CMS are putting a huge strain on my family

April 8, 2018

So when I was 19 I found myself in a relationship. I was young and stupid and didn’t really know where my life was heading. Between drinking and party’s I got my short term girlfriend pregnant. She wanted to keep the child and I was dead against it. However after a lot of consideration we had a daughter and I stood by her. We continued the relationship however I did not love her and found myself getting in a very awkward situation. After trying I finally plucked up the courage to tell her how I felt and we agreed to separate once she had found a place to live. In the coming weeks she was very loving and looking back enticed me into the bedroom.. I was 19 and very dumb!

Well she got pregnant again and had our son.

I really tried to make a good dad however after a few months again found myself looking in the mirror feeling very confused..

I was working at the time and struggled to pay all the bills. One day she asked me to leave saying that she knew I wasn’t happy and that she would then automatically get a council house..

I left and moved in with a friend which gave me a few weeks to get my head together. About a mouth later I went to see the children only to find that she had moved and had changed her number. Nobody wanted to talk to me and my family turned against me.

Over the next two years I flurrished. I really got my head together, found a good job and met a lovely woman who I married. I was happy but still had no contact with my ex, my children or my family.

My wife and I then moved away and had a son together. From the moment he was born I promised I would be next to him my whole life trying to make up for the children I had lost.

2 years later I was contacted by the CSA. They told me a claim had been made and I agreed to pay what ever was needed. Over the next ten 12 years I paid, never argued and was happy to pay. This totalled around 72k.

These payments did however have a massive effect on my home life. My wife and I constantly struggled to pay all our bills and feed our son. In 2015 I was contacted by the CMS and told they had now taken over my case and would be re assessing it. They increased my payments by 50% and I found them a nightmare to deal with. I contacted them and told them I had never missed a payment etc and asked why it had gone up?.. I also explained that the increased payment should would put a massive strain on me and my family. They told me to contact my ex and come to an agreement. So after 14 years I had to find my ex? How? I eventually got her number via the csa after she agreed for them to pass me it.

I then telephoned her and engaged I the most awkward phone call ever.

We spoke, she told me that she was now married, very well off and all the money I had paid over the years was sitting in a trust fund for the kids?? I felt a bit peeved but thought it’s not my place to get angry at this.

I asked her about setting up a direct payment to which she refused saying that she didn’t want anything to do with the claim and that I must go with whatever the CMS said. Just like that.

I have now paid over 80k into a trust fund for two children I lost 18 years ago. I don’t mind paying but it is painful when my wife or son asks me for things we can not afford. When we argue the CMS payments always come up, I nearly at the end but would lying if I said I hadn’t contemplated suicide. The CMS processes is cruel, if you are just going through this get some help, I done it alone and it is so tough.

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