Can I force the mother to take a DNA test to prove I am not the father?

March 3, 2013

I’m asking for a little advice on my current situation.

In January/February 2010 I had intercourse with a woman. We weren’t very familiar with each other and didn’t see each other again since.

The woman had stated that after venturing home she would use a form on contraception to prevent any trouble.

Instead however I got a message a few weeks later stating that she was pregenant.

She had recently broken up with her first partner and was adamant that it would be his and not mine. The logic behind this was that the ‘sync’ was correct.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to have a child at all, especially with this unknown woman. I did however understand that this was a serious issue and that it should be treated correctly. Standing up to talk about it neutrally and calmly I was only greeted with the reoccurring message of “It’s not yours!”

This wasn’t enough to satisfy me and I asked for further proof regarding this ‘sync’ process and what it was we should do if it was mine.

Instead all communication was shot down and eventually buried to one side.

I did not hear from this woman again for a year and a half.

In early September 2012 I received a phone call from the CSA whilst at work.
The CSA had apparently been trying to contact me for a while (I had received no correspondence) and needed to talk to me regarding this woman’s child.

I later received a message from the woman stating that her ex-partner had taken a test to finally prove that the child was not his to remove the responsibility from himself. Interestingly the man is no longer attracted to women.

I had a gut feeling since the very start that I was going to be unlucky enough to be burdened with this problem. After trying to take things the correct way and having it pushed back in my face it was only right for it all to come back in my face a year and a half later.

Just my luck. I was now a father of a child somewhere in the United Kingdom that I did not want to be a part of from the very start. I felt like the victim of some unfair prank to force two ex-partners to stay together that inevitably backfired, leaving me to pick up the pieces from two strangers.

I feel at this part it would be appropriate to note that I am a 21 year old male and that this woman is now 19.

At the time I was completely exhausted from the concept of having to deal with this all over again and felt completely powerless to avoid any kind of disaster considering the ever-beating need for male attention and insecure behavior of the mother.

Stupidly, I gave up. I did not admit to being the father of the child and I am not on the birth certificate however the CSA took my passive behavior of paying direct debits to avoid more conflict when I was down and almost out as “I am the father.”

Now after a much needed boost I am looking to undo this mess although the CSA seem to offer no service once a case has been closed.

Is there a way I can get them to assist me in opening this case and resolving the next 17 years of my life?

If not, is there anything I can do outside of the CSA to put this together again?
From what I understand I can take a DNA test although if the mother declines I’m stuck paying solicitor bills which is not something a 21 year old can afford.

I’m asking for any advise that may help my situation!

Thank you in advance.


14 Responses to “Can I force the mother to take a DNA test to prove I am not the father?”

  1. Lisa on March 3rd, 2013 2:22 pm

    You can.demand a dna test, the woman has it and if she doesnt its case closed, however if it does come back as.yours best thing to do would be have a mutual agreement to suit all, csa is just using you as a cash cow to some woman who deliberatly went and got herself pregnant just for the money, you.never know it might.not be yours but another chap who is elsewhere good luck

  2. Alice on March 3rd, 2013 2:23 pm

    As the csa case is now closed they will not be able to assist you in proving or disproving the paternity of the child. You can apply via the magistrates court for a declaration of non-parentage – not sure what the procedure is but I understand that there will be an information pack which will explain the process.

    If the mother of the child brought the case back to the CSA you would be contacted and if you deny parentage at the start of the case you will be offered a DNA test – if you were proven to be the father of the child you would be liable for the cost of the test and also for regular ongoing maintenance for the child, if you were proven not to be the father then you would not be charged for the test and no case could be opened. If the mother refused DNA testing then the case would not be opened, although she could re-apply at a later date, again you would have the opportunity to deny paternity

  3. Lisa on March 3rd, 2013 6:16 pm

    Maybe your best bet to go to the CSA as stupid as it sounds, get a case open for the sake of a DNA test, you can then make arrangements between yourselves as parents if it turns out you are the father, dont be bullied off the CSA though like many thousands of others,

  4. Alice on March 3rd, 2013 8:23 pm

    If the NRP contacts the agency to open a case they do not get offered a DNA test, this would only be offered if the PWC makes the application.

  5. Sally on March 3rd, 2013 10:10 pm

    Again…. It’s up to the PWC… :-/

  6. Amanda Johnson on March 3rd, 2013 11:07 pm

    In a word yes if she wants CSA involved then she must prove you are the childs father by allowing a DNA test to be carried out

  7. Amanda Johnson on March 4th, 2013 6:32 pm

    Amanda Johnson liked this on Facebook.

  8. lisa on March 5th, 2013 1:57 pm

    Tell her unti she proves the said child is yours then you wont be paying her anything, you might just be another man conned by a stupid womans lies, dont be another stastic to fall for this,

  9. Amanda Johnson on March 5th, 2013 6:32 pm

    Amanda Johnson liked this on Facebook.

  10. Daniel on March 6th, 2013 4:57 pm

    OP here again.

    Just wondering if there is anything I can do to get this lady to have her child take a test?


  11. stuart on March 6th, 2013 6:52 pm

    How about this then the Mother should prove he is the Father and pay for this before a case starts, If he is then fine but no way should any case progress without the CSA and PWC supplying evidence the liability is there, How many times do the CSA jump the gun and wrongfully impose DEO’s putting NRP’s in debt then dream up arrears to cover up their own shortcomings? which is also unlawful as it makes the NRP have to prove his innocence.

    Wonder why this is not how it works, must be a very good reason.

  12. wilf on March 6th, 2013 11:53 pm

    Daniel:- If your case with the CSA is closed and you are not required to make payments there is nothing else you can do through them.
    If they are asking you to make payments you can dispute paternity but if you have already made payments they will take that as an admission of fatherhood.
    You will need to make your own arrangements, as Alice has advised above, for the DNA test to dispute parenthood.
    If it proves to be negative you can claim any money paid through the CSA back from them and they need to claim it back from the PWC.

  13. Amanda Johnson on March 7th, 2013 6:32 pm

    Amanda Johnson liked this on Facebook.

  14. lisa on March 7th, 2013 8:04 pm

    @ Daniel the best thnig you can do is stop all payments now, get her to go through the CSA and they will sort the DNA test for you, she should prove you are that childs father before she expects cash out of you, whats good for her is good for everybody and its about time people got this

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