Money now goes directly to her as of April 2010 and does not affect any benefits she may be on. I just feel like she’s getting a huge pat on the back for cheating, having a child and never working a day in her life. They have been reported to be investigated due to benefit fiddling by a number of people so I’m hoping that justice will be served in some way.

He is going to make first contact at the beginning of next week again, do you have any advice on how to do it correctly? How do you tell them you want to pay by standing order and not by direct debit, especially when they issued a Deduction of earnings on him straight away before without even giving him the chance. Thats why he would like to try to talk to the citizens advice first. They have helped him before with issues regarding his ex.

He wants to continue to be a part of his sons life as he has been since his relationship with his ex split up. I truly do hope that one day he has responsibility for him. I think it’s the only way his son is ever going to have a safe and loving upbringing. Thanks for all your help and advice.

The CSA always believe the mother regarding contact. The father needs to provide proof of his claims of contact, the mother does not. Some fathers have the mother sign a diary every contact as proof!!!

You should never believe anything the CSA tell you verbally, they will more than likely deny it later. It is his repsonsibility to notify them of all changes in circumstances, including when he has no employment or income. Until he does, the previous assessment remains in place. The CSA rarely close a case unless requested to do so by the PWC, and I would say never if the Exchequer is going to get some of the payments.

Always always always do so in writing and send recorded delivery, then print the proof of delivey from the Royal Mail website. I have never come across an organisation that claims so much correspondence is not received. There should be an independent investigation into that alone lol.

Try to avoid giving them a Direct Debit, they can then take what they like. Always try to pay via a Standing Order. They may put a Deduction of Earnings in place instead, they shouldnt, they should allow him the opportunity to pay, but as far as I can gather they rarely follow that guideance.

You may well end up with residency of his son, you need to take this in small steps though. Parental Responsibility and a Contact Order first, then residency. It has been know for residency to be changed where the mother is implacably hostile, but it is not common I’m afraid.

I hope the post made sense, it’s a difficult situation to explain. Thanks for your reply.

Before he moved over they told him they were closing the case, for him to reopen when he started work over here. He gets his first wage tomorrow and his payslip for proof of earnings. Did they actually close it, or are they pinning the blame on him and are going to fine him thousands? We are going to citizens advice next week to try and get the ball rolling with contact with the CSA. What is the best thing to do though, or the best way to set up payments?

You are right about them not believing anything he said. The abuse he was given from the people at the CSA who called him, implying that he was an irresponsible father (even though literally the days before he had had his son for three days and nights). Anything he tried to say they looked at their paperwork and said ‘that’s not what she has said.’

He loves his son very much. I really hope that someday he gets to have his name on the birth certificate. I have never seen a five year old screaming that he doesn’t want to go anywhere near his Mums. It’s killing him to know the safest place he could be is with him but that she’s using the child as a money grabbing excercise. I wish he had custody, they would both be so happy and the child would have a proper upbringing.

I’m just trying to get as much advice as possible so he can do this the right way, and not be punished for lies which have been told. The CSA needs to change the way they investigate cases, and not tar everyone with the same brush. Not every father is a runaway who doesn’t want the best for his children.

thank you.

You have a lot of issues going on so it’s best you try to separate some of them into what you can do something about and what you can’t do something about.

CSA

Your partner does not need to justify himself to the CSA in regards to his relationship with his son. The CSA wont believe him, they don’t care, and it will not affect his assessment anyway.

Given the mothers history he must get a DNA test done. He would be crazy not to. He can do this via the CSA, it’s the cheapest method.

There is no point in hiding from them. Always take a pro-active approach and tell them immediately of any change of circumstances. If you don’t the arrears just build up and they then start threatening all sorts. His liability will be 15% of take home pay, budget for that.

The CSA operate under a set of rules. They cannot make allowances for travel for example if the rules don’t allow it. The rules don’t care what he has left to live on!

CONTACT

He can apply to the courts for Parental Responsibility and a Contact Order. This can easily be done himself and need not be expensive. Mother of the Year will probably get legal aid to fight it though. Make the application at the mothers nearest county court, if you do it at yours it will only be moves to hers anyway.

She may well not abide by any Contact Order made, but you wont know that until you try.

I think you can also apply to court to have his name added to the birth certificate.

Good luck.