CSA Self Employed

Being self employed doesn’t mean that non resident parents can avoid paying the CSA, but many NRPs do see self employment as a way of escaping the Child Support Agency.

Because the CSA tends to use the DEO (deduction from earnings order) as its favoured method of collecting payments, many people choose to quit their jobs as a way of escaping it. The CSA prefers to use the DEO because it is quick and easy, and it means they do not have to converse with the non resident parent or come to any agreement about how and when payment will be collected. The CSA will issue your employer with a DEO, and your employer has to comply with it or they will be threatened with the bailiffs. Few employers will challenge this.

As a result, and because a DEO can be for as much as 40% of your wage, many people choose to quit their jobs and either become unemployed, or go self employed. The CSA does not like to chase after non resident parents who are self employed because it is more hassle, requires more legwork, and through creative accounting the self employed are able to disguise earnings, thus reducing the amount they owe to the CSA for the maintenance of their children.

The CSA will use the most recent tax return of the self employed person to work out how much money they earn, and how much money they need to pay. Because a non resident parent has to pay 15% of their earnings, after tax, for one child, it is in the NRP’s interest to declare as little as possible in their tax return. This way they pay less tax, and less child support.

Becoming self employed is very easy, and it can even be done while keeping your current job if your employer will allow it. Some non resident parents choose (with their employer’s permission) to become ‘contracted’, which means they are not salaried, they do not have any of the perks or security of a full time employee, and they pay their own tax.

There are many tales on our website from non resident parents who have gone down the self employment route for one reason or another, and you can read their advice on how they have managed it, and what the outcome was, right here.


147 Responses to “CSA Self Employed”

  1. michelle on February 3rd, 2011 12:46 pm

    Why don’t all these women think about the consequences of having children beforehand??? !!! They seem to act like they’re the only victims. The new wives\girlfriends of their former partners end up with complete stress through no fault of their own.
    I have had previous partners but never had a child with them until i knew was the right time instead of jumping in and then crying later!!
    Sick of the men getting the blame, women are in full control of their bodies, ever heard of contraception??
    We have paid maintenence but some of these moneygrabbers want more and more so in the end the fathers end up leaving employment and moving away and sometimes they end upm splitting with present partners and those children suffer, what a ridiculous system!!

  2. Kirsty Macleod on February 8th, 2011 2:40 pm

    To Michelle
    I am one of “these women” who had children with my ex HUSBAND so i did think it was the right time and right person. However things broke and i ended our marriage but we made workable agreements for access and child support and everything worked great until he got a new girlfriend and then wife who didn’t want his children around and didn’t want to him to pay anything for their wellbeing and so forced me to go to the CSA.

  3. John on February 16th, 2011 7:45 am

    Men don’t get a legal right to the reproductive freedom that abortion gives women. So we cannot be held equally accountable for children. Nor do men get 10 forms of contraception like women do.

    Tax, CSA is all theft backed up by the threat of violence. It is morally wrong in principle.

  4. mark on August 2nd, 2011 10:28 pm

    I had to leave my job because the CSA wanted too much money than I could afford,I was left in debt by a previous partner,and whilst working,had to pay basically double,rent on top of rent arrears,council tax on top of council tax arrears etc. Now,I am running my own flat,albeit trying..on £51 a week! I want to smash to fuck out of my ex for this! Her time is coming,I swear. Might se me on the news soon. Fuck the CSA!!!! Might take a few of them cunts with me. Peace

  5. Mark Greenwood on August 4th, 2011 10:03 pm

    It would be useful to comprise a traitors list of CSA employees and politicians who support this evil organisation.
    They should be identifed in the same way that Nazis and facists are, even years after the event.
    CSA staff are cowards, They would not dare steal a man’s pocessions without the collaboration of the police and courts. However if theyhad to look over their shoulders averey time they went out or turned the ignition key in their car they might think twice.
    Every man should be prepared to pay for his kids, however he should also have equal rights of access and a say in their future, unless he is a violent bully or dickhead. However when faced with violence and theft by the CSA then the rules change. He should have the right to fight fire with fire. Evil is only overcome when it faces a greater level of violence. HItler and Japan were not defeated by Hippys. The CSA will be defeated when people are too scared too work there and they suffer the pain that they currently inflict.

  6. Jo on August 13th, 2011 2:31 pm

    Its AN ABSOLUTE JOKE how the CSA can force someone to pay money for a child – their should be sme exclusions – what about when the mother stops the father from seeing the child or the child wants nothing more to do with her father and his new family?? why the hell should he pay then. I agree with john – its complete theift.
    and kirsty you talk aload of bollocks aswell – keep your nose out of matters that dont concern you to the new partners – of course it bloody concerns us, everything that happens in a relationship concerns the other espeically financial affairs.
    Also when working out csa payments they take 15% per child, but if you have children living with you they disregard 10% per child why the hell should you pay more of a percentage for the child thats not living with you???
    This is a shit system, they dont take anything into account , what if you cant afford to pay your own living costs, debts etc then they force you to make payments for a child you dont even see – fucking joke.

  7. mark on October 26th, 2011 2:03 am

    Can any one tell me why if i never had i say in the pregnancy i should be made to pay for it ?
    I do believe if you have a child then yes both parties should look after the child but how does up to 40% of my earnings justify this how did this women survive before they contacted me?
    Why cant women think about the possibility they may be left holding the buck and take this into account before giving birth whats so wrong with having the thought of in the worst case that things don’t work out will i be able to manage and raise my child regardless if the father is around god forbid he pass away then what ????

  8. alan on November 8th, 2011 12:25 pm

    lets get this straight, i live with my partner and 2 kids the second being mine. her 9 year old son from her ex, who is self employed and earns up to £20,000 but puts £11,000 on his tax return. we know this as my partner has seen previous tax returns when with the ex. he is living as a single person now with his mum. he has his son every other weekend and pays my partner £30 a week NOT THROUGH CSA. my partner works 16 hours a week at minimum wage and i work full time. do you lot reckon he should only pay £30 a week? what a joke!!!!!!!! dinner monies alone are £12. I dont begrudge paying for my partners son but he needs to contribute more. SELF EMPLOYMENT IS THEFT NOT THE CSA.

  9. Sara on November 17th, 2011 9:09 am

    CONDOMS……..Men stop moaning and use them then you will not get stuck paying for your 3 seconds of pleasure,
    And please the new partners stop moaning that your boyfriend/husband has to pay for there children, You took them on knowing this and if you have children with them and split up you will also be wanting the CSA to help you, You should hang your head in shame!!!!!!!

  10. Michelle on November 29th, 2011 9:41 pm

    £12 dinner money??? Surely it is cheaper to buy a loaf of bread and some ham!!! I agree that fathers should pay for their children but they are also entitled to a life after the breakdown of relationships where children are involved. I also feel that the father shouldn’t be made to pay more to the ex just because they are doing well for themselves, the children wouldn’t reap the rewards because the family unit is no more. The CSS should also take into account if the mothers make it impossible for fathers to keep in regular contact, they are happy enough to have the money but not so happy to keep the regular contact up,

  11. dave on December 2nd, 2011 11:10 pm

    I have paid voluntary money to my ex-wife since we broke up and my Daughter was 2. I struggled to manage voluntary payments (most of that time), but it was’nt good enough, and now she is threatnijng CSA? it’s not fait to us blokes, that we can be treated like crap by women and CSA only take the women’s side all the time?? I tell you, it ain’t bloody fair for blokes, when it comes to breaking up and trying your best to be a dad, and you have it thrown back in your face by the ex??

  12. beth on December 6th, 2011 11:40 am

    I had 2 children with my ex and we both decided this is what we wanted. At the time i didnt realise he was going to get hooked on drugs start dealing and end up in prison for 4 months. i certainly didnt realise the drugs would become more important than his children. 6 years after our split he has paid a total of £200 £175 of this was paid last month for a school trip i told my daughter i couldnt afford. i now listen to her happily tell everyone her daddy paid for this. In my head i think who really paid the price. I have tried to come to an arrangement for him to pay regular money but he refuses saying the kids will always be okay because he knows i will look after them. He then goes to spend his money on ‘fun stuff’. What do the CSA do…nothing because he declaires no earnings as he is self employed. Even though he has a car a house with no mortgage and 2 holidays a year (not including the holiday camp called HMP) Why dont i chase this..because he just becomes violent and stops seeing the kids. He shouts outside my house and paddies like a child. This then upsets the two most important things in my life. 6 years on and im left with an ex who sees my children as and when he wishes and jokes about charging me for the KFC he bought them. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world. :(

  13. mark on December 6th, 2011 12:53 pm

    i owe the csa 23 i served in the army for 11 years when i left i found myself owing the 23 grand . i was earning 300 pounds a week hgv driving they took 100 quid a week and wanted another 60 quid for arrears in the end i couldnt afford to pay my bills or rent and felt trapped . so i just went to the doctors with depression and went sick eventually i got the sack in the meantime the csa still continued to take 100 quid from my sick money leaving me with 50 quid to live on . after 6 months they finally sorted it out but wouldnt pay me back any money instead put it towards the arrears i owed . i have been on the sick for 2 years now and i have a roof over my head and food inside me i can afford my bills and i am less stressed . i cant see any point in ever returning to full time work . the way i see it is 20 pecent of nothing is nothing they can get the money from my cold dead corpse .fuck the csa they treated me like shit talked to me like some kind of criminal i will do everything in my power to fuck the system over . i never started out this way but the goverment play there games and i will play mine . fuck them all robbhing bastards

  14. alan on December 10th, 2011 8:23 pm

    whatever tithead

  15. Debbs on January 15th, 2012 2:12 pm

    The whole thing is a big balls-up. The Government makes these choices. Everyone is nit-picking at everyone else………….for what???? I blame the Government for making everyone hate everyone else. The Government is the root of all evil. Think about it.

  16. Damion on January 16th, 2012 9:58 am

    I understand both sides…. Men should pay for there children, but women should understand there are otherthings to pay for after a split. Not being steriotytpical (my heart goes out to the working single mums) but most women dont, like my ex!!! I am happy to pay for my child, I want him to be taken care of and looked after properly. I give what i can afford and sometimes my current wife helps out too. we struggle by and give what we can.. BUT what gets me is why do ex’s want MORE. always MORE. Apparently it is my fault we split so i should pay for leaving, breaking her heart, upsetting the family. Nothing to do with her going mad, locked up for 3months and being physically abusive then!!!!!!!! C.S.A. have nearly killed me, I wasn’t allowed to see my children if i didnt bend over backwards to her every whim, C.S.A. was taking £70 a week off me. I couldnt afford to live and i was loosing everything including my 2 baby girls who are at home, my new marrage was on the rocks because of it al as i had taken to drink. ???? why Becasuse i was depressed… some women get depressed every other day. I bought my first house at 18, should be laughing now but after selling house with £50,000 equaty After paying her i was left with £1200 solicitor bill. Why does she still want blood why does csa take it. now lets get to the point. C.S.A go take a long jump off a short cliff…… Men Pay as much as you can afford its your child as well nobody has rights to a child, its the Childs right to have both parents. That goes for mothers too…… Women stop moaning be happy that your ex pays you anything and if he doesnt pay anything take him to court, yes its a pain in the arse but arnt your kids worth it?????? theres more men outthere who want to pay for there kids, than who dont. stop making the good men/fathers pay for the minority. you had a child with the idiot, you sort him out.

  17. Sarah on January 23rd, 2012 7:24 pm

    My husband left when our children were three years old six months old, because he decided that he wasn’t cut out to be family man, and ran off with another woman. He is self employed, and earns between 50 and 60 Thousand pounds a year. He pays me £50 pounds a week, when he feels like it, and I have struggled and struggled to get the money from him.

    I can understand the frustration from some fathers who don’t see their children, and possibly didn’t ever make the decision to have a child in the first place. But surely a man who is earning a lot of money, and chooses to have children, but then decides that it’s just ‘not for him’, shouldn’t be able to just opt out. I agree that the CSA doesn’t really work, but there has to be some way of forcing people like my ex to pay towards the cost of raising his children, who I have never forbidden him from seeing, even when he’s left me struggling to pull enough money together to buy a loaf of bread and a pint of milk.

  18. helen on February 6th, 2012 9:46 pm

    I find all this a crock of shit with the CSA !! my partner has 3 kids his ex never worked and its 39 now she lost everything my partner ever worked for lost the house all savings ..run bills up to the 1000’s now she wants money for the kids so we went though CSA hes self employed so we do get off lightly …but what I am so pissed off with hearing is my ex he’s now no 60 k a year and only pays £50 etc …I think 10 pounds a week is enough for school cloths and shoes for one kid …your ex doesnt own you the mother a living just to make sure the kids kid has shoes and clean cloths …i brought my kid up on my own never asked for a penny and i never got a penny ….he was on good money but hayho I do it on my own thank you !!!!!mothers out there its called looking after ones self!!!! ….UR EX OWES YOU NOTHING, get off your fat asses if your not getting enough money in from the state goverment then get a fucking job !! all fathers need a life after the ex’s they have bills to pay just like everyone else …why the hell should they have to pay more if they earn more its bloody wrong …i never expected it im a proud women and will do it on my own …..my son never went without a thing !! you ex wifes give some of us good ones a bad name ….im totally up and fighting for the fathers and if everyone got together on facebook or twitter and everyone stopped paying csa on a set day there be nothing at all the goverment could do about it …and they would be forced to close the fucked up csa for good …..i am so sure that the person to of set up this crock of shit would of been a women ….hay and another thing if we was to set up a anti csa group and there was enough people to join then we could easily close it down for good …in fact i set a group up tonight on facebook the group will be called close csa down for good !!!! look it up tomorrow and i think if we could get 100000 people to join then we could get heard !!!

  19. Gee on February 11th, 2012 5:53 pm

    Helen, you are a total bitch. The reason you are so angry is because you see your partner’s money as yours to spend, you are just like the women claim to hate, why else would you be so emotional about your partner’s cash?

    The tone of all these messages is twofold. Children are their own little people who need eat, wear clothes, go out on activities etc. It takes an avearge of 130,000K to bring up one child, if you love your kid then you should be happy to contribute towards that, 15% of your salary is not that big a deal. Obviously there are plenty of people out there who truely do not love their children and I can see why it would be annoying to have to pay for the little fuckers you hate, that is what you all really mean isn’t it, you hate your kids and wish they didn’t exsist. The women loves her kids and cannot understand that you don’t give fuck about them, it doesn’t make sense to her.
    Then men that go on about contraception etc etc, they are just little children themselves stamping their feet about the fact they are now fathers and have to grow up, they are so damn angry about having responsibilty, because they can’t be little kids themselves anymore and have something to love and look after, they blame it on a women’s womb or body parts rather than their fucking selfs. They are just freaks.
    Then there is the other element of all of this, actually spending time with these little people, if a women wants someone to contribute truely to her kids, then she has to let the father see them, women who don’t are also selfish bitches. Fathers who demand to see their kids, but don’t want to pay for them are selfish bastards. Basically alot of children have a bunch of cunts for parents and step parents and most people who make comments about the CSA on sites like this fall into one of these categories.

    Then there is all the decent people caught up in the middle, mother’s just struggling to get a bit of help so their kids can go on outings and do fun stuff, have good childhood and grow up happy etc. Father’s who are paying maintainance but don’t get to see their kids because the mum won’t let them, these are the decent people caught up in the middle of all the other nasty types who cannot accept that they have kids at all or that they have to share their kids with someone else, or that their partner has children with someone else. To all those nice people caught up in the middle you have my sympathy, and the rest of you can go to hell on a handbasket, for making divorce, seperation and bringing up kids hell on earth, because you cannot see further than the end of your own noses

  20. alan on February 15th, 2012 1:17 pm

    well said, gee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. rachey on March 1st, 2012 2:42 pm

    my ex has his own buisness,2 infact,he goes on great holidays 2-3 times a yr,drives brand new cars,lovely detatched house,claimes it all on expences,and do u know how much he pays a wk ??? a tenner for his son !!! who he doesnt even wanna see,hes never had a birthday card !!! SO HELAN you stupid cow !!! no every parent should provide for there child 2 the best of there ability and yes it varies from parent 2 parent but aslong as its there best then its good enough !!!! omg i cant believe ur attitude !!!! go away !!!!!

  22. tiptaptoe on March 7th, 2012 7:56 pm

    Yep, well said Gee! :D.. And Helen, you sound just like my ex’s new partner!! Get a life and grow up, I can tell by your attitude that you like to get your own way.. I feel sorry for your partners ex..!!! Sad COW! You’re one of those women we call “The wicked STEP MOTHER.” Hahahaha 😀

  23. nathan on March 7th, 2012 8:33 pm

    I had a DOE order put on my wages that left me with £80 a week to live on, Bare in mind since leaving my family home because the ex was a thief lier and claiming benifit as a single mother even thou I was living there and paying the bills and providing for her and her other two kid’s (not mine) !!! I left the situation not before getting her pregnant of course. I got a full time job in order to set myself up in a home of my own. At this point the CSA put a DOE on my wages. My rent on the property was £75 per week, fuel in my car was £50 a wk just to get me to work not to mention all the other running cost’s involved. As a result I had to give up my job and the employer was very understanding making me train up a new employee to do my job before I could get LAID OFF of course.(inorder to claim bennifits) I am now rent free,council tax free and get free dentist + optitions,free gym,free bus pass,) The CSA are currently taking £6 out of my benifit and not £420 a wk out my pay packet. WHO,S PAYING THE BILL NOW. My child get’s everything, Need’s for nothing and with out compromise. Great goverment plan never been so well off.

  24. shane on March 10th, 2012 6:47 pm

    I’m one of the poor dad’s that hasn’t seen my son since he was 12, he’s 16 in a few months.

    Prior to that I hadn’t seen him for 9 months as “it’s just not convenient” blah blah. I know his mum told him I didn’t care, love or want him, he told me one day after asking me “why don’t you want me dad?” I nearly collapsed on the spot. How can you bloody women out there USE your kids as weapons??? And how bloody NASTY of his mother to tell him that.

    The last words I ever heard him say were “thanks for looking after me dad, see you at Christmas”. Not a word from the ex or my son since. Nothing. Oh plenty, plenty of letters from the CSA though.

    To this day I do not know why I can’t see my son. We had a private arrangement in place up until he went back with his mum to Scotland. Taken without my consent may I add.

    I have sent e-mails, cards, letters, pre-paid and programmed mobile phones, gift cards – everything I could just so I never get “you didn’t keep in touch” thrown at me. Now whether he gets anything or not past his firewall of a mother I’ll never know. But at least in my heart I have done my best.

    For all you mummies (and daddies) that put crap like that in your children’s heads, they grow up one day and no matter what, they will say “Dad, why didn’t you see me for all those years?” Then the truth will out. I have plenty of friends who’s mummies did this and when the kids say “Guess who I met today mum? Dad.” Then all those years of lies come tumbling down.

    You will get what you deserve one day.

  25. CSA Dodger on March 21st, 2012 12:17 am

    I had 2 kids with my ex. She shagged around and the marriage broke up.
    She then pursued a campaign to shaft me because I was earning good money at the time.
    She refused got my chldren to phone me up and say they didn’t want to see me (they were 6 and 8), I would drive the 200 miles to see them (as pre-arranged) and she would either not answer the door, not even be in the house or have something planned. Needless to say, this form of child abuse she practiced completely wrecked a relationship between a father and his 2 sons.

    I then fought back.

    I took redundancy, got a 20K pay off which quickly disappeared a puff of £20 notes under the mattress.
    I’m now self employed, my ltd company pulls in over 100K a year. After all necessary “business expenses”, I’m earning 15K a year. I also have a new family of my own – 3 sons and a great wife whom I trust.

    I am working on building up a relationship with my first 2 boys again. It is difficult though as they have a lot of their mother in them.

  26. claire on March 30th, 2012 11:15 am

    i have twin boys of 14 yrs inwhich my ex partner never paid a penny 4 ! while he earnt 800 a wk ! i worked 2 jobs 2 try and make ends meet , i tried everyfing to ask 4 his help always got told 2 f…..k off so i went 2 csa after 14yrs off nufin ! and low and behold , left he job and went self employed ! so still nuffin , and 4 all the new partners who whining on here , u cud b nxt raising ur children alone with no help ! i wud really have 2 ask myself if my new partner didnt help support his children from past relationship what kind off man he really was b4 i had another child with him ! yes there are sum greedy women who want everything and more but most mums jst want whats best 4 there children , i cry most nights coz i cant even afford new trainers 4 them ! we hav never been on a hoilday while my ex travels the world ! so 4 all the new partners shut u bad mouth abt we shud hav used contaceptive ! maybe u shud have thought off that when u had more children with them ! when u knew he didnt even suport his others ! i thick ur the greedy selfish bicths !!! rant over X

  27. george on March 30th, 2012 9:23 pm

    i was paying my ex for my child my daughter landed in care but my ex still wants me too pay csa which i think is wrong but the csa says i still have to pay it why ???as she is not caring for my daughter just now i dont have parental rights but my EX wont let me see my daughter but my daughter is 14 and see wants to see me what can i do


  28. Andy on April 10th, 2012 10:14 pm

    Here’s a story for you all…

    I had a letter last year from the CSA telling me I have been named as the parent of a 13…. YES 13 YEAR old girl..! After a few double takes I read the letter again, saw the other parents name and realised it was my ex girlfriend all those years ago from school.

    Going back 13 years and 9 months from that date at the time I was in the Royal Navy and due to go away for 6 months. We were having a serious relationship when she told me she was pregnant. Although I was going away, I was over the moon and promised her that I when I came back we would get a house together…

    The saddest part of this story is that 3 months later at christmas and I’m 3000 miles away in the Falkland Islands, during a phone call she was really off with me… I was trying to stay positve by telling her to hang in there but all the reactions were really negative… I can’t remember the exact words spoken but I suggested that we do this and that when I come back and she said there was no point. When I asked why she simply said “The baby isn’t yours” and repeated the same words when I questioned it.

    Feeling absolutely gutted and betrayed by the person I loved, I spent the next few weeks deliberating over whether there was any baby at all..? I never actually saw her pregnant.. Or maybe it wasn’t mine and she was doing the honest thing and getting together with the real father.. Or maybe she had an abortion..? It was all too much to think about and I never expected to see her again in my life….

    So, I guess the good news is now I know that the baby was mine afterall, only she has someone else’s surname – He signed the birth certificate as the father knowing he wasn’t? I’m also 250 miles away and have a family to lookafter and fund so don’t have the spare cash to travel and visit… The girl isn’t bothered about seeing me as it’s too strange a situation for her and I don’t know how to say that I would have been there for her had her mother not lied and changed the course of our lives without making the mother look bad.

    After the initial CSA letter demanding £380 a month which wiped out our savings I then have contact via email and phone with my child for the first time…? How odd is that… I remember when my other daugther was born last year and the deep joy of the first contact by holding her in my arms, I haven’t spent one day away from home since she has been here and every day is a pleasure (apart from the teething moments)… But with the 13 year old somehow a bond is to be made over the phone or email, although we’ve met on two occasions we’re never going to live together like a family does… It’s impossible and too much of an emotional strain to continue with… I now don’t have contact but still pay a monthly amount to the CSA.

    I’m glad it’s out in the open now but I just wish the mother would have been honest in the first place as this has been a massive financial and unexpected emotional disturbance to my current family and after my loyalty to the state and 22 years service in the RN I would have wished for something a bit more supportive rather than the letters telling me I have been named as the parent and now I must do the responsible thing and pay up… If I had known about her 13 years ago I would never have left, but there’s more to it than just the money, it is said that before a baby is born it is the spirit of that child that chooses its parents and it comes to earth at exactly that moment in time for a reason because it wants to be with those people and has a task to fulfill. I just hope the girl gets through this and hopefully we will see each other in the future…

    Best wishes to you all…


  29. kickboxer on April 21st, 2012 11:51 am

    Money, money ,money what about contact, mental well being, fairness for all concerned parties?
    I think the crux of the problem with the csa concerning NRP’s i fair treatment and a fairer system.
    Currently their is little to no flexibility in the system and it is administered by poorly trained and paid incompetants.
    We hear alot about child poverty and what the csa is doing to bridge the gap between poverty and a reasonable standard of living, but what about the real issues of contact and physical and mental stability, are these not just as important?
    I find it quite dispicabe that ex’s, mine included, are willing to take my money but not let me see my kids. I find this immoral too.
    For those in the south i was recently interviewed on Radio Sussex about this matter, access and parental alienation.
    Fundementally the system is unworkable and there is no balance between PWC’s and NRP’s. Until it becomes fair or is scrapped we will continue to skirmish with it. I use the term skirmish as we have yet to form a coheasive force.
    There is more to supporting children that throwing money at them an i for one would give anything to see mine and form some sort of relationship with them, sadly i feel this maybe many years in the future.
    Personally the csa have been into me for 7 years and it has been hell, i am on first name terms with my M.P.
    Fight for what you believe is right and fair and like me if you have no contact with your kids, believe that one day they will want to know.

  30. patsy on April 30th, 2012 11:38 pm

    some of the comments on here make me laugh and make me angry my little girl is 16 months and has only seen her dad three times, we were engaged and planned the baby together then when she was three weeks old he decided he wanted to be out clubbing and doing drugs with his friends and didnt want to know us anymore , im a single mum struggling like hell to afford everything on my own to bring her up and make sure she doesnt go without and the ex does whatever he likes, hes self employed earning £80 an hour and because its all cash in hand non of it declared i dont see a penny of it now tell me thats fair? iv spoke to the csa on numerous occassions to try and sort this out and they dont want to know they just go by what he tells them personally it should be called the father support agency because of me struggling on my own means my little girl has basic everything and i think she deserves better than that i only asked for twenty pound a week but apparently this was to much her nappies alone come to this before formula milk food and clothes, fair play to the dads that do pay but all these people slagging us mothers off on here i highly doubt you understand how bloody hard it is to try and afford everything alone , and as for ex’s new partners having to get involved i think thats a load of bullshit the matter is between the father and his child end of ,he was man enough to make a baby in the first place so should understand he has to take responsibility aswell as us mothers everything should be 50/50 then its only fair, the system is messed up and as a result thousands of kids are going without

  31. Loz on May 3rd, 2012 1:58 pm

    Every father should pay towards their child’s upbringing but they shouldnt be forced into paying such high amounts that they cant afford to live. My partner quit his job and went self employed and we can now actually afford to live. My partners ex moved away with her new partner and refused to help with the travelling so it made seeing his child very difficult and expensive, we asked csa for fuel allowance but they refused (they clearly dont have the child’s best interests at heart) so on top of the high maintenance he was already paying he also had to pay for travelling expenses. She was constantly ringing up csa trying to get more money out of him, resulting in csa taking a double payment from him twice which put him in his overdraft and unable to pay his mortgage leaving him with never ending fees. She eventually moved back closer to us (to get her council house) and because my partner went self employed she cancelled csa and they set up a private maintenance payment. He’s in the process of doing his first full year tax return and shes now decided that she wants to increase the maintenace despite their agreement and the fact that shes been able to manage fine on what hes been giving her. Shes told him the amount she wants and if she doesnt get it she’ll go back to csa. Some of you might be on her side and think that shes doing it for the kid but shes openly admitted to us that she uses my partners money to pay off her luxury items that she buys on credit. Her partner works and declares hardly any of the money hes earned (his own words), she sits at home all day and they claim every benefit they can. Now get this, whilst me and my partner are both at work worrying about how much maintenance hes going to have to pay, shes on holiday relaxing in the sun in a 5 star all inclusive hotel. HOW THE HELL IS THAT FAIR!!
    Why should it matter how much the father earns? It costs exactly the same amount to bring up any child. Kids dont need new clothes every week and they could probably be fed on £10 a week, and its not the fathers responsibility to pay the mothers housing costs, you already get enough benefits for that. Fathers should be allowed to move on and have a new life with another partner, and ex partners should stop being greedy. And to those that say its got nothing to do with the new wife/girlfriend of course it has, when my partners worried and stressed because of his ex or he cant afford the bills where we live because his ex is demanding too much money of course its going to bother me. Aslong as hes paying towards his child then we deserve to have a nice life too.

  32. Mike on May 5th, 2012 10:55 am

    My statement again without too many spelling mistakes!

    I agree and am in a similar situation, but with a twist.

    I have twin daughters, now 13. I have always paid what I could afford and more through the CSA and privately. I saw my daughters every other weekend and I would travel and collect the girls wherever I was living or working. The mother drives but never commits to meeting me half way, or less. When you consider that she now lives 220 miles away having recently moved to a Bed & Breakfast business in Weymouth, I either have to travel down at 0500 Saturday mornings, stay overnight in a local B & B and spent what time I can with my daughter. (Yes, I did say daughter. The twist is coming!). On most occasions, because I have to pay so much in living costs and CSA like we all do these days, I just spend the day with her. I leave at 0500, drive the 4-5 hour journey down to pick her up at 1000, spend the day out in Dorset, take her back as late as I dare around 6-7pm and then drive all the way back to Cambridgeshire. I am usually absolutely knackered by then, not to mention it is dangerous to drive that long. But I have no choice.

    The twist: I saw both daughters and kept in contact with them constantly. Love them to bits. There was a sinister family history that I do not want to go to detail here at this time but involved the mothers mother and father when she was young. Things were that bad at home that the mother of my daughters and her step sister ran away from home in her early teens and ended up under the guardianship of the step sisters boyfriend in Lincoln when she was 14. Once my ex wife left the new home to pursue a career she cut off contact with her family for many years. Now the mothers mother, my daughters grandmother and I have a mutual hatred for each other – very happy with that. Upon her husbands passing she moved into the family home with her daughter and my daughters 5 years ago. Thats when problems occurred.

    One day I was speaking to my daughter (G) about an upcoming picnic we were planning when she said, ‘Daddy I want to tell you something but I don’t know how.’ At that point the mother came into the room with G and my daughter burst into tears. That was in May 2007. From that day I, and my side of the family, has not had any communication with my daughter whatsoever despite me trying everyway possible. For a few months I did not see either daughter. However when I visited the girls school one day my other daughter (B) saw me, came running up to me in floods of tears crying ‘she thought she’d never see me again’. I have seen my daughter B ever since but not her twin sister.

    Despite every attempt directly and by the useless court system I only see one of my twin daughters.

    I am hopeful things will change with time as Shane stated in his email. My daughters have come accross ‘diaries’ whereby the mother’s goal in 2006 was to stop the girls seeing me. They have come across letters that I had written to my daughter G, hidden away in boxes under the bed. They have overheard conversations between their mother and her husband stating ‘ I don’t know what the girls will do when they find out the truth!’….etc etc.

    On top of that I understand that my daughters have been told that I am a violent man etc etc. A matter that was raised and discarded by the court process. However daughter G has this terrible innaccurate impression of me. But if I was that man, why would the court order state that contact should continue? Why would the mother be OK me seeing one daughter and not the other?

    Like Shane said in March, children grow up and not only can they reason argument but will ask those questions and demand answers. The mother will suffer in the end but the poor actions, regulation and operation of not just the CSA but this country’s poor family legal services means that children and families have to suffer in the mean time. Sometimes for years and in many cases children and families never recover.

    It’s about time this country woke up and established processes that supported the interests of children and families, both resident and non resident parents, properly and in a just manner.

    Both my daughters are 13 now. I have lost nearly 6 years of my daughter G’s growing up. Her character, I understand, is significantly different and withdrawn compared to my daughter B. When she does finally realise the truth, despite the fact I despise my ex wife and her mother for the action they have taken, I do not want my daughters to turn their back on the their mother. But it could happen, repeating the cycle my ex wife had with her mother for many years.

    I have no faith in this countries family law and child support procedures. A process like the CSA needs to be in place but it needs to assess all cases on an individual basis and establish fair and realistic calculations and arrangements for ALL parties. Not treat NRP like criminals.

    However will this change?

    I have been with my new partner for nearly 7 years now and we would like to plan a new family. Something I have subconciously put on hold because of my current commitments to my twins and the fear that if things went wrong with my new relationship, could I bear to go through the same problems.

    A new life overseas beckons. Maybe thats a solution!

  33. em on May 8th, 2012 8:43 pm

    i’m married and have a baby with my husband, i have 4 children from my previous and my husband has a son & daughter. he has been nothing but honest with the csa and all they do is take the piss. He happily pays for his kids but it would be lovely to see his son benefit from it rather than one of his ex’s post over socialising sites about her stuffing her fat face with take aways and consuming wine, whilst my husbands son wears shoes with holes in them socks with toes missing etc etc. The system is unfair, my ex has managed to dodge the csa by going ltd & paying himself minimum wage. The csa is only good for the money grabbing bitter ex’s. my husband happily agrees to paying for his kids because it is only right. & to top it all they take my kids tax credits aswell!! it should be scrapped!!

  34. kate on May 23rd, 2012 4:00 pm

    you dont have any children, do you michelle?

  35. john on May 29th, 2012 2:11 pm

    My ex was screwing the neighbour, I stuck around for THREE LONG YEARS trying to patch things upo for the sake of my 2 beautiful boys, but she was so bitter and twisted that in feb 2006 I finally left.
    I am very close to my boys, I was always a very INVOLVED Dad, my eldest in now almost 17, and my youngest is 12 and has a very rough relationship with his mother. 18 months ago, we lost our Mum, and as part of my retail therapy, I bought a car, My Sis and me also inherited a house, which is now up for sale.
    I was working in a factory, the ex was awarded 38.50 a week, by the csa, but we came to a private arrangement of 200 a month (i’m obviously a soft touch), I went self employed last april as factory work was killing me, but I voluntarily carried on paying the 200 a month out of my inheritance.
    Last month I missed a payment, and this month is looking shaky, the inheritance is running out, but my business is slowly building up.
    My ex is a foul tempered, bitter and resentful person, and simply will n ot talk to me like a human, despite paying her almost 4000 MORE than what she is entitled to, plus 26,000 from the sale of our house back in 2006, and the csa money for a year after that, she has NEVER acknowledged that I have done far more than I was liable for, now I need her to understand that my earnings are a fraction of what they used to be she is screaming to everyone that I am a deadbeat Dad, she snottily told me “sell the car, sell the house”…..well, she can fuck right off, she’s entitled to a portion of my earnings, NOT the proceeds of me selling my property. I Know the money is for my kids, but considering she is constantly in the pub, and her VILE attitude towards me (and the fact that she earns far more than me at the moment), I know its NEVER been about the kids for her, its about control, and doing ANYTHING she can to screw with my life. I fully intend meeting my responsibilities to my kids, but there is no getting away from simple facts like I made a LOSS last month. I am considering VOLUNTARILY going to these CSA twats again (our agreement was outside of csa) as I have no problem showing them my monthly accouts. She simply cannot understand that I am not CHOOSING to not pay her……I simply cannot give out something that isn’t coming in.

  36. Xerces Fobe on June 3rd, 2012 11:52 am

    My ex deliberately stopped taken the pill I found by accident she had already got pregnant and kept it quite for 4 months. She gave up work and has not worked for 17 years! I have paid her money every month without the involvement of the CSA over £300 even when I was unemployed for 9 months 10 years ago.
    My ex has always made it difficult to see my son so when I was made redundant again last year I sent her a letter saying as I had no income I would not be able to pay her the money. I had a compromise agreement with my former employer which is not classified as income even so she was on the phone wanted to contact my employer!
    I have set up my own company she does not contact me – she is impossible to contact as she changes her phone number every month and will always ring and ask to ring her back to save her money! So she gets the CSA onto me, I filled out the forms and they have come with a figure which is much less than I was paying her. Now she is unhappy and I am a villain – I would have given her more however not now. She lives in a much better house than mine has a lot of money due to a large inheritance and claims every benefit she can get. I have not seen my son for @ 1.5 years he is now 17 and she has done a good job on him as he is as lazy as her.
    The CSA is focused on money and nothing else!


  37. worthon on June 14th, 2012 10:42 am

    Since my wife and I split up I paid money to her in cash and paid for all of my sons clothes and daily needs at her request. She then got a new boyfriend about the same time as I got a new girlfriend. Her boyfriend is a millionaire and pays for everything for her BUT he is MY son so I continued to pay.

    Last year she prevented me from seeing him for no reason, I took her to court to gain access to my son and after six months not seeing him I won easily in court with the judge describing her as ‘appalling’. However during that period I refused to pay her anymoney as she told me that the money I have been paying her she has been using for holidays and going out.

    When the court case was finished I immedietly started paying her again until the CSA got in touch rescently stating I owe over £4.5k a month in unpaid child support for last year. She is refusing to acknowledge the money I paid her and has verbally said she is doing it to me out of spite and I, being a mug, have no proof other than the last four months where I paid via bank transfer.

    The CSA have been woefully unhelpful and I was rescently called ‘irrisponsible father’ for not paying.

    They want well beyond my means of what I can pay and are even refusing to acknowledge that I have another son with my girlfriend whom I pay for as we are in a relationship (although don’t live with each other) and I dont pay for him through the CSA.

    Can anyone help with this? OR can any of the women above justify this to me?

    Man on a ledge here…

  38. Leon on June 19th, 2012 6:14 pm

    i have no problem with paying for my children, i was (as many are) faced with a deduction of earning order (DEO) which miracously appeared on my payslip. the mother of my children left me with £8k debt (half of this was her’s for joint bills). At first i was against paying this as she left me with so much debt i was not bringing in enough income to cover my outgoings, However…. this wasnt my childrens fault and through hard work i have managed to pay off my debt and provide for my kids. BEST FEELING EVER. I’m more opposed to the methods of the CSA rather than what they stand for. I would urge all fathers like me to remember that providing for your child is important and will make you feel so much better about yourself.

  39. nicola roberts on June 23rd, 2012 9:42 pm

    we all seem to have our own experiences with CSA more bad then good from what i have read so far, and i also can say i have had dealings with CSA, from a mother with a childs point of view, and from a new partners with children points of view, and i can think of only one thing that would help both parties in this case (parties being mother of child and father of child) and that would be for the CSA to draft up a legal document that would allow the NRP (non resident parent) to choose to opt out of any payments of support for the child but in doing so also give up their parental rights over the child the claim is for, if the father is of the strong belief that he didnt have a say over the child being born or terminated or it was the mothers fault for not being protected, then i am of the belief that in the fathers eyes the child was never wanted and they will happily hand over their rights to any unwanted children, if however the parent is not happy to do this i would be lead to beleive that they did want the child and should be happy to support the child, i beleive that every case is individual and we should not all be expected to follow a common rule of wave goodbye to a percentage of your wage to support your child, that in some cases wasnt wanted which the man made clear or in other cases the mother isnt even letting the father see the child?! women you cant have the money and the child! both parties have the same parental resposibility and rights over the child, its give and take, if there are legal reasons for a parent not to see the child again its an individual case issue which backs up my earlier comment of not following a common rule and being assesed individually, im sure ill have lots of comments from women being shirty about what rights the father has and doesnt have, but just because you have the child doesnt mean you are the law and can dictate what the father must do and when they can see their children, do you think your child would agree with you if they were older and understood the situation? the state provides support for every child born in the uk, free school, free medical treatment, free school dinners, uniform grants and child benifit so its not like the resident parent cant cope without CSA the government does not consider csa as a form of support and so provides the bear nessesity that is required for every child born in the uk, so its all extra and will potentially effect any benefits you are claiming as its classed as an extra income, all in all it works out better to be sociable for the sake of the children, work out a private agreement with the non resident parent, let the children grow up knowing who their biological parents really are, even if they are not together.
    To many children are from broken homes now days, think of them before yourselves…….

  40. alan on June 24th, 2012 12:00 pm

    With regards to Loz on 3/5/12, you quoted ” Kids dont need new clothes every week and they could probably be fed on £10 a week” Are you actually in the real world? School dinner monies alone are £8.50 a week!! Some responses on here are unreal. I am a male, who lives with my new partner. She has a child, 10 years of age, from previous marriage. Her ex gives her £64.52 a month through CSA as he declares hes on £9000 a year. When in fact he does 10 hours a day as a self employed tiler, earning up to £30,000 p.a. Which leaves me to pay for his child which I do without hesitation. The point of this is that the self employed are not only ripping off the system but they are ripping off their own flesh and blood.

  41. John on July 2nd, 2012 3:02 pm

    I’m just about to go through this with my ex-wife. I did want children with her, and thought I loved her – until she decided she wanted a divorce.

    Now several months later, her and her new man (who I hear on the grapevine she was seeing before we split) are living in the house that has been gifted her in the settlement – I couldn’t get the majority of my things that were any worth from the house, and make regular contributions towards my child’s upbringing. Now she wants to go through the CSA which, after all my necessary bills (rent, food, utilities etc etc) are deducted from will leave me approximately £10 a week to live on. All this whilst she’s enjoying going on regular holidays and nights out – can anyone explain where this is at all fair? I certainly cannot see it – I can’t even take my boy for a day out on that sort of income.

  42. Darren on July 6th, 2012 2:27 pm

    CSA………….. Set of F****** reprobates. I have paid for my two girls from the day i split from their mum. If i am ever late (which is very rare) with a payment the twats are on the phone dishing out threats. I recently started a new job, 2 months before i even started the CSA were on the phone wanting my wage slips !!!!! The fat bitch of an X wife is just a greedy sponging bitch!! The whole system makes me so mad. I have my girls overnight and contacted the CSA to tell them this, I was told i needed to prove it !! yet if the x rings and tells the CSA i dont have them they just adjust the payments accordingly. How the F*** does that work then!! I just hate the B*******, The women they employ are all men haters and the men they employ ,well, they are all jumped up little twats who need a good hiding.

  43. Madrid on July 6th, 2012 11:22 pm

    I agree with everyone in here but it is different for different people.
    My situation with the csa is my partner, he was paying £52 a month through the csa but on top he was paying his ex £160 a month so she was getting £210 a month! When I moved in because I fell pregnant which wasn’t planned and I did talk to me partner about getting rid of the baby as I was at my peak in my job he flat out refused and told me he wanted it so we went ahead .
    When we were sorting out finances we both agreed that he would contact csa and do the whole payment through them, if we had known what a cow she was going to be we would of gone straight to court!
    When my partner contacted the csa his daughter was staying with us every other weekend fri to sun.
    he told the csa this and wrote a letter saying about he staying and that he had a 3 month old baby, when we had the letter from csa with the new money I nearly passed out!!! They said he owed £1400 in arrears and had to pay £345 a month!!!!
    For the next 8 months they were taking in excess of £600 plus to pay for all this which left him with £50 a month after bills, when he called the csa he found out his ex partner had told them that his daughter had never stayed with us which I am sorry but I wasn’t putting to bed an invisible bloody child every other weekend!plus they hadn’t taken into account my daughter which was put on the form that asked him to fill in and send back, total idiots!!!!!!
    After 8 months of them taking the wrong payments cause they totally f****d up and waiting for £658 rebate from them it is all sorted now but what a mess!!
    I agree they should take in to consideration what the nrp has to pay out and how much the resident parent has to pay, as we pay full rent and all bills which his ex pays nothing as she is complete benefit plus she gets disability which is a joke as I didn’t realise lazyitious was a disability!!!! The csa take £222 a month which is a lot of money to us with everything we have to pay I think the csa need to take each case as it is to see how much someone can afford.
    I agree with fathers you do get the short straw and some mothers are a joke but then I do see it from the mothers point of view but surly mothers need to teach there child the ways of the world and not that everything is handed to them an a plate, I have gone back to work to teach my child responsibility and if they want it they have to work for it!
    I have worked all my life I am not going to let my child become lazy and live of my taxes.

  44. Alisha on July 13th, 2012 8:34 pm

    As a ” new partner” It makes me so angry how some women feel so entilted to this that and the other. I felt bad for my partners ex being a single parent etc.. but she really doesnt deserve a thing.. All she has been is rude and nasty and selfcenterd.. All the women here on the receiveng end of CSA are concered about is the MONEY.. To me that is sicking not once have they thought about is the childs welfare and what this all does to them.. If they are on benefits they get more than enough to live on and a lot of them just get pissed off with the fact they cant live there lives and want to punish their EXs.. So when the EXs suggests they should be primary carer so they can live their life.. it makes me wonder why they say no?? The reason for not doing it is money and what society thinks of them! At Kirsty.. The new partner has everyright to get involved especially if the child is not benefiting and the EX cant get over the fact they are over.. you should be glad that new partner cares for your child.. I spend my money on their child as i would if it was my own. So why shouldn’t i get a say? when he is in my life everyday??

  45. mister fuck you csa on July 15th, 2012 4:55 pm

    Well said Michelle.
    I couldn’t agree more with you. As for me, well….I wont pay a penny to you bastards.

  46. Anon on July 16th, 2012 2:40 pm

    Well said Alisha, does anyone ever think about the kids after all it is all about them and their welfare and wlefare does not mean handing over all your cash to another person who may or may not spend it on the kids.

    I have 2 daughters, the youngest lives with my ex and the eldest lives with me. although the eldest lives with me, my ex will not give up the guardian rights, she wants to keep them, she also keeps all the Child Benefit money for both children and I recieve nothing for my eldest from the government but yet because she holds the guardian rights the CSA have been trying to make me pay her for both children and the ex was the one who initiated it with her new husband becaue they have a child of their own now. I owe thousands according to them but really couldn’t give a shit about there sheriff of Nottingham games, I only care about what happens to the children in all this, and so far it is clearly upsetting my eldest daughter who lives with me because she thinks her mum doesn’t love and is certain her new step-father hates her, try explaining all that to your child.

  47. Anon on July 16th, 2012 2:53 pm

    Please don’t get me wrong, I agree that some fathers deserve to be taken to the cleaners, i’ve met some of these selfish pigs but… I also have friends like myself who are the guardians of their children yet the CSA does not go after the mother for payments at all. I think that gender of the parent should be put aside and each case looked at differently, after all they do take a nice persentage of your money to pay CSA workers and administration costs.

  48. Madrid on July 19th, 2012 6:24 pm

    I would totally agree Alisha! Half of the people don’t realise how much stress the other party and family are under as long as they get there £1000 a month out of my taxes they don’t give a s..t!!! I think the csa should turn the tables for 6 months so the resident parent can understand what it likes to live in the fathers shoes for a change.
    The worse thing of all about my partners ex is that she has admitted the only reason why she went through the csa is because she thought she would be entitled to another benefit!!! It’s the bloody system in this country if you earn your own money they make it had but I’d you choose to sit on your arse you get everything given to you on a silver plate.

  49. Embarrassed Woman on July 19th, 2012 9:56 pm

    I am totally embarrassed to (1) be a woman and (2) have such ancient laws and one-sided pathetic justice system stacked against the fathers in this country.
    Before you hard working single-mothers start to attack me – i appreciate there are women out there that put being a caring mother first although they are few and far between, these same mothers believe that going out to work and demonstrating good work ethics and values to growing children as important – SOME even manage this with fathers who do not step up and pay for the kids.
    I believe fathers should pay for their kids – why not they created them! BUT WHY should a dad have to pay for chidren they are prevented from seeing? Children that are unable to ‘know’ the fathers family? Why do these women, so selfish that they take the DECISION to remove the father and his family fwho WANT to be involved from their childrens lives even WANT money from such PIGS?
    Why are our family courts so GEARED UP FOR WOMEN? just because they are a ‘mom’ doesnt mean they are the best parent for the children to live with!

    Women who decide to cheat on their fella’s and break up their family unit still have an expecation that the ‘father’ should financially provide for them!!! if you dont want the man, why should they have to pay for your lifestyle? YES pay for the kids but WTF is this SPOUSAL MAINTENENCE about????!!!!????

    If a man wants to work overtime to improve his current living standards, get out of the debt that his childrens mother has got him in, and set up a NEW HOME FROM SCRATCH because the adulterous mother kept a house that she never paid a penny towards WHY would the CSA think they have a right to take the overtime into account?!?!? apparently because “it regular”. apparently if us women want to find a HARD working man (not these men that have kids in every postcode area) who is a good dad, we can have 2 kids by them, screw all and sundry behimd their back whilst they orovide a good standard of living, rack up debts of thousands (that the CSA wont take into account) decide to kick them out of the house that they have worked hard for all of their life, that the courts will never let them go back to, have our new fellas over to enjoy the fruits of the kids dads labour AND get spousal maintence for being lazy, deceitful, poor excse for women and mothers!!!! WOW what justice!

    Do the CSA reallise that when these fathers are kicked out of their home, they have lost EVERYTHING? their wives, homes, even being able to bath and out the kids to bed everynight.
    Becoming a weekend dad (through no choice of their own) is forced upon them and then they have to start over, to get a comfortable family home for when they are allowed to have the children overnight FROM SCRATCH!?!? this financial cost isnt taken into account?

    Just because the law is there doesnt mean to say women have to use or abuse it. Its an embarrassment that parents cant put the wellbeing of their child(ren) first and allow contact/access freely and agree fair and resonable settlements of assets and child maintenence instead of bein selfish, self-centred financially greedy vultures who haveno consideration for the negative and damaging effect such behaviour is having on the children.


  50. Sally on July 20th, 2012 5:01 pm

    I completely agree with Alisha…. in my situation my partner paid his ex for his children an agreed amount (suggested by the CSA) faithfully since the day they split up and had them on set days each week without question (3 years in total)….his ex never complained about the amount she was receiving each month or the time the children spent with their dad…. when the mother found out that we were considering living together she DEMANDED more money for her children due to his ‘additional income’ (ME)….

    The mother and father are the people (the ONLY people) who should be held financially responsible for their children… NOT the new partner or wife…. it’s completely crazy that a mother could expect another female to pay the children she gave birth to!!

    The mothers GREED has completely destroyed the relationship my partner had with his kids…. he never changed anything and I would have been happy for him to continue paying for his kids, seeing them as often as he had!!! She completely ignored the e-mails that my partner sent telling her how upset the kids were … but all she went on about was MONEY!!!

    So please (the the pwc/mothers) who go on about how hard done by they are, might I suggest you try to see things from another victim…. the new partner!!!

  51. Mike on July 24th, 2012 7:19 pm

    I had a wonderful lil boy called Ralph in feb 2011 and the baby mother was a nightmare, made it hard for to see him, she lied said I hit her, I was found guilty in civil court for domestic abuse, she won I lost, please not 3 months after the hearing I had a recording of her admitting she lied in court in order to stop me from seeing our son.
    Anyway after all this she still let me see our son, I provided nappies baby wipes even milk all in bulk from Costco (ware house) she then got bitter coz I was with someone and unknown to me she had social services involved, wow did I get a shock of my life I was painted to be a mean guy bear in mind my last conviction was when I was 15 now 26, and it was for showing me bum at a football ground, so months have gone by now she stopped contact went to court got super used contact, a year later the mother and her mother both accused me of kidnapping our son and all sorts of crap, she mad it hard for me to see him trying to tell me what I can and can’t do with our son when his with us even as petty as telling the judge I fed a 14 mth old a ice cream crime of the century, she refuses me to see him now and I havnt for 4 mth and nothing I can do she won’t reply back to my solicitor now will she think of our son, the list can go on and believe me it can but I won’t bore u guys…

    This is a statement made by me to show not all men are bad yes I have a crim record and yes I’ve done silly things but I’m not a drug taker or dealer nor am I a thug all I want is to spend time with my son, but no matter what I do and try she won’t let me see him, even the contact notes from social are all positive, not one bad report, they even comment on how there is a strong bond between us both, so is this normal, I know girls can be mean (not all) but why, if you know some one is a good dad but yet u two can’t get along why should the baby suffer? All about point scoring with some ppl and it’s not right that woman on sites slag men off for not trying when u forget we have no rights if not on the birth cert and we have no or so have no rights….

    It my god given right to see my son I have never hurt a child or him in any way so why be so spiteful. Only the child suffers.

    At present I’m with a wonderful girl for a year and we have a baboon the way dec 19 2012 and guess what no history of domestic voilance what so ever it funny how social services and other ppl believe a person on a merit of my child hood, but yet I have 16 woman coming to court stating how goodi am with kids I also have 4 god children, so I can’t be that bad

  52. Danny on July 25th, 2012 8:33 pm

    I understand both sides of the story, I believe the men should pay for their kids if they split up after being married for years or changed their minds etc, but i dont agree wlith girls tricking men into it, not letting them see their kid and still making them pay for it.

    my partner pays more to a kid hes not allowed to see than our baby!!!

    the csa were ment to be re evaluating our case due to money changes and adding a new member on, that was over a year ago cos hes nearly 2 n they still havent added him on… they havent written any letters or called us asking for money…

    what should i do???????

  53. sue on July 30th, 2012 8:32 pm

    where the hell do the non resisident parent think we are getting the money to support youur own flesh and blood its disgracful pay in the first place then you wont have nothing to keep crying on about making out your so hard done by even giving a few quid you think thats all they need i got no time for people who dont pay make me sick money before your own childs welfare what a terrible world we live in make me sick bla bla bla im in arrears ect well you only got our own self to blame no one else and certainly not the mother who brought beautiful children into the world for you man up pay what you owe and get a life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  54. Paul on August 6th, 2012 12:08 am

    @ the Last comment (sue) WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it must be hard to be you…. I have loved my child and wanted nothing more than help bring her up financially and giving her a DAD. Unfortunately my ex thought it would be a good idea to stop my visitation rights (I saw my daughter 3 times a week) and paid £30 a week while her mother claimed she wasn’t receiving any cash from me.

    Needless to say she stoppped me seeing her and told me to goto court and took me to the CSA all at this pleasant time in my life…………not only was I depressed in not seeing my daughter I had to fight in court for 7 months until I won. I say won because I was allowed by the system to see my daughter twice a week (not the 3 times I did) the CSA lowered my payment to £107 a month ???? instead of £120.

    Proud to be british fuck off its a joke the sooner men like me stand up and be counted #fathersforjustice the better.

    We cant single 1 case out we all are different my Daughter was given a 7 month sentence what she did not ask for it took a long time to build the love back again as her MOTHER poisioned her mind with “your dad dont love you any more”

    Try explaining that one……..

    I have 1 point my job has changed now and I make a few quid more I pay £131 a month and struggle to keep a roof over my new partner and her daughters head, while my ex has a 16hour (all she will work for (claiming reasons) and her new boyfriend has a job that brings in more cash than me and my partner earns??? fair??? piss off its like the whole system its foooked but its very easy for the CSA to pick on genuine people who work hard for a living can I take my Daughter anywhere??? NO can I buy the expensive presents ???No.

    Do you single mothers know what its like to struggle to pay what us father do on low income jobs at xmas when your child unknowingly brags about what her mam and new “dad” buys her oh what did your real Dad buy ????? its a joke and it needs fixing.

    Everyones case is different and we can’t point the finger at all or tar them with the same brush. I read 1 comment above saying it costs on average £150,000 average a year to keep a kid, I pissed myself laughing at this….what we all pop stars now??? eh??? me and my partenr live in a council house and the total income before tax isnt anywhere near £50k a year we have 2 children living with us so what now????

    everyone has different living arrangements I cant remember the last time I could afford a trip abroad but my Daughter is off very soon to a trip to Spain 2 weeks I guess my cash is helping and I do hope she loves her holidays, I also hope one day when she brags her mam and new dad took her on holiday that in fact it was her Proper Dad that paid for it.

    To all the dads who want to pay and are paying whether it is took from there pay or giving with love “Well Done That Man”.

    for the rest who don’t

    put yourself with the bitches of the world and set yourself on fire, shit dont burn and I hope you smoulder for a very long time

    Peace out

    Paul a loving father to his Daughter


    Santa is real he sitting at his computer typing this……………….

  55. chall on August 6th, 2012 12:30 pm


    On current rules you should receive a reduction for the 2 children that live in your household, prior to the liability for your DD being calculated.

    If you are not the father of the children that live with you, does their NRP pay maintenance?

    Do you claim WTC & CTC?

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  56. Mad biker on August 14th, 2012 10:21 pm

    I have been paying Csa for my son I can’t see for about 9 years now it’s always been the same amount 63 per week as a attachment of earnings I received a phone call from them yesterday saying I’ve been paying the wrong amount since 2010 so now they are going to be taking £175 per week for the next 2 years any advice on what I can do I agree in paying but it was there mistake now iv got to suffer

  57. Terror on August 21st, 2012 12:11 pm

    well i have just been hit by the csa and i dont mind paying for my daughter as i think every guy who has a child should pay for her. BUT im not allowed to see my daughter so i went to the solicitors and i had a letter sent to her to go to court and within minuites of her receiveing it it was all over facebook slagging me off unbeliveable the csa take 15% from me at the moment im on minimum wage in debt with a missis and child rent to pay bills im lucky if i have a £5 left when i get paid i hate it its bollox im seriously thinking of jacking my job in its made me feel depressed knowing thinking all month that i will have no money left before i even see it it makes me angry i feel to ill over this no idea what to do

  58. Ben on August 22nd, 2012 8:54 pm

    im anti csa, i agree to pay for your children, but again like most on here complaining , i can’t afford it either. my ex who has 4 children by 3 diffrent fathers, she has shopped us all to csa… she recieves around £1000 plus her benifits, free rent and tax (as she don’t work) her last childs father lives with her, but she says he don’t. his income is around 30k. then all the money from the piracy thing they do. they openly brag about this.

    i have a wife and 2 other children, csa say i should be paying my ex around 20%. and both my children who live with me protect 15% of my income. 20% is tax. i really want to kill myself right now.

    yes we had a child, he don’t want to spend anytime with me or my family as i don’t spoil him like his mum does. she earns more then i do each week and i work 80+ hour shifts at £8 an hour. i drive 30miles to pick him up and drop him off as she don’t drive.

    i really want to pay up on my life insurance and give up…. they can then have all my money, they are killing me, she left me , stole my house, cleaned out my banks including my sons as she claimmed i had died. run up £6k on a credit card, which im still paying off .. sold all my possessions and sold them before the police could get them back. and ican’t claim anything as she has to care for children so , protected from jail, and i can’t claim a penny as … even if when i won they wont take it out of her benifits.

    she wont sign any papers saying how much i payed her before she stopped me seeing him. his 9 and she still wont give me any parental responsabillity.

    cut all benifits …. survival of the fittest…. if you can’t afford to feed and look after your children, then let the father your not giving a chance to do it.

    but no csa want to just rape your money from you…. they dont care about her drug habbits, the fact you have no parental rights and shouldnt be liable for this, the fact that 2 children need more then 1…. the fact i pay a % of my income to a debt, as it was my name on the card. i serriously want to fucking die right now. and even if i fight and try and find more hours then the 82hours im doing, your going to take more? …. CSA was developed and should stand for CRACK-SMOKING-ASSHOLES.

  59. Miranda on August 28th, 2012 7:12 pm

    I completly agree that anyone shoud pay for their children, but i do agree that under some circumstances it is completly unfair. I know someone who didnt even know they had a child until about 9 years after they were born and a £20k bill was landed on his door, that bill was the first thing he heard about his child! My partner is now fighting the CSA as they are charging him for time he was not working, even with proof they are adament they will not review the case. The advisors we have spoken to have no understanding what so ever and speak to my partner like he is scum. We both work full time jobs and he now works 48 hours a week 12 hr shifts, so we have the children as much as we possibly can, we both love having the children and I do as much as i can with and for them. My partner also had to fight through court to get access to his children back. The CSA are trying to take all his money for 2 years he wasnt working but they cant give back the time we lost with the children and now they are taking all his money he has £50 a month to live on after our bills have come out. Hardly enough to take the children out, thats not even a meal in a harvester for us 5- the children are only losing out!!

  60. Csmith on September 1st, 2012 2:03 pm

    Cheap dads. They will lose good relaionships with great kids. My only hope is that the kids don’t suffer – material things are tough to go without, dents to your self esteem are more difficult to repair.

  61. Mort on September 3rd, 2012 10:14 pm

    One has to question the validity and fairness of a “formula” where even in the case of 50:50 shared care the described alleged “non resident” parent still has to pay maintenance to the described alleged “parent with care”. How does that reconcile with art 6 of the HR?

    Why should the parent with CB always have the right to claim maintenance even in cases where their salary is higher than the parent without the CB and/or even when the NRP is actually, in real terms, the “PWC”.

    The answer my friends is simple: whoever has a uterus holds the purse strings…Women want equality except when it comes to children…

    The moral of this is that if indeed there is such a thing as reincarnation to hope you’ll be born a feminazi…

    Unfortunately, the CSA operates on the basis that it is only the one parent (the NRP or the maintenence paying parent) who should be financially responsible for the children.

    The unfairness of the system promotes further unfairness and self destruction.

  62. jobo on September 4th, 2012 10:52 pm

    I have read the original verse on the csa and people going self employed and walking away from their jobs.I divorced my x when my son was 9 mths old,he was having an affair with my daughters play group teacher. My daughter was 3 at the time.So not my fault this happened,the x had been paying csa from then til end of last year.He has now decided to go self employed,and now i really know why!! He told me back then he would find every loop hole in the system to pay as little as possible for his children!! This is appauling.Our children have to suffer because he is only concerned about money.Very sad,because now the kids want less and less to do with him.My feelings don’t come into it,the welfare of our children do.He has decided he shouldn’t pay anything towards his kids,because csa told he doesn’t have to yet! What is wrong with paying something out of a government evil based system???? My kids have to go without because he can’t bare to part with his money.I work and pay my way,so why the f**k should’nt he towards his kids.

  63. Missy on September 12th, 2012 2:04 pm

    I am left dumb founded by the fact that people are winging that they have to contribute towards the upkeep of their children.
    How can you bring a life into the world and then turn your back on it completely. Forget legalities surely as a human being one has the compassion to want what is best for that child.
    My daughters father decided he didnt want to be in her life anymore 2 years ago when she was 4. Not only did he leave me to pick up the emotional wreckage that was my daughters broken little heart but he left me to financially drain my savings and earnings forcing us to live on the bread line.
    I would not begrudge him not contributing if he was struggling to gain employment. But the fact is he works and he earns enough to support our child, so when he claims poverty it makes me furious to see on social networking sites that he went to every music festival this year, has had two holidays and bought a new car. He calls that poverty. I think anyone winging about paying to support your own child should think about what the resident parent has to deal with daily, not just monetary but emotionally too. i dont think you NRP realise how easy you get off with just paying 40%. Try having all your wages taken (which is effectively what happens to the resident parent), your life stripped away and dealing with the emotions of a confused child that doesnt understand why their NRP does not love them!
    My heart bleeds for you NRP’s – you have it so hard dont you.

    As for potential new partners to the NRP’s, i do understand it is tough and i agree that if you are in a relationship the money is your business too. However regardless of the lovely new relationship the NRP still has a responsibility to their child, and i do not understand why the new partner would find this difficult to understand. Surely this is something you would discuss before getting into a serious relationship and if it isnt you may want to ask yourself why! And if you find the fact the your partner has to contribute towards the upkeep of a child they created (and lets face it 40% isnt enough) then walk away, because the child came first.

    As for the contraceptive wars….it takes two and both men and woman are equally as bad. Both are responsible.

    I myself did not want to be a parent, like many of the NRP’s have said, but even using contraception we fell pregnant and unlike my ex i have tried to deal with being a mother as responsibly and maturely as i can. No this is not what i wanted for my life, but if i had turned my back on my daughter who would she have?
    We found out to late to have an abortion – which although i would suggest would have been the best option was not open to us.
    I would like to know why i am the only one taking responsibility.

    For me, yes i would like the financial help, but more than that i would love my daughter to have a relationship with her daddy, as she deserves that. She has not done anything wrong. I suppose i feel awful that she gets punished by this for being born, it seems so unbalanced.

    So non paying NRP’s you say i….i….i….i….i….an awful lot….what about the child?

    Take care.

  64. LD on September 13th, 2012 11:25 pm

    Two separate issues:
    1. Spending quality time/regular access with the child
    2. Money

    Isn’t it sad that most threads are in regards to money, try working 70 hours a week, usually away from home three nights a week with a nanny taking charge at £80 a night!! Yes I have made a success of my life after my partner walked out on me and my two children but I had to work full time with several Years of more outgoings than income. When I reached the salary that really should have been comfortable for me and the two children, I was faced by the hefty 40% tax!! This tax bracket strips you of all childcare help too. On both of these occasions my ex never paid regular maintenance as he was self employed! The last calculation I presented to the CSA was the grand total of an average of £ 25 per month over the ten years that this case has been with the CSA. He now doesn’t have to pay because he earns £100 per week as a self employed joiner. He obviously has a good accountant, it’s a pity the taxman isn’t as ruthless with self employed..
    My ex unfortunately isn’t interested in the children and has moved on with the person he left me for. His new partner was vile to my children in the earlier days of the separation which made access difficult. I applaud the men who are still involved in their kids lives and make regular payments toward the pwc. As for the new partners be nice to the children as life is hard enough for them during separation.

  65. nicholas on September 15th, 2012 5:04 pm

    I recently got told by the csa that i was having £5 a week out of my benifit taken for a child which to be honest i am only 50% sure is mine, and yeah there was another guy but i was informed by her that she had a dna test with him and that the boy was not his so it has to be mine. no when i told csa this they said take a dna test i said i cant afford one they said oh we can pay for it but if he turns out to be truly your you have to pay us back the £280 for the test (which is double to a dna test that i have seen on the web). I was spoken to like a piece of dirt and the person on the end of the phone spoke down to me. i was told that if i wanted to object to the payment that i had to inform the benifits agency. I did inform them that i have since married and my wife and her 3 children live with me they said whats your point to that? we dont care!! And this is the kicker they even said they dont care if we can afford the payment or not it is being taken. So i thought ok they have only given me 4 days notice of this i better speak to the benifit agceny, the person said sorry but they have told you wrong it is the csa that tell us how much to take from you and we have to do it. when i rang the csa back and said about their person that told me a pack of lies, they bascally laughed and said oh well nothing can be done. The other thing is the parent of the chiled only gets £3.75 of the £5 a week so where does the rest go????

  66. Wow on September 19th, 2012 6:32 pm

    Some of the comments I have read on here are sickening. Me and my ex planned to have our child TOGETHER! When my son was born he refused to work. Leaving me to work full time night shifts and paying all the bills, Etc. He even refused to look after my son when I had come home from my night shifts, I had to pay for child care so I could get some sleep during the day before starting another busy shift (I am Nurse). I eventually walked away from the relationship two years ago. When the relationship broke down he even left me with HIS debts, Which I am still paying off now.
    He agreed to have my son Fri & Sat nights & after finding a job pay £20 a week (No CSA involved). Everything was going well for 6 months, He was working and seeing his son regular. He then got a new partner (who as 3 children of her own) and before long he was sending me abusive emails/calls/texts telling me I was ‘shaking him like a piggy bank for £20’ and that I wouldn’t be no longer getting any money from him and that he’s to busy to see my son. He totally changed. It’s been very upsetting for myself and my son who is desperate to have a relationship with his Dad.
    I went to see Solicitor in July, To see if we could set up regular access between my son and ex but he as not replied. My son asks about his Dad EVERY DAY and it makes me sad and upset that he’s just thrown him away like a used toy when he found a new partner. I hope my ex see’s sense soon and decides to contact my solicitor or myself regarding access, but I doubt it.
    I have now contacted the CSA and I hope they are successful in getting money for my son. He at least deserves that.
    For all the guys moaning about paying CSA money, Use condoms, Have the snip or simply don’t have sex. You know when you create a life what your getting yourself into, I have no sympathy for these men what so ever.

  67. susanna on October 2nd, 2012 7:54 pm

    I would be more than happy to pay maintenance if I was assured that the money was going to the good of my daughter. The money could go into an account for the child or I would like to pay by buying clothes/ shoes/food/clubs. To pay an ex however who will only go out and buy himself things and will use the money for himself and his fiancee ..how can this be right?

  68. kevin on October 2nd, 2012 8:30 pm

    WOMEM ARE AS BAD AS MEN WITH MAINTENANCE!! ok i paid £25 a week every week without complaining. she has to pay £11 a week and all she does is moan and call me a money grabber. i work a full time job and im starting up my own business to support my family and i still find time to play! non payers are scum

  69. kevin on October 2nd, 2012 8:32 pm

    lol i took custody of our daughter a year ago thats why she has to pay £11 through csa

  70. carin on October 5th, 2012 8:43 pm

    typical EX BITCH THAT KRISTY HAVING THE CAKE AND EAT IT TOO HOW CONVINIENT THAT MODERN CULTURE,ISNT IT WEIRD society favours those whores who cheat and dumb the guy for no reason?(i am not talking about abusive situations thats understandable)breeding and thenthey think cause they have kids with the guy they think they still own his paycheck l?cause is cultural acceptable and the goverment supports it dosent mean you are in the right.alimantation is a stupid law from 70ties when women didnt work and were abused. no problem if they get help and they nail an abusive ex!but for gods shake that ended as a piece of cake for any female loser who wants to take advadage or even helpts abusive ex wifes to put down the husband even more!and how convinient then the new wife ye u knew it he had kids so hell no!!!!WHY SHE HAS TO HAVE A NEW PARTNER HIS INCOME AND THE EXES AND ME ONE HUSBAND AND THAT HALF????CAUSE OF THE SHAKE OF CHILDREN HELL NO I DONT GIVE SHIT ABOUT SOMETHING CAME OUT OF AN OTHERS WOMAN VAGINA, AS SHE DOSENT GIVE CRAP ABOUT WOT IS GONA COME FROM MINE ALL THEY CARE IS THEIRS SO AM I,HOW PEOPLE ARE TWISTING IT?NO HELL NO I AM NOT MOTHER TEREZA EITHER A MARTIR STAND UP AGAINST THAT MIND SET!AND ABOVE ALL STOP DIVORCE WHEN THERE ARE CHILDREN

  71. carin on October 5th, 2012 9:12 pm


  72. BELLA on October 5th, 2012 9:21 pm

    use condoms?? he knew he create a life???ye he knew he create a life but he didnt knew u gona divorce what about that??and sorry what u expect he wasnt paying or working when he was still married to you and u expect he is gona pay now?????some women are naive!

  73. Jules on October 7th, 2012 11:22 am

    Oh dear! all the wicked step mummies who dont think that their partners should have to pay a decent amount for their OWN kids. Just wait and in another few years time when your seperated and looking for maintenance remember this and please do feel free to come back and say SORRY to all the mummies that are here doing there best to bring up their little ones.

    No matter what the circumstance, wither your married or a one night stand. If your blessed with a baby stand up and be a proper parent.

  74. Steve on October 9th, 2012 10:02 pm

    All the women complaining about money are just moneygrabbing cnuts. Of course there are cases where their husband or partner has done a runner and times are very hard but they have the best thing they could ever have. The love and custody of their child and luckily no single parent in the UK goes without although it seems most would prefer to spend it on wine and fags.

    For all the people who believe that a government system which threatens you with jail if you fail to pay the extortionate amounts is fair, I hope the system turns on you and Karma bites you in the ass.

    All cases are different it should go back to family courts.

  75. Mick on October 12th, 2012 1:00 pm

    I am part time self employed and part time employed. I opted to have my CSA payments deducted from my income. Last year I made a substantial loss from self employment. I have just been informed by the CSA that they do not take account of my loss from self employment, they simply rate this income as zero and then add it to my income from p/t employment and I continue to pay at the same rate.

    I can’t believe this can be right? Surely as my income has dropped overall I should not need to pay as much? Its not a difficult calculation to make. I feel really cheated that I opted in good faith to have my payments taken from my employed wage.

    Has anyone had the same experience?

  76. Big Poppa on October 15th, 2012 12:10 pm

    I think it is quite difficult subject there is big inequality within the law, when a couple split up the women gets automatic custody, because of this they get automatically the largest slice of the “Capital” and then the regular contribution from the father of the children…..She then retains the right to dictate the terms the father sees his chlldren, holding them hostage to further financial demands, as they get older the mother then encourages the children to request the father to keep spending to the point of enrichment to the mothers benefit, the law should start with 50:50 of custodial rights and something fairer in determining the childs expenses as BOTH parents need to provide housing and food…..If the father has kids 40% of the time at the most expensive times of the year (week ends, holidays etc) has to keep buying clothes because they take it home and the mother doesnt send anything back…how can NRP be classed as NRP and RP be classed as Primary…..self employment does provide more control over regaining a balance, and as time goes by you will just circumvent the problem parent by arranging visitation directly with your kids as relationships between child and parent isnt just 0-18…..Fathers are just as important as mothers it is digusting that the male species has been allowed to be discounted to this degree, burning bra’s was to get equal rights not to become opressors…..or slave mistresses…..my mum had 4 children on her own, no dishwasher, terry nappies, no central heating, no washer drier….and she cooked a proper meal and kept a tidy house….and worked……todays women are somewhat lacking in the homemaking skills…..the would rather whoop it up in the club / bar……chat on the phone and facebook……I work…Look after mt kids…Cook and Clean and spend quality time……the other day my ex said she wanted more money and said I would if i wanted to look after my kids properly????? WTF……….

  77. Big Poppa on October 15th, 2012 12:19 pm

    To note people…..when you deal with the CSA remember that after the first form is completed that on the number over nights on subsequent forms require the mother to disprove what you are saying…..I couldnt believe that mother initially lied that I didnt have the kids overnight as much.

    my mate was telling me that his ex on benefits was asking him for cash……I told him not to……CSA got involved and didnt believe him….she hadnt declared it and so he had to pay twice……NEVER do cash arrangments, track all financial transactions!!!!!!!!!

  78. hayley on October 19th, 2012 10:06 pm

    michelle wants fkin shootin evil cow ,

  79. hayley on October 19th, 2012 10:07 pm

    so agree with u julie , wicked step mummys !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  80. Michael Jones on October 23rd, 2012 1:02 pm

    The majority of women on here have kids to avoid work and then want paying for it, your all money grabbers for your own needs and mask it saying its for the kid, greedy cows, I’m so glad you all struggle and won’t have anything in life. Yes I’m a rich man now and paid 400 a month for a kid who turned out worse than her mother, another scrounger has been developed!

  81. Dave on October 29th, 2012 3:16 pm

    I am a father of 2, my ex left me four months after giving birth to my youngest daughter. Im not a man who lies nor over exadurates at all so you can believe what you want. My ex had a pattern of leaving her husbands for other men so that is my fault for getting involved with her in the first place, but i never expected what she would throw at me after. I have a respectable job, hard working etc quite the opposite to my ex and her partner, her new partner spends all day gambling and playing on the ps3 with no intention of getting a job where as my ex cant hold a job down to save her life. her life in one big big lie and to say i hate her is being nice. She got the CSA on to me, admittadly for 6 months i made no payments, reasons being she lied to the CSA about the time period we split up in an attempt to get 6 months extra, and she wouldnt let me see my kids, ive payed over 9k in legal fees to finally see my kids. But now i do and not that im happy about it i do it for my kids. I

  82. jenny on October 31st, 2012 11:30 am

    Hi, I was wondering if the csa could mistaken a person with the same FULL name? I found out My parner recieved a letter but has no kids that we know of!!!

  83. dale on November 9th, 2012 5:20 am

    i was paying for my son for 15 years,i payed 20 extra every week and last year was made bankrupt, i spoke to the x cxxx, and explaind our agreement of all those extra 20 pounds, so wont be paying for a while, in come csa!!. no you owe i explaind to them id payed in advance but they say they wont take that into account as a new case is a new case.. i tried to explain, that if you get a morgage and pay it of early, you stop paying not carry on…nope u owe , coxk em, put me in prison!!
    no wondermen get so upset n hang themselves.. csa??? more like “c u next tuesday” support agency, ifeel like poppin myself

  84. judy on November 10th, 2012 2:50 pm

    i have 2 sons with my ex it took me 2 years to get any money out of him, and when i did he pays 15 a week for both cos he is ” self employed” and csa cant touch expenses !!! he has the boys every weekend and some hols and i never ever try and stop him seeing the boys ever cos they love going to see their tight arse victim of a father !!! he pays me 15 a week for 2 children and still bleates to me on how skint he is ? he has a good job nice car pays private rent / and thats wot gets up his nose as i have housing association house and the rent is half his !!!he s a great dad but by god how he has the audacity to bleat about money when he pays me 15 a week is beyond me !!! i have 4 children altogether and i work evenings my partner is a postie shit pay and also pays maintenance for his 3 children the proper amount that should be paid !!!! all u men dodging paying the full amount of maintenance and still have the cheek to complian shame on u total disgrace !!!!!! i so believe in karma and it will get u !!

  85. Victoria on November 26th, 2012 2:43 pm

    My partner has 1 child with his ex whom works under the radar, has a social house and claims income support (and properly more benefits) and I have a son with my partner where as I work full time, pay my own rent and only received the normal child benefit however they now want to look at my earnings, which are not very high to take into account.
    How is this not criminal, by her living off the state I feel that I am already contributing to her and her sons lives so why should I contribute further. I chose to have 1 child and I choose to only pay for my own. My partner and I have access to his other son only when his vicious ex want because it suits her, primarily in the holidays and Friday nights all other times there are 100’s of excuses to the point that my son is getting confused with the sporadic interaction with his ‘brother’. He was paying a set amount that was £35.00 weekly then lost his job and we maintained this value till he has to sign on when we had to say that it was too much, when he signed on they sent us a letter in March saying that they had recalculated the value but back dated it to Nov leaving us with a bill of £700.00 again if they make a mistake why should we pay.
    I think the whole system is corrupt, CSA should only be grated if access to the child is fair and they truth is there as when she claimed initially she didn’t even tell them he had another child and claimed that we did not see his son which in our case it is not through lack of effort on our part and I think the fact that the mother does not actually have any living cost as the state are housing her should be talked into consideration. Now he is working again they want £60pw which by the time we pay our rent in London, and living expenses is well over 50% of OUR disposable income. So there again why should I have to pay for his & her child it should be based on his earnings only!

  86. Karen says on December 7th, 2012 6:21 pm

    This month of December 2012 csa is going more than £10 a week. My boyfriend already pays £250 a month out of £1250 a month leaving him a £1,000 . his morgage and council tax is £600 leaving him with £500 for month. That bills , petrol, food to come out of that.
    best bit I dont work coz im disabled and have two children. If i move in with him I lose all my child tax credit. All my disability money. leaving me with £33 a week. He would after support for of us off that £500.
    Guess what they dont even take into account he pays c.s.a. So not intitled to working family tax credit coz is wage is on the 26,000 cap.
    So why do my kids after live in poverty while he pays out £250 a month which will prob go up to £300 now coz new law. His x working and her new partner.
    Conservative government for you.

  87. wilf on December 7th, 2012 8:02 pm

    Karen:- Is your boyfriend the father of your two children?

  88. Dadtotwo on January 9th, 2013 8:20 pm

    10 years married, two children, was a manager, nice house, company car, worked my bollox off to provide the best for my family…the usual stuff. x decides to go to university and retrain in law and I agree to support her (she had a car too) two years in then gets resentful (she coulnt say why) of my success and the lack of time I’m home ..I never even worked weekends! X then screws around and almost totally destroys me. Somehow I mentally keep it together and stay ‘for the sake of the kids’ but after 6 months we part. Then I find out she had been paying interest only on the mortgage so there’s not enough equity and so I sign the house over to her ‘for the sake of the kids’ then I find out we had no savings left (she had spent it…on what I never found out) and she wanted £500 a month or she would go to the csa and I’d never see the kids…lived with my parents for six months and then scraped a deposit together for a flat on my own with two bedrooms for the kids to visit every other weekend and one night in week…just survived with head above water and self respect intact…six years on, just been made redundant. For six years I paid £500 EVERY month without fail…I foolishly mention that I’ve become redundant and need to make a payment break just for a couple weeks until i get a new job…today the csa letter drops on my doormat and ‘the kids have plans’ for the next couple of weeks. Happy new year everybody! Reading these links it is going to be a great year! Now…where’s that piece of rope? :)

  89. meme on January 14th, 2013 4:00 pm

    well i am one of the new girlfriends and my man is sick of csa …when his ex left him totall broke and lost his house because the s”’g waisted all his well earnt money at bingo ….she spent the last 4 yrs trying to split us up (i dont think so) and wanting money then stopping the kids seeing him 2 times in court to court orders all was well for 2 yrs then it all started again ….he pays his way luckly hes self -employed at the end of the day you single mums out there u dont have enough money then bloody well get off your fat asses and get a job …..its not your ex’s job to support you just there kids ….just because your ex has a better life than he did with you get over it …..if our csa goes up we are selling up my house and moving over seas the bitch has stopped him seeing his kids even though he still pays though csa if we moved over seas she has totally lost out and will not get a penny ….so one message to you single mums most are screwing the groverment having men live in there houses that are not supposed to be there get off your jealous high horses and get a fucking job and let the lucky ones that got away from you enjoy there new lifes

  90. meme on January 14th, 2013 4:05 pm

    karen get him to go self employed im with you all the way its sickens me ….they forget the men that leave the children behind in a relaysionship have got to make a new life and with my partner he didnt do anything wrong in there marrage nor did he leave her …i think the poor sod would still be there suffering a shit marriage if she didnt kick him out xxxx

  91. nia on January 17th, 2013 11:46 am

    Me and my ex have a 4 yr old daughter, we were togther 8 yrs. He decided he wanted to cheat and then moved in with this other girl.Even though i hate his guts, i keep things civilised for my daughter, let her fone her dad, let her see him as taking them rights away from my daughter would only harm her. hes claiming hes self employed claiming hes earning half of what he is which makes me sooo angry,
    Do u think us women want to spend our time chasing , ringing csa??? NOO!! It would be nice to know that the childrens fathers love their child enough to want to support them!These stupid women and men on here saying men shouldnt pay and women shouldntt be askin get fukin life.. Its not the women the men are payin the money to support its for their children. I do agree though that evryone has a differant situation and the csa should treat each case differantly and not the same for evryone. All i want is a peacefull life for me and my daughter not arguing about money all the time. Its ridiculous!!

  92. Sally on January 18th, 2013 8:51 am

    @ nia – its people like you that the CSA ‘should’ be helping but they don’t because it takes up too much of their time and effort (and money) to investigate people like your childs father!! Instead the CSA target PAYE NRPs, victimise them and treat them like criminals who refuse to pay for their kids, when in fact they do pay for their kids willingly…. the CSA cause so much trouble and friction in families that could be avoided if they did their job properly.

    I hope things improve for you as your daughter (no child for that matter) should have to consider/worry about money at such a young age!

  93. Sheila on January 25th, 2013 9:58 pm

    You know, I have been reading all of these comments, some of which are ridiculously uneducated arguments, some of which are hard to even read because of the terrible spelling and punctuation.

    I was married to my ex for 16 years. We BOTH chose to have our two children. It is BOTH our responsibilities to financially support the children. Who really suffers when both parents aren’t doing their jobs?

    I saw someone’s comment about women who receive money from the Government and how they should get off their butts and work. I don’t know if that person is assuming that every woman (or man) who is requesting child support is just lazy and looking for a handout or what. With the economy the way it is it takes TWO incomes to help support children.

    I pay for my home and all the expenses that go along with the kids’ living expenses. Guess what, people…kids use the electricity, the water, and the gas too. If they were living with their father I would offset the utility expenses just the same. That’s the way it should be. When kids need things, it should be BOTH parents’ working together to supply these things.

    I don’t think it is fair for a father (or mother) to be hiding income to avoid adequately supporting their children. BOTH parents had dreams for their children and wanted what was best for their children when they made the decision to have children while together, so why should either parent choose to use their children’s child support to assault the other parent? Divorce is hard enough.

    Now, I don’t agree with any parent using child support to better themselves. I’ve seen parents buy themselves things and send the children to school in rags. The problem is we live in a society where people seem to put themselves first. No wonder there are so many children having children outside of wedlock! That’s another soapbox, so I will stop right there.

    My ex-husband hides his income since he is self-employed. I’m tired of fighting Child Support Enforcement to get more money out of him. My kids will know in the end without my saying anything I worked my tail off to support them. They see their father living the high life in a fancy home, sporting a fancy truck, but rarely spending any time with them. It’s tough to live in a home that needs major repairs, drive a car that needs repairs and sometimes having to walk to work, writing hot checks to buy groceries sometimes, and all of this unable to find a position in the field by which you earned a Bachelors Degree to obtain a better paying job. But, you know what? We ARE surviving.

    To all of you mothers/fathers who are going through what I am going through, just hang in there.

  94. lee on February 1st, 2013 10:51 pm

    Csa is a law to themselves will not listen to a thing you say have seen my daughter once in 14 years I was not allowed access. Never been contacted by the Csa until march 2012 they were told I was not working through injury I have lived on savings for 18 months they have all the medical records concerning my operations and treatment and future treatment they have all my bank statements for the last two years and still they harass me they are taking me to court to get an order to sell my home for a debt of 600 which I do not owe as I have not worked for 18 months … My ex placed this claim 4 weeks before my daughters 17th birthday and one week before giving birth to her 5 child by 5 dad’s
    My daughter works and part time college, (I am told ) but they will not investigate as they say my ex has to inform them of any changes

    She left me 10G in debt and homeless and stole 4G from kids bank account
    And to round things off when she took off she was 4 weeks pregnant with another man’s kid

    Last year I found out her eldest son who she swore was mine and I feed and clothed for 7 years was not my son

    But the Csa don’t give a shit

  95. carol on February 2nd, 2013 12:23 am

    Any way you can get your daughters employment details? If you can, send them via registered post and acompanying letter. But only send them copies. Keep originals for the court. Hopefully this demand to sell your home, from the CSA, will be thrown out by the judge, along with the CSA themselves.

  96. lee on February 3rd, 2013 12:16 am

    To Carol,

    Thanks for the comment, I’ve tried all ways to get the employment details to them but they won’t have any of it, the CAB said if it ends up in court I can ask the judge for all the information that is available to be submitted including payslips from my daughter

    THE CSA ARE BULLYS PRESSURING AND SCARING PEOPLE INTO PAYING or even suicide in some cases and that’s a fact…..

    They should be charged with manslaughter. Nobody else could get away with it

  97. craig brown on February 3rd, 2013 10:07 pm

    the csa is pure hell simple
    since my ex inform the csa 2 years ago my ex has stoped me seeing my son.all she wants is more money and then more i have no problem with paying for my son but i want to see him …i have 2 others son that live with me any the csa dont care about them the muppit even from norwich office told me not to pay my rent on my house because ive got to pay my arrears due to them passing me from one person to another .the stress that this is putting on me and my partner is unreal all we want is to be happy and loving and want my son in our life
    but no the ex is loving this selfish cow who cant get on with her life .
    and the csa how the fuck you sleep at night.my son has a loving home and 2 loving brothers that want to see him..shouldnt this all be about wots best for the kids and not going without and for all you selfish women out there its not just about money its about caring being there and making sure they dont go with out .and are loved ……so why the csa keep telling me we will take you to court take your driving license off you how the fuck that would be good iam a hgv driver for aliving all my kid would loose out fooking muppits send me to prison how the fook would that help my kid loosing out again taking things from my house where my son live how it that helping my kids wot a load ov shit government you should wake up and all you sefish women get a life and as for the csa robbing peter to pay paul hope you get shut down then mybe i will get to see my son again …………………..

  98. sarah on February 7th, 2013 1:48 pm

    reading most of these comments i felt compelled to have my say.. i am a full time working mother who has sole care of my son i have supported him from a young age myself and worked full time for 12 years of his life my ex partner owns his own building company and after refusing to pay maintanence to our son i had no other option than to seek help from the csa.. after 15 months of waiting for an outcome it appears that my ex has now wound up his company in an effort to avoid paying his son what he rightly deserves.. most of these vicious comments on here from the so called new partners has not shocked me in the slightest .. bitter traps cuz they deprive that child of any right to get what the father should be paying for them .. is this because u cant have a new handbag or new shoes .. im sorry but if the father found it perfectly acceptable to lie down and make babies then he should also accept responsibilty towards that child my son has never gone without iv gone hungry myself over the years to provide for my child why his father dines his new squeeze out at fancy restuarants how is this fair justice ?? to add insult to injury hes now gone down the self employed route so any money my son cud get is a joke … i feel like going to his home and smashing fuk out his precious car and home yes its wrong but it would make me feel a whole lot better… some fathers not all are a fuking joke and deserve no right to call themselves a dad … i feel for the honest ones who cant see their kids but when all u have done is try to make ur child a part of their dads life but get stopped by silly little trollops who dont have kids themselves makes my blood boil !!!! having to watch ur child be rejected in such ways is horrific im lucky to have brought up such a well mannered and intelligent son who now has made the decison to cut all ties with his so called father hes 15 now so has every ryt to do this only so much a kid can take i guess some of u need to give ur heads a wobble stop playing the victims and complaing how hard done by u all r think about the fuking KIDS INVOLVED !!!!

  99. carol on February 10th, 2013 10:43 pm

    sarah….you are making a lot of assumptions about women who have partners involved with the csa. They are not trollops or all like handbags and shoes. Quite a few “silly little trollops” end up footing the bill of another womans offspring, thanks to the pwc using the csa, to the detriment of her own children. So if you were on about your own experience, then best to make it clearer, cos its offensive.

    I am sorry your ex is a crap dad and not taking responsibility, but he has the right to see other women, like you also have the right to see other men. It can hurt, yes, but thinking because hes at a fancy resturaunt, whilst youre not, is more about what you feel you havent got ie in monetry terms. Hence why you want to smash his car up (symbol of his wealth and having it better than you)

    So….you bring it back to money ….like the women you are slating.

    But agree, seeing a child be rejected hurts the most. Thank God he seems to have turned out well despite his fathers uninterest.

  100. carol on February 10th, 2013 10:55 pm

    @craig brown….

    Its NEVER about the kids, and their welfare….just all about collecting money from nrp’s and encouraging the more money orientated pwc’s to cut contact for greater financial gain. Of course this breaks up families, severs the relationship and influence of having the other parent in the childs life. See broken families means children that are not as stable or secure with themselves, and they are easier to manipulate and control by our loving government, later down the line.

    I really wish this agency was dismantled and let parents sort it out in the courts or between each other. Unfortunately, will always have parents that do not want to partake in childs upbringing financially or emotionally, and Ive learnt to cut losses and do what I can myself, for my child. Not always easy for pwc’s…. but getting the csa involved doesnt help anyone, let alone the children.

  101. lisa on February 13th, 2013 4:27 pm

    No offense ladies, you are old enough to make your mind up whether you want kids or not, its your decision alone whether you are going to give birth to that child, the man never has a say in the matter, if he didt want the child he still gets hammered for maintainance, maybe women need to think about whether they can single handedly bring up that child and financially support it should anything go wrong, its not the point that the man has moved on to have more kids thats none of your business and your the EX for a reason, if everybody thought of this before running to the csa maybe just maybe your ex would pay you and not go into hiding or unemployment so quickly, Your childrens feelings must be in there somewhere when your calling your ex every name under the sun or stopping him having contact because of money,Makes me so mad, there are men in the past who have committed suicide because of vindictove ex,s and also because csa made up ficticous arrears that actually were not owed, so next time you sit there thinking im owed £x amount think about how your kids are feeling and whether money is really all worth it,

  102. Linda on February 26th, 2013 7:26 pm

    After having reading all of the comments I have to give my experience of dealing with the csa and ask for advice.
    I am the wife of my husband who has 2 sons to two separate women both of whom were exes. He has 3 nights a week custody of one that was settled in court and pays that child’s mother £20 a week and always has. This is not through Csa it is done mutually and everything’s civil.
    However the 2nds son mother cheated on my husband when they were together and he moved out and continued to pay the rent till she would sign it over to herself she stayed 6 weeks and payed no bills then left to stay in a women’s refuge till she got a council house were she wanted for her and her 2 kids one to a previous relationship where she receives csa from also. From them splitting up he also payed her £20 a week and everything was fine. He was a qualified electrician n also had a day job when he got wi me he quit his job and became self employed electrician not to get out of csa but because that is what he’s always wanted to do. Now all of a sudden Csa are involved from her and she’s saying he earns £500 a week which he doesn’t he doesn’t get a wage he makes around £300 he’s only been in business a year and he does jobs for cheap because he loves what he does. He’s paying off all their previous debts that they all got into and running his business and a household as well as having the kids 3 nights but she is now refusing to let him have him 3 and only 2 so she can get more money but its unfair he wants time with his kids and to pay he’s offered £30 and that’s still no good. It seems to me the csa is absolutely disgusting and I refuse to let them win!

  103. Linda on February 26th, 2013 7:32 pm

    Barring in mind he has to pay for all their things the four days they are here and happily does so he picks them up and drops them off wherever they are which is good of them they always get there weekends off so they can go out and do whatever they want and still she wants more money. She has never worked claims full benefits has to pay nothing for her house it absolutely disgusts me that honest hard working people are penalised because they’re exes are lazy and this is what is wrong with the country handing out to people who have never contributed and probably never will.

  104. Annoyed on March 5th, 2013 5:11 pm

    Annoyed is not the word. My partner has two children with a very bitter ex. He has paid over and above the csa recommended amount for 5 years which she agreed and accepted (obviously). A few months after their second and final split he met myself and after 6 monthsof weekend contact he finally introduced me to his children. She then stopped access as quickly as possible.. He fought off and on for 2 years and saw them on the odd occasion once granted by the courts. She stopped access after the first few visits and each time it went to court.. The children didn’t know whether they were coming or going. The final straw was when my own daughter was 6 weeks old. She was admitted to hospital with whooping cough and on the same day we had a call from social services to say that it was reported our child was at risk as her father has abused his eldest daughter by throwing her across the room the previous week. This was catergorically not true. The daughter (7 yrs old) made a video statement to the police saying this had happened. Some 3months later when the police decided to interview my partner it appeared that under question the 7 year old finally said it did not happen that she said it to please mummy!!! The 4 year old was also questioned and refused to speak. What kind of mallicious bitch puts her own children through this! Although we were advised that we could take this back to court my husband decided the kindest thing for his girls was not to persue it as contact had already been broken on several occasions and eventually this would affect them greatly. He was devasted and had cousilling for some time to help with the seperation from his girls. His ex will not allow phone contact, letter or gifts to be sent. She has completly ROBBED her children of a Daddy. Despite all this he has never missed a payment. Before xmas he lost his job and we informed her straight away and still paid £50/month. Not a lot but something as he was not earning. He now works self employed 24hrs per week earning very little and had agreed to increase her payments as soon as circumstances change. Not good enough for her she has contacted the CSA. Well good luck with that cos now even the £50 will stop and she can have exactly what she is entitled to which is currently £0. After May this could have changed………..Lets see what happens when she realises.

  105. Sally on March 5th, 2013 8:56 pm

    @ Annoyed…. And herein lies the moral of the story…. There are two adults who produce a child and for all the are people who say “there is no love like a mothers love’… It’s the mothers who get nasty… They act with blind jealousy and they hurt their children… They will excuse their behaviour by saying “we only want the money my kids deserve”… Money the CSA tell them they deserve!! They get child benefit wtc, ctc, do they NEED the amount CSA dictate??

    Father very, very, very rarely use their children to hurt the ex… Most ‘spurned’ mothers treats the kids as pawns… To hurt the ex and the CSA thrive on it….

    My situation is so similar to yours and it will never change because the ex believe she is ‘entitled’ do what she wants to get more money… Lying to the CSA, kids, family and mutual friends… And the CSA believe everything she says… Without proof….

  106. annoyed on March 6th, 2013 1:22 pm

    Yes it’s a very cruel world from a fathers point of view.
    as soon as my husband lost his job i rang the CSA advice line for an opinion on how to move forward. They actually said that she was not entiltled to a penny from us until my husband got another position or was on jobseekers etc.. but as we had a mutual agreement it was up to us to decide. We looked at the situation and offered her £50 per month from my salary as we felt awful just stopping completly. She accepted in writing after we had explained… but as he is now working she believes he is back to earing as previous. If only!!! We actually would have changed this payment as soon as we could have afforded to as it’s never been about not paying….but the mistrust and assumption without even so much as a question has pissed me off beyond belief.
    Although he cannot see the girls he has still always provided over and above the required amounts….around £350 per month…During the two years whislt she made adjustments in her life he paid £450 and gave 2 seperate lump sums of 1K in addition… even with the court cases and interrupted access going on. She has used sooo many cruel untruths to stop access, and bullied her children into saying they didn’t want to come..The elsest would have a sad face everytime we collected her and the youngest (not old enough to understand mums feelings) would come bounding over to her daddy very excited. As soon as the mothers car left the car park the eldest would change completly, singing and chatting all the way to ours. The days they came we have lots of pics of throughout the day playing games, park , cooking etc… normal things and very happy children. Again as soon as we arrived at the car park to return them.. The opposite.. all for mums benefit. Such a shame and a very confused little girl. On the last occasion they visited she asked us to take lots of pics whilst climbing all over daddy. She also asked whether she could take a pic home of those two with my 1 week old daughter taken at the previous vist! When we dropped them off the eldest sat in the front seat of her mums car, looked around to see where her mom was and waved with her hand as close to her chest to her daddy. She KNEW she wasn’t coming back again…poor kid. The police visit etc was all contrived. Fucking nasty piece of work. She has since changed their surnames to hers in the “know as” capacity and tried everything in the book to hurt him more. His only crime is that he didn’t stay with her after he believes she’d had an affair… He is a fantastic father to my daughter who idolises him. Small things etc… Those poor girls are missing out. One day it will change and he still says that although he will tell them a little of why he’s not been there in person, he will still never slag off their mum as he came from a broken family himself. He vowes to answer all questions truthfully but never be opinionated. He believes they will formulate an opinion themselves and will hopefully see that he only ever loved them and wanted their lives to be as stable as possible.

  107. carol on March 10th, 2013 11:23 am

    Annoyed, what a nasty piece of work that woman sounds….rather FORCE her children to LIE about their dad, be interviewed with intimidating police officers and be questioned in even more intimidating court situation, where they KNEW they were lying, they must have been very frightened little girls…..sick sick sick. Can you imagine the MANIPULATION into getting them to even do that? Jesus….and I bet the good ole social services didnt follow up ON HER doing a true child abuse number on her children like that??

    Look I know your husband wants to provide for his children, but I would consider NOT being self employed, but on JSA, and them lil jobs he does for others, well, its “favours” ….any donations he gets for those favours goes into a trust fund for them two daughters that spiteful bitch cut him off from. They will seek him out by the way….little consolation I know.

    She sounds as nasty as my ex male pwc, wanting pics of me cuddling our baby, so he could show our child when they were older “that WAS your mummy” . Also changed name even though my name was on BC, because he didnt want to know. Where do these sub human types go to buy a mattress??…Narcisscist Dreamares? because they seem to sleep like babies, despite the pain and misery they inflict in others lives. Never accountable for any of it, naturally…..

  108. going to lose on March 13th, 2013 12:54 pm

    i work 82hrs a week, have 4 children and a house that although in joint names has solely been paid for by me as have all bills obviously as my partner (we arent married) has never worked. recently i brought up the conversation that as all the kids are at school maybe its time she found some kind of work and contributed to the household if only to take some of the strain of me and allow me some time off at the weekends so i can actually see my kids! WOW that didnt go down well , now at every opportunity its “you can get out of my house” or “ill just get it out of you in maintenance ” it seems the last 15 yrs has just been about funding her stay at home life, more sorrowfully though is the fact that shes right and although i have spend tens of thousands on extensions, driveways let alone single handedly paying every bill and the only one who has payed the mortgage which is now nearly up it is me who has to get out of the house and pay maintenance to her. i dont understand why the kids automatically go to the mothers surely as a role model a caring dad is just as good and certainly a working one is far better than one reliant on benefits ? i told her i wouldnt be able to pay mortgage and csa payments and find a suitable home where i would be able to have access to the children so wouldnt it be better the children live with me in the family home, their lives wont be disrupted nor their schooling you can have whatever access you want you can pick them up and drop them off from school every day as you dont work, have them every other weekend . this wouldnt financially impact on the children at all (would be so much nicer for me ) she just laughed in my face, never going to happen! again shes right
    i hate this my kids who i love more than anything in the whole world taken away from me because she has more rights over them for being female but i have just enough rights to have to pay for her lazy arse to live in my house and pay her for the privilege.

    sad times

  109. annoyed on March 14th, 2013 3:08 pm

    If i were you i would not move out. If you can stand to live there for the sake of your children then stand your ground and stay. I would then pay the motgage bills etc and do all as you do now but not give her a penny to spend for herself. Make her do the shopping online and then pay using your card and really make the selfish cow suffer. Women (and i’m one myself) do not deserve guys like you… I would love nothing more than to be a stay at home mum and have everything provided for me. You have given her the best chance at motherhood possible and she should appreciate that. She has seen her children grow up around her and any mum who is worth her salt would willingly get herself some part time work to offer their husband some family time to repay the good times shes enjoyed during her kids most important years. Don’t give her the easy option and just move out. She has no rights to enforce that upon you either. You can have shared ownership within the same walls… If she wants freedom she can go whenever she pleases. Unfortunatley once you move out, you will be paying still and for your new place and maintenance… Massive joke!!!! xx Good luck Stick in there…

  110. neil on March 15th, 2013 8:01 pm

    am a dad of 2 and pay my ex 250 a month i have the kids every weekend and pay for everything they do at the weekend horse riding swimming football cricket ect i also pay half towards all the kids school activitys.

    on top of all that i put 50/60 pounds a week in a saving fund for the kids so they have some money saved when they are older.

    all together it works out to about 500 pounds a month

    my ex has now gone to the CSA, i thought the above was a fair deal i dont quite no what to do now?!?!

  111. Ewen on March 26th, 2013 3:33 pm

    In response to Neil, and all the others on this site who have made various comments that clearly show the passion and spectrum of opinion on what is a subjective matter that is being treated as a quantitative issue – ie percentage of salary….end of…

    Neil – is you are paying a overall percentage that is comparable and consistent with your income and you didnt completely piss off your ex then the world or karma and fairness should shine though :) if you earn 100k a year plus then expect to pay more….and if you pissed her off then you’ll be paying for the rest of your life :)

    I make contributions as much as I can towards my children as at the end of the day their welfare is is important – good for you putting money away in a savings account – sounds like you have their welfare as your No 1 priority – (I dont think the CSA give a damn but then they are basing their decision on quantitative measures) If you can work things out with your ex and fairness shines through, ie her circumstances dont change for the worse and you have the “thing” hanging over you all your life then all should be fine. A recent court case has shown that the law will take a subjective view – when a man paying over 100K in maintenance was allowed to stop paying when the ex remarried…..fairness was finally to pervail….but what about the over 99.9% of us – who are not living it up large…

    My partners ex beleives that it is fine for his 4 children to be supported by the government as they are disabled and she is receipt of DLA and therefore he should not pay for anything towards them either – the CSA agree and have award her £5 per week for all 4 children – because he has somehow reduced his self employed tax liability to less the £5200 per year! and there is NOTHING that can be done about it….

    The CSA wont investigate as it is a self employed person and therefore too much hassle, and the tax man probably cares but doesn’t have the resources to do anything about it – so someone is allowed to write a redicously low tax liability whilst we (the tax paying and responsible NRP) pay for it…I am self employed and pay my fair share of tax and NI and child maintenance because I consider myself to be fair – but the system allows people to simply do what they like because it is too much hassle to resolve it unless it is £3M tax write off or a £5K benefit theft etc etc…

    I would ask ANY of the pathetic men who have replied to the above on the basis of “Why should we be responsible” to tell me and the mother of 4 children that is receipt of £5 per week (£1.25 per child) that this is in anyway an acceptable sum and that they are happy that the tax paying public should support 4 disabled children and not the genetically incompetent father who breed them….

  112. Nick on April 15th, 2013 11:03 pm

    Hmm, I’m self-employed, my bitch ex wife is on thirty grand, has the house that I made beautiful for her with my bare hands – has everything, I struggle to bring in even £600 per month, forced out of my beautiful five bed house, fighting to re-build my life in a shitty two bed flat in scaffy chav-vile, yet she has the nerve to threaten me with CSA even though I pay £80 per month for my three children as a voluntary gesture. Bring it you devil’s whore, my last two tax returns show way less than £5200 PA in profit.

    I am a lovely bloke, kind, gentle and generous, gave her everything she ever wanted and this is what I get. How can this be a fair system. Thank god for self employment, because if push comes to shove I will use it to my advantage. That said, if the kids ever needed anything, they would of course be seen okay – but I have to be able to live as well.

    If that doesn’t work, I’m a qualified teacher with an English subject specialism, and a passport, Australia seems a lovely place to live, so warm and sunny and teachers get a good deal out there – oh, and the CSA won’t bother trying to pin me down so far away – too costly for what they’d make out of the commission they take from the payments they collect – now where did I leave my passport?

  113. jenny on April 18th, 2013 10:24 am

    my ex husband used to be employed and to be fair csa were brill getting maintenance from him but now he runs his own business he pays not one penny and have now been told cannot get review till at least january 2014 as tax returns given for 2013 dont count till then they cant even make him pay arrears he owes due to nil payment award my children have to watch him driving around in new car with his other 2 children and going on foreign holidays owning his own house while i struggle to pay rent keep them clothed and house warm for them makes me angry because he has nothing to do with them his choice not mine

  114. TheSystemNeedsToChange on April 25th, 2013 1:33 pm

    November 2007 – I met a Female Police Officer on a dating website, and had a short brief relationship with her, the reasons why we split was that she was self obsessed with herself and all she cared about was materialistic items in life.
    March 2008 – I ended the relationship and returned home.
    February 2009 – I got a string of text messages from the ex partner advising me that she had fallen pregnant and gave birth in October 2008, and felt that i should know?
    March 2009 – I met the ex partner in Birmingham Bull Ring and the child and we had lunch Myself paying for it) & gave her £100.00 and arranged that i would see the child on alternative weekends, myself travelling 150 miles round trip, and that i would pay £200.00 per month as child maintenance.
    March 2009 – The ex partner asked if i could purchase a Mama & Papas 3-1 Buggy from a shop in Tamworth to the value of £700.00 in which i did, i met the mother and child again in Birmingham and all was resonable.
    April 2009 – I get a call from the CSA asking who i worked for, and much i was earing etc etc – I told the CSA that i had an arrangement with the mother and to date i had paid £300.00 in maint and a further £700.00 for a Pram. At which the CSA had informed me that this was irrelevent and that the mother had requested that they get involve???
    I contacted the ex partner and she refused to take the call, then said that if i were to pay £350.00 per month she would ask the CSA not to contact me, I said that’s “BLACKMAIL” to which she retorted and said “It’s my choice”

    I stopped all payments, and spoke to the CSA in which they confirmed i actually only needed to make a payment of £155.00 per month, at which the ex partner was so infuriated that she then said she was quite willing to just accept the £200.00 as first agreed…. “I told where she could go”

    She stopped all access,refused to accept phone calls and then advised me that i was also not the named father on the birth certificate.

    Regular payments were made between May 2009 – September 2009 – Due to unforeseen circumstances i lost my job due to the recession, and informed both the CSA and the ex partner.
    I sought work again in January 2010 and again informed both parties, it wasn’t until my salary had hit the bank that i noticed £486.00 missing, in which i emailed payroll and they advised that the CSA had taken it from me by means of a DEO.
    I had No written explantaion, i then contacted the CSA and asked as to why so much was being taken, and they responded in there courteous manner as always that “I had a legal obligation to ensure that my daughter was provided for and that monies owed were due”
    I asked as to why so much money was taken from me and how long tis would continue, they advised it would continue until October 2010 and the reason for the large amount was that they had mis-calculated my payments the year before an that i was out of work between September – January an that i han’t informe them of a change of circumstances an that it was apparent that i was trying to avoid detection???

    I struggled in 2010 and got into some serious debt, i contacted the CSA numorous times and tried to negotiate a lesser payment plan, but they were not interested.

    Whilst this has been going on i still had’t seen my daughter, niether has my family to this day ever seen her!

    In August 2010 i contacted a solicitor and asked them to write to my ex partner requesting a DNA Test and also to the CSA.
    The response i got from the CSA is that they had approached my ex partner twice and asked her if she was willing to have a DNA Test and she refused! Letters were sent to my ex partner and a string of text messages and telephone calls were exchanged.
    The outstanding amount had been paid and i was told i would need to pay £216.00 pcm

    November 2010 – I was arrested on charges of ABH from Dec 2007 & March 2008 and also allegations of Harrassment by my ex partner, and that my solicitors letters were deemed as harrassment. I spent 12 hours in a Prison Cell before being interviewed over 3hours, my Mobile phone was taken for transcripts and i was told i was on bail until further notice, due to the seriousness of the offences i was suspended from my employer until the outcome, in which an internal investigation would be carried out, as she had used her position as a police officer and contacted my employer to say that i was contacting her via text and phone calls in there working time.

    April 2011 – My solicitor and the Police wrote to me that i was no longer on bail and that they had investigated fully and that No charges were to be brought against me, and if i wished to make a formal complaint i should do so through the IPCC.
    I returned to work and after being given a written warning about my conduct i was able to continue working there, but mud sticks and i left.

    I continued to contact the CSA and my ex partner via solicitors, and she was adamant that she would not have a DNA test, i eventually sacked my solictors and applied to the courts paying £200.00 to get a court to enforce her to have a DNA.

    In December 2011 my relationship with someone of 2 years who had been through this rollercoaster ride with me, felt that the relationship had to end.

    I had sought new employement and had explained to my new employer what had happened in which he agreed that until the outcome of the DNA test he would not pay the CSA via the DEO.

    August 2012 – I finally got a court date, and i had to pay a further £700.00 for a DNA Test, the results came back positive.
    The CSA were going to have a field day, they then said as my employer had not made any payments i now owed my ex partner £4500.00 and that they were going to take 40% of my salary which in turn would have put me right back to 2010 and get me into a lot of debt.

    I started to make payments, and i also started to fall into debt as i couldn’t pay my own personal finances.
    In January 2013 i made the decision to leave my employment, as i was working to pay 1 debt the CSA, i felt so low and i had lost weight with stress, that eventually i returned back to my parents.
    I found work with a nearby company and contacted the csa and informed them that it was a low paid job and i would have to come to some arrangement.

    There response was that i owed £3150.00 and that i would also need to make a payment of £168.00 in addition per month, that if i didn’t make payments they would take 40% of my salary and they would send baillifs to my parents address, and if need be send me to prison.

    THREATS THREATS THREATS………If we made these to them on the phone i am sure we would be arressted and charged in a court of law.

    I then received letter after letter saying that i had to make prompt payment to avoid such action.
    I’ve given the job up, and i have decided that there is four outcomes to this.
    1. Go to Prison – They will still never get what is owed
    2. Take my own life (Thou i wouldn’t do this – knowing others have)
    3. Emergrate (They cannot touch you)
    4. Self Employed

    I understand it takes two to Tango, i was always reassured that my ex had a coil fitted and that the chances of her getting pregnant were next to nothing.
    It wasn’t until 5 months later she contacted me,blackmailed me, had me arressted on false allegations.

    The Government should look at simple steps.
    1. If the NRP is not having child access “He should not be forced to pay”
    2. There should be Cap on how much is paid to the child in terms of age, i am sure my 4 year old daughter does not spend £150.00 per week on herself!!!
    3. Parents who do not adhere to the abouve should be fined, and the NRP compensated.

  115. John Smith on May 10th, 2013 5:27 pm

    So many so called men on here.
    Grow so balls earn some money and pay what you should for YOUR children. Even if your ex is a complete bitch mine is..children come first whatever the circumstances. Grow up and take responsibility.

  116. lindsey on May 12th, 2013 4:33 pm


  117. K BROWN on May 14th, 2013 3:36 pm

    Here here to CAROL & CRAIG BROWN!! behind you 100%.

    My husband has 2 beautiful children from a previous marriage and we have 2 beautiful children together. He has never refused to pay child maintenance to his ex wife even though his 2 children call his ex wife’s new partner DADDY and she has stopped contact willy nilly!!

    At the minute i’m in a dispute with csa as they were supposed to set up a direct debit out of MY bank but havent done so which means no money has been taken. Tried ringing them, and all i get is…….we will ring you back on the telephone number you’ve given us!!……..( i havent received that phone call back yet )

    Every child costs money in every way whether its bills, clothes, food, dinner money, or even school trips.

    i totally understand the fathers out there where they are forced to pay over the top csa but are not allowed access to their children because the ex’s don’t want them in their children’s lives. ( but will accept money from them) Every child deserves their mother & father despite the circumstances.

    With talks of CSA closing down, i thought that it was going to a service where parents with care have to pay for the service so they will think again and sort it amicably between themselves???

  118. K BROWN on May 14th, 2013 3:37 pm

    lol lindsay, u go girl :) ……..spot on!! xxx

  119. Grow some balls on May 18th, 2013 9:14 pm

    Look at all you bitter people especially the new partners, its this simple in my eyes
    WHETHER YOU SEE YOUR KIDS OR NOT WHETHER YOUR MAN OR WOMAN, REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU SHOULD HELP WITH THE MAINTENANCE OF BRINGING UP YOUR CHILD. My sons mum has stopped me from seeing him, many times, and other things, but I have never stopped paying for him, think of your child not the parent the money is to help bring them up. I don’t care if she buys wine, fags, goes out shags whoever, as long as I know im paying and im consistent and that he is happy and looked after I dont care about anything else. some of you people are shameful especiallly the new partners comments

  120. Annoyed on June 3rd, 2013 2:35 pm

    Yes I agree with PAYING for the child but I also believe the NRP has a right to be ACTIVE in the upbringing of such children. It should never be allowed for the resident parent to dictate & cease contact arrangements whenever it suits just because it doesn’t work for them anymore or they wish to be spiteful. When a court order has been necessary to make the arrangements then the resident parent should be investigated and indeed prosecuted when they make false allegations etc to get their own way & cease contact forcing court appearance after court appearance to get it reinstated…. Unfortunately the system stinks in the NRP favour.
    The system has never changed in many years.

    I lost my brother & his 3 children to this appalling behaviour 15 years ago and still this CRAP goes on. His wife of 15 years left him for another partner(fair enough). When she left she left her children behind and he gave up his successful career to look after his children full time aged 2 4 & 6.
    She came back some 2 years later having failed to turn up for arranged visits etc along the way and was given 100 % custody of them and my bro given a handover date for the children and their home. Basically he was being evicted from their almost paid for property and she was due to move in with her new boyfriend and take over care of the children.
    Sadly this day never arrived…He asked her to look after the children on the Saturday evening as he needed to be somewhere. He rang her 4 times at work pleading with her to have them for the night and she refused. Sadly he left the house at 10pm & the following day he and the children were found dead in the woods nearby…. THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER BUT EVERYONE HAS A LIMIT>>>>> This is why I believe soooo strongly that fathers rights need to reassessed.

  121. Cat Urquhart on June 12th, 2013 5:12 pm

    Ladies and gentlemen a few facts that should be held above emotions;

    1. Sex’s first and foremost function is procreation not pleasure therefore if you have sex you may create a child
    2. Parental responsibility is enshrined in the law in every western countries legal system therefore if you practice 1 then you should be prepared for 2!

    My husband left me with 2 young children that he had to persuade me to have to go of with a colleague and have another child with. I have never stopped him seeing his children in fact I have begged him to see them even getting my lawyer to send letters to his solicitor to ask him to see his children which there has never been a reply to. Our daughter has been seriously traumatised by being abandoned by the father she loved and has had a breakdown through the grief of it, He like many others has abandoned the children he begged to have and set himself up as a contractor and he went to the CSA to overturn our legal agreement on maintenance. Now he and his partner (who was his mistress) earn well over 6 figures per annum yet my children get £30 per week. How? simple, becoming self employed means you can pay yourself minimum wage, write of loads as ‘expenses’ and take the bulk as dividends.
    My career has been decimated by being left 24/7 365 day a year parenting (laid of due to having to constantly take care of my daughter). Believe me my ex could keep his £30 a week if he had our children for the 52 days that the CSA ascribe full maintenance payments.
    Perhaps the answer lies in how parents share the responsibility. If a parent willingly walks away as per my ex then they should be made to pay more. And those parents with care who stop their ex’s from caring for their children for part of the time without due cause should be similarly financially penalised.
    Children are like dogs they are not just for Christmas! Heck they may be like some xmas pressies you receive but unfortunately they are not returnable. The thing they are is a joint venture.

  122. Rebekah on July 2nd, 2013 7:48 am

    Good Lord! I am appalled by some of these comments, and I haven’t read them all. What concerns me most is that, for the most part it seems, the children’s welfare is not at the crux of the remarks, seemingly not the priority?

    We live in an ever changing society, the pressures of an escalating cost of living and impact of new government legislation is making every day life for those on low incomes more and more stressful.

    Every case is different, every situation has its own facets of emotional rawness and potential unreasonable behaviour from one or both parties. This is why this one sweeping system that the CSA operates has does not always work. I presume there are some situations in which both parties have accepted their responsibilities and stepped up to the mark so that arrangements work. There are good mums and good dads, conversely there are bad mums and bad dads.

    What seems to be the problem, is finding a fair system that works for all parties ????

  123. sarah on August 26th, 2013 10:49 am

    i agree with Rebekah, the point isn,t about the csa, its about bring children up any parent knows the time and money this takes. if your not prepared to take reponsiblity and dont care weather your child has a coat or a dinner. men keep it zipped up! and women you have plenty of choices to prevent pregency. for those that choice to settle and have a family it should be with out a doubt a 50/50 responsiblity. not a case of forget your kid cause you want a hoiliday or you deserve a new dress or a pair of trainers cause after all said and done a good parent would put the childs needs before their own. and shame on all the parents that would do anything to avoid their responsiblities, including my ex husband after 12 1/2 years of marrage left his 9 year old son, with out and regular contact lied about his income and gave the csa origanilly on £19 a week which went up to £25 even though he earns between 150 to 350 per day (not week) he works 5/ 6 days a week, self employed so very easy to hide. he has now remarried and it wont be long before this becomes the next wifes problem. he thinks he deserves new cars, flash watches and holidays more than he thinks his son needs food and clothes. luckily for my son i work hard and i provide him with evething he needs. so ok i dont buy a new dress or wear make up but i have something my ex husband will never have my sons love and trust. i know its not easy to do it a lone.

  124. do the right thing on September 25th, 2013 11:24 pm

    Fuck all you csa haters. Bunch of selfish pricks who care more for themselves than their kids welfare. Just pay the damn money you owe instead of drowning in your own self centred bitterness! Set of self employed theiving bastards taking money from their own kids just because it goes through the mother. So what if it does? I have always paid child support and I’ll always be right with my children because I’ve done right by them. You selfish theiving arseholes are only harming yourselves. For fucks sake do you think kids are dumb? You might get away with this when they’re little but guess what these kids grow up and suddenly one day you’re own selfish behaviour will destroy your relationship! Short sighted thick bastards! No doubt at that point it will be your exs fault for poisoning the kids mind?

    Try putting your kids first for once instead of just pretending you piss poor excuse for human beings!

  125. Carrie on November 10th, 2013 1:25 pm

    For some children they have really good dads, dads that want to support their children, seeing that they have part responsibility in their upbringing and what it entails. My experience has been of a relationship from 17 years ago. I became pregnant while in a relationship, I broke the news to my then other half, he was fine about it, we were both surprised, but not negative. The very next day, he was a different person, never had he shown me a side that I saw that day, he was threatening and violent and blamed me. He ended up punching me in the stomach, saying the pregnancy needed to be gone, at five weeks pregnant I would never have thought that those pains would be the same as full term pregnancy labour pains. Arriving at epu, early pregnancy unit, I had lost so much blood, they said I had probably lost the baby, but would check, a Dutch doctor found foetus to be in tact and ok. I was sent home for bed rest, I was in a mess mentally, my two older children extremely worried. The next day when they were at school he broke into my house, and asked one question was I still pregnant? I said yes, he was furious and beat me again, this time I called the police and also went to hospital, experiencing agony and heavy bleeding again. The same Dutch doctor, said same thing, this is the end this time, ultrasound proved him wrong, I couldn’t believe it i filled three bed pans with blood, this baby was here for keeps, the police installed a panic button in my bedroom, arrested him, he got out on bail, got in my house again, I wasn’t near the panic button, he took the phone off my twelve year old daughter and broke it, he told me that if I kept it I should never claim CSA, and that i was not to register the baby, if I claimed CSA, he would bring a different slag to the house every week, because he would make sure he got access. He threatened he would run me and the baby down if he saw us out walking, he got his mates to call me from phone boxes to threaten me. On the 5 Jan 1997 I took him to court, still having the bruises on my neck and face. He didn’t once look up at the judge, he got a criminal sentence, I walked away with an injunction for the period of the pregnancy, with a view of extending it should I need it. To cut along story short, I had peace through the rest of the pregnancy, although doctors said I wouldn’t carry full term as the placenta was so damaged. However I did go full term, but the placenta collapsed down over the way out, I had emergency caesarian and lost 9 pints of blood. My son and I lived , we had a peaceful 12 years and then he reared his ugly head with a letter saying how much he missed his son everyday of every year, thought of him every day, 12 years of no birthday cards, no Christmas cards, no money for support, as you’ve read I was seriously put off trying for support……or else…. He wanted contact with my son, as he was 12 I felt I was in a position that I had to tell him, his father had contacted me, I felt so sick and afraid, for my son and me, it made no sense at all. Weeks went by and my son agreed to meet him, with me. This man had no conversation with ‘our’ son, it was awkward . The next visit he brought his son, from a relationship he was in, still nothing said or explained to ‘our’ son, the next time, he bought his wife and son, still the same, awkward, the next time his wife, son, and his wife’s children, that time was more awkward than the rest. My sons birthday was coming up, this man asked what did ‘our’ son want for birthday? I said a bike, although my mother and I were chipping in, his reply was I don’t buy bikes for birthdays, and that was that, I heard no more, I didn’t chase it, as I felt it wasn’t good enough for my boy to be treated like that. This father left it, however I went to CSA, I felt stronger to cope, I had witnessed he was ok for money, but had also been supporting 3 children that was not his, right down to buying cars for two of them. On application for CSA his reaction was ‘our’ son must have DNA testing \ What a bastard. anyway, four months later, the answer I knew it would be, he then went on to not pay support, of 27 a week, hardly a hardship. But no, since then to now we have had odd payments, he now owes thousands, he makes the odd payment to appease CSA, On the 2 Oct this year, he had the bailiffs call, he made a payment of 150 and had to promise to pay them that every 2nd of each month. He has paid 2nd Nov too. However two weeks ago a letter was pushed through my front door by him, that he wanted to see ‘our’ son, he wants to be a father to him and give him a good future!! yet again, the same thing he has thought of nothing else, my boy had a mile stone birthday in august…his 16th..nothing was heard from him. His excuse was he didn’t know if it would be welcome|! We left responding to the letter and slept on it, my lovely son, said he had no feelings about it, didn’t know him, he was a stranger that meant nothing to him. A fortnight after the first letter, another came, saying ‘ I want to be a father to …. ‘ call me. I don’t know if I did the right thing but I text, mentioning all the things above, that he disappeared on his 12th birthday..and everything he is saying he said then, and what about putting him through DNA? he offered no excuse, except the past is in the past, and in order to get on we must move on, not feeling that was enough, I asked more, he finally burst into his own true colours and said , i had kept ‘our’ boy from him all these years and I wouldn’t be able to any more as he is now 16, that he would track down our son and tell him everything!!!! everything being what , he made no contact for 12 long years, which lasted 6 weeks, that he aborted because he doesn’t buy bikes for birthdays, and then put him through DNA, and then when he had conclusive evidence, he still wouldn’t pay maintenance, even though he got away with 12 years, it wasn’t enough for him. Where are we now, well my son does not want to have anything to do with him, what’s there to want to know? A total let down in all areas, just messing about with an innocent child, tracking him down to tell him a load of lies, is that called love. We are now waiting on having him written a legal letter, that he is to stay away , make no contact, my son is not interested, and we do not want him on our property. My son wants to be the one to hand this creature the letter. Finally, when he met us 4 years ago, he told my son, that he had been saving for him, and had saved a large amount, however he had to use it to pay the tax man !!!! There are nasty pieces of work like this that avoid all they can for a life they helped bring in the world, do not take care how they hurt their own flesh and blood. I will still carry on pursuing him through the CSA,, this father has only had what he sees as grief for 4 years out of 16, the money that the CSA do manage to painfully extract from this awful person, goes straight to my son and his personal needs, we have three more years of this as my son is in further education. My son is a beautiful person, he doesn’t rise to any of this, he knows this man is a waste of space, a bad dad, who has treated him badly, he says he has no connection/bond no feeling, nothing and its not hard to feel nothing. When he was growing, he had tons of love, never wanted for anything but not spoilt. I f I try and spoil him, he makes me return what I have bought. His formative years were very important, the love and security he felt and still feels, has enabled him to endure the atrocities of a low life. I hope this inspires any mums out there or dads for that matter who have full time care. Follow your gut instinct as it is always right.

  126. ISHAFTEDTHECSA on November 26th, 2013 4:30 pm

    Just want you jealous bitches to know, that i can pay but won’t pay! the CSA haven’t got a hope against my lawyers and accountants who have much bigger teeth.

    When my ex left me for “RICH” married man who was earning 50k and i was only earning 30k she laughed and said how i’d never amount to anything – Now i’m self employed and coining in 450k a year and i can pay the best accountants and lawyers to run rings around her.

    She prevented me seeing my child and alienated me from her so .. i’ll console myself with a string of houses abroad, exotic holidays, a new audi R8 and i’ll drive past her little terraced house in scumville flipping the bird – just for a laugh!

    I Live a rich life whilst she is stuck on a 20k income oh and the married man absconded back to his original wife -Thats karma to bitches! if you want revenge fellas – get rich and very very even! don’t get mad :)

  127. annoyed on November 30th, 2013 11:48 am

    i have three children with my partner who has a child with another woman,we only get a deduction of £10 because we have three children living with us ,this is just crazy, whether or not i knew my partner had a child when i met him does not change the fact that the csa take way too much money from the non resident parent, if you times the amount we have to pay by three there is no way that we get left with that much for out three so how is that fair, the childs mother already gets money for her aswell and her benefits are not effected by what she gets from my partner, so its a bonus, if we were loaded it would be a different story but we get topped up with tax credits because the government say that we don’t have enough to live on otherwise and then it gets taken off us again, that is so backwards

  128. Bincrafty on December 2nd, 2013 11:49 am

    The CSA has no appreciation for fathers who want to pay regardless of weather the child is theres or not. The do discriminate, the do ignore human rights and if you challenge them then they just go the DEO route. There is a court case proving that your employer should challenge the DEO but all employers are scared to do this and with just send you a PDFF from the CSA saying there right.

    This then leaves you very little options one of which is to sue your employer!! I myself am at this stage. My payroll just did a DEO leave me with £100 to see my until the end of December. Last month and this they cocked up and took to much money. The CSA based on my ex-partners word discounted money I had paid to her. When I left everything was in order and no debts with her in a fully furnished paid up home!!

    As a man you are crucified, treated like a dead beat, yet the women can sit on benefits get everything paid for and 15% of you income so you are royally being screwed. I have just thought about quitting my job, we had an agreement in place and I paid like clock work. She got the csa involved just to be a C**T and the CSA supports all her lies. Nothing has been proven, no DNA test, not on birth certificate yet if I were to prove I was not the farther tomorrow would I get the money they have taken back?? NO!! Which is theft. The CSA running around using assumed guilt is bull shit and unjust yet no one listens or cares why? Cause they are a government cash cow, all these women who think they get all the money are just deluding themselves.

    Its also bullshit that the woman gets automatic custody to use the children as weapons against fathers. This needs to be stopped.

    The best way to sort all this shit out would be to have child licenses, if you want to have a child you have to apply for a license. automatic contraception is carried out at school this would sort so many issues out.

  129. big ron on January 4th, 2014 8:09 pm

    My wifes mam and dad split up when she was a child and to get out of paying anything to her mam, her dad quit his job and got one that didnt earn enough for him to qualify for csa payments. Her mam then had a child to someone else and again they split up. He was a self employed accountant so he worked it so he was paying my mother in law just £7 a week. She has done a great job raising three kids by herself effectivley on a single income albeit it had to be in a council house. She is a proud woman too and didnt claim a single benefit.

    So in this case the blokes are the tossers.

    on the other hand, a mate of mine split up with his gf last year. He has a good job driving cranes and pays super tax. To get the wage he does requires him to work away 4 days a week which his ex knew before they had a kid. He owns two houses that he rents out and because of this he couldnt get another mortgage in his name so the house they moved into was in her name but he paid for it. She worked part time and her money was her own as he earned enough to support her and the kid they had together. She agreed to him working away for longer periods so he could save for a bigger house but after a couple of weeks into working his new job she left him for the personal trainer she was able to pay for. No talking it over, no reasoning or anything. She moved out of the house he was paying for to her mams with the kid which is 25 miles away. She took 5 grand in shares they had together and wanted 10k so she would sign the house over to him even though he paid for it including decorating throughout. He moved out so she rents it out now. She took his car and demanded money when it broke down. The csa pull his pants down because of his wages and he only gets to spend friday nights, all day saturday and sunday morning with his son and shes out on the piss most weekends. She has since had a boob job and has a brand new car all whilst working 16 hrs a week and is also enquiring about trying to get him to sell his two houses so she can get more even though she is renting a house herself!

    In this instance the woman is the tosser but undeniably the csa are the main culprits with both cases.

    I am self employed and ‘touch wood’ should me and my missus split up then I would claim low earnings should she go to the csa. But that doesnt mean I wouldnt pay my way with my kids. I would give her what I think I child can live on a week. Taking into consideration the amount of baths they have, the amount of food they eat and what they wear each week I think £60 a week is enough. Your paying for your childs bills not your ex’s! And besides I would be bathing them, feeding them and clothing them when they come to me so would I then be able to counter claim off her. I doubt it

  130. Fiona on January 9th, 2014 6:22 pm

    I have 4 sons. They have been brought up to understand that they are 100% responsible for their own bodies, reproduction. Happiness and relationships. If any of them came to me with the….’ She told me she was on the pill’ crap… My answer would be…’ If you don’t want children it’s up to you and no else to make sure it doesn’t happen’ …..and if you choose to have sex without protection then you take the consequences, like all the countless women over centuries have done.

    Whether a child is made through chance or design…it is still a child that has absolutely no influence or power to choose anything. You can shout and scream and bitch about how unfair it is…….do any of you think about these children?? Who have NO SAY in any of this and have to take the crap and CANNOT walk away…or confront who’s hurting them…or remove themselves from the situation????
    And predominantly it is the same for the parent carers….mainly mothers. They are the ones who shoulder the bulk of the investment in their children. ALL their money goes to pay for a roof; heating; lighting; water; cars; food; birthdays; Xmas; school outings; other children’s birthday presents; feeding friends form school; pets; football; acting; singing; a school bag like their best friends; making sure they eat their veg; wear a warm coat; put sun cream on; do their homework; stand on a freezing cold field at 9am on a Sunday morning; having ten kids for a sleepover; sitting through the smurfs movie; being up all nght when they have flu; waiting 5 hours in A&E after leaving an important meeting at work; being told they hate you because dad never tells them off although he only sees them 3 times a year; not having a social life; always being the one to take time off work when they are sick; spending 24/7 at the beck and call of another human beings needs….
    THAT is being a parent!!!! And anyone with any integrity would pay what they possibly could to support their child before their own disposable needs as well as providing the other needs…Being there; being contactable; making the effort to sit through a 6pm nativity; early football match and telling their child they were great; getting to know their friends, likes and dislikes; doing homework….making them feel LOVED and WANTED instead of leaving them with a lifetime of rejection!!
    To all those second partners resenting exs children….they are the priority…then they grow up…your time will come. And remember….you may be that ex one day…do you want your children treated like that?
    To all those mothers who genuinely refuse to allow their children to see their fathers…..would you put your child’s hand on a red hit stove? No? So why cause them emotional pain that is far mor damaging and long lasting?
    And to those men who regard child maintenance as a means of your ex screwing money out of you…..I don’t know ANY single parents rolling in it and living the life…..it is supporting her to support your children. If you don’t agree with the way she does that..tough……you know hand on heart if you have paid and not kept money back to have a nicer car…extra holidays or a generally good lifestyle…..you have insured your children have a similar lifestyle as yours…..regardless of how it’s excercised…..your conscience is clear.

    And to my ex…who does not see his son and has regularly reduced his csa payments whilst my child only had half his school uniform when he started secondary school;went without heating and hot water in November because I couldn’t afford oil; has been fed by food parcels; now has no way to get to his beloved football because his mother no longer has a car………sadly your retribution on me for leaving has only damaged your sons, which in turn does hurt me. But when my 11 year old loves having kettle baths and hot chocolate in a cold house; has wonderful friends parents who insure he gets to football and give him missing school uniform……I know we are ok. I cannot protect my children from my exes behavior……and I have risen to the bait many times……I can sleep and I know my time will come.

  131. Mark on January 9th, 2014 7:25 pm

    *That should have read CSA £4,200 not £42,000

  132. Robert on January 22nd, 2014 12:25 am

    It’s not about the kids the government the courts all corupt ,women can do what they want ,it’s always the man that suffers for their affairs the csa are is legal muder shame on uk we’ll they got to pick on someone no. One else scared of them in the world I hate this country for depressing me

  133. John on February 3rd, 2014 11:26 pm

    I was engaged to a woman who claimed several times that she was pregnant when she clearly wasn’t – in an attempt to keep me from leaving. She even kept up the fantasy of being pregnant for 9 months after I’d finally left when she wasn’t, putting pictures up in online accounts of baby feet etc. I don’t doubt that children are important however this woman had already had a child with someone else and was collecting money from him, which I witnessed her spending on cigarettes and wine. There was no consideration on her part for that child’s well-being above feeding it and keeping it quiet. So claiming that child support is a father’s responsibility because of biology is beyond short cited. I have no doubt the imminent release of the male contraceptive pill will help release an enormous burden on the CSA who no doubt cannot afford the resources to police women like my former fiance and its development should be a top priority. Also I would like to thank the first poster, michelle who pointed out a little talked about fact that men who pay child support are in many cases unable to start another familly let alone support one. The clear onous is on these mothers to make responsible decisions and use birth control. Especially in a system in which children are raised almost exclusively by mothers, a pracitce which is enshrined in law and makes fatherhood practically a crime. It is not the CSA’s fault that they have to enforce the law, it is the government that allows its very existence. I have seen said woman date a drug dealer and various other choice men with that child in the house, while collecting child support and benefits – it is a gross and disgusting fact that the law supports this, even when the father in question would have made a far, far better parent to the child – so the child suffers because of a blind hatred in our society toward men. Nor should it be the state’s and taxpayers responsibility to shoulder that burden, the oft cited cases of men “abandoning” their wives and children often ignore factors of spousal abuse toward men because women consider it their right under the law to act how they please forcing men into an impossible position. It is this culture of shame and blame that entitles women to feel they can act so irresponsibily and put their own wants before that of their children. Had their been an equal responsibility for financial as well as emotional care placed on BOTH parents and enshrined in the law we could finally stop jailing men for failing to find work in a recession and allow children the right to be supported the way they deserve – by BOTH parents.

  134. SENSIBLE on March 3rd, 2014 11:10 am

    First of all, to the bimbos that are now going out with the ex husbands/partners, you are soooooo thick, you knew he had kids when you got into the relationship so slagging off the ex girlfriend makes YOU yes you sound bitter and jealous, you new girlfriends that are vile about child support being for children should be locked up just for your sheer vile ignorance….did you morons go to school. And as for you bitter nasty men, here is a list of your tiny amount of child support, get this through your braindead head…it is for the children, not handbags, fancy cars etc etc, it is 15 or 20% morons. I cannot believe you men and women hate children so much, you sicken decent people and new girlfriend if you have a kid with him and he leaves he’ll do the same to you, all of you bitter twisted cheap common nasty people think about the kids not fags, pubs and naff holidays. OK here is the list:

    School trips (fees sometimes)
    Trips to friends houses
    Petrol to school
    Doctors fees
    general medical bills including dentist.

    And for the peasant who said she only needed 40pcm to bring her child up that is because you are a thicko you cannot spell and would rather spend the money ‘down the pub’, you are a shameful excuse of a human.




  135. SENSIBLE on March 3rd, 2014 11:18 am

    And I forgot piece of advise for the men threatening the CSA and thinking your are a gangster, go to school get an education, learn to spell and maybe go on a course how to stop hating women. Yes I have a degree, which I expect none of you have. If you don’t want to have a child, don’t rely on the woman you are with, that is pathetic, over 18 you are grown men, put something on it, if not, pay for your actions and stop your pathetic whinging, you are all so cheap and nasty and should be completely and utterly ashamed of yourselves, your parents sure did swell jobs on bringing you guys up, with not wanting to pay for your children, they’ll figure this out later on, even after all excuses and they will end up hating you for it. STOP the Hate towards your exes and love the kids and be grateful to have them as some people would do anything to have kids. My ex pays a little amount and never complains, is classy and a gentleman and just loves his kid and his girlfriend is nice too, not all are trailer trash!

  136. Warren on July 22nd, 2014 1:03 pm

    @SENSIBLE. So much needs to be addressed in your diatribe that I do not even know where to start. Maybe your list of expenses?

    Electricity….your bill mainly
    Water…your issue if you consider how much you would use even if no kids were involved.
    Phone: again your choice to have one.
    School trips and fees: Yes these should be split as I do with my ex.
    Trips to friends houses: Really? Your choice under your care.
    Petrol to school: Taken care of in the CSA calculation.
    General Medical: included in the CSA calculation & no doubt you have a health care card.
    Dental: Either you have a Health Care Card or you pay private medical that covers Dental, which is it?

    To put my case: I pay my child support, I pay more than required. I pay for my sons to play football, take them to training etc but yet it is not enough. My ex bleats about being supermum whilst smoking, drinking, going out constantly & berates me about how our sons miss out. Sacrifice? I gave up many many years and went into massive debt to see her healthy after two life threatening events and full of her own shit.

    I pay. Why? I am happy to see my boys thrive in life. I will NOT however support her bullshit lifestyle for one second though. Enjoy your blinkered view of this scenario SENSIBLE, you know very little of what happens to us guys (yes I know many in my situation).

  137. gary pitchford on August 4th, 2014 10:26 pm

    having paid my ex for the last 17.5 yrs. left the army after 24 yrs service, and got a good job, i work away for two months at a time, i was paying a set amount, i have just bee re assessed by the csa and they have hit me for nearly 6 grand in back pay, and a monthly csa of £1258,48, i don’t get paid when I’m not working, to which the css are not interested, i have now had to Finnish my job which cost me a lot of money getting trained up to, i have tried contact with her, stating we come to some sort of arrangement between us, with me paying her all what i owe her, or what the csa say i owe her, and pay her a reasonable amount each month, she refused this which has forced me to Finnish my job, i will now go on benefits and she will get the minimal pay out from me, now tell me greed is not the route of evil here,

  138. Tony Hancock on August 26th, 2014 4:02 pm

    My daughter turns 20 next month and I’ve never paid a penny to her mother apart from the 6 months I lived with her after birth. I’m proud of this as I refuse to be a slave for someone who’s never worked.

    It actually happened accidentally really. After the split I spent several years in education getting a good degree. Then went straight into self-employment and have always earned good money, although I’m far from rich.

    I’ve never avoided the CSA, but in their wisdom they’ve never asked me for a penny. I get a letter every six months telling me I paid £0.00 in the last payment period.

    So my advice to any person not wanting to pay – or wanting to pay a fairer amount – is to go down the self-employed route and pay yourself as little as possible, officially at least.

    Good luck.

  139. Sarah on September 17th, 2014 4:51 pm

    As one of the “new” wives and girlfriend club! I find it discusting how women use maintenance as a way to punish their ex husbands for no longer wanting to be in the ex wifes life, this is after all the case and not the case that they no longer want to care for their children. All to often these women make life so impossible that the fathers end up cutting ties for the sake of thier own sanity. There should be better procedures in place to ensure all money taken is actually spent on the childen and it should be easier to put contact orders in pass without all these massive costs.

  140. Judy Mason on September 27th, 2014 7:37 pm

    Tony you are just the sort of low life who would be proud of paying nothing to your daughter. How proud is your 20 year old daughter to know she was not worth anything to you. Lets hope she does not meet an arsehole like her mother did with you. Wonder what your reaction would be then . Let me think you would tell her to ring the csa because that is what an hypocrite does

  141. Jonathan on October 11th, 2014 4:46 pm

    I’ve put a comment on here but after reading so many different comments, its about time I say something.
    Me and my ex split in 2009 and to cut a long story short (happy to explain directly but not waffle on here but she met a serial fraudster who drove a wedge between us, involved the courts through me being banned from seeing my daughter and made us lose our home and she had to go bankrupt, yes its been a living nightmare), the court to my delight awarded me shared care and so my daughter has 6 consecutive nights with me then 8 with her mum and that’s how it continues.
    Despite me having the pleasure of having a large chunk of time with my daughter, I’m still needed to pay what I would say is enough in child maintenance – I get upset when I cannot afford to do things with her because I need to pay CSA.
    Ive been unfortunate to have been made redundant twice in 13 months, I’m not a sit at home man and I need to be back in work so its beats my Job seekers wonderful wage. The issues I now have it that my income will go down by £2K a year but CSA will only drop by around £350 so i’m worse off again which frustrates me to hell and back.

    If anyone shares a similar story, Id be happy to chat with them, no one I know closely deals with the CSA. I suppose what i’m trying to say is that all this time I have with her I want to be able to spend on her and take her shopping etc but MONEY always seems to stop this happening.

  142. Andy. on February 17th, 2015 11:33 pm

    Hi all…
    You lot are all correct..the incompetance of the new Child Maintenance Service..
    Has created a hatred to the ex partner that I can only describe as give me a gun and I’ll pull the trigger…it’s just a comment..
    Havering been sent a CMS demand by ex partner application and this is for two children,working out of the amount was £518.00 per month..
    My ex partner has and will obtain the marital house and I do have assets as second property and this will be taken into account.The CMS are the most useless bunch of morons I have ever had the misfortune to work with..
    The total support for the PWC and lack of support for the NRP makes this a very unequal state of affaires as statements from the CMS keeps on bleeting about amicable agreements..with all costs are pushed on to the father as well…
    Just tell me when your ex partner can earn more than you and you still give 16% of your salary???you don’t even get to challenge the payment or calculation..

    Having read a consultation paper prior to the old CSA were renamed to CMS old staff new name..no where does it mention any exemptions you will have to find that one out on other web sites but it all states what you will and must pay..
    Why should I pay or have the option to make my own payments to my children not direct to some evil twit of an ex who sends threatning e mails and sends both kids when I do see them in old clothes so I have to purchase new ones just so they look presentable yet I cannot do anything about it…or claim back any costs.

    I could go on for hours but if you look for all the exemptions then self employment is the best option firstly set up a limited company then through that company pay your self £95.00 per week…
    I know it will be tough but do you want to give half your salary to some one else and enhances there life style..I read other stories and wish to smack in the mouth the idiots who support payments direct to the ex..they may afford this but what planet are they really on as I have said I would spent the same amount on the children if I had the option not demanded to pay with no option….
    The agency who decided to and push through this regulation and rules are a wast to our tax payers salaries and whilst in chambers for 5mins claim additional£300.00 for turning up.

    I have had on going Special Expenses variation application but both times have been rejected due to lack of information. In one instance I recorded a conversation with one of the morons who basically kept saying NO,NO,NO,NO to any question I asked..
    I seems that and read before ther invoke payments but never get any explanation or after my letters had no response written or other to clarify..so we can and you can’t sindrome with all information sent to your ex to make comment on..and they ask her to say yes or no..unbelivable…
    All I want is a fair and sustainable payment then I would not mind as I can still live as well and get on with my life but after costs withdrawn and to pay current mortgage I am a prisoner in my own home…but as per usual CMS don’t give a shit..
    I want to see a refusal by all NRP’s and under this rise of refusal to pay they can’t handle all refusals can they..other country’s seem to do this as we have seen before all we do is moan and that makes it easy for the CMS to collect payments…
    That is my version but some one will not agree but if you don’t then I hope you pay half you salary to some one else then see how you will react…when you get a parking fine for £100.00 quid all you want to do is challenge it try this for the next 14 years in my case paying £518.00.

  143. rob on February 23rd, 2015 7:29 pm

    IvJust became self employed the csa sent me a letter for me to pay £20 a month then I get told there system had sent me the wrong info and its starting to stress me out as any one got any info. iv never refused to pay but when self employed you can not guaranty constant work.

  144. Adam on February 25th, 2015 8:33 pm

    they automatically think you are a crook.Don’t take into account any extras you pay – school trips (just done half a ski trip), meals etc. My kids are having three holidays this year – I haven’t had one since 2006

  145. Andy. on February 27th, 2015 8:50 am

    I note recent comments about paying when children are with you..you are right it is known as additional costs with full support from the NRP..of course you don’t want to see your children go without but time comes to look after yourself…

    Having read the last consultation paper yet again it only accepted results and comments from stake holder organisation etc.
    The document never stated or consulted ordinary fair paying working parents who support this organisation in the way of tax payments yet costs are pushes to the customer ie you!! as the NRP…

    The way other large supportive advice organisations support the PWC, reading these comments and what you should do is totally crap..in essence bullying tactics by the CMS and of course lack of explanation men resentment to all..by the way thanks for the support..yea like hell..

    In all the reality to all this and reading all the documentation the system treats the Father as scum and fully supports the Mother…just to make a point in my case I was always Dad to my children now separated response from ex partner is now termed as Father…just showers how words mean different things but in all I know I am there Dad….rant over..well,not for long but…lol.

  146. Emz on June 15th, 2015 3:25 pm


    100000000000% agree!

    Most of the people on here are absolute dickheads! They should be ashamed of themselves!

    I hope your children read these threads some day and know it was there own flesh and blood that said such selfish, hurtful and disgusting things about the poor children stuck in the middle of your own feuds! It is supposed to be about the children!!! But all there is is bitching about exes! And the women that minority of women on here that back these men you are as sick as they are! Grow the fuck up!!!
    People like you sicken me! How do you think that child will feel knowing that is your feelings towards your own child!? Nasty, selfish, no good, wastes of space! Appalling!!!!!!!

  147. Emz on June 15th, 2015 3:41 pm

    As for the Csa they are just doing there jobs…ok they are not always very clever about it but they are there because: If it wasn’t for stupid parents that act like idiots (usually men refusing to pay all because they have split up with there ex!!) could be a grown up and put all ill feelings aside and do what’s right for there kids and DO pay for there kids then there would be no Csa! Simples! Sadly a lot of men seem to think they shouldn’t pay towards there kids! Why shouldn’t you???? Why should the mother solely take ALL responsibility??? Feeding, clothing, schooling, activities, roof over there heads and trying there best to do the best for there kids and generally keep them happy while the arsehole dad swans off leaving them to it and enjoying his life as a single man?? Why should he?? Why on earth would you dads even contemplate that? And that’s why the mothers have no choice but to take you to the Csa! Those type of dads deserve everything you get and more! Pathetic tossers! You should be castrated!

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