything go wrong, its not the point that the man has moved on to have more kids thats none of your business and your the EX for a reason, if everybody thought of this before running to the csa maybe just maybe your ex would pay you and not go into hiding or unemployment so quickly, Your childrens feelings must be in there somewhere when your calling your ex every name under the sun or stopping him having contact because of money,Makes me so mad, there are men in the past who have committed suicide because of vindictove ex,s and also because csa made up ficticous arrears that actually were not owed, so next time you sit there thinking im owed £x amount think about how your kids are feeling and whether money is really all worth it,

  2. Linda on February 26th, 2013 7:26 pm

    After having reading all of the comments I have to give my experience of dealing with the csa and ask for advice.
    I am the wife of my husband who has 2 sons to two separate women both of whom were exes. He has 3 nights a week custody of one that was settled in court and pays that child’s mother £20 a week and always has. This is not through Csa it is done mutually and everything’s civil.
    However the 2nds son mother cheated on my husband when they were together and he moved out and continued to pay the rent till she would sign it over to herself she stayed 6 weeks and payed no bills then left to stay in a women’s refuge till she got a council house were she wanted for her and her 2 kids one to a previous relationship where she receives csa from also. From them splitting up he also payed her £20 a week and everything was fine. He was a qualified electrician n also had a day job when he got wi me he quit his job and became self employed electrician not to get out of csa but because that is what he’s always wanted to do. Now all of a sudden Csa are involved from her and she’s saying he earns £500 a week which he doesn’t he doesn’t get a wage he makes around £300 he’s only been in business a year and he does jobs for cheap because he loves what he does. He’s paying off all their previous debts that they all got into and running his business and a household as well as having the kids 3 nights but she is now refusing to let him have him 3 and only 2 so she can get more money but its unfair he wants time with his kids and to pay he’s offered £30 and that’s still no good. It seems to me the csa is absolutely disgusting and I refuse to let them win!

  3. Linda on February 26th, 2013 7:32 pm

    Barring in mind he has to pay for all their things the four days they are here and happily does so he picks them up and drops them off wherever they are which is good of them they always get there weekends off so they can go out and do whatever they want and still she wants more money. She has never worked claims full benefits has to pay nothing for her house it absolutely disgusts me that honest hard working people are penalised because they’re exes are lazy and this is what is wrong with the country handing out to people who have never contributed and probably never will.

  4. Annoyed on March 5th, 2013 5:11 pm

    Annoyed is not the word. My partner has two children with a very bitter ex. He has paid over and above the csa recommended amount for 5 years which she agreed and accepted (obviously). A few months after their second and final split he met myself and after 6 monthsof weekend contact he finally introduced me to his children. She then stopped access as quickly as possible.. He fought off and on for 2 years and saw them on the odd occasion once granted by the courts. She stopped access after the first few visits and each time it went to court.. The children didn’t know whether they were coming or going. The final straw was when my own daughter was 6 weeks old. She was admitted to hospital with whooping cough and on the same day we had a call from social services to say that it was reported our child was at risk as her father has abused his eldest daughter by throwing her across the room the previous week. This was catergorically not true. The daughter (7 yrs old) made a video statement to the police saying this had happened. Some 3months later when the police decided to interview my partner it appeared that under question the 7 year old finally said it did not happen that she said it to please mummy!!! The 4 year old was also questioned and refused to speak. What kind of mallicious bitch puts her own children through this! Although we were advised that we could take this back to court my husband decided the kindest thing for his girls was not to persue it as contact had already been broken on several occasions and eventually this would affect them greatly. He was devasted and had cousilling for some time to help with the seperation from his girls. His ex will not allow phone contact, letter or gifts to be sent. She has completly ROBBED her children of a Daddy. Despite all this he has never missed a payment. Before xmas he lost his job and we informed her straight away and still paid £50/month. Not a lot but something as he was not earning. He now works self employed 24hrs per week earning very little and had agreed to increase her payments as soon as circumstances change. Not good enough for her she has contacted the CSA. Well good luck with that cos now even the £50 will stop and she can have exactly what she is entitled to which is currently £0. After May this could have changed………..Lets see what happens when she realises.

  5. Sally on March 5th, 2013 8:56 pm

    @ Annoyed…. And herein lies the moral of the story…. There are two adults who produce a child and for all the are people who say “there is no love like a mothers love’… It’s the mothers who get nasty… They act with blind jealousy and they hurt their children… They will excuse their behaviour by saying “we only want the money my kids deserve”… Money the CSA tell them they deserve!! They get child benefit wtc, ctc, do they NEED the amount CSA dictate??

    Father very, very, very rarely use their children to hurt the ex… Most ‘spurned’ mothers treats the kids as pawns… To hurt the ex and the CSA thrive on it….

    My situation is so similar to yours and it will never change because the ex believe she is ‘entitled’ do what she wants to get more money… Lying to the CSA, kids, family and mutual friends… And the CSA believe everything she says… Without proof….

  6. annoyed on March 6th, 2013 1:22 pm

    Yes it’s a very cruel world from a fathers point of view.
    as soon as my husband lost his job i rang the CSA advice line for an opinion on how to move forward. They actually said that she was not entiltled to a penny from us until my husband got another position or was on jobseekers etc.. but as we had a mutual agreement it was up to us to decide. We looked at the situation and offered her £50 per month from my salary as we felt awful just stopping completly. She accepted in writing after we had explained… but as he is now working she believes he is back to earing as previous. If only!!! We actually would have changed this payment as soon as we could have afforded to as it’s never been about not paying….but the mistrust and assumption without even so much as a question has pissed me off beyond belief.
    Although he cannot see the girls he has still always provided over and above the required amounts….around £350 per month…During the two years whislt she made adjustments in her life he paid £450 and gave 2 seperate lump sums of 1K in addition… even with the court cases and interrupted access going on. She has used sooo many cruel untruths to stop access, and bullied her children into saying they didn’t want to come..The elsest would have a sad face everytime we collected her and the youngest (not old enough to understand mums feelings) would come bounding over to her daddy very excited. As soon as the mothers car left the car park the eldest would change completly, singing and chatting all the way to ours. The days they came we have lots of pics of throughout the day playing games, park , cooking etc… normal things and very happy children. Again as soon as we arrived at the car park to return them.. The opposite.. all for mums benefit. Such a shame and a very confused little girl. On the last occasion they visited she asked us to take lots of pics whilst climbing all over daddy. She also asked whether she could take a pic home of those two with my 1 week old daughter taken at the previous vist! When we dropped them off the eldest sat in the front seat of her mums car, looked around to see where her mom was and waved with her hand as close to her chest to her daddy. She KNEW she wasn’t coming back again…poor kid. The police visit etc was all contrived. Fucking nasty piece of work. She has since changed their surnames to hers in the “know as” capacity and tried everything in the book to hurt him more. His only crime is that he didn’t stay with her after he believes she’d had an affair… He is a fantastic father to my daughter who idolises him. Small things etc… Those poor girls are missing out. One day it will change and he still says that although he will tell them a little of why he’s not been there in person, he will still never slag off their mum as he came from a broken family himself. He vowes to answer all questions truthfully but never be opinionated. He believes they will formulate an opinion themselves and will hopefully see that he only ever loved them and wanted their lives to be as stable as possible.

  7. carol on March 10th, 2013 11:23 am

    Annoyed, what a nasty piece of work that woman sounds….rather FORCE her children to LIE about their dad, be interviewed with intimidating police officers and be questioned in even more intimidating court situation, where they KNEW they were lying, they must have been very frightened little girls…..sick sick sick. Can you imagine the MANIPULATION into getting them to even do that? Jesus….and I bet the good ole social services didnt follow up ON HER doing a true child abuse number on her children like that??

    Look I know your husband wants to provide for his children, but I would consider NOT being self employed, but on JSA, and them lil jobs he does for others, well, its “favours” ….any donations he gets for those favours goes into a trust fund for them two daughters that spiteful bitch cut him off from. They will seek him out by the way….little consolation I know.

    She sounds as nasty as my ex male pwc, wanting pics of me cuddling our baby, so he could show our child when they were older “that WAS your mummy” . Also changed name even though my name was on BC, because he didnt want to know. Where do these sub human types go to buy a mattress??…Narcisscist Dreamares? because they seem to sleep like babies, despite the pain and misery they inflict in others lives. Never accountable for any of it, naturally…..

  8. going to lose on March 13th, 2013 12:54 pm

    i work 82hrs a week, have 4 children and a house that although in joint names has solely been paid for by me as have all bills obviously as my partner (we arent married) has never worked. recently i brought up the conversation that as all the kids are at school maybe its time she found some kind of work and contributed to the household if only to take some of the strain of me and allow me some time off at the weekends so i can actually see my kids! WOW that didnt go down well , now at every opportunity its “you can get out of my house” or “ill just get it out of you in maintenance ” it seems the last 15 yrs has just been about funding her stay at home life, more sorrowfully though is the fact that shes right and although i have spend tens of thousands on extensions, driveways let alone single handedly paying every bill and the only one who has payed the mortgage which is now nearly up it is me who has to get out of the house and pay maintenance to her. i dont understand why the kids automatically go to the mothers surely as a role model a caring dad is just as good and certainly a working one is far better than one reliant on benefits ? i told her i wouldnt be able to pay mortgage and csa payments and find a suitable home where i would be able to have access to the children so wouldnt it be better the children live with me in the family home, their lives wont be disrupted nor their schooling you can have whatever access you want you can pick them up and drop them off from school every day as you dont work, have them every other weekend . this wouldnt financially impact on the children at all (would be so much nicer for me ) she just laughed in my face, never going to happen! again shes right
    i hate this my kids who i love more than anything in the whole world taken away from me because she has more rights over them for being female but i have just enough rights to have to pay for her lazy arse to live in my house and pay her for the privilege.

    sad times

  9. annoyed on March 14th, 2013 3:08 pm

    If i were you i would not move out. If you can stand to live there for the sake of your children then stand your ground and stay. I would then pay the motgage bills etc and do all as you do now but not give her a penny to spend for herself. Make her do the shopping online and then pay using your card and really make the selfish cow suffer. Women (and i’m one myself) do not deserve guys like you… I would love nothing more than to be a stay at home mum and have everything provided for me. You have given her the best chance at motherhood possible and she should appreciate that. She has seen her children grow up around her and any mum who is worth her salt would willingly get herself some part time work to offer their husband some family time to repay the good times shes enjoyed during her kids most important years. Don’t give her the easy option and just move out. She has no rights to enforce that upon you either. You can have shared ownership within the same walls… If she wants freedom she can go whenever she pleases. Unfortunatley once you move out, you will be paying still and for your new place and maintenance… Massive joke!!!! xx Good luck Stick in there…

  10. neil on March 15th, 2013 8:01 pm

    am a dad of 2 and pay my ex 250 a month i have the kids every weekend and pay for everything they do at the weekend horse riding swimming football cricket ect i also pay half towards all the kids school activitys.

    on top of all that i put 50/60 pounds a week in a saving fund for the kids so they have some money saved when they are older.

    all together it works out to about 500 pounds a month

    my ex has now gone to the CSA, i thought the above was a fair deal i dont quite no what to do now?!?!

  11. Ewen on March 26th, 2013 3:33 pm

    In response to Neil, and all the others on this site who have made various comments that clearly show the passion and spectrum of opinion on what is a subjective matter that is being treated as a quantitative issue – ie percentage of salary….end of…

    Neil – is you are paying a overall percentage that is comparable and consistent with your income and you didnt completely piss off your ex then the world or karma and fairness should shine though :) if you earn 100k a year plus then expect to pay more….and if you pissed her off then you’ll be paying for the rest of your life :)

    I make contributions as much as I can towards my children as at the end of the day their welfare is is important – good for you putting money away in a savings account – sounds like you have their welfare as your No 1 priority – (I dont think the CSA give a damn but then they are basing their decision on quantitative measures) If you can work things out with your ex and fairness shines through, ie her circumstances dont change for the worse and you have the “thing” hanging over you all your life then all should be fine. A recent court case has shown that the law will take a subjective view – when a man paying over 100K in maintenance was allowed to stop paying when the ex remarried…..fairness was finally to pervail….but what about the over 99.9% of us – who are not living it up large…

    My partners ex beleives that it is fine for his 4 children to be supported by the government as they are disabled and she is receipt of DLA and therefore he should not pay for anything towards them either – the CSA agree and have award her £5 per week for all 4 children – because he has somehow reduced his self employed tax liability to less the £5200 per year! and there is NOTHING that can be done about it….

    The CSA wont investigate as it is a self employed person and therefore too much hassle, and the tax man probably cares but doesn’t have the resources to do anything about it – so someone is allowed to write a redicously low tax liability whilst we (the tax paying and responsible NRP) pay for it…I am self employed and pay my fair share of tax and NI and child maintenance because I consider myself to be fair – but the system allows people to simply do what they like because it is too much hassle to resolve it unless it is £3M tax write off or a £5K benefit theft etc etc…

    I would ask ANY of the pathetic men who have replied to the above on the basis of “Why should we be responsible” to tell me and the mother of 4 children that is receipt of £5 per week (£1.25 per child) that this is in anyway an acceptable sum and that they are happy that the tax paying public should support 4 disabled children and not the genetically incompetent father who breed them….

  12. Nick on April 15th, 2013 11:03 pm

    Hmm, I’m self-employed, my bitch ex wife is on thirty grand, has the house that I made beautiful for her with my bare hands – has everything, I struggle to bring in even £600 per month, forced out of my beautiful five bed house, fighting to re-build my life in a shitty two bed flat in scaffy chav-vile, yet she has the nerve to threaten me with CSA even though I pay £80 per month for my three children as a voluntary gesture. Bring it you devil’s whore, my last two tax returns show way less than £5200 PA in profit.

    I am a lovely bloke, kind, gentle and generous, gave her everything she ever wanted and this is what I get. How can this be a fair system. Thank god for self employment, because if push comes to shove I will use it to my advantage. That said, if the kids ever needed anything, they would of course be seen okay – but I have to be able to live as well.

    If that doesn’t work, I’m a qualified teacher with an English subject specialism, and a passport, Australia seems a lovely place to live, so warm and sunny and teachers get a good deal out there – oh, and the CSA won’t bother trying to pin me down so far away – too costly for what they’d make out of the commission they take from the payments they collect – now where did I leave my passport?

  13. jenny on April 18th, 2013 10:24 am

    my ex husband used to be employed and to be fair csa were brill getting maintenance from him but now he runs his own business he pays not one penny and have now been told cannot get review till at least january 2014 as tax returns given for 2013 dont count till then they cant even make him pay arrears he owes due to nil payment award my children have to watch him driving around in new car with his other 2 children and going on foreign holidays owning his own house while i struggle to pay rent keep them clothed and house warm for them makes me angry because he has nothing to do with them his choice not mine

  14. TheSystemNeedsToChange on April 25th, 2013 1:33 pm

    November 2007 – I met a Female Police Officer on a dating website, and had a short brief relationship with her, the reasons why we split was that she was self obsessed with herself and all she cared about was materialistic items in life.
    March 2008 – I ended the relationship and returned home.
    February 2009 – I got a string of text messages from the ex partner advising me that she had fallen pregnant and gave birth in October 2008, and felt that i should know?
    March 2009 – I met the ex partner in Birmingham Bull Ring and the child and we had lunch Myself paying for it) & gave her £100.00 and arranged that i would see the child on alternative weekends, myself travelling 150 miles round trip, and that i would pay £200.00 per month as child maintenance.
    March 2009 – The ex partner asked if i could purchase a Mama & Papas 3-1 Buggy from a shop in Tamworth to the value of £700.00 in which i did, i met the mother and child again in Birmingham and all was resonable.
    April 2009 – I get a call from the CSA asking who i worked for, and much i was earing etc etc – I told the CSA that i had an arrangement with the mother and to date i had paid £300.00 in maint and a further £700.00 for a Pram. At which the CSA had informed me that this was irrelevent and that the mother had requested that they get involve???
    I contacted the ex partner and she refused to take the call, then said that if i were to pay £350.00 per month she would ask the CSA not to contact me, I said that’s “BLACKMAIL” to which she retorted and said “It’s my choice”

    I stopped all payments, and spoke to the CSA in which they confirmed i actually only needed to make a payment of £155.00 per month, at which the ex partner was so infuriated that she then said she was quite willing to just accept the £200.00 as first agreed…. “I told where she could go”

    She stopped all access,refused to accept phone calls and then advised me that i was also not the named father on the birth certificate.

    Regular payments were made between May 2009 – September 2009 – Due to unforeseen circumstances i lost my job due to the recession, and informed both the CSA and the ex partner.
    I sought work again in January 2010 and again informed both parties, it wasn’t until my salary had hit the bank that i noticed £486.00 missing, in which i emailed payroll and they advised that the CSA had taken it from me by means of a DEO.
    I had No written explantaion, i then contacted the CSA and asked as to why so much was being taken, and they responded in there courteous manner as always that “I had a legal obligation to ensure that my daughter was provided for and that monies owed were due”
    I asked as to why so much money was taken from me and how long tis would continue, they advised it would continue until October 2010 and the reason for the large amount was that they had mis-calculated my payments the year before an that i was out of work between September – January an that i han’t informe them of a change of circumstances an that it was apparent that i was trying to avoid detection???

    I struggled in 2010 and got into some serious debt, i contacted the CSA numorous times and tried to negotiate a lesser payment plan, but they were not interested.

    Whilst this has been going on i still had’t seen my daughter, niether has my family to this day ever seen her!

    In August 2010 i contacted a solicitor and asked them to write to my ex partner requesting a DNA Test and also to the CSA.
    The response i got from the CSA is that they had approached my ex partner twice and asked her if she was willing to have a DNA Test and she refused! Letters were sent to my ex partner and a string of text messages and telephone calls were exchanged.
    The outstanding amount had been paid and i was told i would need to pay £216.00 pcm

    November 2010 – I was arrested on charges of ABH from Dec 2007 & March 2008 and also allegations of Harrassment by my ex partner, and that my solicitors letters were deemed as harrassment. I spent 12 hours in a Prison Cell before being interviewed over 3hours, my Mobile phone was taken for transcripts and i was told i was on bail until further notice, due to the seriousness of the offences i was suspended from my employer until the outcome, in which an internal investigation would be carried out, as she had used her position as a police officer and contacted my employer to say that i was contacting her via text and phone calls in there working time.

    April 2011 – My solicitor and the Police wrote to me that i was no longer on bail and that they had investigated fully and that No charges were to be brought against me, and if i wished to make a formal complaint i should do so through the IPCC.
    I returned to work and after being given a written warning about my conduct i was able to continue working there, but mud sticks and i left.

    I continued to contact the CSA and my ex partner via solicitors, and she was adamant that she would not have a DNA test, i eventually sacked my solictors and applied to the courts paying £200.00 to get a court to enforce her to have a DNA.

    In December 2011 my relationship with someone of 2 years who had been through this rollercoaster ride with me, felt that the relationship had to end.

    I had sought new employement and had explained to my new employer what had happened in which he agreed that until the outcome of the DNA test he would not pay the CSA via the DEO.

    August 2012 – I finally got a court date, and i had to pay a further £700.00 for a DNA Test, the results came back positive.
    The CSA were going to have a field day, they then said as my employer had not made any payments i now owed my ex partner £4500.00 and that they were going to take 40% of my salary which in turn would have put me right back to 2010 and get me into a lot of debt.

    I started to make payments, and i also started to fall into debt as i couldn’t pay my own personal finances.
    In January 2013 i made the decision to leave my employment, as i was working to pay 1 debt the CSA, i felt so low and i had lost weight with stress, that eventually i returned back to my parents.
    I found work with a nearby company and contacted the csa and informed them that it was a low paid job and i would have to come to some arrangement.

    There response was that i owed £3150.00 and that i would also need to make a payment of £168.00 in addition per month, that if i didn’t make payments they would take 40% of my salary and they would send baillifs to my parents address, and if need be send me to prison.

    THREATS THREATS THREATS………If we made these to them on the phone i am sure we would be arressted and charged in a court of law.

    I then received letter after letter saying that i had to make prompt payment to avoid such action.
    I’ve given the job up, and i have decided that there is four outcomes to this.
    1. Go to Prison – They will still never get what is owed
    2. Take my own life (Thou i wouldn’t do this – knowing others have)
    3. Emergrate (They cannot touch you)
    4. Self Employed

    I understand it takes two to Tango, i was always reassured that my ex had a coil fitted and that the chances of her getting pregnant were next to nothing.
    It wasn’t until 5 months later she contacted me,blackmailed me, had me arressted on false allegations.

    The Government should look at simple steps.
    1. If the NRP is not having child access “He should not be forced to pay”
    2. There should be Cap on how much is paid to the child in terms of age, i am sure my 4 year old daughter does not spend £150.00 per week on herself!!!
    3. Parents who do not adhere to the abouve should be fined, and the NRP compensated.

  15. John Smith on May 10th, 2013 5:27 pm

    So many so called men on here.
    Grow so balls earn some money and pay what you should for YOUR children. Even if your ex is a complete bitch mine is..children come first whatever the circumstances. Grow up and take responsibility.

  16. lindsey on May 12th, 2013 4:33 pm


  17. K BROWN on May 14th, 2013 3:36 pm

    Here here to CAROL & CRAIG BROWN!! behind you 100%.

    My husband has 2 beautiful children from a previous marriage and we have 2 beautiful children together. He has never refused to pay child maintenance to his ex wife even though his 2 children call his ex wife’s new partner DADDY and she has stopped contact willy nilly!!

    At the minute i’m in a dispute with csa as they were supposed to set up a direct debit out of MY bank but havent done so which means no money has been taken. Tried ringing them, and all i get is…….we will ring you back on the telephone number you’ve given us!!……..( i havent received that phone call back yet )

    Every child costs money in every way whether its bills, clothes, food, dinner money, or even school trips.

    i totally understand the fathers out there where they are forced to pay over the top csa but are not allowed access to their children because the ex’s don’t want them in their children’s lives. ( but will accept money from them) Every child deserves their mother & father despite the circumstances.

    With talks of CSA closing down, i thought that it was going to a service where parents with care have to pay for the service so they will think again and sort it amicably between themselves???

  18. K BROWN on May 14th, 2013 3:37 pm

    lol lindsay, u go girl :) ……..spot on!! xxx

  19. Grow some balls on May 18th, 2013 9:14 pm

    Look at all you bitter people especially the new partners, its this simple in my eyes
    WHETHER YOU SEE YOUR KIDS OR NOT WHETHER YOUR MAN OR WOMAN, REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU SHOULD HELP WITH THE MAINTENANCE OF BRINGING UP YOUR CHILD. My sons mum has stopped me from seeing him, many times, and other things, but I have never stopped paying for him, think of your child not the parent the money is to help bring them up. I don’t care if she buys wine, fags, goes out shags whoever, as long as I know im paying and im consistent and that he is happy and looked after I dont care about anything else. some of you people are shameful especiallly the new partners comments

  20. Annoyed on June 3rd, 2013 2:35 pm

    Yes I agree with PAYING for the child but I also believe the NRP has a right to be ACTIVE in the upbringing of such children. It should never be allowed for the resident parent to dictate & cease contact arrangements whenever it suits just because it doesn’t work for them anymore or they wish to be spiteful. When a court order has been necessary to make the arrangements then the resident parent should be investigated and indeed prosecuted when they make false allegations etc to get their own way & cease contact forcing court appearance after court appearance to get it reinstated…. Unfortunately the system stinks in the NRP favour.
    The system has never changed in many years.

    I lost my brother & his 3 children to this appalling behaviour 15 years ago and still this CRAP goes on. His wife of 15 years left him for another partner(fair enough). When she left she left her children behind and he gave up his successful career to look after his children full time aged 2 4 & 6.
    She came back some 2 years later having failed to turn up for arranged visits etc along the way and was given 100 % custody of them and my bro given a handover date for the children and their home. Basically he was being evicted from their almost paid for property and she was due to move in with her new boyfriend and take over care of the children.
    Sadly this day never arrived…He asked her to look after the children on the Saturday evening as he needed to be somewhere. He rang her 4 times at work pleading with her to have them for the night and she refused. Sadly he left the house at 10pm & the following day he and the children were found dead in the woods nearby…. THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER BUT EVERYONE HAS A LIMIT>>>>> This is why I believe soooo strongly that fathers rights need to reassessed.

  21. Cat Urquhart on June 12th, 2013 5:12 pm

    Ladies and gentlemen a few facts that should be held above emotions;

    1. Sex’s first and foremost function is procreation not pleasure therefore if you have sex you may create a child
    2. Parental responsibility is enshrined in the law in every western countries legal system therefore if you practice 1 then you should be prepared for 2!

    My husband left me with 2 young children that he had to persuade me to have to go of with a colleague and have another child with. I have never stopped him seeing his children in fact I have begged him to see them even getting my lawyer to send letters to his solicitor to ask him to see his children which there has never been a reply to. Our daughter has been seriously traumatised by being abandoned by the father she loved and has had a breakdown through the grief of it, He like many others has abandoned the children he begged to have and set himself up as a contractor and he went to the CSA to overturn our legal agreement on maintenance. Now he and his partner (who was his mistress) earn well over 6 figures per annum yet my children get £30 per week. How? simple, becoming self employed means you can pay yourself minimum wage, write of loads as ‘expenses’ and take the bulk as dividends.
    My career has been decimated by being left 24/7 365 day a year parenting (laid of due to having to constantly take care of my daughter). Believe me my ex could keep his £30 a week if he had our children for the 52 days that the CSA ascribe full maintenance payments.
    Perhaps the answer lies in how parents share the responsibility. If a parent willingly walks away as per my ex then they should be made to pay more. And those parents with care who stop their ex’s from caring for their children for part of the time without due cause should be similarly financially penalised.
    Children are like dogs they are not just for Christmas! Heck they may be like some xmas pressies you receive but unfortunately they are not returnable. The thing they are is a joint venture.

  22. Rebekah on July 2nd, 2013 7:48 am

    Good Lord! I am appalled by some of these comments, and I haven’t read them all. What concerns me most is that, for the most part it seems, the children’s welfare is not at the crux of the remarks, seemingly not the priority?

    We live in an ever changing society, the pressures of an escalating cost of living and impact of new government legislation is making every day life for those on low incomes more and more stressful.

    Every case is different, every situation has its own facets of emotional rawness and potential unreasonable behaviour from one or both parties. This is why this one sweeping system that the CSA operates has does not always work. I presume there are some situations in which both parties have accepted their responsibilities and stepped up to the mark so that arrangements work. There are good mums and good dads, conversely there are bad mums and bad dads.

    What seems to be the problem, is finding a fair system that works for all parties ????

  23. sarah on August 26th, 2013 10:49 am

    i agree with Rebekah, the point isn,t about the csa, its about bring children up any parent knows the time and money this takes. if your not prepared to take reponsiblity and dont care weather your child has a coat or a dinner. men keep it zipped up! and women you have plenty of choices to prevent pregency. for those that choice to settle and have a family it should be with out a doubt a 50/50 responsiblity. not a case of forget your kid cause you want a hoiliday or you deserve a new dress or a pair of trainers cause after all said and done a good parent would put the childs needs before their own. and shame on all the parents that would do anything to avoid their responsiblities, including my ex husband after 12 1/2 years of marrage left his 9 year old son, with out and regular contact lied about his income and gave the csa origanilly on £19 a week which went up to £25 even though he earns between 150 to 350 per day (not week) he works 5/ 6 days a week, self employed so very easy to hide. he has now remarried and it wont be long before this becomes the next wifes problem. he thinks he deserves new cars, flash watches and holidays more than he thinks his son needs food and clothes. luckily for my son i work hard and i provide him with evething he needs. so ok i dont buy a new dress or wear make up but i have something my ex husband will never have my sons love and trust. i know its not easy to do it a lone.

  24. do the right thing on September 25th, 2013 11:24 pm

    Fuck all you csa haters. Bunch of selfish pricks who care more for themselves than their kids welfare. Just pay the damn money you owe instead of drowning in your own self centred bitterness! Set of self employed theiving bastards taking money from their own kids just because it goes through the mother. So what if it does? I have always paid child support and I’ll always be right with my children because I’ve done right by them. You selfish theiving arseholes are only harming yourselves. For fucks sake do you think kids are dumb? You might get away with this when they’re little but guess what these kids grow up and suddenly one day you’re own selfish behaviour will destroy your relationship! Short sighted thick bastards! No doubt at that point it will be your exs fault for poisoning the kids mind?

    Try putting your kids first for once instead of just pretending you piss poor excuse for human beings!

  25. Carrie on November 10th, 2013 1:25 pm

    For some children they have really good dads, dads that want to support their children, seeing that they have part responsibility in their upbringing and what it entails. My experience has been of a relationship from 17 years ago. I became pregnant while in a relationship, I broke the news to my then other half, he was fine about it, we were both surprised, but not negative. The very next day, he was a different person, never had he shown me a side that I saw that day, he was threatening and violent and blamed me. He ended up punching me in the stomach, saying the pregnancy needed to be gone, at five weeks pregnant I would never have thought that those pains would be the same as full term pregnancy labour pains. Arriving at epu, early pregnancy unit, I had lost so much blood, they said I had probably lost the baby, but would check, a Dutch doctor found foetus to be in tact and ok. I was sent home for bed rest, I was in a mess mentally, my two older children extremely worried. The next day when they were at school he broke into my house, and asked one question was I still pregnant? I said yes, he was furious and beat me again, this time I called the police and also went to hospital, experiencing agony and heavy bleeding again. The same Dutch doctor, said same thing, this is the end this time, ultrasound proved him wrong, I couldn’t believe it i filled three bed pans with blood, this baby was here for keeps, the police installed a panic button in my bedroom, arrested him, he got out on bail, got in my house again, I wasn’t near the panic button, he took the phone off my twelve year old daughter and broke it, he told me that if I kept it I should never claim CSA, and that i was not to register the baby, if I claimed CSA, he would bring a different slag to the house every week, because he would make sure he got access. He threatened he would run me and the baby down if he saw us out walking, he got his mates to call me from phone boxes to threaten me. On the 5 Jan 1997 I took him to court, still having the bruises on my neck and face. He didn’t once look up at the judge, he got a criminal sentence, I walked away with an injunction for the period of the pregnancy, with a view of extending it should I need it. To cut along story short, I had peace through the rest of the pregnancy, although doctors said I wouldn’t carry full term as the placenta was so damaged. However I did go full term, but the placenta collapsed down over the way out, I had emergency caesarian and lost 9 pints of blood. My son and I lived , we had a peaceful 12 years and then he reared his ugly head with a letter saying how much he missed his son everyday of every year, thought of him every day, 12 years of no birthday cards, no Christmas cards, no money for support, as you’ve read I was seriously put off trying for support……or else…. He wanted contact with my son, as he was 12 I felt I was in a position that I had to tell him, his father had contacted me, I felt so sick and afraid, for my son and me, it made no sense at all. Weeks went by and my son agreed to meet him, with me. This man had no conversation with ‘our’ son, it was awkward . The next visit he brought his son, from a relationship he was in, still nothing said or explained to ‘our’ son, the next time, he bought his wife and son, still the same, awkward, the next time his wife, son, and his wife’s children, that time was more awkward than the rest. My sons birthday was coming up, this man asked what did ‘our’ son want for birthday? I said a bike, although my mother and I were chipping in, his reply was I don’t buy bikes for birthdays, and that was that, I heard no more, I didn’t chase it, as I felt it wasn’t good enough for my boy to be treated like that. This father left it, however I went to CSA, I felt stronger to cope, I had witnessed he was ok for money, but had also been supporting 3 children that was not his, right down to buying cars for two of them. On application for CSA his reaction was ‘our’ son must have DNA testing \ What a bastard. anyway, four months later, the answer I knew it would be, he then went on to not pay support, of 27 a week, hardly a hardship. But no, since then to now we have had odd payments, he now owes thousands, he makes the odd payment to appease CSA, On the 2 Oct this year, he had the bailiffs call, he made a payment of 150 and had to promise to pay them that every 2nd of each month. He has paid 2nd Nov too. However two weeks ago a letter was pushed through my front door by him, that he wanted to see ‘our’ son, he wants to be a father to him and give him a good future!! yet again, the same thing he has thought of nothing else, my boy had a mile stone birthday in august…his 16th..nothing was heard from him. His excuse was he didn’t know if it would be welcome|! We left responding to the letter and slept on it, my lovely son, said he had no feelings about it, didn’t know him, he was a stranger that meant nothing to him. A fortnight after the first letter, another came, saying ‘ I want to be a father to …. ‘ call me. I don’t know if I did the right thing but I text, mentioning all the things above, that he disappeared on his 12th birthday..and everything he is saying he said then, and what about putting him through DNA? he offered no excuse, except the past is in the past, and in order to get on we must move on, not feeling that was enough, I asked more, he finally burst into his own true colours and said , i had kept ‘our’ boy from him all these years and I wouldn’t be able to any more as he is now 16, that he would track down our son and tell him everything!!!! everything being what , he made no contact for 12 long years, which lasted 6 weeks, that he aborted because he doesn’t buy bikes for birthdays, and then put him through DNA, and then when he had conclusive evidence, he still wouldn’t pay maintenance, even though he got away with 12 years, it wasn’t enough for him. Where are we now, well my son does not want to have anything to do with him, what’s there to want to know? A total let down in all areas, just messing about with an innocent child, tracking him down to tell him a load of lies, is that called love. We are now waiting on having him written a legal letter, that he is to stay away , make no contact, my son is not interested, and we do not want him on our property. My son wants to be the one to hand this creature the letter. Finally, when he met us 4 years ago, he told my son, that he had been saving for him, and had saved a large amount, however he had to use it to pay the tax man !!!! There are nasty pieces of work like this that avoid all they can for a life they helped bring in the world, do not take care how they hurt their own flesh and blood. I will still carry on pursuing him through the CSA,, this father has only had what he sees as grief for 4 years out of 16, the money that the CSA do manage to painfully extract from this awful person, goes straight to my son and his personal needs, we have three more years of this as my son is in further education. My son is a beautiful person, he doesn’t rise to any of this, he knows this man is a waste of space, a bad dad, who has treated him badly, he says he has no connection/bond no feeling, nothing and its not hard to feel nothing. When he was growing, he had tons of love, never wanted for anything but not spoilt. I f I try and spoil him, he makes me return what I have bought. His formative years were very important, the love and security he felt and still feels, has enabled him to endure the atrocities of a low life. I hope this inspires any mums out there or dads for that matter who have full time care. Follow your gut instinct as it is always right.

  26. ISHAFTEDTHECSA on November 26th, 2013 4:30 pm

    Just want you jealous bitches to know, that i can pay but won’t pay! the CSA haven’t got a hope against my lawyers and accountants who have much bigger teeth.

    When my ex left me for “RICH” married man who was earning 50k and i was only earning 30k she laughed and said how i’d never amount to anything – Now i’m self employed and coining in 450k a year and i can pay the best accountants and lawyers to run rings around her.

    She prevented me seeing my child and alienated me from her so .. i’ll console myself with a string of houses abroad, exotic holidays, a new audi R8 and i’ll drive past her little terraced house in scumville flipping the bird – just for a laugh!

    I Live a rich life whilst she is stuck on a 20k income oh and the married man absconded back to his original wife -Thats karma to bitches! if you want revenge fellas – get rich and very very even! don’t get mad :)

  27. annoyed on November 30th, 2013 11:48 am

    i have three children with my partner who has a child with another woman,we only get a deduction of £10 because we have three children living with us ,this is just crazy, whether or not i knew my partner had a child when i met him does not change the fact that the csa take way too much money from the non resident parent, if you times the amount we have to pay by three there is no way that we get left with that much for out three so how is that fair, the childs mother already gets money for her aswell and her benefits are not effected by what she gets from my partner, so its a bonus, if we were loaded it would be a different story but we get topped up with tax credits because the government say that we don’t have enough to live on otherwise and then it gets taken off us again, that is so backwards

  28. Bincrafty on December 2nd, 2013 11:49 am

    The CSA has no appreciation for fathers who want to pay regardless of weather the child is theres or not. The do discriminate, the do ignore human rights and if you challenge them then they just go the DEO route. There is a court case proving that your employer should challenge the DEO but all employers are scared to do this and with just send you a PDFF from the CSA saying there right.

    This then leaves you very little options one of which is to sue your employer!! I myself am at this stage. My payroll just did a DEO leave me with £100 to see my until the end of December. Last month and this they cocked up and took to much money. The CSA based on my ex-partners word discounted money I had paid to her. When I left everything was in order and no debts with her in a fully furnished paid up home!!

    As a man you are crucified, treated like a dead beat, yet the women can sit on benefits get everything paid for and 15% of you income so you are royally being screwed. I have just thought about quitting my job, we had an agreement in place and I paid like clock work. She got the csa involved just to be a C**T and the CSA supports all her lies. Nothing has been proven, no DNA test, not on birth certificate yet if I were to prove I was not the farther tomorrow would I get the money they have taken back?? NO!! Which is theft. The CSA running around using assumed guilt is bull shit and unjust yet no one listens or cares why? Cause they are a government cash cow, all these women who think they get all the money are just deluding themselves.

    Its also bullshit that the woman gets automatic custody to use the children as weapons against fathers. This needs to be stopped.

    The best way to sort all this shit out would be to have child licenses, if you want to have a child you have to apply for a license. automatic contraception is carried out at school this would sort so many issues out.

  29. big ron on January 4th, 2014 8:09 pm

    My wifes mam and dad split up when she was a child and to get out of paying anything to her mam, her dad quit his job and got one that didnt earn enough for him to qualify for csa payments. Her mam then had a child to someone else and again they split up. He was a self employed accountant so he worked it so he was paying my mother in law just £7 a week. She has done a great job raising three kids by herself effectivley on a single income albeit it had to be in a council house. She is a proud woman too and didnt claim a single benefit.

    So in this case the blokes are the tossers.

    on the other hand, a mate of mine split up with his gf last year. He has a good job driving cranes and pays super tax. To get the wage he does requires him to work away 4 days a week which his ex knew before they had a kid. He owns two houses that he rents out and because of this he couldnt get another mortgage in his name so the house they moved into was in her name but he paid for it. She worked part time and her money was her own as he earned enough to support her and the kid they had together. She agreed to him working away for longer periods so he could save for a bigger house but after a couple of weeks into working his new job she left him for the personal trainer she was able to pay for. No talking it over, no reasoning or anything. She moved out of the house he was paying for to her mams with the kid which is 25 miles away. She took 5 grand in shares they had together and wanted 10k so she would sign the house over to him even though he paid for it including decorating throughout. He moved out so she rents it out now. She took his car and demanded money when it broke down. The csa pull his pants down because of his wages and he only gets to spend friday nights, all day saturday and sunday morning with his son and shes out on the piss most weekends. She has since had a boob job and has a brand new car all whilst working 16 hrs a week and is also enquiring about trying to get him to sell his two houses so she can get more even though she is renting a house herself!

    In this instance the woman is the tosser but undeniably the csa are the main culprits with both cases.

    I am self employed and ‘touch wood’ should me and my missus split up then I would claim low earnings should she go to the csa. But that doesnt mean I wouldnt pay my way with my kids. I would give her what I think I child can live on a week. Taking into consideration the amount of baths they have, the amount of food they eat and what they wear each week I think £60 a week is enough. Your paying for your childs bills not your ex’s! And besides I would be bathing them, feeding them and clothing them when they come to me so would I then be able to counter claim off her. I doubt it

  30. Fiona on January 9th, 2014 6:22 pm

    I have 4 sons. They have been brought up to understand that they are 100% responsible for their own bodies, reproduction. Happiness and relationships. If any of them came to me with the….’ She told me she was on the pill’ crap… My answer would be…’ If you don’t want children it’s up to you and no else to make sure it doesn’t happen’ …..and if you choose to have sex without protection then you take the consequences, like all the countless women over centuries have done.

    Whether a child is made through chance or design…it is still a child that has absolutely no influence or power to choose anything. You can shout and scream and bitch about how unfair it is…….do any of you think about these children?? Who have NO SAY in any of this and have to take the crap and CANNOT walk away…or confront who’s hurting them…or remove themselves from the situation????
    And predominantly it is the same for the parent carers….mainly mothers. They are the ones who shoulder the bulk of the investment in their children. ALL their money goes to pay for a roof; heating; lighting; water; cars; food; birthdays; Xmas; school outings; other children’s birthday presents; feeding friends form school; pets; football; acting; singing; a school bag like their best friends; making sure they eat their veg; wear a warm coat; put sun cream on; do their homework; stand on a freezing cold field at 9am on a Sunday morning; having ten kids for a sleepover; sitting through the smurfs movie; being up all nght when they have flu; waiting 5 hours in A&E after leaving an important meeting at work; being told they hate you because dad never tells them off although he only sees them 3 times a year; not having a social life; always being the one to take time off work when they are sick; spending 24/7 at the beck and call of another human beings needs….
    THAT is being a parent!!!! And anyone with any integrity would pay what they possibly could to support their child before their own disposable needs as well as providing the other needs…Being there; being contactable; making the effort to sit through a 6pm nativity; early football match and telling their child they were great; getting to know their friends, likes and dislikes; doing homework….making them feel LOVED and WANTED instead of leaving them with a lifetime of rejection!!
    To all those second partners resenting exs children….they are the priority…then they grow up…your time will come. And remember….you may be that ex one day…do you want your children treated like that?
    To all those mothers who genuinely refuse to allow their children to see their fathers…..would you put your child’s hand on a red hit stove? No? So why cause them emotional pain that is far mor damaging and long lasting?
    And to those men who regard child maintenance as a means of your ex screwing money out of you…..I don’t know ANY single parents rolling in it and living the life…..it is supporting her to support your children. If you don’t agree with the way she does that..tough……you know hand on heart if you have paid and not kept money back to have a nicer car…extra holidays or a generally good lifestyle…..you have insured your children have a similar lifestyle as yours…..regardless of how it’s excercised…..your conscience is clear.

    And to my ex…who does not see his son and has regularly reduced his csa payments whilst my child only had half his school uniform when he started secondary school;went without heating and hot water in November because I couldn’t afford oil; has been fed by food parcels; now has no way to get to his beloved football because his mother no longer has a car………sadly your retribution on me for leaving has only damaged your sons, which in turn does hurt me. But when my 11 year old loves having kettle baths and hot chocolate in a cold house; has wonderful friends parents who insure he gets to football and give him missing school uniform……I know we are ok. I cannot protect my children from my exes behavior……and I have risen to the bait many times……I can sleep and I know my time will come.

  31. Mark on January 9th, 2014 7:25 pm

    *That should have read CSA £4,200 not £42,000

  32. Robert on January 22nd, 2014 12:25 am

    It’s not about the kids the government the courts all corupt ,women can do what they want ,it’s always the man that suffers for their affairs the csa are is legal muder shame on uk we’ll they got to pick on someone no. One else scared of them in the world I hate this country for depressing me

  33. John on February 3rd, 2014 11:26 pm

    I was engaged to a woman who claimed several times that she was pregnant when she clearly wasn’t – in an attempt to keep me from leaving. She even kept up the fantasy of being pregnant for 9 months after I’d finally left when she wasn’t, putting pictures up in online accounts of baby feet etc. I don’t doubt that children are important however this woman had already had a child with someone else and was collecting money from him, which I witnessed her spending on cigarettes and wine. There was no consideration on her part for that child’s well-being above feeding it and keeping it quiet. So claiming that child support is a father’s responsibility because of biology is beyond short cited. I have no doubt the imminent release of the male contraceptive pill will help release an enormous burden on the CSA who no doubt cannot afford the resources to police women like my former fiance and its development should be a top priority. Also I would like to thank the first poster, michelle who pointed out a little talked about fact that men who pay child support are in many cases unable to start another familly let alone support one. The clear onous is on these mothers to make responsible decisions and use birth control. Especially in a system in which children are raised almost exclusively by mothers, a pracitce which is enshrined in law and makes fatherhood practically a crime. It is not the CSA’s fault that they have to enforce the law, it is the government that allows its very existence. I have seen said woman date a drug dealer and various other choice men with that child in the house, while collecting child support and benefits – it is a gross and disgusting fact that the law supports this, even when the father in question would have made a far, far better parent to the child – so the child suffers because of a blind hatred in our society toward men. Nor should it be the state’s and taxpayers responsibility to shoulder that burden, the oft cited cases of men “abandoning” their wives and children often ignore factors of spousal abuse toward men because women consider it their right under the law to act how they please forcing men into an impossible position. It is this culture of shame and blame that entitles women to feel they can act so irresponsibily and put their own wants before that of their children. Had their been an equal responsibility for financial as well as emotional care placed on BOTH parents and enshrined in the law we could finally stop jailing men for failing to find work in a recession and allow children the right to be supported the way they deserve – by BOTH parents.

  34. SENSIBLE on March 3rd, 2014 11:10 am

    First of all, to the bimbos that are now going out with the ex husbands/partners, you are soooooo thick, you knew he had kids when you got into the relationship so slagging off the ex girlfriend makes YOU yes you sound bitter and jealous, you new girlfriends that are vile about child support being for children should be locked up just for your sheer vile ignorance….did you morons go to school. And as for you bitter nasty men, here is a list of your tiny amount of child support, get this through your braindead head…it is for the children, not handbags, fancy cars etc etc, it is 15 or 20% morons. I cannot believe you men and women hate children so much, you sicken decent people and new girlfriend if you have a kid with him and he leaves he’ll do the same to you, all of you bitter twisted cheap common nasty people think about the kids not fags, pubs and naff holidays. OK here is the list:

    School trips (fees sometimes)
    Trips to friends houses
    Petrol to school
    Doctors fees
    general medical bills including dentist.

    And for the peasant who said she only needed 40pcm to bring her child up that is because you are a thicko you cannot spell and would rather spend the money ‘down the pub’, you are a shameful excuse of a human.




  35. SENSIBLE on March 3rd, 2014 11:18 am

    And I forgot piece of advise for the men threatening the CSA and thinking your are a gangster, go to school get an education, learn to spell and maybe go on a course how to stop hating women. Yes I have a degree, which I expect none of you have. If you don’t want to have a child, don’t rely on the woman you are with, that is pathetic, over 18 you are grown men, put something on it, if not, pay for your actions and stop your pathetic whinging, you are all so cheap and nasty and should be completely and utterly ashamed of yourselves, your parents sure did swell jobs on bringing you guys up, with not wanting to pay for your children, they’ll figure this out later on, even after all excuses and they will end up hating you for it. STOP the Hate towards your exes and love the kids and be grateful to have them as some people would do anything to have kids. My ex pays a little amount and never complains, is classy and a gentleman and just loves his kid and his girlfriend is nice too, not all are trailer trash!

  36. Warren on July 22nd, 2014 1:03 pm

    @SENSIBLE. So much needs to be addressed in your diatribe that I do not even know where to start. Maybe your list of expenses?

    Electricity….your bill mainly
    Water…your issue if you consider how much you would use even if no kids were involved.
    Phone: again your choice to have one.
    School trips and fees: Yes these should be split as I do with my ex.
    Trips to friends houses: Really? Your choice under your care.
    Petrol to school: Taken care of in the CSA calculation.
    General Medical: included in the CSA calculation & no doubt you have a health care card.
    Dental: Either you have a Health Care Card or you pay private medical that covers Dental, which is it?

    To put my case: I pay my child support, I pay more than required. I pay for my sons to play football, take them to training etc but yet it is not enough. My ex bleats about being supermum whilst smoking, drinking, going out constantly & berates me about how our sons miss out. Sacrifice? I gave up many many years and went into massive debt to see her healthy after two life threatening events and full of her own shit.

    I pay. Why? I am happy to see my boys thrive in life. I will NOT however support her bullshit lifestyle for one second though. Enjoy your blinkered view of this scenario SENSIBLE, you know very little of what happens to us guys (yes I know many in my situation).

  37. gary pitchford on August 4th, 2014 10:26 pm

    having paid my ex for the last 17.5 yrs. left the army after 24 yrs service, and got a good job, i work away for two months at a time, i was paying a set amount, i have just bee re assessed by the csa and they have hit me for nearly 6 grand in back pay, and a monthly csa of £1258,48, i don’t get paid when I’m not working, to which the css are not interested, i have now had to Finnish my job which cost me a lot of money getting trained up to, i have tried contact with her, stating we come to some sort of arrangement between us, with me paying her all what i owe her, or what the csa say i owe her, and pay her a reasonable amount each month, she refused this which has forced me to Finnish my job, i will now go on benefits and she will get the minimal pay out from me, now tell me greed is not the route of evil here,

  38. Tony Hancock on August 26th, 2014 4:02 pm

    My daughter turns 20 next month and I’ve never paid a penny to her mother apart from the 6 months I lived with her after birth. I’m proud of this as I refuse to be a slave for someone who’s never worked.

    It actually happened accidentally really. After the split I spent several years in education getting a good degree. Then went straight into self-employment and have always earned good money, although I’m far from rich.

    I’ve never avoided the CSA, but in their wisdom they’ve never asked me for a penny. I get a letter every six months telling me I paid £0.00 in the last payment period.

    So my advice to any person not wanting to pay – or wanting to pay a fairer amount – is to go down the self-employed route and pay yourself as little as possible, officially at least.

    Good luck.

  39. Sarah on September 17th, 2014 4:51 pm

    As one of the “new” wives and girlfriend club! I find it discusting how women use maintenance as a way to punish their ex husbands for no longer wanting to be in the ex wifes life, this is after all the case and not the case that they no longer want to care for their children. All to often these women make life so impossible that the fathers end up cutting ties for the sake of thier own sanity. There should be better procedures in place to ensure all money taken is actually spent on the childen and it should be easier to put contact orders in pass without all these massive costs.

  40. Judy Mason on September 27th, 2014 7:37 pm

    Tony you are just the sort of low life who would be proud of paying nothing to your daughter. How proud is your 20 year old daughter to know she was not worth anything to you. Lets hope she does not meet an arsehole like her mother did with you. Wonder what your reaction would be then . Let me think you would tell her to ring the csa because that is what an hypocrite does

  41. Jonathan on October 11th, 2014 4:46 pm

    I’ve put a comment on here but after reading so many different comments, its about time I say something.
    Me and my ex split in 2009 and to cut a long story short (happy to explain directly but not waffle on here but she met a serial fraudster who drove a wedge between us, involved the courts through me being banned from seeing my daughter and made us lose our home and she had to go bankrupt, yes its been a living nightmare), the court to my delight awarded me shared care and so my daughter has 6 consecutive nights with me then 8 with her mum and that’s how it continues.
    Despite me having the pleasure of having a large chunk of time with my daughter, I’m still needed to pay what I would say is enough in child maintenance – I get upset when I cannot afford to do things with her because I need to pay CSA.
    Ive been unfortunate to have been made redundant twice in 13 months, I’m not a sit at home man and I need to be back in work so its beats my Job seekers wonderful wage. The issues I now have it that my income will go down by £2K a year but CSA will only drop by around £350 so i’m worse off again which frustrates me to hell and back.

    If anyone shares a similar story, Id be happy to chat with them, no one I know closely deals with the CSA. I suppose what i’m trying to say is that all this time I have with her I want to be able to spend on her and take her shopping etc but MONEY always seems to stop this happening.

  42. Andy. on February 17th, 2015 11:33 pm

    Hi all…
    You lot are all correct..the incompetance of the new Child Maintenance Service..
    Has created a hatred to the ex partner that I can only describe as give me a gun and I’ll pull the trigger…it’s just a comment..
    Havering been sent a CMS demand by ex partner application and this is for two children,working out of the amount was £518.00 per month..
    My ex partner has and will obtain the marital house and I do have assets as second property and this will be taken into account.The CMS are the most useless bunch of morons I have ever had the misfortune to work with..
    The total support for the PWC and lack of support for the NRP makes this a very unequal state of affaires as statements from the CMS keeps on bleeting about amicable agreements..with all costs are pushed on to the father as well…
    Just tell me when your ex partner can earn more than you and you still give 16% of your salary???you don’t even get to challenge the payment or calculation..

    Having read a consultation paper prior to the old CSA were renamed to CMS old staff new name..no where does it mention any exemptions you will have to find that one out on other web sites but it all states what you will and must pay..
    Why should I pay or have the option to make my own payments to my children not direct to some evil twit of an ex who sends threatning e mails and sends both kids when I do see them in old clothes so I have to purchase new ones just so they look presentable yet I cannot do anything about it…or claim back any costs.

    I could go on for hours but if you look for all the exemptions then self employment is the best option firstly set up a limited company then through that company pay your self £95.00 per week…
    I know it will be tough but do you want to give half your salary to some one else and enhances there life style..I read other stories and wish to smack in the mouth the idiots who support payments direct to the ex..they may afford this but what planet are they really on as I have said I would spent the same amount on the children if I had the option not demanded to pay with no option….
    The agency who decided to and push through this regulation and rules are a wast to our tax payers salaries and whilst in chambers for 5mins claim additional£300.00 for turning up.

    I have had on going Special Expenses variation application but both times have been rejected due to lack of information. In one instance I recorded a conversation with one of the morons who basically kept saying NO,NO,NO,NO to any question I asked..
    I seems that and read before ther invoke payments but never get any explanation or after my letters had no response written or other to clarify..so we can and you can’t sindrome with all information sent to your ex to make comment on..and they ask her to say yes or no..unbelivable…
    All I want is a fair and sustainable payment then I would not mind as I can still live as well and get on with my life but after costs withdrawn and to pay current mortgage I am a prisoner in my own home…but as per usual CMS don’t give a shit..
    I want to see a refusal by all NRP’s and under this rise of refusal to pay they can’t handle all refusals can they..other country’s seem to do this as we have seen before all we do is moan and that makes it easy for the CMS to collect payments…
    That is my version but some one will not agree but if you don’t then I hope you pay half you salary to some one else then see how you will react…when you get a parking fine for £100.00 quid all you want to do is challenge it try this for the next 14 years in my case paying £518.00.

  43. rob on February 23rd, 2015 7:29 pm

    IvJust became self employed the csa sent me a letter for me to pay £20 a month then I get told there system had sent me the wrong info and its starting to stress me out as any one got any info. iv never refused to pay but when self employed you can not guaranty constant work.

  44. Adam on February 25th, 2015 8:33 pm

    they automatically think you are a crook.Don’t take into account any extras you pay – school trips (just done half a ski trip), meals etc. My kids are having three holidays this year – I haven’t had one since 2006

  45. Andy. on February 27th, 2015 8:50 am

    I note recent comments about paying when children are with you..you are right it is known as additional costs with full support from the NRP..of course you don’t want to see your children go without but time comes to look after yourself…

    Having read the last consultation paper yet again it only accepted results and comments from stake holder organisation etc.
    The document never stated or consulted ordinary fair paying working parents who support this organisation in the way of tax payments yet costs are pushes to the customer ie you!! as the NRP…

    The way other large supportive advice organisations support the PWC, reading these comments and what you should do is totally crap..in essence bullying tactics by the CMS and of course lack of explanation men resentment to all..by the way thanks for the support..yea like hell..

    In all the reality to all this and reading all the documentation the system treats the Father as scum and fully supports the Mother…just to make a point in my case I was always Dad to my children now separated response from ex partner is now termed as Father…just showers how words mean different things but in all I know I am there Dad….rant over..well,not for long but…lol.

  46. Emz on June 15th, 2015 3:25 pm


    100000000000% agree!

    Most of the people on here are absolute dickheads! They should be ashamed of themselves!

    I hope your children read these threads some day and know it was there own flesh and blood that said such selfish, hurtful and disgusting things about the poor children stuck in the middle of your own feuds! It is supposed to be about the children!!! But all there is is bitching about exes! And the women that minority of women on here that back these men you are as sick as they are! Grow the fuck up!!!
    People like you sicken me! How do you think that child will feel knowing that is your feelings towards your own child!? Nasty, selfish, no good, wastes of space! Appalling!!!!!!!

  47. Emz on June 15th, 2015 3:41 pm

    As for the Csa they are just doing there jobs…ok they are not always very clever about it but they are there because: If it wasn’t for stupid parents that act like idiots (usually men refusing to pay all because they have split up with there ex!!) could be a grown up and put all ill feelings aside and do what’s right for there kids and DO pay for there kids then there would be no Csa! Simples! Sadly a lot of men seem to think they shouldn’t pay towards there kids! Why shouldn’t you???? Why should the mother solely take ALL responsibility??? Feeding, clothing, schooling, activities, roof over there heads and trying there best to do the best for there kids and generally keep them happy while the arsehole dad swans off leaving them to it and enjoying his life as a single man?? Why should he?? Why on earth would you dads even contemplate that? And that’s why the mothers have no choice but to take you to the Csa! Those type of dads deserve everything you get and more! Pathetic tossers! You should be castrated!

  48. Joanne on January 24th, 2016 2:59 pm

    I can’t believe some of the bile on here! Some of you second partners/wives are c****s ! My ex abused me stole money from me and the kids ( Xmas / birthday money) left me in 16000 worth of debt. Has never paid me a penny . Have I stopped contact ? No ! I hate him with every fibre of my body but my daughter loves him with every fibre of hers. She will reach her own conclusion about him and it’s entirely her choice. And he can look in the mirror and think about what he’s done and if someone does this to his daughter I can gently remind him its a case of history repeating its self. And if my son’s treated someone like this my foot will be firmly wedged up their arse till they change. And before some twat starts I have worked full time for twenty years only having maternity leave off , and I’ve made sure I could pay for trips etc so they don’t miss out . Paying for children isn’t medal worthy ! You have them you pay for them ! Sterilse or abstain if you don’t want the responsibility ………………..

  49. Garry on January 28th, 2016 10:30 am

    There is no point in getting bitter.
    Get even and go self employed.
    The greedy mother gets jack.
    The government that alows the system to beat up dads get jack.
    Pay yourself very little I think you know the rest.
    I could tell you some tails about bitter exes and how the csa work but id be here all day .
    And we all know the laws an ass.
    the last time I sat in court I didn’t know that the magistrate was a woman or a man.
    What a shower that lot was.

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